I’m a manager of a hotel and I’m in a committed relationship getting married in October of this year.
Sometime in July we had some late hours at the office. I was pretty tired and drowsy and my maintenance guy came behind me and started massaging my shoulders and neck muscles. It felt really good but before I could catch myself and realize what was happening we were all over the office.
I feel so terrible and so guilty. I don’t understand what’s going on honestly, I don’t have any feelings for this guy.
I love my fiance with all my heart. This guilt just would not go away and I want to talk to him about it but I’m too scared and too embarrassed.
Besides, my girlfriends says what he does know won’t hurt him. I’ve never kept secrets from him before; I want to tell him but ….what should I do?
Should I tell him?
Need Answers
Dear Need Answers,
This is a rather unfortunate position you got yourself in and your feeling of guilt is quite understandable.
If you think this whole incident was something beyond your control and the guilt is getting out of control, then you should talk to your fiance about it.
One of the main impediments of a solid relationship is the keeping of secrets between partners. One well kept secret leads to another and to another and before you know it secrets keep piling on each other and it gets out of control.
So be honest and tell your fiance.
On another note, don’t ever get yourself so tired that you end up in such position again.
Bella
Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at [email protected]. Dear Bella is published Tuesdays and Thursdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.
Seriously What i do you admin you deleting my post? What is so offensive because i have been nice with my commentry these past few days but tell me exactly what is your problem with be. Is it because i dow want you dear? Did i steal you person from you. Please tell me whats your stress with me these days. I withheld sending lawyer paper for you but i will have to talk to my laywer regarding harasment claims in newsville papa.. whosssssssssss
pusina… two months later and you still creating havoc on the people’s site? dont you have a job or something better to do with your time? it doesnt take a rocket scientist to know why they would remove ur posts from the columns.
I don’t think an engaged woman would just randomly f*cK a guy because he gives her a massage (so don’t play innocent). The fact that another man can give you a massage late at night in the office means you WANT THE ATTENTION and he knew he could have you EZ. I personally have slept with women that are engaged and supposedly love their fiancée’s but will give it up JUST for ATTENTION. The truth is they shouldn’t be getting married and I feel sorry for men that think their women are faithful, think again. If sexual desire is driving your life so much, then you’re definitely not ready for marriage. Do you honestly believe that you can keep working with the maintenance guy late at night and not do it again or maybe your next excuse will be because you were drunk or lonely or had an argument with your man or some other stupidness. If you love him… tell him in a way as if you’re EXCHANGING deep dark secrets BEFORE FULLY COMMITING so that way he will tell you his secrets and your heart and conscience will be clear… if you have one.
also if you were sooo tired you wouldnt be F’in all over the office
i totally agree with you. the other thing i must say is that she telling her girlfriends what she did was just the wrong thing to do. Eventually her fiance will find out from someone the girlfriends told.
What happened to always tell the truth except when to do so harms another,,,,,,,this will harm him,,,,,,its your little mess,,,,,,,you get to live with it ,,,,,,,,,don’t freedom yourself at your fiance~s expence and heartbreak:-) S
WONDERS SHALL NEVER END. READ THE STORY AGAIN IT DOES SOUND LIKE THE WRITER IS A MAN AND HE IS EMBARRASSED TO TELL HIS FIANCE….AND IT COULD ALSO BE THAT THE WOMAN DID HAVE A SECRET CRUSH ON THE MAINTENANCE GUY…..WHO KNOWS BUT THINK ABOUT IT HOW MUCH WOMEN MANAGERS DO YOU KNOW THAT WORK LATE????
leave it to dominicans to just throw cast judgment on someone who is seeking help.like their closets are soo much cleaner than everyone else own
let he who be without sin be the first to cast the stone
smh
Now Now Now! smh
you know you enjoyed that little rendez-vous that maintenance man has been your secret little fantasy for a while now and you made it happen! You enjoyed 
who you fooling ? you have no regrets. You want to shout it out to the world ? go right ahead. Other than that they say confession is good for the soul but silence is golden…secretly you are damn proud that’s why you told your girlfriends and y’all are having a laugh about it and you are telling them how good it was or was’nt and how big or small he was, am I right so far ? I think so. You wanted to f@$#K that maintenance man a long time ago. You are the hotel manager, what was stopping you from inviting your fiance to the hotel to give you that massage. You sent out signals to that man that you wanted him and he knew that you had something that wanted fixing…o.k. so we are not naive 
first impression: when i started reading this i thought it was a man the it got to the part about the maintenance guy and im like 2 dudes. this ain’t no woman it’s a gay man secondly how many people getting married in October that are hotel managers, cat out of d bag now if this is happening in sweet Dominica
so many time you hear these stories…you are fooling yourself girl if you really believe you had no control over the situation…to put simply you are not ready to get married…don’t feel guilty because you f**k
Dominica is a really small place we all know that it would be really easy to find out the Hotel Manager getting married in October. Don’t beleive the hype somebody is jealous and trying to break up a relationship.
