DEAR BELLA: My husband treats me with disrespect because of another woman; please help

Dear Bella,

 

I am having a problem. I have been married for over 13 years and I am having a problem with my husband.

I went on a program and I spent a year and a half and when I came back home, only to find out he’s with a woman not too far from where we are living.

Her mom died and he’s the one bringing her and the family everywhere and when I talk to him about it, he said the woman was a friend and he’s doing it for her.

Bella, every night he’s out he’s working in the country and he brings her with him and when he’s around her he tells me anything. That is disrespectful.

Each time we talk about starting over, he agrees and then goes right back to it.

When I talk to him, he told me that he’s doing what makes him happy so I must do what makes me happy.

I am tired of the disrespectful things that he told me and plus brings her in the car that we both bought together.

When I told him, he said he can bring anybody that he wants in it.

 

Please help thank you

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

Dear Please Help,

 

Clearly, the man you are married to is on his own mission and that doesn’t include you anymore. At least not right now.

I know how hard it is for you; well, I have an idea because reading this letter was very painful and disturbing to me.

I don’t know what led to this disrespect and resentment towards you by your husband.

People say absence makes the heart [grow] fonder and I’ve heard people say it also makes the heart go a wander too.

You claimed this started happening after you left for a year and a half when you traveled to do a program.

Your husband perhaps got close to your neighbor during that period and this is in no way justifying his brazen behavior and lack of love towards you.

I don’t know if it’s even healthy to remain in a relationship or marriage under these stressful circumstances.

Old folks say when people get married, it’s for better or worse. And this could be your worst so staying in it is mandatory. I don’t agree.

Your husband should not be allowed to treat you like this while you remain a loyal wife.

You asked for my help. I’m telling you to leave him alone. You may even want to ask him to leave the house until he is ready to be a man and reconcile.

If he won’t listen to you, I’m almost certain he won’t listen to the elders or even his family

A grown man already knows what he wants. In your husband’s case, he wants to have a wife and an ‘outside woman’.

Don’t allow your husband to continue to disrespect you like that. Walking away from a bad situation is not a sin. Maybe he will wake up one day, or maybe not. Whichever way, YOUR life and sanity are important.

Obviously, if you leave your life in his hands, you won’t survive it.

Take your life back and walk away from this man until he decides to change his wickedness

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17 Comments

  1. Bella writing
    July 1, 2022

    I do not believe anyone wrote to this article but the Bella character did it. How can a man be bringing a woman everywhere and the wife knows and not even seem to be saying much. The choice of words dont even seem like the wife is concerned enough.

  2. Maintaining
    June 30, 2022

    Marriage can be a war of attrition and a marathon of survival, even for the deeply committed and well intentioned.

    Many enter into this union without a true understanding of what a marital contract entails. Some say “I do” believing they are about to embark on a fantastic Disney like journey where everyday is filled with frolicking and fun.

    The truth is marriage is work for all and harder work for some. Failure to read, understand and live by the rules of marital conduct is a recipe for disaster. I can personally attest that infidelity is the biggest threat to marriage stability no matter the circumstance.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0
  3. Cee
    June 30, 2022

    Time to get a divorce! Dominican women tolerate too much disrespect from these men. They openly cheat like it’s normal. Know your worth!

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 4
    • lmckoy
      July 2, 2022

      But who are these cheating men cheating with?! Women are involved on both sides of the equation, unless the men are cheating with other men.

  4. Bwa-Banday
    June 30, 2022

    “When I talk to him, he told me that he’s doing what makes him happy so I must do what makes me happy”…… STUPPPPEEESSSSSSS :twisted:

    So what happen you eyes block man? You can’t hear from your eyes? :twisted: :twisted: . Per your quote above he just told you to put up, shut up, or leave. He is not going to leave that bag of SUGGA he got access to in your absence just because you back home. By the way, you seem to have totally forgotten to tell us what happened when you were out there studying 8) 8) . Dcans like our parrot and talk a lot, even those in foreign who know those you left back home will send message via whatsapp on your behaviour. Now, that doh mean they not doing it too eh, but they like to mind yours while theirs pooweeing :mrgreen: .

    Anyway, see if you all can agree on a truce and share the darn man until one decides to leave peacefully. While three is a crowd, nothing wrong with a crowd when toute-beff-connet-pitchet-yoe! Threesome anyone? 8) 8)

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 9
  5. Simone
    June 30, 2022

    He already told you how he feels when he told you to do what makes you happy because he is doing what makes him happy. Men know what they want and don’t want and I am sorry to say your husband has strayed.

