I am holding a secret that I don’t think I want to be kept in the dark anymore. A few years ago, I made a selfish decision that I now realize will affect the life of my daughter forever.
I got pregnant by a very prominent man in office who has his wife and other children. I told him that I don’t want to abort the baby. We decided that I can keep the child and that he would ensure this baby had everything.
Throughout the pregnancy he was supportive and paid for everything. It hurt that he couldn’t visit the doctor with me once and I had to hide his identity.
Once our child was born, he asked me to register the child on my name to prevent the drama that will be associated with it. In Dominica everybody knows everybody’s business and if I had ever gone to register that child, by the time I walked down the stairs at the registry everybody would know.
So, for over five years now, we were fine. He comes over to see her. He spends time with us. He provides. We have no lack. I have not one bill that he doesn’t pay.
But Bella, as I watch my child growing up, I realize that she is missing out on some important things.
Daddy cannot participate in any public activities. Her father can only spend time with her indoors. When there are parent activities in school, I am the one carrying the load.
And then a few days ago she said “mommy my best friend daddy is a fireman. What is my daddy?”.
She sees her daddy visit her all dressed up in his office attire. He is very careful with information about his other life, lest she says anything to reveal his identity.
The problem I am having now is that I feel my daughter will not be able to have a normal life and as she grows up, she will have questions that I may not be able to answer or if I do, they would affect her forever.
What should I do Bella?
Dear Worried Mom,
Sometimes adults make decisions to cater for their needs and totally neglect the innocent children involved, until these children start growing up and ask questions.
You should speak to her father about it first and foremost. If he has a child then he should be totally and completely involved in his child’s life.
Like you rightfully indicated, this child needs to be given a chance at a normal life. She should not be deprived of that just because her parents got caught up in a bad situation.
If you love your daughter, you should really try to correct that wrong before it’s too late.
Your boyfriend/lover should be man enough to explain to his “other” family that he has a daughter and he would like to be a part of her life.
This is very difficult, as it may cause tension in his marital life, but that is just one of the consequences of the extra-marital affair.
You also have to deal with the fact that you guys could become the talk of the town, but like everything before it, this will pass away in time.
If your focus is now on your daughter’s well-being, you will forget about yourself and do what is right for her sake.
All the best