I am 13 years old and I have been looking for love.
So I started emailing guys from all over the world. I was looking for someone between the ages of 13 and 45.
I think I finally fell in love with only two guys. I eventually cut one off but I cannot shake that love feeling I have for the other guy.
The problem I have is that he is 22.
I know I love him very much and I know he loves me the same way.
Now I am thinking of what should I do. Should I leave him alone or wait till I am older for a serious relationship.
I am just naive? It this real?
Please help.
Confused 13
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Dear Confused 13,
Yes, you are being naive. At 13 I don’t think you are physically and mentally prepared for a serious relationship.
As a young teenager I encourage you to start thinking of setting the foundation for your life, go to school, enjoy your life, have many friends.
It is too early in life to be worrying about relationships. That will come later in life.
Bella
Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at [email protected]. Dear Bella is published Tuesdays and Thursdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor
Dear Miss Confused: I agree with BELLA and hope you have taken her advice. Please consider these additional thoughts. Your teen years are meant to be a time of learning from a combination of serious times and fun times in preparation for adult life. If you get involved in a seriour male-female relationship at 13 you will LOSE your teen years. This special time of your life will be LOST – gone for ever – and you will never get it back. The fact that you are torn between two guys and you like them both shows you are not ready for this kind of relationship. It is childish and not the way somebody on the threshold of adulthood would think. Also, what kind of 22 year old man would involve himself with a 13 year old girl? If he touches you sexually he would be breaking the law in many countries. I don’t know what the legal age of consent is in your country but if he violates it he could go to jail. This is a man who has a problem relating to women in his own age bracket because he feels inferior to them OR a pedophile. This is a mental condition that drives men to go after children. One more thing. For a 13 year old girl to go on the internet to find a guy is very dangerous. It is dangerous for ANY age. There are sick men – criminals – out there who troll the internet to find girls (and boys!) like you. Never give your name, address, phone number, or ANY personal information to a stranger on the internet. That is unless you want some sick creature of the night to come looking for you! Miss, you can have a really happy life and a wonderful future with a good man. Don’t throw it away. This is the time to get an education and make true friends. Please leave the serious stuff for later. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
little girl behgave yourself!! a.a when i was ur age school work was my man!!! 22 years lol lil grl dont waste ur life man thr foever
Lucky for you you did not make Jesus your man
go to school and learn man not running ……………………………….if i was ur mother i will bit u untill
But wait a minute … I’m 13 and i’m like …huh … Who knew people my age could be so foolishly lost …
and come to think of it, NO 13 year old writes like that! ask any 13 year old.. they wouldn’t know the meaning of ‘naive’ muchless for love between a man and a woman.
you would be surprise at what u learn in school when i was ten i could write like that
child go school and learn your lesson.
young girl make a wise decision.i believe love is a strong rock that never shakes if well prepared and both party are at an agreement are you sure you realy want this
but what is that for me na……you should be thinkin about skol and what u wanna become in the future taking about u in love hmmmm……….at 13 all i wanted to do is watch cartoon we n play doll with my frenz smh at the kids of today
well at 13 all i wanted to do when summer break start was watch BET with my friends and sing and dance or play dress up . or sometimes play video games. I wish i could go back to those days. no man stress. life was soo much easier
wat d mor u looking for someone between d ages of 18_45 and u complaining he 22 stuppss child go and do your home work eh
This is so fake!!! All these stories/letters seem to have a similar theme. which 13 year old would send out an email/letter like this. At 13 we all looked to our friends and TV for advise. Total crap.
