DEAR BELLA: My wife’s untidiness has got me thinking of divorce

Dear Bella, 

My wife and I have been married for about one year and we’ve had the discussion time after time after time about her untidiness. When we discuss it, things change for a few days then go right back to the way it was. 

There is mess everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I mean a woman is supposed to be tidy. The woman’s clothes are piled on top of her dresser rather than in the drawers, dirty and clean, clothes are always mixed together on the floor. Bella, sometimes I can hardly walk a straight path without stumbling on some bra or used underwear. 

We never lived together before we got married. She lived with her mom and I don’t recall seeing the place untidy. Maybe her mother cleaned the house. 

Anyway, I think I decided to write this letter after my breaking point on Sunday. I walked into our bathroom and the waste bin was full to the brim and welcoming me were soiled pads. Yuk. A man doesn’t need to see these bloody things even If we know women menstruate. 

I mean the pad wrappers and tissue she had used were spilled on the floor. 

I have tried and tried to keep things clean, but I feel like no matter how much I clean, she can clutter and mess faster than I can keep up. 

I’m not a super neat freak or anything like that, I simply put things away when I’m done with them, wash dishes when I’m done using them, and clean my space when I finish there. 

Doing this allows me to not have to spend entire days cleaning things.

Sometimes I get so fed up that I think that the only way to get rid of this problem is to get a divorce. Do you think I’m over-reacting? 

 

Clean Husband 

 

_______________________________________________________ 

 

Hello Clean Husband,

 

You generally can’t make anyone change until they are ready to make the change within themselves and while divorcing her may get rid of the mess around you, you’re simply dumping the chaos on someone else.

To be honest, a slobby woman is not becoming. It is clear that your wife needs help. 

You married her and I believe it is because of love. So, try helping before dumping her on someone else. 

Simply telling her how you feel, for communication is key. Write a list of all the things you want changed and sit together discussing them one by one. 

You did not say what work she does or how many hours she spends away from home or even how tired she may be. 

And while I don’t expect your home to be spotless all year round, there are always ways to avoid extreme nastiness. 

This deserves more discussion. If your finances permit, getting some help to clean up on a weekend may be a good idea

But it seems that your wife is indeed the issue. The bathroom waste bin scene with the bloody pads was enough to conclude that she is indeed untidy and needs help.

 

Best’ 

Bella

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20 Comments

  1. Mimi
    April 25, 2021

    Please don’t divorce your wife over untidiness. She may have been raised with a mom or grandma who did everything for her. She probably does not even know how much it bothers you. Find a better way to communicate your disgust to her. For one, show her this article and the comments. You may have to include her mom or female family members or church members to teach her. And pray sir, pray. Sometimes these things need spiritual intervention!

    • click here
      April 28, 2021

      Even though it is NOT her fault, the man has a standard, and if the wife CANNOT live up to the standard, he should consider. He isnt doing himself and justice by keeping quiet and tolerating the nastiness that she herself doesnt see. A woman will do what she wants when and if she wants. is not that she not seeing it. She just doesnt care.

  2. Under the radar
    April 24, 2021

    Does she make a mess…. ummmm otherwise? You know… like a good mess? Teehee :-D

  3. Another one
    April 23, 2021

    Bro, time to put your gloves on, grab a cloth and help her. Maybe it’s a struggle for her. You’re her husband.. you promised to support her.

    • click here
      April 28, 2021

      Help her? She that need to help him wi. the man say he always cleaning, and she always dirtying.

  4. wisdom
    April 23, 2021

    A marriage is for all circumstances, she was badly brought up so help her you made a promise before God and man. get counselling everyone has a fault. her untidiness is annoying but is she a bad wife to you. find away to help your wife work on her faults remind her to clean up don’t be harsh correct her lovingly she will be more willing instead of shouting at her like she is a child. with help and guidance she can become the neatest wife ever.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 3
  5. bro A
    April 23, 2021

    my brother spiritual problems can only be overcome spiritual

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0
  6. April 23, 2021

    Isn’t that something. Man I feel you. The saying usually goes. Cleanliness is next to godliness. The woman needs to learn the hard way. Because you as a man doing your best. She have a big problem. All you need to do . When you see dirty clothes all over the place. Put them in a Babbage bag and throw them. Am sure that will help her ask herself questions. Keep on talking to her about it. Keep on cleaning yourself and don’t let her distract you. Like Bella said. When you are able. Bring in a woman to help clean the house. Keep on doing your best my brother. But your wife need to learn the hard way. ALL THE BEST.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 3
    • click here
      April 28, 2021

      Brining in a woman to help clean will only worsen the problem. Is now her foot going up.

