Dear Bella: I have a problem, I’m a 23-year-old male and I’m in love with four women. One might agree that at my age I’m to young to be settling down with all the other options available to me but personally I hate playing games… I’m tired of chasing women that are of no benefit to me in the long run.
Anyway these women are all what any real man would call “WIFE MATERIAL”. They’re all educated, extremely beautiful in my opinion and they’re all very unique. One is a model/architect (2) is a teacher/IT technician (3) is a singer with a gospel recorded label but studying to be a nurse and (4) is an accountant. You can’t ask for better combination than that “unless you are a greedy guy and you’re looking for a quick fix, so you check for an old rich lady that soon ready to die to give u all she money”.
But anyway this is not about money. My problem is I don’t know which one to pick! I love all of them; they all make me happier than when you give a three-year-old a lollipop! And I don’t date any of them. I really respect women so I spend time with each of them when I get the chance and I they do know that they’re not the only women that I’m talking to like that, so they all know is that there is competition on the other end.
The thing is it’s mixed, where one lacks the others are strong and it’s like that with all of them so its difficult and I don’t want to hurt any of them; these girls are like rare gems and diamonds, all are worth it, none less valuable than the other .
Please give me some advice.
Dear Sir: It is simple. Choose the one that you like the most because there must be one that stands out in the way you want. None of them will be perfect. Also you’re doing the right thing not to be dating any of them. You must be commended.
I would suggest you continue to be friends only with them, but this could be tricky in the long run as one or more of them may develop feelings for you , and that’s when the trouble starts – that’s if you can keep the prick in your pants steady.
Also before I go, it is not possible to be “in love” with four women at the same time. So stick a pin in that.
Bella
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The feeling you have towards these ladies is not love. You may be suffering from a neurosis which is a functional disorder of the mind or emotions. It causes phobias (fears) and other emotions for which there no actual reason. You also show some signs of a borderline narcissistic personality. This is somebody who is so consumed by love of self that self interest drives all they do. But your problem is deeper. You are looking at these four women the way a car buyer would check out cars at a dealership. They are all beautiful and each one has all the extras – things any car buyer with money would look for! This show you have a double standard. No mention of what YOU are bringing to the table. You also have a false sense of values. First, the things that you see in these ladies – and the things they have that make them attractive to you – are NOT what makes a marriage happy, and they are NOT what makes a marriage last! Hollywood is proof of this. The acters and actresses have it all. But they are not able to keep their marriages together. They are beset by alcoholism, drug abuse, and suicide, and their children carry on the tradition. I wonder if you see in any of these women the characteristics that would make her a suitable partner in a happy life long marriage and a good mother to your chidren. It is not about you getting he best deal. It is about you being the best person possible. It is more about giving than about getting. It is about finding a good woman to build a life with – both the husband and wife contributing the building blocks of genuine love, mutual respect, honesty, faithfulness, and a vision for the future. I invite you to visit my website http://www.livinghopeministries.ca Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
Is this guy a Dominican ?? If so then I don’t understand. I thought Dominica had much more men than women. Dam fellas. We’re falling behind if it’s so.
i know who bella is. her name is bernadette and she is a very confused lady with NO future.lol
just kidding. but man, bang them, bang all four of them. try four-somes, its great. but dont get AIDS cuz you will end up masterbating all ur life. ECAEP.
I personnaly think that you should give yourself some more time, because clearly you are confused.
First Give yourself some time away from each and see which one holds on the longest.
who is this
bella??
I know exactly what your saying! you are not in love with all four but you feel the same amount of love , compassion and interest in them all. i get it, advise , stay cool with all of them as a man women on your side is always a plus.
Young man, first of all no woman in her right mind wants to be number 2 in any relationship much less for learning that the one she is in love with is saying that he is in love with 3 other girls. There is something called INFATUATION and I strongly believe that is what you are experiencing. There is no way you can be in love with more than one woman. You may like somethings about each individual woman and that’s different from love. My suggestion to you is start going on dates with each on different occassions , see how things work out before you go crazy. From the information you gave they all seem financially OK …you don’t have to worry about paying for dinner or movies.
whoever Bella is needs to stop giving advice because clearly you don’t know what you’re talking about. sure it’s possible to be in love with more than one person at a time. What do you think Love is confined. It’s not love that keeps most of us from “sharing ourselves with everyone else.” It’s more commitment. If you check the animal kingdom most animals are not monogamous. Why should we be any different? We can think and reason about STI and that sort. Of being called H…. and SA……. And B……… YOu get the drift.