My child you should be beating your books right now; this life is not getting easier. Get a good education so that you can be what you want to be in life n before you know it love will be chasing after you…what you’re feeling right now is not love, those men are just gonna use u n mess up your life n ur gonna regret it…imagine there are people out there 10 years older than you and still looking for love, so it’s not something that you can go on the internet n find so please enjoy your childhood, do what you got to do FOR YOU, put God first in everything n he will give you the desires of your heart
Bell Puss desperate cry for attention papa..lord this commentary getting dry like the middleham falls..WHOSSSSSSSSSS
I am guessing that DNO has run out of scenarios…. Why in the world would you print something like this. This child is a minor, and although this practice if acceptable in DOMIINICA and other caribbean countries but 13 is much to young to be talking this mess,,, much less this being published… SHAME ON YOU DNO
If you are 13, hit the books and keep your head in them. Now is the time for you to study if you want to graduate, obtain a good and well-paying job, become a responsible adult and live a good and fruitful life. This is your time to prepare for the future.
You are a child. Enjoy your youth. You are too young to be searching for that type of love and relationship. Are you sick or what?
You do not know what love is all about. You may be fantasizing about it. Live well alone. This type of love is for adults and not for children.
I hope you have a good relationship with your parents and can speak to them about your concerns. They are in a position to counsel you.
my dear, you are to young,you’re ready for relationship!!! take your time and grow and please dont race your childhood days, because you will regret it in the future. trust in the most high. go to school and learn well. set goals for your self and archieve them. but as for now, you’re not ready for relationship, you are not matured as yet and men will take advantage of you. remember the OLD GANGSTER TOLD YOU SO!!!
Little one NEVER trouble trouble before trouble trouble you. Enjoy your youth your education is the key, reach for the stars the sky is the limit.Always remember sex is for adults not for children for it is not a game, becareful never play with fire for you will surely get burned.Stay away from the computer for there is lots of trouble at the other end if you’re not careful and smart.All the best to you especially with your education.
child you still have your milk teeth you talking about in love?go and put your bibon(bottle) on the counter will do u better.stupes man.
@ salt
What about his wisdom teeth? Does he still have it, I wonder?
Is it a ‘she?’
lol
Child focuss on your school works get an education
and boys will come later. I wonder if you really know what love is. I think you are searching the
wrong places. Girl why can’t you speak to your
parents. Child please wait good things come to
those who wait.
child the world is geting rough go to school and get an education and forget about man.
I suspect that this a fake story. That the writer just want to press the readers’ buttons. It’s somebody enjoying herself/himself at others’ expense (gullibility).
GIRL YOU ARE THIRTEEN DAMN YEARS OLD. *YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE.* YOU ARE IN *PUBERTY*!
Come back when you’re 23, THEN we’ll talk!
so early u want tole tole my girl u r still a baby.take time to kno urself.u just start school and u want man…lol doe kill me.does ur mother even hve time to give u attention u seekin it elsewhere?? if i was d popo id jail her and lock u in a cage.
That is just a foolish hoax…
“I am just naive? It this real?”
The answer to you question…YES U ARE…………
That is no 13 years old child writing this….some foolfool, looking for attention, and putting the blame on the young……
The web is the wrong place to find love; murderers, rapists, kidnappers, deceivers, perverts, whores and HIV can be found while trying to find love on the net. BE VERY CAREFUL
Wow!!! Dear Bella, I am very, very disappointed in your response to this particular case. This girl is only 13 and yes, one can fall in love at that tender age because that is the point at which she is beginning her sexual development and growing into adolescence. However, how could you totally disregard the fact that she is saying that she has gone seeking to find love?????? She has not fallen in love with someone her age, a fellow student, or someone with whom she had contact on a daily basis. She has actively gone out looking for someone between the ages of ’13 and 45’………my goodness, look at the ages which she has targeted and is actively chasing after!! Is this acceptable behaviour??? Is this not something which warrants some serious discussion and ridicule in order that she understands that this is absolutely not acceptable???? Must she not be made to understand and recognise that this is endangering herself???? I mean, come on!!! This activity should be ringing alarm bells like crazy and the fact that this is a public forum means that there may be other thirteen year olds who would possibly read this and they need to see a responsible response to this letter telling them point blank, that this activity is wrong, that they are too young to be worrying about ‘love’to the extent that they would go out SEEKING it, that if they did feel love that it should be a natural development rather than one sought after and most important, that she should not be seeking to have any relationship with anyone at her age, especially persons who are adult and who would simply take advantage of her obvious yearning for love which should have come from her family. Any attempt to look for love via the internet has serious risks for the person looking as these persons are most likely unknown to you. But even more risky for a child of thirteen. I think that the question of seeking love via the internet as well as the age range mentioned by this child, should both have been addressed individually. Please reconsider!
