DEAR BELLA: I want to have a child, but without a father

Dear Bella,

I am desperate to have a child. I am an independent woman with a good job and I am hitting forty years. I am single by choice, because I feel men are really a waste of time and I hate them. But I feel jealous when I see women with their children and the more, I think about it, the more I want to have a child.

I have been looking into adoption but sometimes these things have many issues. Like the child may want their real parents after a while and you may adopt a child with issues from their parent’s DNA.

Long and short Bella, I want my own child. I have asked a friend of mine to get me pregnant but he says he would want a part to play in the child’s life so I objected. I asked another guy and he looked at me like I was crazy.

The last friend I had, thought I had an agenda by my request.

Bella, I don’t need the baby father to play any part except to just impregnate me. Honestly, I can raise my child on my own.

So maybe you can give me some advice.

 

Mommy2be


Hello Mommy2be,

Raising a child requires responsibility and even from the way you speak, it doesn’t seem like you understand the concept of being a responsible parent.

Like it or not, children are raised better with two parents involved. One may contest however, that some children, well, many of them raised by single parents, turn out well.

But the whole make-up of life and nature requires both parents.

Now having said that, you seem to be angry at men or a man who may have hurt you. The reason I say this is because of your statement “men are a waste of time and I hate them”.

I agree that some fathers are dead beats and don’t deserve to have children but not every situation is the same.

There are some good responsible fathers who raise their children the best way they can.

I think you should calm down and ensure that you know what you are doing.

Getting a man just to fertilize your egg and give you a child may be one thing but the responsibility and issues that can arise from that can affect, especially, the child.

Think long and hard before you make any impromptu decision about having a baby with a random man. Think of the needs of the child.

 

Bella

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42 Comments

  1. UDOHREADYET
    June 1, 2019

    Wow, you hate men, jealous of women with children and you are selfish (all your words). Doesn’t sound like motherly qualities, what if the child is a boy, will you hate him too, children are not toys, putting food in a child’s mouth cannot replace a good mother and father in their life. the problem with society today is that too many women are raising sons.

  2. May 28, 2019

    Madam link me. I will help you out.

  3. time has told
    May 27, 2019

    Bella tell her to come and see me. We can work out a business transaction. One plastic bag of babies going cheap. OR i can plant the seed myself easily. Young intelligent educated good hair. link up.

  4. Amarossa
    May 27, 2019

    Florida is a good choice for artificial insemination. You could get your pick of a Latino or white for your child to have “nice features”…lol.

    And the rest of you all don’t come for me. I said what I said! Bon!

    • televangelists are false prophets
      May 28, 2019

      So black doesnt have nice features? You sound almost self hating, unless your are either Latino or white, but with a name like Amarossa, im sure you are black. Please correct me if im wrong

  5. time has told
    May 27, 2019

    Bella tell her to check me irie. I have good genes, i’m educated and have common sense, hard working, fairly handsome with soft hair (if thats her liking). I can plant the seed myself or for a small price, willing to provide baggies of babies for a reasonable price. No problem.

  6. May 27, 2019

    Mommy 2be, you claimed that men are a waste and you hate them; so what would you with your child if it turns out to be a boy?

    Would you like to think that your son will grow up with the thought that you hated men?

    Anyway you also said that you are nearing 40, so you don’t have much time left in your life of fertility, for most women of today it stops at 35; but if it happens past that, chances are that your life could be at risk

  7. May 26, 2019

    Hello and good afternoon my people. Bella stop playing with fools mind because you are writing your articles and giving advice on what you post. Anyway base on your article that person is probably a lesbian who want a one night stand to have a child and she still hate men. I say go have your child with another woman. I wouldn’t even want to do her that favor without having any responsibility for my child. As smart and independent as you say you are your blood line is short.

    • Junie
      May 27, 2019

      But u more sort than people think man? How bella writting her own article and answering an you still responding to the person post? Tehbeh move dere. Nuff woman want children but no man

  8. Me
    May 26, 2019

    You can have a child without a father but every child does have a father.

  9. Tobby
    May 26, 2019

    Go in the French neighbouring island and let one of their men get you pregnant and come back home with the child.

