I have no feelings for my husband

I’ve been married for the past 13 years to the only man I’ve ever been with. We have two wonderful children and he is an amazing father. We share a really nice home with our kids and we both have pretty stable jobs and we’re not rich but we’re comfortable.

The problem is over the 13 years we’ve been together he has cheated on many occasions. During my pregnancy for both our kids he bailed on me and I was left dealing with it with the help of my family and friends. I took him back both times simply because we’re married and I didn’t want to raise my kids without a father. He claims that I am a wonderful mother and almost perfect wife and despite his infidelities he keeps ringing in my ears that I’m the only woman he has and will ever love and he can’t imagine a future without me.

He’s had affairs on top of affairs, some I know about and I’m very sure there are some which still remains in the dark. I’ve been hurt quite a lot by this man who claims to love me and that I am his everything. I love him and I couldn’t possibly see myself with any other man, far less to have my kids get close to any other man other than their father.

Recently I found out that he was in a four-year relationship with some woman who contacted me after their relationship had gone sour. I was crushed and though I thought I could never hurt again; this one was immensely painful.  For four years, which would have began around the time I got pregnant with our last daughter, this man was in a relationship with this woman, while I had to go through a pregnancy alone, run my home, and deal with the emotional pain of having the man I loved ignore me and abandon me with no remorse.

After I had the last baby he professed to me tht he’d be true and faithful to me, and that I was the only one for him and he was willing now to be a better husband and work on being a family man and he really was.

And then came this bombshell, and though I have found it in my heart to forgive him and give him yet another chance, I can honestly say that I have no feelings towards my husband.

I look at him and the love I had for him is no more. I can’t bear to sleep next to him, far less to stand him touching me. Sex has become a task and every time we do it I just want it to be over so I can turn around and go to sleep.

I dread going home, simply because I know he’s gonna be there. The kids love him and love us together and family time makes them really happy. Lately I’ve been having to put on a show around him just to make my kids happy and its eating me up inside.

I’ve never been with another man and wouldn’t know how to. My problem is I don’t believe in divorce but I can’t continue being miserable. Once my kids are grown and out of the house then it’s just gonna be us left and every day which passes by only ensues more hate and resentment towards this man.

I am independent and don’t need him in my home to function or to survive. But I’ve been with him for so long I don’t know any other way. Please help.

Sad Wife

Dear Sad Wife,

A good father doesn’t necessarily make a good husband and apparently this is what you have on you hand: a good father but a terrible and cheating husband.

He cheated on you numerous times and yet you took him back but unfortunately he kept on doing the same thing. So I don’t think he loves you the way he is claiming he does.

Staying in such a relationship, even for the sake of the kids, is not the answer. You said it is making you miserable and it will continue being so until everything blows up. Then it is going to be worse for you and the kids.

You said you don’t believe in divorce but sometimes it is only the answer. I am not suggesting you get divorced right away but probably living separated lives, with him having access to the children, is something that can be explored.

Living a miserable life is not a healthy way of life.

Bella

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72 Comments

  1. Claudia
    August 23, 2012

    Well, if that was my case (again, as it’s happened to me before), I wouldn’t blame the mistresses my husband’s been seeing. Putting the blame on these women is taking away all his resposibility for not fulfilling his wedding vows. The blame must be laid on him and not on the mistress’s since he’s the one married, therefore committed, to me, not her to me. If we continue to think that these ‘homewreckers’ are the ones to blame, we’d only be excusing men’s lack of balls to assume a marrige. I have said!

  2. mahaut
    June 28, 2012

    A man will treat you, how you allow him to treat you. Stop being a fool, set your ground rules and do not allow them to be broken.

  3. rat
    March 19, 2012

    These men are nasty and women just have to be strong. married women should even use condoms with their husbands. dont trust these dogs. There are some women snackers out there all they want to do is mash up a marriage, I have been married for 15 years and my husband has never been home late, the woman that think they mashing up that marriage they lie, i killing one not after 15 yearsl. go and get all u own man sallop

  4. November 6, 2011

    My dear if this man realy love you he would not do you that.First you must love God and yourself.If their is no love in you for husband and you can take care of yourself, get out from this relationship.It is not going workout better. It has gone sour just like lime in milk. When lime goes into milk nothing can make it better. It is only Children u have. Remember if right offen u cut it off. Why stay in that? The next time a shoking news will hit you had and that is aids. Do you how many husband has given their wife this terrible dease. Run my dear quickly it will be more painful to you the next time. take this oppertunity now. good night.

