Stressed over my army husband

Dear Bella: My husband is in the US Army and it is stifling out relationship. He is constantly on my mind and we hardly get to see each other. Last year he spent a month with me before he went back to serve. We have a young child and she does not recognise her daddy.

I am in need of emotional and physical support and he is not there to give it to me. He is also not willing to leave the Army as he says it’s his career path. I am confused and frustrated. I love my husband very much but I wish he could just leave the Army and reunite with his family.

Confused

Dear Confused:

Before you got married you very well knew the consequences. Love is unconditional and though I feel sorry for your situation, you enlisted for it when you said “I Do”. That’s a life contract. Your husband is not giving up on you, so do not give up on him.

I believe you need to express your true feelings regarding his matter or seek counselling, but I do not think you should just worry away and give up on the relationship. Please be thankful that he is still alive and that he comes back to you. When he does, sit down and have a serious talk with him.

Bella

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21 Comments

  1. concerned
    May 8, 2012

    I think u r very impatient,your husband is in the U.S.Army fighting for his life and his Country and in the same breath keeping a roof over your head,food on your table,and providing you with the the kind of luxery a lot of ppl would kill for and you’re thinking of all that bull shit,have you ever thought of the sacrifises that he is making for you and his child?YOU UNGRATEFUL WOMAN,you just keep it up and who knows maybe one of your friends who hears your complains might take that good man from you,maybe you don’t deserve him,maybe you are not wife material or the patient type,don’t you know that love is patient?What i see here is that you are only thinking about yourself and your stupid needs while he is over there thinking that he has a good wife and family.GIRL U ARE EXACTLY THE KIND OF WOMAN THAT I KEEP WARNING MY SONS ABOUT.MEN READING THIS PLS TAKE HEED.

  2. pumkim
    November 12, 2011

    some of u army wives want the dam money and yet still u all complain. so dam it leave place for another woman who can give him comfort

  3. Anonymous
    November 9, 2011

    I was once a solider and i know how the army life can be very demanding. Be strong there are alot of wifes out there is your shoe. I live in florida there are so many support groups. God is here for you.

  4. queenie
    May 23, 2011

    now alone i seeing that article wee……
    regardless, my darling just be strong……………dont worry with them haterz….some of them wish they were married to soldiers too…….

    i know how it is to be with a soldier…..i am in your shoes………
    u get a little lonely at times but u love him so much u dont even think of cheating, just do some things u like to do and if possible learn new tings to kinda feel up your time.
    chat on skype as often as possible. whenever he comes home get a family member to watch the kid and dedicate all your time to him…………
    trust me, you happier than alot of women that have their husband at their home and have to fight to get their attention
    good luck……………. :)

    • queenie
      May 23, 2011

      that post ‘queenie’ put on may 18 was not the real queenie.
      get ur own name

  5. queenie
    May 18, 2011

    girlfriend…………….
    just join the Army too…..

  6. BABY LOVE
    April 15, 2011

    you knew what you were getting into so why force now or did you do it for a green card which one we would like to know

  7. sister souljah
    June 3, 2010

    Honey ur enjoying the benefits of a soldiers money…u knew exactly what u were getting into…..free medical, living expenses paid, and that check every two weeks while deployed no taxes come on lady get real…..what u need to do is get off ur butt and find ways to spice up ur marriage when ur husband comes home, show ur child pics of daddy……before he is deployed get a tape recorder have him record a nightly prayer for ur infant and every nite play it for that child so that he or she can remember their father. Plan a vacation for him when he is home and give him the best loving possible……and make the best out what god has blessed u with.

    • December 8, 2016

      This is good solid advice.

      I will add this little from a pastor’s perspective.

      Try praise! This means be thankful. There is much for you to give God thanks for. Make it a practice every day in the morning.

      YOUR HUSBAND HAS A JOB . No ordinary job! The world respects a military man.

      YOUR HUSBAND HAS A CAREER. If he stays with it he will have a retirement. You will share and enjoy the benefits of that retirement.

      YOU HAVE A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD.

      YOU HAVE ARMY BENEFITS.

      YOUR HUSBAND IS LOOKING OUT FOR YOU by bringing you in under these benefits and his retirement plan. It might not mean so much to you now. But believe me it will in the years to come. Other women will think how “lucky” you are.

      PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO THE LOW LIFE CREATURES WHO WOULD TELL YOU TO “CHEAT” ON YOUR HUSBAND. In most cases these are people who don’t know the fulfillment of marriage, and have never drank from the fountain of marital joy.

      • December 8, 2016

        Continued …

        If anything they are jealous of you. I encourage you to keep away from the places where these “low lifers” hang out. Seek your enjoyment on higher ground :!:

        SEEK A FAITH LIFE THAT GIVES YOU A CONNECTION WITH GOD AND PEOPLE OF FAITH. I suggest that you find a joyful CHRIST CENTERED church congregation where the Word of God (the Bible) is faithfully preached and taught. Find out by asking what departments and activities the church has. Join in! Participate! Make yourself part of the congregation!

        I encourage you to meet the pastor’s wife. Tell her you would like to talk to her. Ask your questions. Let her introduce you to other ladies in he church. Begin to build friendships.

        The greatest relationship you could ever gain is to receive Christ as your Lord and Savior! For starts I advise you to get your Bible and read –

        Isaiah 53:5,6
        1 Corinthians 15:1-4
        Ephesians 2:8,9
        St. John 1:12
        Revelation 3:20

        Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal…

  8. Big-bannan
    June 3, 2010

    Cheat, if you have not already done so like all the other US Army wives do when their husbands deploy. Go down to the battalion, talk to another one of those Army Wives in the Family Readiness Group (FRG) and they will show you how to cheat and have a good time.

  9. June 3, 2010

    Dr.feelgood say A Lil side dish remove stress.

  10. Bridget Monroe
    June 3, 2010

    …pRESSURE buSS pIpE…

  11. precious
    June 3, 2010

    you know exactly that was going to happen before you got married.. so plz don’t complain…

  12. nectar
    June 3, 2010

    I have exactly what you need sweetheart. email me at nectarpurple@hotmail.com

  13. CB CUZ
    June 3, 2010

    see mama you cannot have you cake and eat it too. You want the benefit the army give and you still want your husband home.. do you have another job to give him when he leaves the army? and didnt you know thats how army wives/husbands are…get real get a hobby and let the man serve his country and enjoy shopping at the px

  14. Brown Sugar
    June 3, 2010

    the wife may be telling the truth, she is hurt and i wont blame her if she goes out there and look for emotional support. wife just tak patience and the good lord will deliver you. i know what it is when u love someone and they are constantly away from you, it hurts so just pray that he will be coming back to u but dont take for granted that everything is a ok with him over there and thats its only u that he has for the months that he is away…

  15. Karkabeff
    June 3, 2010

    Oh pluzzzzeee! You are a soldiers’s wife so deal with it. You just trying to justify what you doing behind his back so come cleaner than that and stop blaming the man for doing his job.

    • Memory
      June 3, 2010

      Your exact response was on my mind as I read her situation. You hit the nail on its head.

    • ANN BOLEYN
      June 3, 2010

      So hold on nuh? De woman haven’t got a right to express her feelings??? So she not lonely then??? STUPESSSS!!! Trust all you to twist it wi!!!

      It’s obvious that she’s frustrated. Leave de woman alone.

      To the Married Woman, I suggest that you get a hobby. It will fill up the hours.

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