DEAR BELLA: My sister’s gossiping ways are driving me nuts

Bella,
My sister is a gossip and I keep telling her that her mouth will land her straight to hell.
She gossips on everybody: neighbors, family, friends, even her children.
I am convinced that she talks in her sleep. I hate visiting her. I want a sister that can have good conversations with me: about life, love. Plans. The future. But when i come to her house she is always in a roro.
If its not something on Facebook is something on WhatsApp or she’s on the phone talking about who took this persons man and who owe courts and cannot pay.
Bella, she’s my only sister and we are grown women.  I honestly want to go to my sister’s house like a normal person and have a nice lunch with her.
The last time I went by her, we get getting interrupted every second my phone calls. All of them seem to be about another persons business.
Her husband hardly stays in the house because she always have women there laughing loud and gossiping. Her children are on the streets behaving just like her.
I told her she needs to stop gossiping because it’s not healthy but she doesn’t want to listen.
Her name is always in a twalala and always in a saysay. Bella, sometimes I don’t even want people to know she is my sister. Yet at other times I feel sorry.
How do I help my sister change before she let her tongue destroy her?
Concerned

Hello Concerned,
It is a sad truth but you may try without any success, to end your sister’s gossiping traits. And you need to begin to accept that.
A person will change but only if they want to. It is quite obvious that your sister has no intention of changing her blabbering ways. Gossip is probably sweet to her mouth but like you said, it will destroy her.
You cannot allow your sister to drag you down a sad spiral. I know you want a sister who you can relate to in a mature way but in this case, you can’t.  At least, not for the time being.
So I advise you to stay far from the nest that has your sister entangled.
It’s better to live alone on a rooftop than to be in a house with a quarrelsome person. Be wise.
Bella

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6 Comments

  1. look it
    September 24, 2019

    Your mom and father build their own family and, their job was to keep them together. Now they are gone is every man for himself. Your family is your husband, wife and children. so called sister becomes a relative Tell so called sister , to get a life, you owe her nothing. Husbands, forsake your mother and father and stick to your wife, and wife do likewise.

    People must learn to grow up and be independent.

  2. Casio
    September 24, 2019

    Typical women. They think its fun. A lot of men have followed suit as well. The bible has a few words about gossiping. Take heed ladies.

  3. Bwa-Banday
    September 23, 2019

    Your sister is a metveyee. She needs something BIG in her mouth to shut her up like a BIG mastiff bread or something similar 8) .

  4. BN
    September 23, 2019

    Sometimes we are angry but do not tell others, in a cool calm way, the reason for our anger. This is a very bad practice that ruins relationships because the next step is usually to stop talking to that person.

    Have you Communicated to your sister in details, just as you have in this letter, how you feel? I would also set boundaries. Let her know if I come to your house and you are gossiping, I will limit my stay at your house. Tell her that her behavior is ruining your relationship with her, that you do not want to be around her when she gossips.

    Also, maybe your sister needs to develop some interest. Does she read? Maybe you can suggest some reading material to her so that she can have something constructive to discuss. Or how about volunteer work? Help a child learn to read, or help an elderly person in need.

    The relationship with your sister is too important to terminate. Take small steps as you work to save your relationship with your sister.

    • June
      September 24, 2019

      I concur..at least try this before you stay away from your sister. You beat bella BN.
      Good advise

  5. September 22, 2019

    Bella can’t give you a better answer. Like you said. She is a grown woman. And one thing you should not do. Is beg grown people for their own good. Am sure you love your sister but you hate the attitude she have. And due to that. It’s cussing a family break down. At this point it serve you best to keep away from her house because it is toxic for you.

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