My boss is hitting on me

Dear Bella: I’m a young man who works at an office with a prominent insurance company. I just recently got married and I have a child on the way. Bella, the problem is that I am getting hit on by the manager of the company, an out-of-shape lady in her late 40s.

Bella, she’s in her 40s but she could easily pass for 60 and it’s obvious she has been eating way too much fast food. She keeps inviting me to come over to her place. She is always hanging around my work station, other employees are starting to notice. It’s so awkward!

What should I do Bella? I know she is in a position to give me benefits if I give her what she wants. Or she can make my life miserable if I don’t.

Quitting is not an option, it’s a good-paying job and I have my family to support.

Dear Sir: You may be overreacting. Your boss inviting you over to her place may be a friendly gesture. I had many bosses who invited me to their places for a drink or for dinner, or to meet their business associates or friends. Quit the shallow thinking. The boss probably sees a great potential in you and wants to get closer to helping you achieve your dreams.

I believe you should accept her invitation and see what she is really up to. If she is up to no good then it will also be an opportunity to respectfully state your concern in a polite and respectful manner.

Otherwise, stop day dreaming.


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  1. jojopierre...
    July 24, 2012

    bondieur bella u dont have to be so rough on the guy..

  2. Angel
    June 24, 2010

    I don't think the guy is shallow minded or day dreaming at all Bella…there is a possibility that his boss has a thing for him…and that's what he needs you to address. He should let his boss know that he is in a committed relationship…next time she invites him over he should try to bring up the point that he has someone in his life..ask if it's ok to take your girlfriend along or say you had something plan with your girl and see how she reacts…it's not wrong for an older lady to be interested in a younger man…but in the guys case he isn't attracted to her and it's making him uncomfortable….

  3. anestin
    June 10, 2010

    be honest…if a young sexy ting come your way and is willing to give you the goodies…would you deny her that??? be real…stg gotta be WRONG with you bro…

    thats part of life…sex in the office….sex with the “boss”……

  4. Righteoous!
    June 9, 2010

    Boss you are happily married and even though you may be thinking that she is hitting on you, she may not be. On the other hand, if she is, you need to accept her invitation then ask if it is ok if you bring your wife. Base on her reaction, you would have to options…bring your wife along for a nice dinner with your boss, or decline the invitation if she says you can’t bring her.

    You mention benifits, bossman the only benifit that your “out of shape” boss can give you is your well earned paycheck…..You have a beautiful wife and you are about to start a family….No benifit that your boss can give you can be more valuable than what you have.

    Tell the lady to find another play boy/toy cause you are a man and you have Family resposibility.

    • anonymous too
      January 4, 2012

      am late but this is so much good advise,, righteoous u r much better than bella,, i think u need to start ur owne colum

  5. Texas
    June 9, 2010

    The young man in question does not have a problem, if he feels that his integrity to his wife is more important, then the person whom he should confide in is probably not bella, but his wife, maybe he needs to show that his wife is more important to him by braging to his boss how a beautiful a wife he’s got and that he should have his wife pay him some on announced visits to his place of work if she can. The real truth is marriage has the capabilities of providing insulation to the parties involved and that can be harnessed by functioning as one even if it is inconvienient.

  6. more steam
    June 9, 2010

    ur a great pretender… shit if it was an atttractive boss u would surely accept her invite…dont descriminate u dirt bag

  7. jay
    June 8, 2010

    man stop being a marco and give de woman some good wood . WOOD DEMMMMMMMMM

    • Up or down, what you think?
      June 9, 2010

      “well thats if he have good wood”, most of them fellas that complains like that have little winnee,s if it was a big wood man you would not be reading that complain, he would want the office to know he packing. Thats how them little two no good pomposs litte dicks does acuse people wrongly.

  8. HMMMM(1)psychic
    June 8, 2010

    You should accept her invitation and bring your wife along. Lately alot of horny older women are emerging from the woods putting distraction in marriages. There is a woman who hates me because I refuse to let my husband go visit her alone.

  9. graduate
    June 8, 2010

    Please clarify.
    it seems to me you are more upset that she is an out of shape woman who is hitting on you than the fact that you are married and she is hitting on you. i am sure if it were a young secretary with a nice piece of @#s you would want to hit that and forget that you are married.
    Be honest.

