DEAR BELLA: I’m stuck in the middle, afraid to choose between two lovers

Dear BellaGreetings Bella,

 

I am an experienced, educated, and energetic young lady. However, I think I really need help; I prayed, cried, had sleepless nights, sought counseling, spoke with 2 very close friends but it’s like things only get worse to an extent.

First, I am in a relationship with a guy that I really love and Bella, I know he really loves me because he stands by me through thick and thin. But sadly Bella, I am not happy most times with him mainly because he doesn’t communicate with me about us and he always wants things his way.

Bella, before I would put my neck down for him but now, I don’t know If I’ll do the same until the situation comes.

I work in an office, and found comfort, felt love and happiness in a coworker, things were well until he was confronted by one of his family making serious accusations on me which left him emotionally broken. Months after, he still talks about it and [is] now having issues that I have another lover.

I am stuck in the middle because I’ve been with Lover 1 for years and lover 2 for 1 year.

I am afraid to choose because either way, one of them is gonna be really hurt. I often feel like leaving both to avoid feeling that I love one more than the other.  I feel guilt bubbling inside me. And if I am to be honest, I wish I could remain with both and express myself comfortably.

For at least 6months, I’ve wanted to write to you, and finally took courage because I don’t know how much again I can handle.

Hope to get some great advice and feedback.

 

Stucked Somewhere Along

 

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Hello Stucked Somewhere Along,

 

There’s an old adage that you cannot have your cake and eat it too.

Wanna hear a secret? Well, it won’t be a secret since thousands read my column, but I was in love with two people once. And it didn’t end well. I ended up losing both and being very miserable afterwards.

Wow! That took some courage to spill. But let’s get back to your dilemma now.

So, you are in love with both men. You fell in love with one of them after feeling neglected by the other.

While I understand that lack of love can drive you straight into the arms of another man, you have to, at some point, be honest with both parties and if you are allowed to choose, then you would have to pick the one you love the most.

Not to discourage you, but you have to prepare to lose both because men cannot handle cheating well.

There’s no breaking up without some kind of hurt and pain, especially when love is the molding agent. But it makes no sense stringing both men along and losing sleep when you could be resting easily.

Honesty is important. This has obviously gone on for far too long. You need to address it without further delay.

Be brave. Be bold. Talk to your lovers. Let them know what the issue has been. Yes, it’s easier said than done but if you want to move on with your life, you have to bite the bullet and tell the truth.

Hey, sometimes in life, the hardest thing and the right thing are often the same thing.

Best of luck.

 

Bella

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18 Comments

  1. Judge not
    February 28, 2022

    Alot of us on here judging have been in the same situation trust me. Nothing wrong in loving 2 men. You obviously holding on for different reasons. If u leave one for the other u always going to be miserable trust me. Eaxh one has qualities the other doesn’t. You may feel guilty because u think u are alone. You are wrong. Make yourself happy. The main man wont even notice if hes so self centered believe me. If you want to make a choice then just prepare to be miserable for the rest of your life. Men do the same to us. Dont torture yourself, it’s the norm.

  2. Danziger
    February 27, 2022

    Stand up strong lady. These days are evil watch your steps and veye you’re neck.

  3. FOREVER IN LOVE
    February 27, 2022

    There’s no need to be stuck; say goodbye to the both of them, free yourself.

  4. budman
    February 25, 2022

    Keep both. you don’t have a problem.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 1
  5. Zandoli
    February 25, 2022

    Just tell both and the one who stays with you will be the one going forward. If both decide to stay, keep seeing both and your life will be easier. Who said you have to choose? That is the traditional way of living your life. Obviously, monogamy is not your thing, so do what makes you happy. You owe it to your lovers to be honest, so be honest and tell them. It does not mean you have to dump one of them.
    If they are comfortable with the arrangement, then you get to enjoy both for what each brings to the table.

  6. February 25, 2022

    Hmmmm interesting. Well bella hit it head on. It’s tuff but it worth it. Free yourself from all of this. Like she said. Choose the one you love the most. Be honest. Tell it as it is. But first, you have to make that decision , what you want to do. Life is too short .

  7. February 25, 2022

    Love, love, love, what a devilish misunderstanding we, human beings have about this 4-letter word. But is it just a 4-letter word? The answer is NO!