WELL I KNOW THAT YOUGUYS HAVE BEEN WONDERING MY TRUE IDENTITY,LET TRUTH BE TOLD,I CANT REVEAL THIS YET,BUT I GOT THIS STORY FROM A FIRST HAND SOURCE
lies
U get ur wood already so just keep ur mouth shut and let life go on. Take it take a man…what happens behind the closed door stays there.
what a salop lmao u really gonna say it was beyond ur control? get real you put ur self there he didn’t rape u i think ur an easy lay and u should just let ur fiance know cause he might kill u and ur maintenance man , ur maintenance man does stellar work he cleaned ur pipes good lol
It is better to say nothing to your fiance. He may not forgive you and there goes his lack of trust in you, your relationship and your wedding plans – down the drain.
Consider who are you hurting if you divulge this to him?
It is not easy to forget what occurred with the maintenance man for guilt surfaces and shows its ugly head. Your conscience is taunting you. Although you have sinned, know that the devil will not leave you alone to live in peace and enjoyment. He will taunt you. God does not taunt anyone. The Holy Spirit may convict so that people may not commit sins and turn to God but never taunts mortals. Know the difference. Understand the ways of God and ask Him for enlightenment and graces to comprehend this.
You should not hide your feelings from this maintenance man for since both of you are employed in the same place, you will consistently encounter him. Arrange to have a talk with him about what occurred. You are a grown person and should know how to handle this. Ask God to assist you accordingly.
As Bella stated, in future, do your utmost not to be alone with him and at such a time. Do not allow him to touch you. If you did not reciprocate you could charge him with sexual advance and abuse, taking advantage of you and a situation.
Ever thought of this? My further advice is to have an amicable sincere talk with the maintenance person. He may be feeling guilty about both your secret encounter. Inform him how guilty you are and under the circumstances both of you got carried away in such a manner. Listen to what he has to say. He may apologize respectfully and say forget it and you both will feel better in the end. Mind you, it is not much ado about nothing considering your work status and your personal situation.
I cannot visualize that he will hold it against you. He may be married or has a girlfriend and would also not want the partner to know about it. Furthermore, he could lose his job. God forbid that this should happen.
If he made the first pass, he was tempted, because both of you were alone. He may also not have meant that his massaging you would have culminated into a sexual encounter. To the broadminded, these things do happen.
You should not punish yourself for the rest of your life.
By no means inform your fiance about it. As a few who commented pointed out, “What he does not know will not hurt him” and “many men and women have secrets which they did not divulge to their partners, married or not. Be wise.
Consider this, if he had other affairs which you may not be aware of do you think that he would tell you about them? I doubt it.
Why stir the pot which may not come out in your favor? Your fiance may never be able to trust you in the future even though he could have affairs without your knowledge. I am not insinuating that he has such for I do not know anyone of you. I am only providing some concrete advice to you to set your mind at rest.
Live and let live. Leave well alone and continue with your wedding plans. Do your utmost not to inform any others about this sexual escapade. In the long run they may put you into trouble, also through envy.
Keep in mind human beings are not so forgiving and they never forget. God is the only one who forgives unconditionally if we turn to Him and ask His forgiveness. Guess what? As I heard, once the confession is sincere with a humble and contrite heart, “He does not remember them!” Is this not something and wonderful of our God?
God knows human beings are weak of body and spirit. This does not mean that He condones sins/our frailties. He expects us to be strong and turn to him in times of temptation but He will forgive us. Therefore, most of all, pray to God, ask His forgiveness and He who is the Healer of all our woes and ailments of whatever sort will release you of this guilty feeling. God forgives.
Console yourself. I wish you well. You are entitled to that. May your wedding day be an enjoyable one and may you enjoy marital bliss. God bless both of you!
I did not question your sexual orientation. The thought of it never crossed my mind. I assumed that you are a woman. In this era there are some negative people who always think the worst (for want of a better word) that you may be a man and your fiance is a man. I am not in favor of so-called same sex marriage. In fact, I denounce it for it is abnormal. God did not create two men and two men to enter into a relationship and to marry. The thought of it upsets me. Consider how much it upsets God.