Only the mature understand the the wisdom of parsed judgment until they can assemble all necessary facts and come to a rightful conclusion.
child go and read you book…doh study man…you too young… 2 callot u need!!!
darling you need to slow down and take care
dont rush into life
std’s are all over the place and make it worst you maioed the guy over the net
no one has std written on their face
go to school, get an education
make your parents proud
boyfriend will come after the only love you need now is from family
trybtalking tomyour family bbout how you feel
boys now just want sex and when they do they leave girls with babies saying “not mine”
im 22 and settled and 6 months pregnant and engaged i really took my time so i suggest you do too
13 and in love
You should wait till you are older and then you can look for love….unless you want to trap an older man who wants to go to jail for statutary rape. You might say you love the man but the court will say he raped you and there is nothing you can do when he is cuffed and thrown in prison. At 13 you might just be having a crush on guys and your hormones are going crazy but you are not in love, you are infatuating.
I know that you are a child as a kid a small girl little girl.BUT in a muslim country you are good to go.
To Francis Chicago……..you sound like someone who is totally heartless, feels no concern for this child and someone who is sick in the head to leave such a comment!!! Maybe you are one of those persons who would gladly take advantage of a child of that age. Shame on you for this comment.
[100%DOMINICAN] The reason why I gave such a comment is because I have been around the world, and I witness children about that age having babies and they are having sex for money. I am a christian I will never do anything like that to innocent children. In fact, I believe these children at that age they need parents to guide them and give them good education. As a fathe of three I know what it takes to raise kids. please do not accused me again of that non since. Thanks
ur pervert>>>>shame on u…boo boo boo
well mr chicago.its the type of comment you made.makes you sound like a pedophile.i think your second sentence is just disgusting.
your name sound more disgusting than any thing else.
my broda u is a sackway aveyol… how u can see light on a likkle 13 year old???
Well Francis if you say u are a christian, that comment is certainly unchristian like! Being a father of three does not mean u are not a child molester in disguise!!!!Your woman need to pay close attention to you and should not leave you unattended with the kids… Just saying….
Dear Readers and Bella,
This story is sooo made up and tasteless. Bella if you wanted to write about younger teens saying they are in love with older men, you could have done much better. just reading the story/letter any body can see that it was written by a BORED BELLA..LOLLLL and the letter is tasteless and boring i think that BELLA is loosing her/his touch. If you need something jucy to write about i can give you some jucy gossip. Get it real BELLA
poor bella taking all the heat
YOU 13 looking for love is that so Are you MAD.Therefore be imitators of God as dear children.Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification that it may impart grace to the hearers.For your infomation the Bible says remember the creator in your days of your youths.
some man wicked we boy…..! cyah b-live a 22yr old man can be inlove with a 13yr old. allu sick
child go to ur perents if u want love relationship isnt 4 you at your age
It doesn’t make much of a difference, because when she’s somewhere about 23, he’ll be 32, and it’ll b alright! It’s already happening all now in our communities, since young girls find they can get involved with me who are their elders. i know of many of them too! Infact some of the young ladies are involved with men old enough to be their fathers, so don’t condemn this child!!
while that may be appropriate for adults, you are forgetting the fact that she is a CHILD and a relationship with someone so much older than her could be dangerous, especially as it is an internet relationship
@ The Bold One, are you encouraging physical and pshycological(brain wash)child rape. What message are you sending to kids between 2 and 18 years. Some 2 and 3 year olds can read.
That is the period that they need to concentrate on their religious and other education so that they can be molded for the future.