  10. May 26, 2019

    contact me I am willing

  11. Baby dady
    May 25, 2019

    Just ha a one night stand wit you fren e aint got to know that u hook up fu e

  12. Delices in US
    May 25, 2019

    Stop being selfish! Yes there are children with no father in their lives but that doesn’t make it ok for you to deprive a child from knowing their father after you chose to have a baby. Come on. Think about the child too not just yourself. Also you said you hate men so why do you want their seed? Have a baby without a man’s sperm.

  13. Forreal
    May 25, 2019

    Wait…how was she birth’t?in her own words her dad was not a waste of time because she’s successful,what a dolt,I pray she stays successful, wow…who does she vote for

  14. Aa
    May 25, 2019

    There are many single single mothers out there and for many IT was not a choice. Many different stories many different experiences.
    My dear ask your Friend again.. he Does not have to live with you, but can be part of the child’s life.
    IT is a big responsibility and i applaud you for wanting to take that step.

    • dee
      May 25, 2019

      Mommy not to be .
      if you hate men so , you should be quite successful at impregnating yourself . good luck . make a record .
      a miracle happen once , it dow happening again.

  15. Nice babies...
    May 25, 2019

    How to find you discreetly?

  16. Sindy
    May 25, 2019

    Take a woman husband and make a Child with him. I from savanne paille my husband into construction a next woman just up the road with my husband he even help her buy car.

  17. Padna
    May 25, 2019

    Lets give it a shot :)

  18. B
    May 25, 2019

    U have a guts to publicize your possession. U think your mother was raised without a father that she may provide for you. N for you to hate all men even your Father, means that you are dislodged from the order of natural life and termed a freak of nature. Hating is like drinking poison and expecting all men to die. A child raised without a Father, especially a girl, will be raised missing something, n when she meets a man she will hardly respond to him. A misfit. U should be nutured.

  19. Momma
    May 24, 2019

    Bella is a whole waste of time!
    Mommy2be, I’m sure you’ve thought this through just based on your letter. Children are alot of responsibility but they are truly a blessing. Look into artificial insemination. I wish you all the best!

  20. DAPossieMassie
    May 24, 2019

    I seriously believe you should not have a child in your life. If this is how you intend to socialize a child, it is best you stay as you are, because you will definitely scar that child. Something may have happened that you need to address, because you will be angry and scared all your life.

    There seems to be lots of issues in your life that you need to address before taking on such a humongous responsibility. Your mentality seems to be similar to the taking over the world by the politically correct movements that seeks to emasculate men.

    During the institution of slavery, this is how African WOMEN were used to bred slaves. Whether we are from the Caribbean or North America, the outcome is the same: Take fathers out of the picture, and the child is more than likely finished. But you hardly see white women behave like this, not to say they do not, because their ancestors did not cross the middle passage to get to the Western Hemisphere as we were dragged.

  21. Gouvelma
    May 24, 2019

    DNO can give you my contact info and i would gladly do the job for you. I do want another child however papers must first be drawn up. You only want the child and not me nor giving me any responsibility. So check DNO and you get my contact info and reach me. When i am finished doing my job i wipe my mouth like a fowl and turn my back. We try until i get you pregnant. Once you are pregnant we forget that we have ever known each other. The child will be your responsibility. I will only habe a say if you pass on before me. Otherwise you are free to decide his/her life once you give him/her the best possible life

    • dee
      May 25, 2019

      Gouvelma ,
      you are no different from her .
      you are like a male chien , just give and make yourself scarce .

    • Braindamage
      May 25, 2019

      Government, don’t behave as the Skerrit Government which has no future for it’s child Dominica..

  22. Da Fails
    May 24, 2019

    We need more strong women like this, I so wish I could just knock up women with beautiful children and go about my business, they always get clingy

  23. Playing with a Full Deck
    May 24, 2019

    I just want to make sure I am hearing you correctly. You want to have a child without a father because you hate men.

    Sounds like you done lost your doggone mind and are a few fries short of a happy meal. How in the Sam Hill you hate men and still want to have a child who has 50 percent chance of being male? Are you planning to give the child away if it turns out to be a boy?

    I must remind you that the Most High who created us all is not a respecter of person, male nor female. Though you may have crossed paths with some despicable men in your lifetime, there are scoundrels among both sexes.

  24. I do Mind
    May 24, 2019

    Hi sweetie? How much are you willing to spend?