Therefore I do hope that you are a woman which was my first thought when I read this Dear Bella article.
i mean seriously who;s gonna read all that???
@ naturalistic
You are not natural or naturalistic. Your comments have depicted that you are downright the opposite.
No one asked you to read it. 
Learn to have patience and allow others the privilege of providing their comments and advice. 
You would do well to also read good advice and learn something which it appears that you are in dire need of. 
Instead of replying discreetly and offering good advice that others could learn from, some of you call people in this column some derogatory, terrible as if you are better and more educated than others. As I always say, if I owned this Website, some of your derogatory and nonsensical words would never see the day/night light on this Website.
Learn the good things from others.
Who asked you to read it and to comment against it?
You also need to learn and godly, good advice and educated ones and to be kind to others on this Website, according their due rights and dignity. It appears you do not possess any.
I know…. i just scrolled down when i saw this long comment saying to myself…this shit is too long… and boom, somebody had had already written it for me.
@naturalistic,, i know chupess whose gonna read all that,,lol…thats like a whole bible wii.. hahahah
if i own this website i would delete part of ur comment
lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i disagree. you need to be honest else this will hang over you as long as you keep it a secret. Let your fiance make the decision whether or not he will stay with you. you cheated, and now you are going to lie! He needs to know who you really are. If it can happen once, it can happen again. What if he found out after marriage. Then would be divorce which is worse. And boy i can tell even if you don’t divorce, God help you!
@ Anonymous
You are not a realistic person. She is not the only woman in the world. She needs to learn from others.
It is obvious that you did not thoroughly read my comments.
Let him make the decision? You are joking. She made a mistake on the spur of the moment. She did not harm him. A lie is a sin only if it directly offends and harms others.
Since she worked late her fiance should have arranged to meet her after work to ensure that she got home safely. If he had done so what occurred to her would never have occurred.
Knowing how some people can change and love could go down the drain in a wink of an eye (so much for love, loving others and swearing by love and unconditionally too), I would think that she needs to know what type of person he really is prior to divulging this matter to him. In any case, people really do not know each other as God knows us. We do not know what his reaction would be if she told him.
She could discreetly broach the topic with him without implicating herself and listen to his type of reaction by pretending it is another person.
Personally, I would never tell him. Keep in mind that there are men who have affairs before and after marriage and will never divulge them to their partners, unless they get caught.
She may be asking for trouble without wedding plans if she informs her fiance about it. In the end, the final result is that it is left up to her if she wishes to tell him or not. She will have to bear the consequences one way or the other.
Who knows, if she tells him, he may divulge his affairs to her and this is when trouble starts. She may not be pleased. According to the words of a song, “Some things are better left unsaid.” Some people need to learn this.
LEHMIE GO CHECK DEM HOTELS
HOTEL MANAGER EH?
thats a man talkin dere his gettin married to a woman but had sex wit a man soooo gay read the lines u will see thats a man ……….
I thought the same thing.
Negative and suspicious.
What do the lines have to do with this? Take your mind out of this type of relationship for you do not know and you cannot prove it. It is better to remain neutral and respond according to this article and not put what may not be true and exists in it. In other words, stick to the topic without speculating to determine if this article is about a man or a woman.
I do think it is a woman unless I can prove otherwise. This is the conclusion that some of you skeptics should adopt.
She lying. This did not just happen once. And it has not stopped. She wondering whether she can continue to do this and still get married. Don’t let her fool you.
I am from D/a too but some of those d/a girls are so nasty they even acting crazy.If she was so tired ,she wouldn’t have had time to roll around in the hay with this guy.Your eyes was wide open, poor guy ,he can’t get pregnant but you can.
Somewhat I feel it’s the maintenance guy or the hotel manager’s friend who is wriing to Bella. Somebody is trying to expose the hotel manager. Some persons may be trying to find out which hotel manager that’s scheduled to get married in October. The Hotel Manager reading that article must be so shocked and frightened.
if this story is true,woman just tell the truth we are humans we can sometimes faulta,hope your fiance’ understand,it is a brave move to tell him ok,it might bother him bigtime,men dont like to share whats theirs (lol)
He could tak you up on sexual harrasment charges.
do you smell that?? yahh the scent of B.S is thick in the air. this crap sounds made up to me.
You need not know you were getting married in October?
If I was your fiance I would not forgive you. If it happened once it can happened again because it seem you can not keep your hands off guys.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
@ eagles125
It would be interesting to know what was her fiance doing when she worked late.