@ THE BOLD ONE
There is a difference you see @ 13 years she is unable to make mature decisions, can’t even go to the doctor office for a regular visit without and adult… @ 23 years old that person maybe much wiser and have a strong head on their shoulder to know what they want in life …
@ just looking
The person may be 22 years but could very well be a much older person and who knows, even younger.
u to young enjoy life still
u are to young
My dear all I can say is enjoy yOur youth. For before you know it your youth will be gone. Today I look back at my young days growing up and I smile ( going to sique, donkey beach, under power, coconut beach, hiking).
There is a time and place for relationships and you will have plenty of time. Live, play, explore but enjoy your youth!
I have a 13year old girl and at that age there bodies start and mind to develop and they go though a lot of changes and they see Boys a different way,what we need to do as parent is to prepare them for what they will encounter,tell them of our pass experience and how to go on dealing with it. talking to our kids on there level and understanding as adult we might have gone though the same thing.we as a people in our community should create venue for open form-room to combat these social concern.
wat d is dem lil’ girls problem? I min, just 13 u dey tlkin bout strong love. Wat d hell dey no bout love
Well, the good ole saying goes that……..anything after 12 is lunch time! All fruits ripe; eat my girl, EAT!
YOU GAVE ME A GOOD LAUGH BUT THIS IS NOT THE BEST ADVICE TO GIVE.
This has “PHONY” stamped all over it!
is this story for real? Most teenage love stories don’t last past 20. most of them eventually discover themselves and if the person that is with them does not suit what they need or want in life, they are then discarded. at 13, i think you should study your books. guys into girls with education, not those with experience of having a boyfriend.
Bella, you either made this one up or somebody is playing you for a fool.
If you have any training in psychology, you would have seen through this one and chuck that letter in a dust bin.
she is young i must say but every one of u there have a family member who is in love or maried to some one who is 12 to 20 years older so to the guy is her grand dad is pure bull can u imagine the amount of 20 to 26 year old sleeping with guys 50 and up
Firstly, one has to ask why would a young girl at the age of 13 seek “love” and cater for such a large age gap (13-45)? It is either this young teenager is not getting adequate love and attention from her parents and/or her hormones are raging.
Young confused 13 year old, I suggest you get a trusted FEMALE adult to discuss your issue with. Or, if you are in Dominica talk to one of the female counsellors at the Ministry on Cornwall Street.
If it is an issue with your hormones, try getting your mind engaged in sports, karate etc. The satan loves idle hands and minds to prey on, do not fall into this trap.
Lastly, do not lead on a 22 year old adult man because you are only opening the doors for one more prison inmate. I wish you the best of luck, adults make mistakes much more for a 13 year old teenager so please dear audience don’t be too hard on her, she showed remarkable courage coming on here. She could have kept it secret and pursue a dangerous relationship.
CHILD WHY DON’T YOU GO AND PLAY WITH YOUR DOLLS AND CHILDREN, LIKE YOURSELF YOU NEED ARE RUDE-AWAKENING.
Is this how you would counsel your daughter if she appears to be growing up too fast?
That is an ignorant and useless response to a legitimate problem
Young girl, why are you lying? Your story is very well constructed though. The two guys are probably living on the same street as you or friends of your family, maybe a bus driver. You already know it’s not going to work out you just want confirmation. At that age your hormones can cause you to think and behave against your own self-interest. The older guys know you’re vulnerable at that age and they’re taking advantage of you. You may not feel that they are but that’s what’s happening. My advice to you is to join a group or team or some type of activity that will redirect your interests to give you a sense of purpose and hopefully attract the right people around you. I suspect if you could talk to your parents or had attention from them you would not be writing this letter. Talk about you issue to an older woman you look up to.
What is your evidence that the young girl is lying? It is unfair to assume things without stated or implied evidence. Some of YOU people must stop that in Dominica.
I have a better question for you. What is your evidence that I’m wrong?
This is a make up story. If you people don’t have real situations that you need advice for then get a life and stop wasting Bella’s time.
nahh. i just cannot believe dat. either dat child just too desperate or this story is fake. hmmmm
22 years old man?? and u are 13?? Y’all will look like father and daughter.
