My life sucks

Dear Bella: I am a married man for eight years with a wonderful wife. She has been nice to me in many ways but the one thing I need she cannot give it to me and it hurts.

Bella I had a child before I married with another woman and my child’s mother keeps her away from me. Since I have been married my wife is unable to give me any children.

We have tried everything possible but nothing works. My family and friends cause me to feel uncomfortable with their various questions so I choose not to go around them. Her family don’t like me and I haven’t done them anything so my life sucks.

This need causes me look at other woman but I want to keep my marriage. The sad part is that I can’t live hoping any more.  What should I do?

Dear Sir: All hope is not lost. In your letter you did not say whether you sought medical advice or not. If you haven’t that is the first step. You and your wife should do fertility tests to determine what the real problem is. Once the problem is identified then a solution can be recommended.

I have known many couples in your situation who have sought medical advice and now have a family.

There is a very good facility in Barbados called the Barbados Fertility Centre. Look them up at

http://www.barbadosivf.org.

If you love your wife, let her know your true feelings about the matter and tell her you’re willing to work things out by obtaining advice. Take my advice, you won’t regret it.

Bella

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33 Comments

  1. Nurse O
    March 8, 2017

    Both parties need full medical evaluation, just because one prior child by this male means little. The question is does he want a child with his wife? Or does he want an excuse to step out on his wife? Life sucks? [email protected]

  2. November 22, 2013

    First, you and your wife should BOTH have a medical examination by a qualified physician who specializes in fertility issues. :) :-|

    However, I hope you will let it happen naturally. I’m not a big fan of reproductive engineering. Childbirth is one of God’s mysteries. Parents partner with God in bringing a child into the world. It is not something we should mess with.

    Second, you may qualify to adopt a child. Did you know that many couples get pregnant and have a child of their own AFTER they have adopted? The reason for this is not clear but honestly it DOES happen! There are children out there who need loving parents. Think of the blessing :-D you could be to a precious little boy or girl who might otherwise never know :-? what it is to have a Mom and Dad.

    Third, children may be part of God’s plan for most marriages. But children are not ALL a marriage is about. :oops: Concentrate on being the most loving and caring husband you can be. Let your marriage and home be filled with love. Think of ways you can both serve your community together by helping where you are needed.

    Fourth, Many married women feel very bad :cry: when they cannot conceive. This is especially true in a family oriented nation and culture. You must realize that unless your wife is intentionally doing something to prevent conception from taking place she is not to blame. At a time like this you need to assure her of your love. :lol: Let her know that you understand it is NOT her fault!

    Fifth, do not even think of having a baby from another woman. Don’t allow Satan :twisted: to put such a thought in your head! If you are married to that woman step up and be a man! Do you want to become demon possessed :?: Then take down that vacancy sign :!: Remember your wife is the girl you took your marriage vows with. The Bible says “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” It is your responsibility now to make your wife as happy as you possibly can. Do you even know what marriage is about? It is not about you getting your way and receiving everything your little heart desires. It is :idea: about you obeying God and giving Him a reason for leaving you here. That reason may be to give the younger generation an example of what God intends a marriage to be in a fallen and broken world.

    Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist. :lol:

  3. Diva
    January 24, 2013

    your life sucks ki sa. just because your wife cya give you child. you on dear bella lookin for advice. man go and find work to do eh and take care of your wife, who probably tryin her best to please you and you deh with ur sot. instead you reassure her, you lookin for next woman.. your ting dat good to fall out. stuppess.

  4. STRENGTH
    May 16, 2012

    which man in his right mind doesn’t want a child. That man must go outside trust me. My sister had the same problem and her husband ending up sleeping with her friend. he has a beautiful daughter and said he is happy. sorry mam but u have to understand that man is man

    • April 5, 2017

      Breaking the commandments of God has never brought happiness to any man, woman, or couple.

      I am shocked that you would give another person such advice. Because your sister and her husband committed such a vile deed does not give you a right to advise somebody else to do so.

      You do not always know the medical history of the woman you choose to be the birth mother. This is something your physician may want to know later if the baby has an illness.

      We have known of cases where the birth mother has actually changed her mind and wanted the baby back. Some have gone to court to fight for possession of the child. Some birth mothers have gone after the child to get it back.