Anyhoo, If i were you, I’d just advise the young man to write down all the characteristics he desires in a woman and chose the one closest to that. But to tell him stick a pin in the notion of his being in love with all four of them….well.
Sounds like a typical Dominican man. 9 out of 10 men will admit having about five women at the same time. That the game they play. Tell me if this is a lie.
Can somebody say “SERIAL MONOGAMIST”? Young man, from the description you gave of these women and their careers, I doubt you are writing from Dominica. But still, the internet is a global village and i want to warn you of the penchant you young men have for fielding more than one woman at a time. Trust me, it’s going to back-fire on you one day. Make up your mind already!
I’m going to give you a little home-work assignment. Get some paper and a pen/pencil, and rule it up with the name of the woman, what you like about her(pros), what you don’t like about her(cons) and the deal-breaker(what you absolutely cannot tolerate in her).
After this exercise, you should come out with a fairly good idea of which woman you want to settle down with. Good luck young man and if you are a praying man, it doesn’t hurt to ask for divine intervention in this.
You talk like the man was horse trading not trying to chose a wife. I hope the four women make lists of their own! Isn’t it strange in this day and age when there is so much talk about equal rights in society and equality in marriage that so much is said about what is best for this man with no regard for what he is offering the wman? He wants a woman to settle down with. He wants the one who can provide what is best for him. These women all have so much on the plus side he is actually asking for help deciding which one has the most. And what does he have to offer? I have gone back several times to see if I’m missing something. No menion of his education, job, income, assets, or plans. What he is offering them (if indeed he even thinks they have a choice) is a man who thinks the same of three other women as he does of the one he will ask to marry him. He cannot even give her any true sense that she is special. If he is honest with her she will never have the joy of knowing that she was his one true love. He says he has not dated any of them. I suppose in the language of his culture this means he has not had sex with them. The reason he gives is that he respects women. This is to his credit. It is a plus that may make it possible for him to win the hand of a truly good woman! I hope he first takes inventory of his values and asks himself how he can become the right man for whoever it may be. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
Age is just a number….. Weather u are mature or not, thats the thing…. Woman like men fall in love with more than one person while they are in a relationship.
What realy happens is…, when isues start in the relationship, we tend to draw close to some1 elses who becomes atractive and most likely start to flirt or even more…. Some of us may THINK that we are inlove, while others realy are. BAM! Then we remember our INITIAL/ORIGINAL/Real lover and the LOVE or slight love we have for them.
Where the other people intervine is when lovers number 2 and number 1 are piecing us off. We then have that need for comfort, love , WHATEVER that we have WAY too much PRIDE to go back and get from number 1 or 2 and so the story goes on.
The question now is… Are we mature or strong enought to UNDERSTAND that like is NOT a bed of roses, that ALL relationships have there DOWN’s. Are we READY to be real MEN and WOMAN, DO we trust our OTHERHALF(the real ONE) DO we CONVERSATE???
BIP BIP! Thats it….
So it up to we to choose our road. Are we still players are are we ADULTS!
Age is just a NUMBER. Ive seen men AND WOMEN playin still at the age of 60!
Hope this helped,
Bella you are wrong this time when you say that a man cant be in love with more than one woman trust me you are very wrong, each and every woman has her different vibes that a man is attracted to.
Choose the one that love you/want you and is committed to you and you only. Now it is not about them but you. if they all fit the criteria then choose the one that see you as fitting the criteria.
mr lover u ..right she dont know what is love if she sayign u cant fall for more the one woman at a time what the guy needs to do is stop really checking all 4 of his girls and the one that is the first to miss his compionship she is the one that love him the most of the other 4
I disagree with your final statement. From experience I believe that you can be in love with more than one woman at a time. Each woman comes with different attributes and different personalities and getting to know these women may cause you to fall in love with more than one. I’m not sure if this guy is really in love with four women or that they just meet his criteria but it is possible.