DEAR BELLA: I’m holding a secret that could affect my daughter’s life

Bella,

 

I am holding a secret that I don’t think I want to be kept in the dark anymore. A few years ago, I made a selfish decision that I now realize will affect the life of my daughter forever.

I got pregnant by a very prominent man in office who has his wife and other children. I told him that I don’t want to abort the baby. We decided that I can keep the child and that he would ensure this baby had everything.

Throughout the pregnancy he was supportive and paid for everything. It hurt that he couldn’t visit the doctor with me once and I had to hide his identity.

Once our child was born, he asked me to register the child on my name to prevent the drama that will be associated with it. In Dominica everybody knows everybody’s business and if I had ever gone to register that child, by the time I walked down the stairs at the registry everybody would know.

So, for over five years now, we were fine. He comes over to see her. He spends time with us. He provides. We have no lack. I have not one bill that he doesn’t pay.

But Bella, as I watch my child growing up, I realize that she is missing out on some important things.

Daddy cannot participate in any public activities. Her father can only spend time with her indoors. When there are parent activities in school, I am the one carrying the load.

And then a few days ago she said “mommy my best friend daddy is a fireman. What is my daddy?”.

She sees her daddy visit her all dressed up in his office attire. He is very careful with information about his other life, lest she says anything to reveal his identity.

The problem I am having now is that I feel my daughter will not be able to have a normal life and as she grows up, she will have questions that I may not be able to answer or if I do, they would affect her forever.

What should I do Bella?

 

Worried Mom

 

——————————————————————————————

 

Dear Worried Mom,

 

Sometimes adults make decisions to cater for their needs and totally neglect the innocent children involved, until these children start growing up and ask questions.

You should speak to her father about it first and foremost. If he has a child then he should be totally and completely involved in his child’s life.

Like you rightfully indicated, this child needs to be given a chance at a normal life. She should not be deprived of that just because her parents got caught up in a bad situation.

If you love your daughter, you should really try to correct that wrong before it’s too late.

Your boyfriend/lover should be man enough to explain to his “other” family that he has a daughter and he would like to be a part of her life.

This is very difficult, as it may cause tension in his marital life, but that is just one of the consequences of the extra-marital affair.

You also have to deal with the fact that you guys could become the talk of the town, but like everything before it, this will pass away in time.

If your focus is now on your daughter’s well-being, you will forget about yourself and do what is right for her sake.

 

All the best

 

Bella

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15 Comments

  1. December 3, 2020

    Hello and good morning my people. Bella you are writing letters to yourself to generate interest. Now, In regards to this alleged woman knew what she was getting into. How can this man be a well known public official who visit his child but know one see him visiting her residence unless she’s the only person in her village or community that know him.

  2. Gina
    December 2, 2020

    The Man is prominent trust me some women are selfish she wants the world to know she has a child for Mr Prominent. Please! Give me a break!

  3. Be real
    December 1, 2020

    please I am asking you be honest with your daughter. if you don’t be honest with her she’s going to grow up and she’s going to have a lot of bad relationship when it comes to going out with man. she’s always going look for attention and love she was supposed to get from her father. He paying all the bills is not all. Example if he goes to the beach one time with just one time she’s going to remember that one time she’s never going to remember bills and clothes and stuff like. Do the right thing and stop blaming yourself he knows exactly what could happen when he heard sex with. And I’m a man!!!!

  4. Audacity
    December 1, 2020

    @Worried Mom
    Don’t mean to judge but this situation is going to hurt many people who don’t deserve that. Broken trust, broken dreams, even broken home, all because your guy could not respect his vows and you could not respect yourself. Of course, you continue to think of yourself and want to legitimize your situation and your daughter’s. But don’t be fooled. Some children who come from this adulterous situations grow up feeling very sad they caused so much emotional pain to others.

    Before (long, long ago eh) adultery in Dominica was frowned upon but not anymore. The “prominent” men are made to feeI macho now. Their behaviour is accepted…no stigma there for sure. People love them and their actions because they give out donations, favours, jobs, etc. People then make the chile feel good, they make the mother feel sexy and lit, and they make the wife feel guilty for filing for divorce.

    If you’re in Dominica, you need not be afraid … no one will judge you and your beau.