  25. lmckoy
    May 24, 2019

    Lady, why are you so bitter? It’s unlikely that you were born with such hatred, so you need to understand what caused you to develop such attitude and deal with it, before it destroys you. What if you find someone to impregnate you and you have a boy – are you going to hate him also, as he grows into being a man? It’s not easy to find good mates, male or female and you are likely to find out that the men you would like to have are already taken or do not want you. You have some growing up to do and you better do so quickly because before you know it, fifty will be upon you and if you think it’s bad at forty —-!

  26. YoungMom
    May 24, 2019

    Children are the greatest gifts, a personification of the purest form of love and a light in every life. They’re not a commodity to be desired because others have them because they are individuals deserving of love, sacrifice and time. Take time and consider the following:

    1. Consider your motives for having a child and how your life would change with a child

    2. Do you have a strong support system? It is a necessity! Children are taxing financially, emotionally, mentally and physically.

    3. Give adoption a 2nd thought.  I know adoptees who have never found the need to seek out their biological parents. Also consider adopting a baby instead of a young child. Contact Welfare Division or Chances for more info.

    4. It’s 2019, there are fertility clinics in the region which offer services including sperm donors and artificial insemination. However, be ready to cough up us$10,000 minimum for this route.

    All the best

  27. Mother
    May 24, 2019

    Think about the child first before you think about yourself and what you want. A child is not a toy or a posession but your responsibility for life and at some time that child will ask you who is iis father. What will your answer be.

  28. Bwa-Banday
    May 24, 2019

    You are crazy for real! It’s people like you who really don’t need to have kids. First it takes more than just buying stuff to raise a child. Secondly, every child needs at least two parents. You sound like a selfish , selfish woman with a head bigger than your body. Men need to run away from you as far as they can. Go to Gwada or Antigua and get your groove on so you can get pregnant then run away. Oh how the world has changed. You sound as if you like women but just need a baby just for show and tell.

  29. %
    May 24, 2019

    You should have left your cell number…You would have got several calls..Then you would choose..
    I would have called too …

  30. Unsolicited advice
    May 24, 2019

    Have you considered artificial insemination? Not sure if we have that kind of medical advancement in Dominica but it’s worth looking into. Let people live their lives. I know lots of moms who are married and they wish they were single moms 🤷🏾‍♀️ just make sure it certainly what you want cause a baby is a whole different vibe than buying a outfit and then you regret your decision. Good luck girl.

  31. Theresa
    May 24, 2019

    It can be done love. Though the ideal would be a child with two parents, there are many single parents who have raised extra ordinary children. So can you. Don’t worry with bella. Ideal isn’t always what society accepts. Do your thing. Just be careful of the man you choose to be the donor because the child will have his DNA. Good luck to you.

  32. Teddy
    May 24, 2019

    Hello Mummy to be.

    Look me up on Facebook and when you are ready just message me. I am always open for a good and worthy cause.

    • viewsexpressed
      May 25, 2019

      Damn well disgusting. This is not a toy game for two irresponsible people to play. A child is not a toy AND PARENTS ARE NOT robots.. There is love, Emotions, cuddling, identity, awareness etc to have a child and raise that child according to the laws of birth, cuddling, breast feeding, warmth, the critical formative years of life etc..etc. Remember that a baby is only a baby for a short while and this is serious. A child needs to grow up thru formative years knowing both parents that play a significant role in the child’s stages of development, example, Birth to 3years, 3 years to 5years, 5years to 10years etc. Go talk to a counsellor, a social worker, as a matter of fact ask someone for Francis Joseph, this Child Protection Advocate, Social Worker, Child rights Advocate. Consider what Bella says, talk to your parents, your trusted local friends, those who will not only say to you: “Go for it,, its your womb, you are the one giving birth”. That’s dangerous talk and advice. Bless…

  33. Aye
    May 24, 2019

    check me na, i staying goodwill
    615-take the drive

  34. Frank N Stein
    May 24, 2019

    Girl you dont have to ask. Have sex with one of your choice that you know well enough, dont tell him you are pregnant for him. When he see you pregnant he will run away and not ask any questions, when he see you not asking him nothing he will be happy. If you tell them thats what you want its a problem, if they dont know trust me they wont try to find out, not in DA.
    What a thing eh, so many women have dead beat baby daddies this one actually want a deadbeat. I blame MEN.

  35. Trust
    May 24, 2019

    lady you have good head? :-D

  36. Magway ca
    May 24, 2019

    I’m up I’m ready when she is

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