Justice and Truth…. u really defensive uh
You think if your man had an affair he would feel guilty and come and confess to you?
If you really feel the need to confess, talk to a priest. You will get this off your chest, wipe alway your sins and you can start all over again with a clean slate.
Lets count, not garraway, not fort young, not evergreen, sisserou is no more, not hibiscus, definitely not silk, flamboyant? anchorage no! not the witch in the valley, not regens for sure, them little shadou moowi doh have manager. My NFIC, Skerrit’s gestapo spy outfit, tells me not in DA or that’s just a story.
What about possibly “Not Dominica” ever stopped to think of that ?
did you enjoy it? if so move on you cannot take back the sex, so you getting married in October eh? well I know you..ha ha. a shoulder rub make you do that; clothes pin
OF COURSE SHE CAN TAKE IT BACK…
HEH HEH HEH
@ true
I agree with you. What is done is done and cannot be undone. The past will not return. She needs to move on and look to the future.
Tell him… you’ll be surprised he has his dirty little secret too
even if he have his, he still wouldnt tell her and he will still make her feel like bad, man dat is his name!
@ HookerL
No doubt. If she knew she would be shocked which is why she should not inform him.
Well all you will tired wonder. You all are not even sure if this happened in Dominica, I can see those little malicious wheels in
all you head turning getting ready to brand and destroy some innocent person’s reputation. This letter is also on bvi news online.
A woman manager is called a manageress in my world so the text to me implied the person was a man……….
really? a woman doctor is called a what? a doctoress a woman carpenter is called a capenteress or an woman engineer is called a engineress, sorry there is no gender in profession, you are just trying to be politically correct, but a manager is a manger regardless of gender..duh
@ True You are a true fool PLEASE GOOGLE
THE WORD MANAGERESS before you start yapping nonesence and I really can’t believe you actually got thumbs up for that shit you just wrote.
Anonymous, wrong. In this era people have made nearly everything masculine. This is crossing my mind, consider the word “Priests”; Millionaires” and a few others.
However, I tend to agree with you. In the past this is how a woman manager would be called in years gone by. Our world appears to be topsy-turvy as some people with decrepit minds make it so and change nearly everything to suit their present-day ideology, myths and life and want all of us who specifically object to them follow suit -to suit them. We must stand up for what is right and our convictions but do so amicably.
The old-traditional English dictionary, language and spelling of bygone years are not null and void.
Consider too some of the British, English words and spelling and some of the American words, as harbour; harbor as an example.
girl how foolish are you now every body knows who you are any way the question is did you and that guy let say had sex together or not ? if you did you well u spill the beans and if you did not well nothing to feel guilty about so what a massage is always welcome when you a tired so
Don’t tell !
Nah I change my mind TELL EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER
I believe thats a make up story where someone is trying to mess up the other.
yep, too much details. a set up dat
maybe one of the ‘girlfriends’ lol!!
My hotel manager friend, this is Guilty Pleasure…you had a good time, you enjoyed yourself…you are clean as a whistle…no need to be a downer.
Always remember,”A knife leaves no mark in water”
Just a pity you not in the US…because you would really have an opportunity to sue…lol
And that was your water moment…you are only allowed that moment once…so don’t let mister give you no more freaking massage.
AHA!? NOT IF YOU CUT ME WITH IT!
Look now any man whose woman is a hotel manager and scheduled to get married in october is gonna wonder
same thing im saying.if dat fiance reads dno den he will obviously know wah gwan.foolishness.im not buying dis story or either this woman idiatt!(idiot)
you are right you like your finance and not your fiance…..
that is what you wrote dont blame me…
well friend, by now i guess your fiance knows the whole story…sorry you got yourself in this position!
girl dont tell him nothing the guilt will go away..its not like his gonna comfort u and keep the weddin on
Child women have been known to die with their secrets for decades! You should have just kept your damn mouth shut and move on…now u went and opened up pandora’s box I wish u luck with the consequences…
SHAGGY SAID IT WASN”T ME [DONT TELL MAN KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT , AND DONT EVER TELL A FRIEND JUST GO UNDER A TREE AND TELL THE TREE PREVERABLEY A MANGO TREE.
This is a very challenging situation this woman has placed herself in. I hope that you will get over this guilt in due time.
Firstly @ need answers, you need to tread with wisdom. Bella advised you to tell him and be honest, it is not as easy as it sounds. Depending on the character of the man this can cause him to have a nervous breakdown, the man may kill the woman then kill himself as is known to happen in Dominica. Thus, if he is weak emotionally, I strongly advise you against telling him as this may cause more harm than good.