    Love is much greater than what we think it is– which is “human affection”, the emotion of the mind and heart which can be very short-lived.

    “Stucked Somewhere Along” what you are suffering from is that sad case of “human affection”, Love has nothing to do with it!

    Notice that I write the Love with a capital “L” the same way I write “Life”. Why? Because they both belong to Almighty God, Eternal Spirit, the Lord of Heaven and Earth in His Christ Jesus.

    It is in Him that Love belongs–His Likeness, which meant to be yours from the start. And by His Grace of Mercy and Compassion, you can receive that blessing through your sincere Faith–your Love and your Life through His Christ Jesus.

    That Grace will make you one of many Lovers that Jesus has–the Grace that causes not heartache in you.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 1
    • Bwa-Banday
      February 25, 2022

      Lizibet…Oh please lady.

      You know, I see you always stuck on religion but I dare you, being such a religious fanatic say here openly that you, YES YOU never had a side piece 8) 8) . Careful how you answer because the same god along with Giraudel / Eggleston folks on here watching too. 8) 8) . And please don’t answer by telling me; “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of god”.

      Now, not that we want to know your business but the nerve of you always jumping on the religion band wagon. Lady, what works for you today may not work for others. You think it easy when a woman cannot c*m and the man she’s with cannot make it happen with his rod of moses? Obviously she can handle on her own but some folks just prefer the real deal :mrgreen: :mrgreen: . Life is too short and we too small minded in Dca if you ask me.

  8. Sweetness
    February 24, 2022

    The side life is the best life, zero stress life :mrgreen:

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 5 Thumb down 3
  9. Rj
    February 24, 2022

    Sweetie keep the both live life your not married . These men makes you complete and your happy just try not to get pregnant that all .

  10. Blue Dahlia
    February 24, 2022

    Love the advice Bella. Life’s too short.

  11. Lin clown
    February 24, 2022

    How can a man love you if he doesn’t communicate with you and always want things his way?What kind of love is that if the man is always right?Just like Francisco-DOG,the lady is confused.You know he love you,and you can never have neither a right was nor a wrong way.I agree with Man Dog hold both.

  12. Bwa-Banday
    February 24, 2022

    Lucky for you Mrs. Sweet Cocoa lady! I am sure it feels good to be wooded by two men at your convenience. Some women don’t even have one. 8)

    Look, number two is the Johnny come lately and he knows you had #1 all along. Your challenge is to get #1 to accept #2 as his helper on an as needed basis and of course complimented by a hot threesome every now and them. I see no wrong with that because you already selling cocoa to both of them. If number one refuses, then let him know the reasons why you selling/ giving cocoa to #2 and kick him out.

    Men have done it for years so why cant you. As long as they both want that cocoa keep selling/ giving it like a BOSS. I commend you for being so brave to lay it out here because believe me, at least 90% of Dcan women today have two men buying cocoa secretly because we know the country very hard. There will always be a #2 but he has to know his damn place. I am sure he also has a another cocoa buying but you just don’t know.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 6 Thumb down 3
  13. Serious
    February 24, 2022

    My advice is you a ho

    Find God

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 10 Thumb down 13
    • Bwa-Banday
      February 24, 2022

      Come on! If you are a woman and living in Dca I am 90% sure you are in the same boat. The thing with Dca women they love calling women at home ho when they believe they have two men but deep down they know they have a man in the diaspora. Yes he may only come down once in a while but its still the same thing.

      Funny, I know a parchay women in Dca that have diaspora man even if they married. Matter of fact those that married worse because they know how to hide that like tower. You can know when their man around because they lively and bouncy :mrgreen: :mrgreen: .

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 3
    • Rj
      February 24, 2022

      Because she has two men find god stupess that. We have 10 commandments none never say you can’t have two men

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 7
  14. Amarossa
    February 24, 2022

    Choose the 2nd one. If you really loved the 1st one you would not entertain the 2nd one.

    You have to break eggs to make omelet.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 5
  15. Man bite dogs
    February 24, 2022

    Wow this is great stuck between two lovers? My advice is keep them both enjoy yourself one at the back one at the front your personal life is your business no one else’s

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 8

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