      If the child learns later in life that the woman who raised it is not its true mother it may cause mental distress and trauma. The child is finding out that the father had an adulterous affair with another woman to being it into the world.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

  5. DISGUSTED
    January 28, 2011

    uummh you have a poor excuse for looking at other women shame on you. if you really love your wife who has done nothing to you, you would both of you keep trying and if you guys truly cannot have kids there is always adoption.adopt a baby or two raise it as your own.
    stop being a big baby there are worst things that could happen to you in life

  6. Cookie
    June 28, 2010

    Your issue is very a delicate issue indeed; It must be very hard on you both. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, it takes a lot of patience and understanding from you both. Yes there are all sorts of fertility treatment available…not sure if any are offered in Dominica? You both need to have a full check up to determine what exactly is wrong. Men tend to blame the woman but in many instances the problem is due to low sperm count or mobility issues …so that’s why both of you need to be examined by a doctor.

    Surrogacy which definitely isn’t available in Dominica is also another option but all these courses are expensive; the cheapest way is to keep trying with your wife and pray…GOD IS GOOD! There are people who after 10 yrs of trying were finally able to have kids and it came with determination and faith, so don’t give up..the answer doesn’t lie between another woman legs….KEEP TRYING!

  7. Bertillia
    June 6, 2010

    Hey Sir,Take Bella’s advice.
    May i advice you to IGNORE those negative comments -BYPASS them and keep hope alive in your relationship with your beloved wife. DO NOT GIVE UP ! I have a very close married friend who has just gotten pregnant after ten years. DONT GIVE UP- Seek medical help for both of you, include PRAYER for a baby (boy or girl ) in you daily request to our Heavenly Father and Miracles can happen !

    Gods Blessings !

  8. God Fearing Sister
    June 2, 2010

    SEEK GOD! He has the answers. NOT Bella!

  9. June 2, 2010

    MY ADVICE TO THIS YOUNG MAN IS DON’T GIVE UP HOPE YOU ARE NOT ALONE THERE ARE FEW FRIENDS OF MINE THAT HAS THE SAME PROBLEM AND I KNOW IT COULD BE VERY FUSTRATING SEEK HELP DON’T JUST LOCK YOURSELF IN AS IF IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD YOU CAN GO AND SEEK MEDICAL HELP OR GO TO A HERBALIST THERE IS A HERBALIST IN PORTSMOUTH AND HE HAS HELP ALOT OF PEOPLE GET CONNECTING INCLUDING MYSELF HIS NAME IS MR.WILLIAM TRY THIS NUM 2454726 OR 6124515 AND I CAN GUARANTY YOU, YOU GETTINGS TWINS ONE TIME LOL AND DON’T FORGET PRAY IS THE KEY THAT OPENS HEAVENS DOOR.

  10. Paula
    June 2, 2010

    With God all things are possible. Trust in God, remember Sarah’s age when she got pregnant with Issac? and Elizabeth with John the Baptiste. Our Heavenly Father said that before He formed us in the womb He knew. So He is aware of your situation, therefore, trust in Him and He will supply all your needs. Sometimes we are too busy and what we ask God for we want it right away, but God supplies all our needs according to His riches in glory and in His time, not yours, your wife’s or my time. Remember HIS time is the best.
    God’s blessings to you and your wife. Pray hard without ceasing.

  11. WEH Weh
    June 2, 2010

    Adopt a child

  12. Anonymous
    June 2, 2010

    ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD. TAKE YOUR PROBLEMS AND SITUATION TO HIM AND JUST HAVE FAITH AND BELIEVE. AS YOU SAID, YOUR WIFE IS A GOOD WOMAN SO DON’T LET THIS SITUATION ROB YOU OF A GOOD WIFE. YOU MAY LEAVE HER AND GO OUT THERE WITH ANOTHER WHO MAY GIV E YOU A CHILD AND YOU MAY VERY WELL LIVE TO REGRET IT. WHAT GOD HAS DONE FOR OTHERS HE CAN AND WILL DO FOR YOU IF YOU ONLY TRUST HIM AND BELIVE. HE IS FAITHFUL CONCERNING HIS PROMISES.