  5. November 1, 2011

    seasoning pepper i agree to ur comment 100% but on the other hand don”t u think that some married women tend to think that b cuz they r married they won’t go nowhere their type of dressing wud change their hairstyles they need to season themselves up a bit so just like they cud see sexy woman out there u gotta put ur self sexy as well some married women thinks when they r married that this is the end of their lives NO!

  6. Esther
    October 31, 2011

    BEEN there It’s easier said than done. Through out the bastered. Once a cheat always a cheat. He’s not going to change. I think he’s been Married six more times Girl run for your lif and your kids.

  7. psychebelle
    October 26, 2011

    Why don’t you believe in divorce cause you do have grounds for it acutal biblical grounds for this based on adultery. also it seems you have the ability to do what you need to do to raise your kids on your own since he bailed on you twice and you got through. He doesnt need to be your husband to still be in your children’s life. Put it this way would you like your daughter growing up and getting in the same situation like you? am sure not so show her how strong and independent her mom can be and when she gets older she’ll appreciate you more for this. Remember God is love a fact we cant escape from so love doesnt work like this. Hope this helps. Bonne chance

  8. TRUTH
    October 26, 2011

    The origin of the problem came from outside your marriage and relationship. It’s was never between you and your husband or family originally. It started with the women outside your marriage. These days single women are more attracted to married men; when they see a happy couple with a husband that’s a good provider and good to his wife they pursue him relentlessly not because they love the man but for selfish reasons. Most of us men are weak and egotistical allowing these Cakroach Agouti n Manicou to take money, energy and love out of their marriage. The real problem is you didn’t put your foot down early, your particular man is weak and lead by his penis these type of men (no all of us) need a strong no nonsense women to spay de ”Baygon” to keep the Cakroach away from their man. I personally refuse to date a woman that will let me run all over her, because I used to be nasty now I stop but if you don’t check me I’ll definitely end up in Cakroach house sooner or later especially if they have sweetie der lol. Sometimes also, guys think that if the woman is not confronting them about suspected infidelities or constantly forgiving them for sotness then they woman actually doesn’t care or love them; dats my word. Stay with your man but because he’s a weak type of man you have to run him. Don’t let other people destroy your life. To get your confidence back… get some wood on the side (somebody you can trust and let go when you want, don’t get attached, its just physical! When you finish, bitchup buy your Baygon and clean your house.

    • delicious
      October 26, 2011

      lol… this crack me up… get some on de side eh..

      • Juice
        October 28, 2011

        So if the single women who want married men are cakroaches, agouti manicou all kind of names in the book what would you call the married men? something spineless? like ariri? centipede? worm? to name a few. Single women does not have commitments to your wife but you do and some of you all married men get married for all types of wrong reasons except the right ones ‘love’
        then turn round and blame someone else for the damn shit all you doing to all you wife. Yeah Get a scapegoat and call it agouti, manicou all type a name. Learn to keep all you pants zip. :twisted:

      • TRUTH
        October 29, 2011

        There’s a thing called CARMA in life. If cokayin married men, when you married a single woman will cokay your husband better than you. All im suggesting is that the married woman be strong in her relationship communicating effectively to her husband that she has a zero tolerance for infidelity in marriage. That communication also has to be clear to her/his female friends. Its alot better than saying nothing. Just last night 2 women come and check me 4am while their husband home babysitting the children, both girls checking each other at my place. All I could do is shaking my head because these days women just as bad if not worse than men. The only person to trust is yourself. JUICE: If an Agouti f**k**g a centipede good for them will make zandoli.

    • Anonymous
      August 23, 2012

      Well, if that was my case (again, as it’s happened to me before), I wouldn’t blame the mistresses my husband’s been seeing. Putting the blame on these women is taking away all his resposibility for not fulfilling his wedding vows. The blame must be laid on him and not on the mistress’s since he’s the one married, therefore committed, to me, not her to me. If we continue to think that these ‘homewreckers’ are the ones to blame, we’d only be excusing men’s lack of balls to assume a marrige. I have said!

  9. Hmmm
    October 26, 2011

    Darling honestly I think you should leave him before he gives you aids.He keeps cheating and your not even sure if he is using protection.Enough is Enough!Run before its to late!

