It’s hard to forgive my jealous, lying friend

Dear Bella: I have known this girl for a long time since high school, but she and I were never friends. However, after high school we joined a youth group together and developed a friendship.

She would tell me everything about former and current relationships with guys like girlfriends do. However, when I met a guy she was feeding him all kinds of rumours about me. The guy, who is now my boyfriend for some two years, at the time I was just getting to know him, and he would always return to tell me what my “so-called friend” said about me.

Initially, he did not want to tell me it was her; however when I found out I was so shocked and felt betrayed. She and I are no longer friends. Some time ago I still heard that she spread a rumour about me which was not accurate, thus it put me in a bad light. What this girl did also instigated trust problems between my boyfriend and I, because she said those things to him about me so convincingly. I rarely this so-called friend anymore; I was very hurt because I helped her in all ways possible. Do you think I should forgive her after a year?

Betrayed friend.

Dear betrayed friend,

While I know it is very difficult for you to forgive this friend, since you trusted her so much, we must not always have people ‘on our hearts’ – like the elderly would say.

You must always learn to forgive people, as Jesus requests of us. I mean we’re all humans, who flaw and make mistakes, but what good would the world be if people were not forgiving at all. Forgive and forget it. However, if you know she is not to be trusted just keep your distance. I advise you to be careful of the friends you keep. Majority of the times too, girl friends get jealous and try to destroy your relationship, by hitting on your boyfriend. Although I am not informed fully of your situation, and that may not be what happened, this is the reality of things. Jealously is a very dangerous feeling.

Bella.

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20 Comments

  1. September 6, 2011

    You are not telling the whole truth,If she was your good friend,Why she should be telling your boy friend lies about you.
    You are the one who is jelous,your boyfriend because your boyfriend is takeing an interest in you man and you cant handle it.you are the one who is hurting and not your girlfriend she is enjoying your man, and he is lieing to you to keep you from pestering him to tell you the truth.
    He got fed up and told you the truth and you got jelous and have reason to break up friendship with her and want to know if you should forgive her
    You should thank her for making you wise about this boy friend befor you are disappointed later.he will surely cheat on you,he did it to your best friend its no big deal when meet another woman to make you more jelous to break your heart.
    You may forgive your friend but you will never forget what she did to you.that is the way it goes some times,you told your girlfriend how good your boyfriend was in bed and made her want some of this joy and turned to be a bitch in heat for your man.
    so next time you meet a man, keep your mouth shut and what you do private dont tell your best friend to excite them to screw with your man,learn from this mistake. :-D :lol: 8-O :cry: :oops: :twisted: :?:

  2. BELIEVER
    March 27, 2010

    Darling, your so-called best friend may not be telling tales about you at all. Your (so-called) boyfriend might be the one lying to you. Keep your eyes open; your (so-called) boyfriend might be having an affair with your (so-called) best friend. U R SO IN THE DARK BABY. I think that your lover is cheating on you and making it seem like your friend is betraying you. Confront both, together.

  3. Mz Kittie
    March 22, 2010

    ….get over it…is u the man sleeping with not her. Who needs friends. U got the man … so use it and leave the damn… alone

  4. pageantlover
    March 15, 2010

    What make you so sure it is not your boyfriend trying to keep you away from your friend as she knows most of his dirty tricks? Confront your friend ; then you will have the both sides of the story. maybe she is sad too that you no longer speak to her.
    if you all were so close then no one should get in between youall

  5. yes i
    March 15, 2010

    dnt even worry with manzel, stupes, jealous she jealous! dominican have dat in them cannot c ppl happy, alwayhs believe they have the right to mingle in ppl life!!!

  6. Dr. Finger
    March 15, 2010

    Drama, drama, drama. Just accept it or leave the man alone for his side woman. Apparently you are in the dark on the real happenings.

  7. stupes
    March 14, 2010

    stupes dont forgive her its gonna happen again…. went thru wit the same ting wen i forgave her she did it again… so if u want to continue hearing tings then forgive her… yah…

  8. March 13, 2010

    i agree that you should forgive her, nothing is more important that love and friendship ^^, however am wondering if you got her side of the story about the rumors. there is a possibility that she may not have shared them. but then again you never really know right ^^. life is to short for grudges and arguments :) let the past be the past and work things out, but this time be more careful about the things you say to her^^. take some time to mend the friendship until you feel you trust her as a real friend, people can change.

