I have a situation and I need your advice urgently!
I am a young married lady in my 30’s and has been married for six years. Three months ago I came into contact with a young guy through the work that I do. At the very instant that I saw him I became emotionally and physically attracted to him.
I tried not to let him observe this and I was so embarrassed. I completed what I had come to do and left.
Five days later we met at a function. This time we had a closer contact with each other. I was so weakened by his close contact I had to leave the place.
One week after he called my office (he knew where I work) and asked why I had left and never returned. I told him why; I didn’t lie, he was very cool and quiet about that. We then exchanged cell numbers and added each other on Facebook. We chat with each other practically every day and I continue to tell him how I feel about him and he is expressing the same feelings, only that he doesn’t want to cause or be the cause of a broken marriage.
The furthest we have gotten though is expressing our feelings to each other. The problem that I have is getting him off my head. Every time I close my eyes I see him; sometimes I even imagine him when I am having sex with my husband. I mentioned this to him; he wants a secret relationship, but the way I feel about him my relationship with him will not be a secret.
I sometimes tell myself that I do not want to be friends with him anymore, so I deleted his number from my phone, but it’s like not talking to him is killing me silently so I started calling him again and the feelings I have for him is even greater than before. I love my family and would not want my marriage to break.
Urgently in need of your help!
Dear Urgently in need of help!
There is an age-old proverb which says, “You cannot serve two masters” and I think it can be paraphrased to “You cannot love two lovers.”
When you decided to get married it is a decision that was based on the fact that you would agree to love only one man for the rest of your life.
You said you love your husband and your family, then forget about this other guy and be with them.
You should call this guy and tell him that although you have some feeling towards him, you are a married woman and you intend to stick to your marriage vows.
Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at firstname.lastname@example.org. Dear Bella is published Tuesdays and Thursdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.