    GOD BLESS YOU AND AND PRAY THAT YOU MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION,

  13. June 2, 2010

    Had a problem like this a few years ago and i hang myself.here i am today on the other side very happy..

  14. Waitukubuli
    June 2, 2010

    Is it possible that the problem lies with you and not her? Perhaps she is perfectly fertile (if that makes sense) and you are the one with the medical problem. So it is best to get such advice as indicated by Bella.

    I pray that you will be fruitful. And don’t say your life sucks, you are speaking curses on yourself. I cancel that by saying “you are blessed” and blessed are your children.

    • tyrell
      June 2, 2010

      mmmm…….he did say he got a child(with another woman) already, right?

  15. Brown Sugar
    June 2, 2010

    well sir all i can say is that u should be thankful for your wife dont destroy your marriage because she can’t produce any children. you married for better of for worse not just for the better. you said ur marriage is wonderful so y go and destroy it.save ur marriage go to a doctor dont be shy of the situation there is help out ther. so get out and seek help,good women are hard to find, its like a needle in a hay stack. save ur family and atleast try to arrange for ur previous child can at least see u dont just give up hope.

  16. June 2, 2010

    Hummm,

    gues is right,she could be tied up, or using her contraceptives,lol, go with her to a doctor,then U will find out if so she’s fouling you,then go and get one out side,,she allready decieved you so dont make sense to wait on her,,,,,,,,,well like I said find out first,go to a doctor,first,

  17. sweety
    June 2, 2010

    well my best advice to you is to stick with your marriage.As you said your wife is a good woman and child or not you can hadly find a good woman so pray to god he might just answer your prayer.

  18. sxmlady
    June 2, 2010

    there is a clean that she can drink and she will get pregnant i will get the name from the FOUNTAIN OF HEALTH HERE IN SXM for you. then 2 days before or after her period if you have sex, she will get pregnant. I dont know you but really would like u to have a baby with ur wife, instead of going out there.

    bye tomorrow i should have the name for you

    GOD BLESS

    HAVE FAITH

    • Sout Man
      June 2, 2010

      During menstruation, (your period), the womb flushes out the egg or eggs and ,therefore, it is not possible to get pregnant two days after your period. Ovulation has to take place first. That means another egg has to leave the ovary and head to the womb. That usually takes about 14 days after your period begins, including the first day.

      Take Bella’s advice; check with your doctor. Even if you already have a child, bad habits like smoking of cannabis can lower your sperm count. Although it takes one sperm to fertilize one egg, an ejaculation needs millions of sperms (about 10 million) to be effective. Do not believe in nancy stories, my friend, check with your doctor. That can’t be emphasized enough. Cleansing is always ok but be knowledgeable about your wife’s menstrual cycle (her period). Timing is very important.

  19. CB CUZ
    June 2, 2010

    if you love your wife like you say you do A D O P T. Dont ruin your marriage because not all of up were put on earth to bare children. Have you ever ask yourself that God maybe dosent want your wife to have kid but need her for some other purpose? Be thankful for what you have which is a lovely marriage and be grateful for what you havent got

  20. j
    June 2, 2010

    Another option is adoption….

  21. child
    June 2, 2010

    i had a friend who was involved with a man for 7 years and all their attempts fail (well all his not hers ) and all that time she knew what was going on .they broke up sometime in january of 06 and she was involved with another man shortly after that .six months into their relationship she became pregnant .she told me that all the time she and her x were trying she was on birth control and he didnt have a clue .

  22. Cassandra
    June 2, 2010

    Was it a condition of your marriage contract that your wife should produce children? Or did you marry “for better or worse”, in which case this condition is met. I am truly sorry if you can’t have any children with your wife but this is no excuse to go and procreate outside of wedlock. Have you ever thought of adopting one? There are plenty of children desperate for a loving and caring home. Good luck

    • tyrell
      June 2, 2010

      Your 1st question seems like an ignorant one, to me!

  23. YES
    June 2, 2010

    her tubes could also be blocked…get a scan done at Medicus Diagnostic…440 6500

  24. Lioness
    June 2, 2010

    So sad but as bella said you should seek medical advice. Both of you must be open about the situation and discuss the options that are available. In-vitro treatment works if you have the money and willing to go the extra mile. Pray and more pray works. U all

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