  10. mac
    October 26, 2011

    There is always two side to a story

  11. mick
    October 26, 2011

    why should stay with your husband he is the one that cheat on you family or no family u can stay but have a diffrent life with that man becuase at the end of the day u have to make ur self happy in the marriage good luck

  12. GO FIGURE
    October 26, 2011

    All I have to say is, “What happened to the Ghost Stories?”

    • Corinne
      October 28, 2011

      There should be a new one from me next Tuesday stay tuned :-D

  13. SOUTY'
    October 26, 2011

    lol yes i !

  14. hmmm
    October 26, 2011

    If you want to save your marriage, LEAVE HIM!
    Your not budging each time he cheats, all you do is accept it. Do you really think he takes you serious?

    NO…

    LEAVE HIM! Do some personal healing, reform yourself, tone your body etc….NO dramatics, tell him; I care for( not love) you but I need sometime alone.

    • GO FIGURE
      October 29, 2011

      @hmmm…How can you save a marriage by being separated? I hope you meant, to save your soul and sanity, leave him! There are three things that I do not interfer with, politics, religion, and marriage. Honey, do what you feel is best for you in your situation since you apparently has been accepting it thus far. There must be a reason why you stay. God speed your decision.

  15. Be smart
    October 26, 2011

    Infidelity is grounds for immediate condom use even in a marriage.

  16. Jay
    October 26, 2011

    Living a sad life is not a way to keep your kids happy, because one of these day you will snap and just might take it out on the kids. If your husband dies right this second would you not live your life? I don’t get it with Caribbean women! If a man claim’s to love you, he will not do anything to make you feel pain, never. He may have a relationship outside of the marriage, but let that woman know “my wife comes first, so if you ever say or do anything to her your ass is mine”.
    Why are you making your life and the kids miserable? I can guarantee you do him the same and he would kick your ass out so quickly even before words would be spoken.
    WOMAN LOVE YOURSELF AIDS IS RAMPANT!

  17. Yes I
    October 25, 2011

    Firstly there should be some form of Communication Between you and your husband and going the extra mile to seek counselling. I am in total agreements to the Statements made by Abu Yusuf.

  18. October 25, 2011

    @Sad Wife

    Nothing in your story tells me that you do not love your husband. For Love is of God, who is Spirit, and when He gives us Love, we also share it with others in Spirit.

    Hence we learn to share love with husband and wife, mom and dad, brothers and sisters, grandmas and grandpas, other close relatives, freinds, and all people whom we will encounter throughout our journey of Life.

    The difference between sharing love with your Father and you husband is that Love joins the two of you in the flesh, hence the both of you experience fleshly desire, or human passion and intimacy towards each other.

    Unfortunately, your husband’s habit of infedelity has betrayed your trust and it has destroyed you ability to experience passion and sensuality towards him and you want none of his towards you–not even wanting him to touch you.

    Sad wife, in my opinion, you are not only miserable, you sound as if you are in a prison through that kind of relationship with your husband.

    When a wife does not want to go home because her husband is there, that is very, very, bad. You sure need the strength of our God of Love in your Life right now.

    If you have not yet done so, start calling to Him for His strength of joy and peace, on a steady basis, to keep you going from day to day. God is always willing!

    This problem in your Life is bad for your state of mind, and once your state of mind is affected. both your mental and physical health will become affected also. You have to correct this problem for your sake, before it is too late.

    As Bella mentioned, you do not have to divorce your husband on the spot, but a separation trial is a must right now.

    If you are a person who believe in the deliverance of God, then let Him show you the way of deliverance, making sure that you remain in constant union with Him, by your faith and through contemplative prayer.

    Sad Wife this is my prayer to our God on your behalf; please receive it by your faith and pass it on to God for your sake.

    Heavenly Father, we are people, most of us would like to believe that You have adopted us to be Your Children.

    Iknow that you have adopted me, dear God, and so I pray that Sad Wife, in this news article, is one of us.

    O God, Sad Wife desparately needs Your Love right this moment. She needs the wisdom, teachings, and guidance of Your Holy Spirit to lead her on the path of deliverance from that present predicarment in her life–her relationship with a husband of infedelity.

    O God, I ask You to lead her to the person, or persons through whom You will show her Your mercy and compassion. By the power of Your Holy Spirit, speak Your plan to her, and may she know Your words by her faith, that she might follow Your plan accordingly.