I have come to the conclusion that BELLA makes up these stories…plain n simple
Honestly, this child does need help from nobody other than a parent. It’s true that around the world many many young girls do this. Endangering their future life,health and everything that goes along with it. Over some silly love-phase that passes at around 15.
When I was 13, i fell in love with a 16 year old boy. I remember quite clearly how I felt when I was anywhere close to him and he felt the same way. For about 2-3 years and was just great. Eventually, I decided that the relationship was too time consuming and was interfering with my studies.
My dear girl, throughout that entire time the topic of sex NEVER came up. He NEVER asked, never hinted, never pressured. He also knew that I was a person with very solid ideas of what I wanted in life and that I was going to become a successful career woman one day and that there was absolutely no way that I was ever going to chance getting pregnant before that happened. I also lived with VERY STRICT guardians who scared the hell out of him. Right now, I’m in my forties, happily married, successful career, happy kids. I’m so happy that I was able to not mess up my teenage years.
You really need to figure out why you are actively looking for love at such a young age. Maybe you just need a loving adult in your life. What is your relationship like with your parents? Discuss these feelings with someone you can trust.
Being in love is a powerful thing. It can make you behave in ways that can seriously compromise your future. Take your time, my dear. Love will come at the right time for you, a time when you will be able to enjoy it to the fullest. My advice is to let go of the 22 year old boyfriend. It’s a crime to even be with him. I will be very sad if you mess up your life because you started living too early.
Be kind to yourself. Ask God to protect you during these early years of your life and to help you to have faith and patience.
Dominican Woman: I was pleased to find your comments. The little report of your teen years was wholesome and uplifting. You are a good role model. The youth of Dominica need to hear what you have to say. I hope you will find opportunities to speak to young people – maybe at youth gatherings – and tell how it was with you because that is how it is suppose to be. You have something to offer that can make a difference. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
Trust me people D/A have stories weirder than this but they just don’t have a computer.
Sooooo true!!! we need to look into the child abuse, neglect and sexual cases. the children’s minds are tarnished at a young age if they are not properly cared for. we cannot help all but papa mete, we can try to help some. for the older ones who know better and do these things… shame on them… they should be jailed.
Slamming this girl for her age does not really help because kids these days are exposed to so many things. The wise thing is to talk to them.
If at 13 she decides to have a boyfriend, she will find one, jump high jump low, so we have to talk to them and give them advice, HOPING that they will take it. If the child is smart and obedient, she will take the advice.
However, at 13, i dont think that searching for guys online is the best way to start. You might fall prey to pedophiles and all sorts of criminals out there. How do u know that they are not HIV positive or carry an STI?
I guess that you are at school, so if you really want a start in relationships, I dont see it being difficult in making friends with other high school guys your age.
It appears that you are sexually active and have met these online finds in person. My advice is to slow down, stick to one partner, 2 at 13 or any age spells disease, bad rep and constant heartache. And speak to a trustworthy adult about contraception and condoms if you are having sex.
Your hormones are jumping but try to transfer some of that guy interest energy to your school work. Dont make the guys priority at such a tender age. Understand that if u are on earth for the next 80 years, that’s plenty, plenty sex down the road.
The love you’re seeking you won’t find it through boys/men. If your lacking attention, or love at home\school wherever it maybe. Try not hurting yourself by ending up in situations with men\boys that are going to rob you of your virtue (Innocents).
If you need a hug ask your mom/dad family member you trust or a close friend for one. Put your thoughts to paper and write down what is bothering you, then bury it /burn it and don’t let it consume you.
We all have times when it feels like we have to look for what we don’t have or lack. The greatest gift you can give to yourself and your future is to embrace it and look for ways to better yourself without anyone else using you.
Baby girl you need something else to do with your free time.
Instead of looking for love online, look for ways to love you first.
You’re looking for boys\men ages 13-45 and you’re asking if a 22 year old man is old. At 22 most men are confused about what they want, and any older guy who cares for you,whatever age that may be will wait for you to finish highschool, before persuing any love relationship with you.
