If you do not hear you will feel

Dear Bella: I am a 16-year-old young lady and I ran away from my parent’s home for a few months now and I have also dropped out from school.

Currently I’m staying all over the place with boyfriends and I have sex with several different guys. I enjoy what I’m doing though I know that it is wrong and it’s killing my parents to see the path that I have taken.  I have sex with men for money and I just have sex for fun sometimes.

Many people have spoken to me about what I am doing to myself but it’s like I’m blinded to see it as that. I want to change my life but it is hard. I also have a problem for taking stuff that does not belong to me and the thing is I was not brought up in a bad family. I was always taught to have respect and to be decent but I’ve taken a different path.

My family on the other hand always supported me and it’s not like we can’t afford to live a good life style.  The friends that I associate influenced me into this kind of stuff that I am doing today.

I need some answers.

Fallen Child

Dear Fallen Child: From reading your letter it sounds like you’re seeking attention and sadly this column is not the right place.

You have stated that you come from a good family who can afford a “good lifestyle” for you. You also mentioned that your parents and other relatives have always supported you and that “many people” have spoken to you.

I am sure these “many people” as well as your parents have advised you to cease and that you may be putting your life and others in danger of catching sexual transmitted diseases. You also run the risk of getting in trouble with the law by your admittance of stealing.

Based on the letter you admit that you are aware of what is right from wrong. You also admit you know the source of your problems: peer pressure. So madam having said all that why are you writing to me? You already seem to have all the answers.

If you cannot listen to anyone then you will not listen to me repeating the same advice you have been getting all along.

If you cannot hear you will feel.

Bella

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46 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    January 30, 2011

    Well they really say you make children but you cannot make their mind. You can bring a goat in the gardens but can’t tell it to eat grass. Is the same thing here she grew up with a good family and lifestyle getting good advice from her parents.. But d goat run on d road behind man..

  2. RUSSKIITOM
    January 30, 2011

    What the heck??????? what school did you go to BELLA? Are you qualified in this area? My guess is that you are not. Being a psychologist myself it hurts… You make this profession look bad… I suggest that you cut this crap before you ruin other peoples’ lives… OMG……

  3. Cici
    January 26, 2011

    one thing with all u dominicans all u get pleasure in calling ppl nasty names.If some of all u cannot write something encouraging or positive then make no comment at all.Is only fools that hiding behinde foul comments.

  4. chupes
    January 24, 2011

    PLEASE TRY TO TURN YOU LIFE AROUND BEFORE ITS TO LATE. IF YOU CONTINUE YOU WILL REGRET IT. PRAY AND ASK GOD TO HELP YOU ITS NOT THE RIGHT WAY TO LIVE…..PLEASE CHANGE.

  5. lol
    January 24, 2011

    lol.lol bella those were d xact words going through my head wen i reading i tink is really attention she lookin

    • sweet pea
      February 1, 2011

      lol…i was thinking the same thing, is like bella read my mind, she knows that she is destroying her life but i think she has made the first step towards fixing it….she has already acknowledged it.

      • sweet pea
        February 1, 2011

        but one thing bella was harsh eh…maybe shes trying to use reverse psychology on her, apparently nothing else is working so by shocking her and being harsh bella is hoping that she might actually come to her sences and change.

  6. grand bayrian living in st-thomas
    January 23, 2011

    Let the man with no sin cast the first stone, at least she speak her mind and let others know what her problem is. but some of u that playing God and want to judge the girl na man enough to speak about ur dam situation.little girl pray to the Lord about this battle you are facing and ask him for his forgiveness then do the same with ur family. go back home and do the best of life as a child cause when u become an adult u can’t return to that little girl no more’so enjoy being mummy and daddy little girl. pray all u can,,good luck

  7. sugar
    January 22, 2011

    my girl u seem u know ur problem turn a new page in ur life pick urslef up dust urslef and start all over. ur young u can still go to classes get a job ,go back home and most of all go to a church of ur choice, am not in no position to judge u only jah can do dat so good luck and blessin