    Finally dear God, if it is Your plan for Sad Wife and her husband to remain as one in the flesh, I trust on Your ability to train and discipline their minds from conscience, as You cause them to unite again.

    Whatever You do O God, the glory belongs to You. Meanwhile, I ask that You will bless Sad Wife with strength–the joy and peace of Your Love, that will keep her moving forward, regardless of the difficult circumstance in her Life right now.

    I pray this on her behalf, in the name of Jesus Christ. You Wil be done, O God, Eternal Spirt. Amen!

    • TeteMorne I from...
      October 26, 2011

      You could have advised without writing a book, no?

      • Juice
        October 26, 2011

        lol :lol:

      • October 27, 2011

        @Tetemornifrom

        I believe it is jealousy and envy in you guys that influence the attack on my writing. Because none of you can express yourselves for others to plant your message in their minds.

        I mean that what you write is always quickly forgotten. Because it is always a one two or three lines of empitness–just your posted here, for which you got 10 thumbs up. I pity you people.

      • Ice
        October 28, 2011

        Tete morne you hear dat ? Is jealous you jealous because you cannot write long and drawn out essays :lol: hah damn two-three liner you :lol:

  19. (.) (.)
    October 25, 2011

    Poor lady… I feel your pain. Not too many men (especially Dominican men) you will find who are faithful. They want a wife but also want all kinds of agouti to sleep with and think it’s alright. And, the women who help them cheat are no good either. Look at what the other one did. Slept with a married man for four years and because she did not get what she wanted decided to tell the wife. Why didn’t she go to the wife when it started and tell the man to leave her alone? Things sour for her so she trying to break up an already vulnerable marriage….JEZEBEL

  20. magwe ca!
    October 25, 2011

    I cant believe you had to write to bella for advice on this(but its nice entertainment for me! :mrgreen: ) but its obvious that you need to leave this fellow asap. dont even let him know that you’re leaving him, just leave! he’ll come home one day and realize that you’re gone. Hmmm boi i wonder if these stories are even real

  21. FEMME CREOLE
    October 25, 2011

    MY DEAR DO WHAT IS BEST FOR U.I FILL YOUR PAIN PRAY TO GOD BUT SAVE YOUR SELF FROM THIS MAN. I PASS THAT ROAD ITS NOT EASY AT ALL I SUFFER A LOT BUT I LEFT, IM HAPPY NOW. I LEFT THAT MODIE 15 YEARS AGO, I HAD TWO CHILDREN UNDER AGE WITHOUT A JOB AND I FIGHT MY WAY ALONE. I FEEL YOUR PAIN TEARS RUNNING DOWN FROM MY EYES BUT IS TEARS OF JOY. TAKE COURAGE DONT FORGET TO PRAY AND LOVE YOUR SELF. BYE, FROM A WOMAN THAT PASS THAT ROAD 15 YEARS AGO. courage.

  22. way papa
    October 25, 2011

    one thing i pretending self. I enjoying his money. I not leaving for any other woman to enjoy.

    • Abu Yusuf
      October 25, 2011

      Miss/Mrs, I feel sorry for you. You are not enjoying his money, you are spending his money on your physical comforts but deep down you are empty inside. You are very unhappy. Money cannot buy love and happiness.

      It is better to have a struggling, loving hard working husband with virtues than to have a rich man who doesn’t give a damn about you! When will you some of the young Caribbean women think?

  23. way papa
    October 25, 2011

    cac you really don’t know what u are talking about. This is the nature of men. I was respectful never cursed my husband even when I felt i wanted to. Yet still he still go out out there and cheat and even make baby!

  24. leah
    October 25, 2011

    an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind

  25. ss
    October 25, 2011

    I really have to wonder if after the first time u were not worried about std’s cause that would be the first thing going through my mind over and over again and last thing at night when i turn him down everynight for sex. smh…. this thing is serious? when are you going to leave? when eventually you get sick and wont be able to take care of your kids anymore???

  26. vip
    October 25, 2011

    Alot of women in Dominica cannot even tell where they get certain sexual infections from when they go by their doctors andits all because alot of married men are having unprotected sex`with other people. Its a fact that some women are afraid to have unprotected sex with their mate and they are not comfortable with it. Boy look row in the family them days because of sex.But all women know what their man is capable of doing but they try to hide it.