Child qui love ca? Magie ou Magie. Hormones all over the place is not love so chill . Like Sparrow says “go to school and learn well; …Otherwise later in life you go catch real hell; without an education in your head” (and a big belly instead)
that is if she tell the man her age…n if thy have sex, she will go and say is rape, see how little girls like trouble nuh
seriously??!! 13 and emailing gys from all over the world?? you are to young girl… to young, he’l take advantage of you
i will never read dear bella again…..
what in the foolishness is thattttt
OK SWEETIE AT AGE 13 I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD RUSH INTO LIFE THAT FAST I WOULD ADVISE YOU ENJOY YOUR YOUTH WHILE YOU STILL HAVE IT. GIVE YOUR SELF TIME TO GROW. ENJOY LIFE ONE STEP AT A TIME, DONT BE FOOLED OR LET YOUR MIND PLAY GAMES WITH YOU. I HONESTLY DONT THINK AT 13 YOU SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR LOVE OR ANYTHING OF THAT MANNER. RATHER YOU SHOULD BE CONCENTRATING ON GETTING GOOD GRADES AT SCHOOL. NOT SITTING INFRONT OF A PC EMAILING MEN. I ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO SOME DEEP SOUL SEARCHING. ASK YOUR SELF IF THATS WAT YOU REALLY WANT TO DO WITH YOUR SELF, CHERISH YOUR YOUTH BOYS WILL HAVE TIME COME YOU ARE YOUNG.I ENCOURAGE YOU TO PLEASE TRY FIND THIS BOOK AND READ IT IT JUST MIGHT HELP “The Purpose-Driven Life,” BY author Rick Warren.
Ohh stop being so silly!!
You haven’t even lived yet. Trust me, lovin someone is not always plain sailing and when you get your heart broken, thats another story.
Get rid of facebook and concentrate on your education and having a life.
Bella is getting ridiculous with these stories that doesnt seem real. I will not believe this at all.
Child go and read your books!!!!
my girl my 2 cents: focus on your books..do all u can for urself..relationship involves heartbreak etc. leave that for adulthood. there is no relationship without a problem. how would you focus on ur school work when u find out ur boyfriend is seeing someone else. and so on. leave adult stuff for when u become and adult. take ur time my dear take ur time. i hope u really come for advise and will take it and not just read and continue with ur feelings. I also pray that u will trust God and make him saviour of ur life.
i would kick u in if i was ur moda u still using pampers u talking about love
This is not the way we address issues that affects young people. It is comments like these that turn young people away from seeking the proper assistance needed.
i i thinks she should go for it.. in my books she’s a yr too young ;) if u know what i mean…
yh…. and with a name like yours she should definitely listen to ur advice…of course…
little girl best u go school and stop wasting bella’s time.now-a-days young girls want old men u are only 13 and yet still u are looking for a man 45 old enough to b ur fada.how u so sure d man want u he mayb all nt frm d/ca
Old enough to be har grand father too
Sweetie Pie
Please enjoy your summer vacation so you are well refreshed for school in September. Read your books over the summer to prepare your for the next class. Do not be idle and contact men all over the world. thee a many pedophiles out there, preying on young people. Be smart, be careful!
better be careful kid. the guy could be a pedaephile!
My Dear, Please enjoy your summer vacation, so you are well refreshed for SHCOOL in Septmeber, where you can study for your school subjects, do well in exams and get promoted to higher forms. Read your text books for the next class, so you are well informed when you return to school. ok sweetie.
Some kids grow up too fast…….teenage life are the best years……wish i cud have them bck!!!! BE A KID!!!
Not nothing more than a kick dat child want…”I’ve been searching around the world” @ 13!!???that child needs help
ARE SERIOUS YOU MEAN YOU CANT FALL IN LOVE.LOVE IS A ROCK IT HELPS AT TIMES.
you should pursue your 22 year old love im sure he loves you and will take good care of you, might even make you a mother if youre lucky.
love the sarcasm!