  8. faith
    January 19, 2011

    U NEED JESUS WOMAN,

    • Hmmmmm
      January 27, 2011

      that is the same thing that i was thinking :)

  9. baby girl
    January 19, 2011

    fallen child listen darling
    u pointed out a bout ur family , maybe u cannot speak to them now, that’s ok, try to take it one day at a time.
    u have already started by pointing out that u have a problem and what may be the cause of this problem. find a councelor to help may i suggest Dr Allport, Sis Tina Alexander, Mrs, Eva Roach to assist u. but above all that pray to god,and love urself he will see u through and with one of ur session ur family can also join u.
    And after see if u can get a job, take some afternoon classes without u even know u will be right on tack also this young lady Ms Danielle William i think she should be at St Gerald Hall 7-8pm. all best and take care.

  10. Lord!
    January 19, 2011

    well i think Bella is right to an extent!

    except that she DOES want to be helped and help seems far from coming.
    its not often easy to break a bad habbit

    perhaps she should join a church yuoth group or something
    if she want help she can email: yanext2001@yahoo.co.uk

  11. BADDEST B
    January 18, 2011

    stupes……..

  12. Anonymous
    January 18, 2011

    oh my to me this response was a bit harsh my dear bella.i think u took the wrong approach on this one.

    • baby girl
      January 19, 2011

      I AGREE

      • Anonymous
        January 19, 2011

        WELL…. IT SEEMS BELLA HAVE SUM ISSUES OF HER OWN IN THIS REGARD.

    • Anonymous
      January 19, 2011

      I totally agree with Bella. I shared the same sentiments whilst reading the letter. Read it again and figure it out. The young lady know what her problems are as well as the sources…..

      • lol
        January 24, 2011

        dat was d rite ansa she want and sumtimes thats how u need to say straight up

  13. FuturePolitician
    January 18, 2011

    Sorry to say but Bella that was a very disappointing answer.. Who are to judge whether she lookin for attention or not.. She just admitted that she loves sex.. She might be addicted to it.. There is a possibility… And there are many young girls who sadly are in the same situation like her.. However, like you most people shun them thinkin.. She just lookin for attention.. Maybe it’s a mental problem.. Comin from a good family doesn’t necessarily mean you felt love from them.. But sadly you didn’t think of the possibilities..At least you could’ve had an open mind..

    Then after they will wonder what wrong with the youth.. But when they reach out.. people tend to shoot them down

    To the young lady who wrote this.. Try to Pray a little bit more, even though he may take long.. God answers prays.. Especially when he sees that you are truly sorry… I hope you find your way.. I’ll say a prayer that you will..

    • Anonymous
      January 19, 2011

      I AGREE… WITH A RESPONSE LIKE THAT, IT’S NO WONDER THE GIRL STILL DOING WHAT SHE’S DOING. THE GIRL NOT LOOKING FOR ATTENTION, SHE ALREADY GETTING IT FROM THOSE GUYS. SHE SEEMS LIKE SHE WANTS HELP AND SHE REALLY NEEDS IT. SHE’S A SEX ADDICT AND SHE NEEDS HER FAMILY’S SUPPORT MOST OF ALL.

  14. Stennna
    January 18, 2011

    woyyyy is dertttttt… well bella right if she doe hear she will feel…

  15. Pharm
    January 18, 2011

    Danielle Williams will be at St Geralds Hall tomorrow Wednesday at about 7-8 oclock. Please Fallen child, plan to be there ! ! Yes GOD CAN TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND !

  16. Pharm
    January 18, 2011

    FALLEN CHILD ,RISE UP , RISE UP – YES YOU CAN RISE UP- YOU WILL BE PROUD OF YOURSELF IF YOU DO –
    i hope you read this but have you heard of DANIELLE WILLIAMS

  17. hmm... God still loves you
    January 18, 2011

    That child sound like somebody I know, If she had just mention she have a child then that would be all the confirmation I need. It’s so sad to see the way young people tend to throw their lives away not realizing how blessed they are and how good they got it…so many orphans around the world; so much poverty and starvation some children face and look what you doing with your life. still, I want you to know it’s never to late to turn your life around. don’t give up on God cause he won’t give up on you, and don’t be discouraged by the negativity you will face. whatever don’t kill you will only make you stronger.