  27. Francis Chicago
    October 25, 2011

    WHOMAN BEFORE YOU WRITE TO BELLA WHY DON,T YOU START TO PRAY TO GOD HE SAY CALL UNTO ME I WILL ANSWER YOU AND SHOW YOU GREAT AND MIGHT THINGS THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW. YOU STILL MARRIED THE BIBLE SAY WIFE SUBMIT TO YOUR HUSBAND SO YOU SHOULD HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM. WHAT EVER YOU DO, DO IT HEARTILY, AS TO THE LORD AND NOT TO MEN, KNOWING THAT FROM THE LORD YOU WILL RECEIVE THE REWARD OF THE INHERITANCE FOR YOU SERVE THE LORD CHRIST.BUT HE WHO DOES WROUNG WILL BE REPAID FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE, AND THERE IS NO PARTIALITY.

    • October 25, 2011

      @Francis Chicago

      I am sure that you recognize my identity here, and I have given you thumbs up many times in the past, but not for this one, sorry! And it not because I am a woman either; for Jesus is my only husband.

      I am a Christian who is in love with our God by faith in His Person of Love–the Man Himself, Jesus Christ. So I know an advise from God’s Holy Spirit when I see one.

      If this wife is telling a genuine story about her relationship with her husband, I am hearing that she has been faithful to man who has consistently betrayed her love for him and she has endured, up to this point.

      I also know that when God decides that He is going to give deliverance to a person, He will use earthly mediums–because He is Spirit and Holiness.

      We do not know if God did not send this lady to Bella, as He begins His work of deliverance on her behalf. I truly believe that she needs God’s Love right now, and He can only give her that kind of Love through a certain person or people.

      I cannot agree with you here, as you use that scripture to make her feel guilty. I mean where in that wife’s word did you read that she did not submit to her husband, that you need to quote that scripture to her?

      After all, she said: “I’ve never been with another man I wouldn’t know how to. The problem is I don’t believe in divorce but I can’t continue being miserable” The lady is still with her husband, as she writes to Bella.

      As a Christian, I need to show compassion of Love to a person like that wife, in this news article.

      Yes, I would use the Word of God to do so; but I have to tell you that the lecture you have given to that lady here, was not spoken by God’s Holy Spirit through you.

      We have to use God’s Word as often as we can to speak the message of Love, but sometimes we need to make sure that we are speaking the word of Love, even if we use the Word of God.

      Remember that Satan used God’s Words when he tried to tempt Jesus, the Man Himself. Let us be careful, and to discern by whose command we will speak a message before we speak, in whatever form we do so. Satan can be extremely deceptive.

      • Francis Chicago
        October 25, 2011

        THE GREAT LIZAVIER 4 JESUS YOU WRIGHT A BOOK ALL THE TIME BUT I ALWAYS READ YOUR COMMENTS;[SHE SAY SHE DO NOT BELIVE IN DIVORCE OK COOL BUT SHE IS STILL MARRIED HE IS A WONDERFUL FATHER BUT HE CHEAT ALL THE TIMES I ADVISE HER TO PRAY SUDMIT BEAUSE SHE SAY SHE DO NOT HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM.MEANS ;EMOTIONAL SENSATION ALSO TOUCH TASTE.SHE SAY HE IS A GOOD FATHER BUT SHE DID NOT SAY THAT HE IS A GOOD MAN.THE STEP OF A GOOD MAN ARE ORDERED BY THE LORD ;AND HE DELIGHTETH IN HIS WAY .DAVID WEAKNESS;INABILITY TO CONTROL HIS SEXUAL DESIRE.2 SAMUEL 12;9-14. LIZAVIER 4 JESUS.[]DOMINICAN NEWS ONLINES NEED MORE PEOPLE LIKE YOU TO GIVE COMMENT .

      • October 27, 2011

        Well Francis:

        I was not quite sure what you doing, in your response to me, as I read the center of your post; but you ended with a great encouragement for me. Thank you and I gave you a thumbs for this one.

        I also understood that you meant well to that lady, since you started by asking her to take her troubles to God first. But do not forget that it takes a very spiritually mature person to make that move first.

        I am a person with a passion for writing and extreme love for our God by my faith in His Person of Love, the Man, Jesus Christ. That is why I almost go out of control when I write about Him. I have so much to talk about Him

        You send some jucy ones most of the time as well. But even if you do not write long pages like me–and I need to say that I really want to make them shorter–can you try not to write with all caps?

