Should I choose between my best friend and my boyfriend?

Dear Bella,

There is this guy that I’ve known for about four years now and we’ve been together for about six months. He is my best friend’s cousin, but the thing is at first she was the one who was kind of pushing us together and now that we are together she has a problem with it.

I’ve tried talking to her about it on many occasions, but she shuts me down and walks away.

Not too long ago we stopped talking because I just couldn’t take in the stress of her not talking to me whenever I’m around my boyfriend. I mean that’s just child’s play.

We stopped talking for about two-three months. We started talking again, but it was at a time when my boyfriend and I had gotten into a misunderstanding. Now we are back together and I’m afraid I might get back into the same confusion with my friend.

I don’t want her to feel like I am putting my boyfriend before her, I try my best to spend as much time as I can with her and at the same time try to give my boyfriend attention as well; but I don’t like choosing.

I know there is a saying that friends come first, but this guy means a great deal to me and letting him move on to be with someone else would eat me up inside. This is not the first time my friend has tried to choose a boyfriend for me.

Bella what do you think I should do?

Unsure

Dear Unsure: You stated that your best friend pushed you to be with this guy, so what has changed? Perhaps, as a close relative, she knows something about him that you don’t.

Your friend could also be feeling a little jealous and resentful, now that you may not be spending as much time with her as you did in the past.

Be patient with your friend; don’t be quick to shut her out of your life. Usually when relationships turn sour, friends are the ones who are there to help you to pick up the pieces.

Give her time to accept your new relationship or open up to you about what may be bothering her.

Bella
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14 Comments

  1. opinion
    August 9, 2013

    maybe he cheated on u thats why she is trying end it :?:

  2. Abby
    May 12, 2010

    I am in a very simlar situation as ur friend….please speak to her about this is shes feeling anything like i am then it wil be tearing her apart inside and she deffo wont want to loose u,
    i understnd how ur feeling to as i am tryin wiv my best friend…..its hard espec if u’s were close before this boyfriend….its not about jealousy or bein a lesbian but about feeling pushed away its hard for some1 to accept a big change like this and it wil feel to ur friend as tho ur puttin him first, you wont be but all those tyms u wud have spent with your friend will now be spent with yur boyfirned and is probly really hard for u to understnd, i have a boyfirend to and my best friend never feels theartened/jealous/pushed out wen i am with him bt i cant stop myself from feelin that way when she is with her’s.

    But i deffo still stick to the sayin friends wil b there forever boyfriends come and go……..

    thats sure the case with me and my best friend he walks in and out of her life so its difficult fr me as i feel wen he walks out am wanted when he cums back am not …

    hope u’s get this sorted xxx

  3. Tera
    April 27, 2010

    Well, someone help me to understand. I think that the friend should back off and allow you to be happy. Friends should always be a friend no matter what. My situation is backwards. My mate thinks more of her friendships than she does me. Is it wrong of me to ask her to back off of her friends that she are always running to when we are having a problem? I feel she should respect how i feel more and back off of her friends so that me and we can be happy without their interference.

  4. CB CUZ
    February 15, 2010

    SHE PUSH YOU TOGETHER NOW SHE VEX? GIRL SHE JUST JEALOUS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Tell her get a man of her own so she can have something to do or someone to do. If she was your friend she would be there for you not treating like s++t. Girl tell mamzelle GO FLY A KITE AND FIND HER OWN MAN OR WOMAN WHICH EVER SHE PREFERS

  5. Anonymous
    February 14, 2010

    Well he could be cheating and she doesn’t want to tell u, so she trying to get you away from him technically. Or she mayb feeling left out. D woman not no lesbo.

  6. lookin 4 luv
    February 13, 2010

    u really do need 2 talk it out wit both ur girl and ur man. she may not neccessarily be a lesbian she may jus feel ur man is takin da place of ur best friend.

  7. Tee
    February 13, 2010

    Your best friend is feeling left out becuz she doesn’t have a bf of her own. Alas….she is jealous …so give her some of your time and reassure her of your friendship. But enjoy yourself with your bf….

  8. February 13, 2010

    maybe she and her cousin have a thing going on and when ever you a there she just jealouse that he has to give you all the attention and she dosent like it.cause she wants him all to herself. think baby . wake up and smell the coffee before it is to late.

  9. A A
    February 13, 2010

    mamzelle is a lesbo straight up. She just dont know how to tell you so. I had a friend who was like that and i cut her off immediately. I told her no way sir ee i dont go that way at all. i am on the straight not the straight and narrow…chk mi…lol Tell her is wood u like not sushi…lmao..

  10. February 13, 2010

    hahahahah mi roro

  11. d biggest boss
    February 12, 2010

    u cannot see she is a bigg hater …….. tell mamzelle doe have up her self ……. u doe muss chck her is not ur man ………… just cuzz she doe have a man den …… jah boi …. lesbians eh

  12. child
    February 12, 2010

    she is jealous

  13. Karkabeff
    February 12, 2010

    Your best friend is a lesbian. She was using her cousin- your boyfriend- as a tool to get closer to you but you fell in love with him. She want to bed you and sees her cousin- your boyfriend- as an obstruction now. Just tell her how you feel and move on. Unless you are a lesbian and want to be with her, stick to your man because he is more likely to give you the satisfaction of a true relationship. That lesbian in disguise just vex because she not getting what she hoped she would.

  14. SORT IT OUT!!
    February 12, 2010

    Try talking out the situation with both your boyfriend and your best friend.Explain to them the importance of having each of them in your life because they both mean a great deal to you right??

    Try spending enough time with your boyfriend and bff and please don’t shut her out of your life…remember she is your best friend and she might have a shoulder to cry on in the future

    FRIENDS AND FAMILY ALWAYS COMES FIRST NO MATTER HOW DEEP IN LOVE YOU ARE AND THEY WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU IF SOMETHING GO WRONG BUT GUYS ARE JUST PASSING;THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER ONE AROUND THE CORNER.

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