  5. Cream of Wheat
    December 1, 2020

    Stupesssssss. So many children are raised without a father figure and they still excelled. :oops:

  6. Hee haw
    November 30, 2020

    I know a woman who did this. The man not hers but she insists on lieing to him to be sure she had a child. He agreed to have sex with her and she said she took bc pill. He didn’t want a child with the woman and told her. The woman cannot afford the child. The child regularly in the media in a group of children who are “less fortunate”. It’s a selfish move.. the woman just wanted what she wanted.. or it was a business decision, but no thought to the child, the woman was over 40 years old too. And she rushed down to registry and signed the mans name on the paper. She gave the child the fathers name like she was married to the man or something..

    That child was not a mistake. The gf doesn’t want to see the child and be reminded her man cheated. The man is not invested as he feels resentment for being tricked into something he didn’t want. It’s selfish and dotish of the woman.

  7. Bwa-Banday
    November 30, 2020

    Girl hush your mouth tan! You think Bella and her acolytes will come and pay your bills for you after you go and play heavy? You have your daughter and everything plus the comfort visit you get from him in time of need 8) is still regular so just shut up and roll with it. Just tell your daughter her daddy is a government employee under certain life circumstances and he will be in her life differently as soon as the DLP looses office cuz his wife will leave him when the power is gone.

    She already know about the child and just playing dumb. She knows he was checking you, you get big belly, you make child and the child register on your name so come on. She enjoys the limelight now but that too will end soon. So just shut up and relax, the man will soon be yours.

  8. Leveticus
    November 30, 2020

    Another sad situation out of control. If you are blessed with something, it cannot see daylight, cannot see the the moon or the sun, that cannot come cheap. A man should only get active for his wife and the wife likewise

  9. Peace
    November 30, 2020

    Great advice, Bella.
    Worried mom – you can’t undo what has already been done. Plus, if your daughter is 5 then trust me, everybody in town/or your village already know that the two of you have a “love child”. The wife just don’t know as yet. It’s going to come out sooner or later. Action has consequences — deal with it and like Bella said, the talk shall pass.

  10. Peter Smith
    November 30, 2020

    Why you mentioning this now? What you expected to happen you thought the child would never grow up?
    but on the other hand, you made a deal with the devil, you and the man sat down and said what would be, I think it is unfair you try to go back on that “deal” now.
    And let’s say you blow the whistle and tell everybody who he is. You think that he will now start going meetings with you and the child now? Or he will resent you and the child forever?

    • Bwa-Banday
      December 1, 2020

      Could not have said it better…. 8) 8). Recently my friend who is married was telling me how this professional woman (fine and very good looking but can’t keep a man) was begging him to give her a baby and she will care for the baby on her own and never harass him.

      By all means she can afford it but the idiot almost did until I warned him the child will eventually start asking questions and all hell will break loose one day. Happy to say he took my advise even if the woman stopped talking to him and threaten to tell his wife they have been in a relationship even if its not true. Dca women not easy you know!! They always agree to one thing and then want more later

  11. Gregory
    November 30, 2020

    All you too like married man .. you doeno the man married… U there blassing the man sacapot??? U doe even care to use a condom.. what if he had a disease ? All you DA woman doe like to get a single man and work with them.. all you like to go behind man for money and ride .. take what all u get .. all them woman ther want to do is dress up in Roseau.. big day they up and down.. how can a woman be up and down in Roseau whole day and be working??? Some of them still have labour ka travai campaign shirt on them up and down roseau like they doe have cloths so long election pass .. my God..

  12. Actions have consequences
    November 30, 2020

    First of all you knew the man was married and chose to have sex with him and got pregnant. Why were you having unprotected sex with a married man? Secondly, you agreed to register the child on your name and not his. 3. thirdly you are comfortably with the arrangement and the fact that he is taking care of your needs and paying the bills. How do you think it will make the wife feel knowing that her husband has a 5 year old daughter out of their marriage? Put yourself in her shoes. Sometimes we women make selfish decisions and run into things without considering the consequences and when we find ourselves in difficulties we run to Bella for advice. For the child’s sake you should let her know who her father is and i suggest you write a letter of apology to the wife and have the husband speak to his wife about your daughter.

    • observer
      December 1, 2020

      And apologise to the child for being such a selfish woman! And try to amend your ways for goodness sake!

  13. Shem
    November 30, 2020

    Ladies ladies ladies don’t let dem man get in your underwear send them back to their wives or their g/f they are never satisfied always want something new..smh..my lady bella advise you well. Do it now while she is young this too shall pass your daughter is important

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