DEAR BELLA: I’ve been abandoned and I feel stuck

Dear Bella

Dear Bella,

I am 18 years old, at 14 I moved with my mother when she separated with my dad to her native community along with my other siblings.

From the instance we got there everything changed,she no longer cooked,wash or cared for us.

The following year I was enrolled in school and the bus conductor reached out to me claiming she was my aunty and she wanted me to come home with her to meet the rest of my family which I did along with my elder sister the same day without my mother’s consent.

I did so out of curiosity because the man who raised me told me previously that there was rumor that my biological father might be from my mother’s village,when I told my mother she was furious,I was hurt and I stopped talking to my step father for a while.

I met the family and I looked like them alot! This man never took care of me for 14 years in my life but the family kept asking me to come by so I did.

During that time my mother was working but wasn’t really providing,she would always say she doesn’t have but I would always see she does.

On a daily basis my sister and I would go to school without breakfast or snack same as well as my little brothers. At 16 I started to prostitute myself for money where I worked in a bar to care for my siblings cause by then my mother barely came to the village since she worked in town.

I was in 4th form then and got pregnant,I had my child and went back to school,during my first term in 5th form our house was destroyed by a hurricane and neither of my parents came to look for me,only my step father who asked me to come home if I needed to but I wanted to go back to school,so I stayed with the family of my son’s dad.

When I realize going back to school wasn’t going to happen I went back to town and started to work.Up to this day all my siblings and I live with my step dad who has not been able to work and take care of my younger brother like he should,my mother still don’t provide for them.

I have enrolled in school and have been having a difficult time with some of the fees so I reached out to my biological father yesterday asking him to assist and he told me he can’t help me so I questioned what he did all his life since he never took care of me and I always had to get stuff for myself on my own,I didn’t ask to be here and the most he could do was look for me after the hurricane to see I went back to school.He then told me it’s my fault for ‘playing big woman’. At this point I feel stuck,what should i do?

Stuck

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Hello Stuck

You have been through so much at such a tender age and based on all what you’ve said, I can tell you were built strong. About your father, you really cannot force him to do what he doesn’t want to do.

If a child has to force her father to lend her a hand then it tells an entirely different story about that man himself. And if he failed to care for you when you were a small helpless child, surely, he may not especially now that you are an adult.

There are laws in place to deal with situations where parents abandon their young children. I am speaking about your mother not coming to look for her younger children.

There are also provisions in the system to assist children who lack basic needs. Reach out to the Welfare Department. Food and clothing are sometimes distributed to children in situations like yours.

And as it pertains to you, speak to the education officials at the school you are attending. Let them know your situation. Tell them your story. I am sure there must be someone who can waive the school fees for you or assist you to remain in school.

Dropping out may not be such a good idea although it seems practical. With a good education you can find a better job and will be better able to take care of your siblings who I realize you love a lot.

Don’t give up. No condition is permanent. Tell yourself that you can come out a better person after all this.

Bella

 

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7 Comments

  1. Roseau Central
    October 21, 2019

    Bella isnt there an association where that child can seek help. This is the people the red clinic should be serving but from the welfare department. This child needs help immediately before more advantage is taken of her. GetMs Tina Alexander to assist, she would know the right course of action. Anybody here please find a way to help this child. This is the horror you are afraid of if you die and leave young children. no living mother should have children going through this, so heartbreaking. You are very strong, keep the faith, help will come your way.

  2. Kalinago
    October 21, 2019

    As a mother myself, I think your mother should have been there to support you and her other children, and it looks like you have gone through a lot. However, just have patience and in everything put God first no matter what the situation may be. Get your education and do not give up no matter what.

  3. look it
    October 21, 2019

    Read the story from a person who supposedly born with five scenes.You have broken all records in living. When we create a mess ,we throw it away. I concur will deal with this one. Too much for me.

  4. jamie
    October 21, 2019

    Your story tells it all most west indian parents treat there kids abusively and with no love just how they grew up,and some who do has a favorite,it is so sad in this day and age kids still go through these horrible situations,i had a father around growing up,but had to beg for what i want.I decided to work @ a young age and showed him i did not need anyting from him,to this day if i need will not ask him.And the mothers also support these terrible men.Continue working hard God will provide to you and your siblings.Your mother will realize her mistake one day.

  5. Da Girl
    October 21, 2019

    Oh wow. I am so sorry to hear of your situation and really wish I could help. But Bella is right. Dropping out of school is not a good idea – education is the way out of poverty. Speak to the Ministry or to the school itself to see how they can assist in that regard. Re your situation with food, shelter etc. speak to the welfare department to see how they can assist. Maybe you can even approach a private company to ask for assistance. But whatever you do, please don’t give up, for your sake, that of your child and your younger siblings. God Bless you.

  6. Life
    October 21, 2019

    The more I read the more I cry just keep praying young women. I just wish I knew you! I would help.

    • God is good
      October 22, 2019

      I believe I know her :cry: I really wish she would get help

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