Secondly, if he is strong and mature, he is a ‘tough’ man, then you may confess to him and share those concerns. You must be ready for the consequences so brace yourself young lady.
Thirdly, you said that you have ‘no feelings’ for this guy. How can your maintenance man simply come up to you and start massaging you like this? Mustn’t there have been some kind of strong friendship besides work or flirtatiousness between you two? Doesn’t this suggest that you did not establish any boundaries for yourself? How could you have been so engrossed that after you enjoyed the sex affair you opened your eyes?
Lastly, your actions were very irresponsible. It allows one to question your management ethics, a manager who possesses no self control. Can you be fooled again in a different mode if the setting and situation changes? May the Lord help you in this one. We hope that you learned your lesson. We as human beings do have our vulnerabilities and our weak moments thus we do not judge you @ needs answers as a bad person, but we are displeased with your actions.
dat too damn long
You don’t like to read that’s why.
Well lady, it’s funny that you would choose to tell your girlfriends and not your fiance. You know the saying “everybody has a best friend”. So when you tell your girlfriends, isn’t it likely that the story will be passed on and on? I can understand that the incident happened “accidentally” but if as you say you have no feelings for this guy, keep your mouth shut and treat the incident as it was – an accident. If you are weighed down by guilt, then tell your fiance and get it off your chest, not those girlfriends of yours
Worst people to tell your secrets..girlfriends….when things start going bad they tell all
yes
So did you or did you not just don’t lie? How can we advise you if we don’t know if yall did the terra
My dear,
How many Hotel managers are ladies and how many of theme are getting marred in October?
So I think it almost better to face your fiance, bcz I believe that reading the story he will realize; good luck!
Assuming its Dominica
RUBBISH!!! Utah Rubbish!! all those nonsence are pure make up stories.. BS
Honesty is the best policy…. but if the fiance is a ‘bro’ will be very hard for him to see past..”we were all over the office”. Our men are not good on hearing their women are cheating even if they are at it themselves. So close to the wedding, you know him you should know how to approach him and how you should tell him if you decide to do so. Either way its not good – if you tell him he may go ahead with the wedding but resent you after. If you dont tell him the guilt you feel will just get worse and he will probably figure it out. I think the worse thing for you is that it is sooooo close to the wedding, no real time to explain, discuss, reason, apologise, reassess. Whatever you say this happened for a reason – perhaps you are not ready!
girl dont worry with bella. if u want to keep your fiance keep your secret.What he dont no wornt hurt him but what he do no will hurt him.
that is a complete lie.. i read the exact thing a couple of years ago from an article written by an american woman who cheated and dont know how to tell her husband..
i suspect that someone wrote that to degrade a person who is getting married in october..
people should not be so dishonest if this is the case
Pray for forgiveness. Don’t need to tell him, you getting married in October,it was once, it was a mistake, get over it.
Who tell you it was once?
LMAO @ hotel maintenance comment.
u iz a tie up
how many hotel managers are marrying in October? I think you guys should remain anonymous. What’s wrong with you people, someone could easily plant this story.
BELLA! ARE YOU ASSUMING THE THE FIANCE IS A GIRL?
LOOKS TO ME THAT THE FIANCE IS A GUY!
STOP THIS GAY SHIT IN OUR COUNTRY
when i read thats the same impression i got cause it never say the hotel manager is a woman or a man it says hotel manager how we sure its a lady we dealing with here it could be a man so
ADMIN: Probably you guys didn’t read the story properly. From the story, “I love my fiance with all my heart. This guilt just would not go away and I want to talk to HIM about it but I’m too scared and too embarrassed. Besides, my girlfriends says what he does know won’t hurt HIM. ” (Caps for emphasis). How much clearer can it be?
@getto boy – does not mean the hotel manager is a woman – could be a man marrying a man – who said this scenario was dominica
@ADMIN.. these days every Tom, Dick and Harry
have access to a computer/website God Help Us and by some of the comments you read you can tell who had a hard time at English Comprehension in school, and trust me the teacher went over and beyond her call of duty with some of these idiots !
YES ADMIN PERHAPS YOU ARE CORRECT. I THINK MY PREJUDICE GOT AHEAD OF ME. NORMALLY WHEN U THINK OF MANAGER UR BRAIN JUMPS TO A MAN (AS A NURSE TO A WOMAN)
NONETHELESS, IT IS VERY POSSIBLE IN THESE TROUBLE TIMES OF SEXUAL REORIENTATION THAT IT COULD HAVE VERY WELL BEEN A MAN.