  6. Boop
    June 29, 2022

    Walk away girl and love yourself..live and let live..do something new. You deserve better..usually mens d%pick can’t remain still. You were out so he had to find someone to work it for him..and her goes…dont for e a man to love you. He does not love you..its plain to see. Take bella advice walk away. Love yourself…stopes. some men are a waste of time. There di**co cant stay in their pants while u remain loyal. I hope.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 1
    • Bwa-Banday
      June 30, 2022

      What kind of advise is that? You actually sound like a scorned woman!

      You see, most ladies always give half the story in their attempt to gain pity. I myself not in that nonsense :twisted: . That sheet about “you deserve better” is pure BS because you have no clue who is the complainant. The man actually told her to make herself happy which means “deal with it or leave” in grown people language. What part of that she don’t understand. This is a changed and changing world thanks to social media etc. That manmade institution called marriage to a single partner is less important to many today. Only some so called Christians argue for its philosophy when it suits them. Muslims do just fine with 7 wives :mrgreen:

      So STOP that madness and see how that relationship can work around the baggage. It may turn out to be the best thing for you because after all you are no saint in this whole debacle. I say again; “Threesome anyone?”. Jocking only give partial satisfaction 8)

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 2 Thumb down 9
  7. Waiting For Airport
    June 29, 2022

    You leave ur husband for a year n a half, what you expect??? He will stay there n jock for a year and a half?

    Whatever project you went and do was more important than your husband, so marry the project and leave the man live his life!

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 5 Thumb down 24
    • Ken
      June 30, 2022

      This response is so backward thinking. What every program you went on or enrolled in for a year and a half I assume was to better yourself and by extension your husband. Your husband appears to be an insecure man, only insecure men cheat. Men never cheat because of something you do, cheating is a reflection of who your husband is and who he was even before marriage. Distance doesn’t cause cheating, furthering your education as a women doesn’t cause cheating. My advise to you would be to request couples counseling and if he refuse then file for divorce, my lady take the house, the care and everything you can get your hand legally. Leave him with his side women for karma will take care of his infidelity when the time is right.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 1
      • Waiting For Airport
        July 3, 2022

        What you label as ‘progressive thinking’ is simply the destruction of the family unit, evidence above.

        The most important thing in this world is family/procreation – without which none of us would exist. The problem is that we have been indoctrinated to believe that education is more important. Statistics show that most educated women are single and increasingly childless. Education has not proven itself to improve family life, quite the opposite as we see above.

        We can no longer have sympathy for this destructive mindset. Most educated people are saddled with excessive student debt and no job to reflect their so called education (check the statistics). Yet still generation after generation still follows the same format – study hard, get a good job – but 90% never get the good job while worldwide the black family infrastructure has been destroyed as a consequence.

        So… I reiterate… MARRY THE PROGRAM!!!

  8. John
    June 29, 2022

    (Please help me), if you truly want your marriage, your husband and family, go down on your knees and pray. Fast as well and put your marriage in the hands of the Most High. It is painful but prayer will give you inner peace. Allow the Most High to deal with your husband. Also, pray for the woman that he is fixated on to find a man of her own, so that she may leave your husband alone. Too many families are broken up because we wives want a quick fix. Let your husband see Christ in you and do not allow him to lose your righteousness. Fight for him on your knees. Fight for your marriage and family on your knees. Shame on these Jezebel women who care nothing for families. Keep the faith sister. God wants marriages not separation or divorce. Go to scripture for edification. Blessings.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 3
    • Watching
      June 30, 2022

      According to the bible she has all grounds for divorcie. So u go read your bible again. Stupes. You just like him. Allu men especially Christian men like to say de bible say no divorcie becuz allu cheating on allu wives and expect them to stay in sh… Lady run from this man eh you can’t force him to love you. You have all the right to divorcie him stupes.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0
      • Watching
        June 30, 2022

        I waiting to see if allu will pack my post like other times dno mind me

  9. Marsho
    June 29, 2022

    It is always a difficult reality when there is an invasion into a sacred union , that threatens to end it. This could be as a result of the husband’s emotions and intimate desires not being harnessed and control the right way. If and when this is so, the trust factor and the commitment could be easily compromised . I am not saying this is the case here. Neither am I supporting his actions. This is a failed test of charcter , even though the wife was away for over a year. He would probably be a dangerous man , had it been the other way around. However , despite how truthful it is , the purpose of this message is to find a solution. First , there is need for counseling separate from each other , and then after a few sessions , husband and wife together. It must be noted though , that you , the wife can’t change him. Only God can . Take a different, more humble posture , and allow time to work the healing , and reconciliation process , that counseling provided.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0
  10. JustSaying
    June 29, 2022

    Hi my lady, do not ever allow someone this level of power over you, everything you have spoken about are big red flags, married or not, that is a BIG NO NO, leave him like last year, that is how fast you should take control of your life, you do not need him, you will hurt but you will get over it. Remember the rains falls out but the sun also comes out blazing, and most importantly pray.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 2

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