    • tyrell
      June 8, 2010

      My thoughts exactly, lol!

      • skg
        June 8, 2010

        I just wanted to know if she was a young voluptuous woman if he would have taken her invitation cause he seem to be thrown off by her shape

  10. Wat a Shame
    June 8, 2010

    Give her the wood Dude- heh.

  11. thinkinman
    June 8, 2010

    wood dem wood dem!!

  12. love dr
    June 8, 2010

    well my brother be honest with you and the lady just ask her why she want to invite you to her place and not you and your family because it would seems very ocward that she wants you there alone second ask her tell her you have noticed that she is always around you are you doing something wrong at the job seee her respond and fr there you will no where she is going with it just ask that will not kill u and do it polite

  13. Anonymous
    June 8, 2010

    Boy you must be mad to post so many details for your boss in particular to identify you.

    • LawieBawie
      June 8, 2010

      Nah man he safe. Many of the details of the work place and dsecription of the boss are just ficticious.

  14. Be better Bella
    June 8, 2010

    Bella i find you are very closed minded and one sided. Had this been from a woman’s perspective, your response would have been different. We need to realize that this is changing world and more and more, women are known to make sexual advances towards men. If the man has concerns, he has a right to seek assistance in handling it in a professional manner, and not be shut down by you Bella. Instead, why not ask him to go and be sure of her intentions, but be careful enough to not be placed in a position that would jeopardize his job or integrity? Young man if you are certain that the woman has those intentions towards you, there are tactful ways of turning her down without letting her feel disrespected. Stress the importance of your family, and marriage, and express your distaste for persons who defy those laws. That way, she would get the message without feeling targeted of directly rejected by you.

    This is from a woman’s point of view.

    • thinkinman
      June 8, 2010

      um… i think she said what ur suggesting.. just in different words… maybe…ur being close minded as well

    • Mentally Disturbed
      June 8, 2010

      That’s a very sharp response lady and I’m with you all the way on that, I think Bella is being very sexist in her response and way too dismissive. However, I think she may have been put off by my boy detail description of his boss being overweight and over-aged (which is kinda close minded of him, would it matter if the boss were a young shapely woman, seeing that you’re married?).

      Bredren accept the invitation, then surprise her by bringing along ya wife, and keep trying to steer the conversation on how happy you’re with ya beautiful wife, she’ll get the message and get 2 know ya wife at the same time. If this doesn’t work, start creating records of whateva’s goin down mate, you may need it later.
      From a male’s perspective.

      • DaQueen
        June 8, 2010

        I agree with u 100%

      • wesleyman
        June 9, 2010

        From a male perspective, surprising her with the beautiful wife would not be a good idea. The young man does not have a problem with the idea, just the fact that the lady is over weight and looks older than her age, that suggests a self esteem issue, if she is surprised with a younger more beautiful lady then that can (1) cause the young lady to have a very uncomfortable evening, and being his boss this could cause employment issues for him. I suggest he establish the nature of thier relationship outside of work, by suggesting things like, the neighbors might get the wrong idea if they see him cming over to visit, then if her intentions are pure, she will suggest he bring his wife or another coworker. Hell my brother has no fury , like a woman scorned. you already made a wrong move by coming in such a public forum in a small society like Da, dont commit professional suicide by pissing that lady off.

        • Wisdom with Legs
          June 9, 2010

          Well said, Wesleyman. They say wise men come from the east, well I’ll add that wise men come from Wesley. The truth is, homeboy could have been a little more creative with his descriptions because I’m sure many people immediately started thinking of people that could possibly match the description. This is a very delicate situation because as of now, it’s pure speculation. Like fair Bella said, you cannot jump to conclusion. The boss’s intentions could very well have been good, in which instance, any possible identity of this individual could really hurt him professionally. On the other hand, should he be right that she is indeed pursuing him, learning her identity could be equally destructive. I hope he has already discussed the situation with his wife before seeking a verdict from the court of public opinion because if not, this would demonstrate that he is not handling things like a husband aught to….by consulting with his wife. She doesn’t need this kind of exposure, especially in her current condition. Dude, I sincerely hope you brought this case to this forum for the purpose of entertainment and discussion because if this is a real situation, you have certainly stirred the pot and what’s brewing could be more than your plate can hold.

  15. ha!
    June 8, 2010

    good one, bella

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