DEAR BELLA: I love two men and I want to keep both

Dear Bella,

I have managed to find myself in a situation and I seem to be stuck.  I am in love with two men. The first one is my Boyfriend of 6 years and the other I’ve known for 2 years. I have never been intimate with the other though I really want too. The other guy is also in an 8 year relationship. Neither of us are married. I am 30 and he is 32. we both love our significant other very much however, we cant seem to stay away from each other. The connection I have with him is explainable. Loving him has not made me love my boy friend any less which is very weird for me. I honestly can’t imagine losing any one of them but if I had  to choose one, I’d always choose my boyfriend. The thing is, I don’t want to choose. I don’t want to lose the other guy at all.

The main reason we haven’t been intimate is because we are both scared of how attached we may become after such an encounter. And of course I don’t want to cheat but I believe I already am because I am in love with him. He tells me and shows me he loves me. We both live with our significant other so we don’t speak to each other at nights, unless we meet up and yes, we do meet up. We literally talk all day, sometimes about nothing but it feels like everything.

Bella, I think he wants us to take a short vacation together soon, and I really want to, but I’m scared. I look at my bf every night and I smile cause I love him soo much but how do I stop this “affair”? How do I stop something that I don’t want to end.

 

Trapped

 

 


Dear Trapped,

The way you end something that you don’t want to end is not a matter anyone can help you with. If you want something you want it. If you want to end it then you end it. It’s simple as that.
What you and this man are doing will eventually hurt the other parties involved and you should end it if that’s not the outcome you want.
After all, you claim that both of you two love the other person. But what kind of love is this? You’re contemplating a trip together. Surely that trip will most likely result in the inevitable.
If you really want to be together, at least have the decency to tell your other partners and end the relationship before it ends in the worst way.
Trapped, you cannot always have your cake and eat it too. You have to decide which relationship you want to be in.
Stop playing games.
Bella

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18 Comments

  1. Fummy
    August 16, 2019

    trust me once he get the cuchie he gone… dont leave what you have for what MIGHT seem good..once he get the cuchie he GONE….

  2. blunt
    July 31, 2019

    i think that this is a very common situation. and i do not like bella’s response. clearly she is not playing games. if she was she would have slept with the other guy already. There are many women , some who r even married and are intimate with other men. some of the comments are very harsh. Trapped i think you should end all communication with the other guy. it would seem hard at first but seeing yall are both in relationships, it shouldnt b that hard to move on with yall lives. and advice for the future… let your partner be your best friend. so that you wont be out here talking to other guys and falling in love. cuddos to u for not sleeping with the guy. many would have already.

  3. UDOHREADYET
    July 25, 2019

    Good advice Bella! This sounds like lust not love. The Padna not respecting your man or his woman by approaching you that way and you’re doing the same. He’s doing it because he knows he can get you and you’re disrespecting your man by making another man think he can have you when he want.

  4. Anonymous
    July 22, 2019

    Tell your current bf to marry you or else.

  5. Sweetie
    July 22, 2019

    This is real life experience. It happens to both the single and married. Many of us would be hypocrites to say otherwise. Many times it just boils down to being mature about these situations, sticking to logic and doing what is right by our partners especially when they are good to us, and this we have to fight mentally to do no matter how overpowering our emotions are, because they do overpower no matter how strong we think we are. As other bloggers have said, at the end of it all, it will just be another relationship with its own set of baggage.

  6. johnson mitcheal
    July 22, 2019

    do you, as long as you can live with it.. life’s short and dude didn’t ask to get married as yet so he can’t be that serious either, he might all have a work wifie or
    another one on the side. go for it and let it happen, the other dude might be the one.. Bella’s an old hypocrite for this one. love and let love.

  7. mine
    July 21, 2019

    you are using both men for your selfish reasons and you call this love, am wondering if you know the meaning of love.

  8. Braindamage
    July 21, 2019

    Wow .. her garage has one space for a car.
    But she expect two cars to park in there…
    In life our eyes can see all the attractions.
    But we need to stick to one lover and partner.

  9. candid
    July 21, 2019

    what do think you carry the black hole of calcutter.the men are fools you don’t love any.

  10. Kermit
    July 20, 2019

    My boyfriend was murdered this year and trust me I dont think I’ll ever be the same again and will never accept he is gone. When you women have good men all you really like to fool around. You know how happy I would be if my man comes back to me. Boy the wrong set of people that does be happy eh jah

  11. lmckoy
    July 20, 2019

    It seems your story has interesting similarities to the story of the ‘Dog and the Bone’; check it out- you may get some great insights.

  12. July 20, 2019

    The side dish always looks more appealing until you taste it and then realize that it is way less than you expected. Sometimes people hold back their true self until you get with them, and realize that it was all Fake. I once saw this huge custard apple at the top of a tree in the mountain, and was so elated to climb up and get it. When I reached the top of the tree and stretched out my hand to pick it, it was just an empty shell. So don’t go chasing waterfalls. What may seem so tasty, but may be tastless. I was in a similar situration where as a married man this lady and I were in love with each other, but we never were intimate. However, I wanted to leave my wife because I felt so attached to the worman; we spoke every day and hangout a lot. However, after years of us having this close friendship, I eventually got divorsed, and for the shock of my life, I found out that the woman that I was so crazy over and she crazy over me, was positive for AIDS/HIV. Check it before you Wreck it.

  13. Bwa-Banday
    July 20, 2019

    I see nothing wrong in having having your meal AND desert as long as you can live with it on your conscience. Seems like you are one of those who love variety :mrgreen: . A lot of people like that but pretend otherwise. You are grown so do your thing and keep your mouth shut. Matter of fact it seems like you already had the desert and looking for Bella’ blessings.

    • Jeff
      July 21, 2019

      Your nastee thats the advice u giving the young woman? To go hoeing herself with 2 different man? I sure u probly have 6 different man.. so all you D.A woman be… coshorny

      • Bwa-Banday
        July 22, 2019

        Jeff relax and don’t get your knickers in a knot Garson. You know darn well if you get a little desert from a fine woman you will not say no so STOP the darn pretense. Most men and women like pretending in public but when the sun goes down and the door closes behind them is hootay-kalpartay, soetay ave martay :mrgreen:

      • Dominican West Indian
        July 22, 2019

        But Jeff, how you know Bwa-Banday is a woman?
        Sounds more like a man who needs a “booster for his rooster ”
        But you right: he/she really gave some really bad advice

      • Bwa-Banday
        July 22, 2019

        “Your nastee thats the advice u giving the young woman?”

        Watch your mouth Mr. Jeff! I am almost certain you would not mind being a desert lover. So shhhhhhhhhh…..hush you mouth. Life is too short to eat fig and veeyoe everyday while dumpling and beff gets wasted on the side. Only fools do that :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

    • Glo-d’boute
      July 22, 2019

      I always look for your posts whoever you are. Your way of thinking is very refreshing 😂😂😂

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