  18. hummmm
    January 18, 2011

    when she kill her damn self all of all you will want to be sorry but it will be to late

    • NORTILIS
      January 18, 2011

      hummmm stop talkin ………….if she kill herself she waned to no one send her to do it. an if according to bella she no wat to do den anything dat happens to her she wanted it to happen.

    • Ms. Intuition
      January 18, 2011

      Kill herself for what? What problems she has other than seeking attention in all the wrong places? She hasn’t stated she has man problems, not family problems, not money problems as her family can afford to give her the “good lifestyle”. If she kills herself then she has no dreams to pursue and it would seem as if she was merely possessed. SMH!

      • wow
        January 19, 2011

        she apparently needs professional help since she seem not to be able to stop herself.

  19. CONCERNED MOTHER
    January 18, 2011

    I am really saddened to read about your plight. It is not too late to go back home. I am sure your mom is ready and willing to take you back. Knowing that you are looking for answers, this is a sign that you are beginning to ponder on your actions and that you are beginning to take control of your life. It is not too late. Now is the right time to turn your life around. You are a young girl who should have some self worth. You cannot continue with this present life style. You are heading for disaster. Go back home and begin a new life. We all have made some mistakes at some point, but we have to stop if the mistakes we make will ruin our lives. PRAY.ASK GOD FOR FORGIVENESS. AND THINK POSITIVE. GOD IS ABLE. HE CARES. I am praying for you.

  20. but alas
    January 18, 2011

    Leave it too allu. Judgemental as shit as if allu god. She like attention…..no she calling for help. but in Dominica mental issues like drinking water so, when she does something to hurt herself or another person, allu have even worse to say. I am so tired or our mentality in that place there. It smells like rotten fish heads.

  21. B
    January 18, 2011

    I agree with Dominican Abroad. To be more specific I say to you, address the Lord by His name Jesus, and say : Jesus, forgive me my sins(You Lord know them all) and help me. Lord come and change me please. I need You. He will come to you. If you have access to the Internet go to Youtube and watch the movie the Gospel of John. You will be very blessed. Jesus loves you dearly and wants you to come to know God as your Father. He does not love sin, but He loves you (the person), and He will help you if you ask Him. Remember, address Him by His name, Jesus.

  22. mi dayba 111
    January 18, 2011

    Hmm that young woman need a reality check. I suspect she like too much damn attention. A 16 year old taking all that man. You must change that nasty ways you too salop. Taking man will only end u ruining your life. How you will get a man to stay with you when you get older. Girl go back to your family before its too late stuppsss.

  23. Anonymous
    January 18, 2011

    You just NASTY and LOVE damn ATTENTION!! stupes

    • HMMMM
      January 19, 2011

      take da straight from my mout… is not no damn frens da make u run away .. i just salop u parents can afford to maintain u send u skool give u food to eat dew not abusin obviously not neglecting u cus dew tired talk to u… doe seein is nasty u nasty …danille williams came from poor upbringins an all kinda abuse u good fink of not tha 16 year old dr just salop ..to damn nasty

  24. citoyen
    January 18, 2011

    I am just giving my pince of salt. I should advise you to go do ageneral check up to see if you are not infected by some STD . if you already did and somthing is positive, is that the reason you chose to write to Bella? Now take back your life in hand and go find your family. they are the only one who will accept you back (even if they will reproach non stop). Prove that your have grown up. Sex is NOT an answer Stealing either. seek deep down in yourself the reason why you went astray. You have everything in your home circle as you said .FRIENDS DID NOT DO IT YOU HARMED YOUR OWNSELF.
    good luck and courage as you did to write a few words to Bella.

  25. linky
    January 18, 2011

    i get the impresion that u love and enjoy what u are involve in. (se au ti manny alprop au ni)
    that is going to be very dificult for u to put an end to your nasty ways.friends influence u but i think u have a mind of your own .no one did not rape u , think of that and ponder a litle beet.

