My wife and I have been married for about one year and we’ve had the discussion time after time after time about her untidiness. When we discuss it, things change for a few days then go right back to the way it was.
There is mess everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I mean a woman is supposed to be tidy. The woman’s clothes are piled on top of her dresser rather than in the drawers, dirty and clean, clothes are always mixed together on the floor. Bella, sometimes I can hardly walk a straight path without stumbling on some bra or used underwear.
We never lived together before we got married. She lived with her mom and I don’t recall seeing the place untidy. Maybe her mother cleaned the house.
Anyway, I think I decided to write this letter after my breaking point on Sunday. I walked into our bathroom and the waste bin was full to the brim and welcoming me were soiled pads. Yuk. A man doesn’t need to see these bloody things even If we know women menstruate.
I mean the pad wrappers and tissue she had used were spilled on the floor.
I have tried and tried to keep things clean, but I feel like no matter how much I clean, she can clutter and mess faster than I can keep up.
I’m not a super neat freak or anything like that, I simply put things away when I’m done with them, wash dishes when I’m done using them, and clean my space when I finish there.
Doing this allows me to not have to spend entire days cleaning things.
Sometimes I get so fed up that I think that the only way to get rid of this problem is to get a divorce. Do you think I’m over-reacting?
Hello Clean Husband,
You generally can’t make anyone change until they are ready to make the change within themselves and while divorcing her may get rid of the mess around you, you’re simply dumping the chaos on someone else.
To be honest, a slobby woman is not becoming. It is clear that your wife needs help.
You married her and I believe it is because of love. So, try helping before dumping her on someone else.
Simply telling her how you feel, for communication is key. Write a list of all the things you want changed and sit together discussing them one by one.
You did not say what work she does or how many hours she spends away from home or even how tired she may be.
And while I don’t expect your home to be spotless all year round, there are always ways to avoid extreme nastiness.
This deserves more discussion. If your finances permit, getting some help to clean up on a weekend may be a good idea
But it seems that your wife is indeed the issue. The bathroom waste bin scene with the bloody pads was enough to conclude that she is indeed untidy and needs help.