  7. Allan
    April 22, 2021

    Dear Bella, I think the gentleman asked about getting rid of the woman not about dumping her on someone else. Your response was very biased and seem to make excuses for this woman’s nastiness. The truth is getting someone to clean your nastiness is not a solution so be honest and live up to dignity and respect, tell the ma to divorce the woman because it will not get better. I am amazed how the answer from you disregarded his numerous communications with her and his genuine attempts to make the marriage work. Maybe Bella, you should tell us what you think about women or men who can’t keep their residence clean. The pad story is enough to ask for a divorce but I guess according to you Bella they should hire someone to help, get real Bella it’s 2021 and we all have equal rights regardless of gender so the hours of work has nothing to do with keeping your home presentable or liveable for someone you love. Lastly I notice you never ask how many hours the man works, very BIAS.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 6
    • click here
      April 28, 2021

      AMEN Allen. they too like to make excuses and have no accountability for their nonsense. When is man, we taking all our maypwi. Ladies should be clean and tidy,. What we have a lot of here in Dominica is just women, they dont qualify to be called ladies.

  8. Mel
    April 22, 2021

    Oh no! This woman is downright nasty. Pardner, I feel your pain

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 3
  9. Man bites dogs
    April 22, 2021

    Man you trying to make some kind of stupid excuse come clean you have something on the side putting pressure on you to leave your wife. In that case when you married your wife you should have known she was not a tidy enough woman for you why now you want to run away because you think the grass is greener on the other side of the wall!!! 🙊

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 7 Thumb down 16
  10. Rudebow
    April 22, 2021

    But that is something else that’s why I believe a man/woman should always spend some time together before getting married because before the marriage is one but when people get comfortable the truth gonna start to reveal itself though matter how nice or hurtful it may be we tend to create impressions at times to get what we want and that’s the problem not all the glitter is gold

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 1
  11. Braindamage
    April 22, 2021

    Well partner, marriage is for:
    Better or worst,
    Sickness or in health,
    Richer or poorer….

    So as Bella said, take a little time out to talk to your Wife….

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 0
  12. Bwa-Banday
    April 22, 2021

    Garson divorce that nasty woman…period! Which clean and self respecting woman will use a pad and leave it laying around? Panties and bras on the floor after use? Yuk, yuk, yuk, I feel like puking! And you still married to that woman? You need your head examined just for still being married to that slob. I am begining to wonder if she even showers at least once a day. An unclean, nasty woman is a total disgrace and failure in the eyes of any decent person. DIVORCE HER DORTY A** pronto! And, before you approach another woman make sure you take a LONGGGGGGGG shower so you don’t pass on any germs etc to the unsuspecting woman.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 12 Thumb down 11
  13. lol
    April 22, 2021

    NYACK!!! get rid of her she to upsetting! take all u time and know women go around them

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 5 Thumb down 6
  14. Nkrumah Kwame
    April 22, 2021

    Bro, if what you say is true, then the problem is YOU! How could you marry someone who is soooo untidy? Not once did you get a glimpse of the untidiness BEFORE marriage??!!
    She must be outstandingly exceptional in other areas that you enjoy!!😹😸🤗🤔
    HOTEP!

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 1
    • Shem
      April 23, 2021

      Yeh nasty he nasty he knew she was like this now he want an excuse to leave smh. But alas woman you need to do better..even if is your man he doh have to see de dirty pad smh come on man you bring de name woman down..being your woman lemme have a talk with her before you divorce her. Right now everything thing is a divorce don’t let satan get hold of you. Once two people agreeing satan don’t like that so he will put simple things in our eyes to see problem so we have to be wise…let love rule let the love of christ rule..I will talk to her for you and pray with her unless is another flex you see…if u want change I can help her.

  15. Skerro
    April 22, 2021

    I agree with you a woman should have her place sparkling is she creeple or sick well as they say for better for worse go in one room leave her in the other see what happen and if it continues I agree divorce her

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 6 Thumb down 3

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