  9. March 12, 2010

    Forgive your friend as Jesus forgave us and move on with your life

  10. Realone
    March 12, 2010

    lol…wit till she’s in love with a guy. do her the same thing then eat him good …she’s gonna understand life.

  11. Poosy
    March 12, 2010

    You should forgive her, Not good to have pple at heart. Just forgive her, doesnt mean u have to be tight to her. I mean she did hurt u. Just forgive her to free urself and move on..

  12. Mr. X
    March 12, 2010

    EBEH MI MELE!!!

  13. Hmmmm
    March 12, 2010

    This situation seems to reflect some event that took part in a friends life some yrs ago. I knew both girls and they were to great individuals both good friends really close friends who like the above said their friendship got ruined. A guy was involved and bam they were no longer friends. I know one missed her friend so much she thought her friend had shunned her because of the new guy. They were getting on fine she didn’t even like the guy as bf material to her they were both her friend. He would ask her all kind of questions about his gf and tell her thats what ppl told him she defended her sometimes even told him he should trust her and she to said things that she should not have told him but rather she should have spoken to her friend about these things. he was convinced she was jealous of her friends new found love. now i know of a good relationship between two great ppl is now over and done. You guys should work it out find forgiveness in your heart. One day i would like to see my once two good friends be civil to each other.

  14. Somwat similar
    March 12, 2010

    you referred to her as your lying jealous FRIEND… this still shows that you consider her a friend. Maybe you should reach out to her. Good luck. Jesus did say to forgive our enemies much less for a friend.

  15. Somwat similar
    March 12, 2010

    I know what this feels like. To have a friend that hurts you. This friend may be seeking for you to forgive her. At times we allow people and things to get between our friendship. Also look on the other hand why would she tell your boyfriend things about you? what was the reason she did did he influence her to do so there are some dirty guys who want to play it two way wants both friends or she thought she could trust him she may not even be jealous of you. Why would he go digging into your past? Maybe that’s what he wanted in the first place a broken friendship between you guys. Hope one day you two could could forgive one another because i don’t think that you are the only one hurting she is hurting to. And if your boyfriend really loved you he would not allow rumors to disrupt all you relationship every one has a past good or bad. Are you sure she spread a rumor about you or ppl trying to cause more friction between the two of you?

  16. Loral
    March 12, 2010

    When the disciples asked Jesus to teach them how to pray he taught them the Our Father. “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” he said. If we want God’s forgiveness we have to forgive others.
    On the other hand you have to beware of this person. She is not your friend! She is dangerous so keep on your guard No where in this prayer it says that you have to forget.
    Good luck my dear and do not slap her as ma kilbert has suggested!

    • kmasista
      April 27, 2011

      I have a friend who I know is very jealous of me. I unfortunately introduced her to a man and it did not work out. BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!! However she is just always trying to one-up me and I was ignoring it but for the sake of being petty I thought I should speak on it. Just recently, I was having a normal ta do wiith my significant other and I mentioned it to her. Her response was are you going to ask James to move out. I also have gained weight and I used to be extremely fit. Itold her I really did not feel like working out. Her response was Jus t don’t. She is an extremely attactive person however she is very insecure.

      I decided that the best thing to do is to never have a conversation with her again that has any substance. Just leave her in the dark and have surface conversations. I guess I just rambled on and forgot the point. I do not know if forgiveness is the answer. I would just keep her at bay.
      Do not be bitchy. If she inquires about anything going on with you Just say great, depsite. whatever may be going on in your life. You have to remember most people want you to struggle and be miserable. just remeber to be the friend you want to have in your life.

  17. March 12, 2010

    My girl don’t stress yourself. Forgive her, but move on with your life. Forgiveness in my view does not mean you have to be friends, it’s just letting go of what happened… and doing that when you can because it doesnt make sense to pretend that things are ok when they are not simply because you are trying to forgive or may not necessarily hate her. You can forgive and just keep the friendship on an acquaintance level.

    But trust me, that’s woman for you. And jealousy never goes away, it only gets worse. If she were a true friend in the first place she would have never done that to you. So dont stress out.

  18. The Day Has Come
    March 12, 2010

    Release yourself, forgive and forget. Leave her up to God, but forgiving someone goes as far and still being nice to her, you may not tell her your personal business, but still don’t treat her bad. all the best to u with you and your boyfriend

  19. ma kilbert
    March 12, 2010

    Beat her silly. B***slap her

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