DEAR BELLA: I’ve given my husband my youth, my life; now, I’m losing him

Bella,

I have a serious situation. I’m beginning to think nobody more wicked than men.

I have three children with my husband. Bella since I’m in high school I know the man. Gave him my innocence.

My youth. My entire life. He is a bit older than me but our love was strong. Eventually we got married.

Now after I spent all my years with him. As if I no longer his type. As if I old. Sometimes after taking care of children you get and feel old.

Maybe I need to dress up more or fix my hair often and do my nails. Maybe draw my eyebrows and whatever.

But any way I look today is because of taking care of him and the children.

Now he has a young woman involved with and I am jealous. I am very jealous actually. Simply because she looks better than me.

Dresses better than me and my husband gives her more attention than me.

What should I do Bella? I don’t want to lose my husband over another woman but the way I see it, it’s already heading down the drain.

He hardly takes me out but he’s always out. I think he’s more into her than me.

What do you think I should do?

Unpretty

 


 

Hello unpretty,

It is quite the norm these days for housewives to get comfortable and look a little tired but you should never forget to take care of yourself.

I am sure when you met your husband and up all were getting to know each other you wore your best Sunday dress.

Some people may say well if a man loves you then appearance shouldnt matter. Those who says that may be correct but it is probably not about love but really the spark and excitement that once exists.

Unpretty, get your groove back. Be innovative. Keep your marriage alive. Fix yourself up if you feel undone. Get a new hairstyle, a new outfit. Plan a romantic evening with your husband.

Let him see that you are still the woman he married and once loved to be out with.

Maybe you can use the time to politely talk about your feelings to him. If you address the matter in a contentious way then it can be a turn off.

Sometimes little changes go a long way in fixing what we consider huge problems.

Best Bella

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11 Comments

  1. Bwa-Banday
    September 17, 2019

    Mrs. Unpretty I think you have acknowledged some the issues that may have lead your hussy to look elsewhere. However, you did not GIVE him your youth. You all shared life together with age being a nonreactor then so stop that pity cry.

    If he is running after a young doe it tells me that he is able to pipe the well to some extent so there have to be something you are doing that is no longer appealing. It seems like you only start missing the water because you realize the well is running dry. Go and do what you have to do and stop complaining. They say three is a crowd but in this case it may just have to stay as an acknowledged blessing. Sharing can be a very caring and long lasting thing for all three of you. Get with the program and all will be well.

  2. Unmarried Man
    September 17, 2019

    Move her into the house, make sure she does most of the work in the house. All three of you should sleep in the same bed.

  3. DA Nation
    September 17, 2019

    I notice a lot of older women did/do this. Its not wise to give somebody your youth, they bound to steal it away.

    • Was in love once
      September 18, 2019

      Correct me if i am wrong, but you are basically saying, while you are ‘young and sprung’ don’t fall in love so much where you only want only one person at a time, have your heart and affection?

  4. Did I Say That?
    September 16, 2019

    Bella, are you kidding me??? This is not just considered a huge problem, it is a HUGE show stopping problem!!!

    A spouse stepping out is a May Day and crossroad moment in any marriage. Reconciliation will require deep soul searching, accountability, honesty and perseverance by both parties; however, the clear culprit here is the husband who broke his marital contract by chasing some young tail.

    There are legal options like divorce and separation which are available to those who no longer want to run the marital race.

    Marriage can be hard work and is not a cake walk by any means. I can personally attest that internal and external storms will eventually come in every union.

    One thing is certain, mending a broken marriage will require more than make-up, the latest fashion, a toupee or a time machine.

  5. September 16, 2019

    Good advice Bella. Both men and women have to be conscious of their appearance. It is not about so called good looking; instead, it is about looking good. Exercise, watch your diet; learn to just say No to food and drinks sometimes. Get that BeyoncĂ© look back, and he will come running back; especially when he sees other fellas chasing you down. Don’t just do these things, and when he redirects his attention back to you, you go back in the old routine; keep the fire burning. All the best.

  6. Zandoli
    September 16, 2019

    Bella, so the husband has no part in mending his relationship. The way you framed your response, it seems the woman is the cause of the problem and only she can fix it.
    As a man, if he has his eyes set on younger women, the wife would have to be a miracle worker to have him start paying attention to her. If he is truly committed to his family, he will put as much effort into making the relationship work.

    • Frank N Stein
      September 17, 2019

      Oh its easy to get him back, just pretend to have a younger man, you will see a right about turn.Men just cant take competition, I would know.

      • DA Girl
        September 18, 2019

        LOLLL!! You have me cracking up but this is so true!

  7. SMH
    September 16, 2019

    girl to hell with mate! you never miss the water till the well runs dry man to not good.they want to always have their cake and eat it too. after you speak to him and nothing changes divorce him and let him pay you for time wasted and move along. men never cease to maze me with their selfish ways. that’s why these days women act worst than them! :-x

    • DA Girl
      September 18, 2019

      And then they label the women as whores.

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