DEAR BELLA: My partner of 7 years is great but I need a husband

I have been dating a guy from the countryside for 7 years now. When I met him, I had just ended a really bad relationship and left with a child to take care of alone. He honestly helped me to move on. At first, he kept saying he doesn’t want a girlfriend; he wants a wife. That made me feel so much better because I honestly wanted a husband and still do.

He built a nice home and I moved in with him. I work and he also has a job. He also does farm work on the side. I really love and appreciate him and how hard he works.

I got pregnant and we have a daughter whom we love so much. So now we have two children at home. I am not complaining because he is a great man but it seems to me, he forgot about the marriage thing. That was seven years ago.

Every birthday, Valentines, Christmas, I look forward to a ring. Nothing up till now. And every time I ask about it, he says we don’t need to rush. Me waiting 7 years is surely not rushing. It’s almost like the man was just comfortable and forgot about the marriage.

I am so embarrassed when my friends ask me when the wedding is. My parents are also asking.

It’s also starting to affect our relationship because it’s always at the back of my mind and I’m always thinking about how I can bring it up with him or get him interested in it. Surely it shouldn’t be this hard – it’s so unromantic.

I am giving him the end of this year and if he stalls then I am leaving him.

What are your views Bella?

 

Need a Husband

 


 

Hello Need a Husband,

You shouldn’t feel so embarrassed but I understand how you feel because situations like these can cause you a lot of stress indeed.

The marriage thing has become an elephant in the room and of course it’s not healthy for your relationship.

I honestly believe that you should have a serious conversation about your relationship as a whole instead of waiting to end it at the end of the year.

Be frank with your man. Be stern and be very honest. You need to ask him how committed he is; ask him what’s stopping him from wanting to marry you, and ask him if he ­realizes how unhappy the whole thing is making you feel.

This might be very scary for you because perhaps you may not like the answers you receive but hey, it’s necessary if you’re going to move forward.

Of course, you can’t – and shouldn’t want to – force your partner into marriage, but you do deserve some honest answers. You deserve the right to know.

It is only after this attempt that you should decide what is best for you and the future of your children.

 

All the Best,

Bella

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9 Comments

  1. Treadstone
    April 9, 2021

    Woman, leave the man dere in his happiness and go find your desired sac misere (husband) tann! Just make sure you take all your baggage with you and don’t come back leh chainne misere entrappé cou’w.

  2. Blues clues
    April 8, 2021

    But why you waiting for the year to end? Girl, if you are not happy right now, then my advice to you is to leave this man right now!
    When 2 people are together, and they want different things, it doesn’t even make sense to me for them to stay together. You cannot compromise where someone wants marriage and the other person doesn’t. It’s a dead end.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0
  3. My name
    April 8, 2021

    You pushing him too much. Relax and let things be, just make the best of what you have now. Just let peace reign for now.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 1 Thumb down 8
  4. Shallow?
    April 7, 2021

    Wait ,so let me get this straight, this Man:
    – Love & supporting your child you brought along and his own
    – Build a house over your head
    – holding down a job and even have farm
    – treating alu right for 7 years

    And you want to toss all that out over a stupid ring? Marriage is just a superficial title. If you gone let “he-say she-say” from the outside make you feel a way when the man doing everything right then I don’t know what to tell you. You should be more worried about your family minding their business.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 7
  5. Mymouthismine
    April 7, 2021

    Why should he make you his wife when you already gave him husband privileges for 7 years? Some of you women lack knowledge about your worth. Don’t move in, don’t wash cook and clean unless u r legally married. Hell, don’t even give that man sex. Now he has used you how he likes for 7 years u think he still interested

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 11 Thumb down 9
  6. Bwa-Banday
    April 7, 2021

    Simple!
    Just tell him you all need to have discussion on “tomorrow” and express your concern. Most men will say they “looking for wife” when trying to get a woman because they know women in general likes and wants security.

    I agree, 7 yrs and a child later is enough to warrant a ring provided that you are doing the “traditional wife” thing that your mama taught you and what you learnt on your own utilizing the internet or through trial and error :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: . A lot of Dcan women have become influenced by TV and therefore really does NOT deserve the ring. Having said that, remember that unlike what mama said in the past, modern Dcan men especially those who have TV and internet access view “bedroom” performance as the qualifying criteria for marriage. Hot, hot, hot new and mind intriguing stuff! 8) 8) 8)

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 1
  7. Man bites dogs
    April 7, 2021

    Woman what is the rush you said in so many words! Your last man gave you lots of problems though you have a kid for him correct? now take your time don’t push your now man gave you a home otherwise on the strength of what you you saying the marriage will not be a happy one, wishing you both the best when the time is right you both will know.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 10
  8. Devan
    April 7, 2021

    This sounds like my cousin from the North the Mini Star . Lol let the man be all you too like to tie down man let the man sow his royal oats

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 11
  9. Trust Me
    April 7, 2021

    careful what you ask for my girl! :-?
    the HUSBAND you want there self, you might wish is the BOYFRIEND you had in the future!

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 3

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