  26. oh my my my
    January 18, 2011

    stupes

  27. yaright
    January 18, 2011

    ur cat scratching u man behind my man for me to see u for me to pound u, all u dem young woman too sa lop do betta than that.

  28. D/CA for JESUS
    January 18, 2011

    admitting you are wrong is the first step.. and glad to know u finally did… next is to TAKE REBUKE.. TAKE REBUKE..I repeat.. TAKE REBUKE AND CORRECTION! Everyone MUST suffer the consequences of their action… Be sincere, go to your parents, ask for forgiveness AND STOP THE WRONG HURTFUL THINGS YOU ARE DOING TO THEM… It is never too late… Surrender to God and let God cleanse you and change your heart. You must now hate the dirty things you love and be desperate to get out… The devil is cunning and will try to deter you and cause you to fall in another trap.. Open your eyes… Don’t just think about yourself. You can get out! You can change! But you must be real serious and know that it is ONLY JESUS that can set you free!!! Run into the arms of Jesus!!! Let your parents guide you and WALK IN OBEDIENCE TO THEM! You really want to be free child? THEN TAKE ACTION!!! Go back home today… all the best to you…. Remember without an education you can’t achieve anything worthwhile! It is not like the old days!! Those who made it without education in the RIGHT WAY, that was in the times of your mother and father… Now is head and not beauty… Your mind needs to get some real education in it to help you think things through… SEEK WISDOM..SEEK WISDOM! A fool will not survive in this world today! GET UP AND GO HOME CHILD!!

  29. Jay
    January 18, 2011

    Bella that was cold……but i liked the response though. well at least the young lady is aware that what she is doing is wrong. its sad when these things happen to young people. just try your bes tto get out of it sooner than later

    • baby girl
      January 19, 2011

      bella doh u give good responds and i applaud u for that, but this one was a bit cold, i could be wrong maybe she cannot talk to her parents and she use ur colum to vet out,

  30. Humble
    January 18, 2011

    walk away form the situation at hand. i do not beleive you are giving all the facts or you maybe exagerating for more attention)… somthign else is wrong, maybe at home or with your natural mentatlity. if you like sex then just get a boyfreind or make a deal with a guy that will give you sex constantly, no strings atached… no woman are no whore, some of you just f23K much mor… the taking things that do not belong to you.. hmm.. smh, just try to think and feel of how the other person is feeling or how you would feel if they took your stuff from you. you obviously like attention, so try the entertainemtn feild, join a dance group, sing or somthing…
    really, no one cares darlin, life is free for living… so live it to please yourself, if it hurtigng you to live this way then just dont. easy…. who you tryna please right now with your actions, is it you or someone else? who is gonna suffer the consequences of your actions… is it you or someone else?
    beleive me, sufferation aint no joke… AIDS, no joke… being broke, no joke… being homeless, no joke… have yoru family turn thiern back on you.. no joke… no turning back when your reputation done spoil already… who doe wanna hear.. WILL FEEL!… no joke… nuff blessings.. guidance and take good care. LOVE.

  31. Disclaimer
    January 18, 2011

    Oh Bella. That was harsh!! But got to deliver it so at times…My advice to you girl put down the friends u have. Get some new ones. When you have friends who engages in these activities and can’t even admit it to themselves then they’re not good. Let them stick to their kind.. Reminds of a particular person. U can change. Danielle Williams did it so you can honey!!! You’re too young for that!!!Keep those legs closed!!!

  32. Dominican Abroad
    January 18, 2011

    admitting that you have done wrong is the 1st step to repentance ,. now you need to ask God and all those you have wronged forgiveness, and invite the Lord into your life, He is the only one who can change you. Pray to God and inivite Him into your life.

    • curious
      January 18, 2011

      @dominican abroad..i just love ur comments/advice to the young lady..oh my i wish more dominicans were thinking just like u….i think leaders and others shud tek example from u..oh my instead ppl write to bella they shud write to u…that was the most sensible answer or good advice the young lady got..keep it up domincan abroad and may God bless u

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