        It would make you writing much more apealing to read. Blessings.

    • delicious
      October 25, 2011

      It akso says husbands love and cherish your wives, or you forgot that. It also states that the only reason to grant divorce is on the grounds of infidelity and so far it seems like she has lots of grounds. I guess you are one of those women who men walk all over. Please as a Christian there’s no how you can tolerate such and not be cussing your husband inwardly

  28. Been there stillhurt
    October 25, 2011

    Divorce is ok due to adultery,God says so although He does not like it,been there done that this pain is worse than child-birth because it never stops,and that’s the reason all feelings for him is gone,divorce him and don’t look back do yourself and your kids a favor,living testimony,if you stay with him it’s not going to get better leave while the kids are still small,trust me on that one,don’t be such a softee in this situation,and that kind of relationship/household affects the kids don’t be fooled as they grow older they pick-up on things.I can write you a book this situation,it would certainly be a best seller!

  29. October 25, 2011

    Sweetheart the one sure reason the Bible gives us for divorce is infidelity and infidelity to that extent..you should have divorced him ten times already because your husband is essentially a TWO LEGGED, BIG HEADED BIG FAT DIRTY RAT. Of course if my husband puts his hand on me I also consider it infidelity and I am bailing out but to have someone like that in your bedroom is defiling yourself and your kids. Go file for divorce tomorrow. God will not hold that one against you and you should not either..AMEN.

  30. CAC
    October 25, 2011

    Real sad story. This things happen sometimes and they stem from our upbringing and how we are taught to handle problems. When someone cheats it’s because they are made to feel worthless by their partner or their parents. There is always the issue of self worth and value of self in the mix. Sometime wives unconsciously makes husbands feel like crap. maybe You learned how to put down men from your mom. Who knows. But, really no right thinking man cheats on a woman who builds him up, supports him, and communicates with him. People don’t just cheat for sex, they cheat to feel better about themselves. So here is some advice for you married people. Be respectful to you spouse. Treat them right and listen to their insecurities. Don’t make comments like: Be a man, or you’re not strong enough, or women love rough necks. That is sure to get you a horn. Just sayiong..

    • October 25, 2011

      I cannot believe that your are placing partial blame on that woman for her husbands sad state of affairs. You sound like a brainwashed individual who sat in a psychology class believing that a 4 month old girl craves a relationship with her father. Your comments to me a deplorable and unwarranted and rather than being supportive to that woman and helping her understand that she has done nothing to deserve that kind of treatment from that RAT, your are telling her that she has not been a wife. When she finally works up the courage to dispose of him, my advice to you is go pick him up from the trash dump and give him the love she never gave him. Really what planet are your from…sound like you were AMERICANIZED like all of the other ones you see on the talk shows regurgitating that same foolishness you just did and always blaming someone else rather than taking responsibility for their inappropriate behavior. Please do not try to introduce Dominicans to that foreign mess. We are smatter than that.

      • CAC
        October 25, 2011

        I just knew someone would complete miss the point. I deliberately said what I said not to condemn the woman or take blame off the man for his actions, but to show that we sometimes do not make the connections between cause and effect. OK, let’s take your advice and advise the woman to divorce her husband. Fine!!! She is divorced now. She is free. After 2 – 3 years she may want to remarry. What then? She hasn’t examined the reason why the relationship failed in the first place. No self-assessment was done to see whether certain attitudes contributed to the failure. See, I don’t think it’s good enough to just quit unless one knows for sure that they are not at fault. What if her second marriage also fails miserably? What now? Should she become a black widow? All I’m saying here is that she should examine what’s causing the man to stray. Is it something that she is doing that’s pushing him away? Notice how we always seem to get one side of the story.

  31. Dominican
    October 25, 2011

    I can understand why you no longer have feelings for your husband. I cannot understand why you are still with him. I do not champion divorce but there are cases, such as yours where remaining married is going to turn you into a stressed out, sick, frustrated, angry and bitter woman who not even your children will be able to love.

    This situtation is not going to change. Believe me, you don’t want to wake up ten years from now to realize that you gave all your youth to this man. Get out of this relationship before you make yourself and your children sick. Get a separation if you don’t want a divorce but get out.

  32. tiny
    October 25, 2011

    and Dominicans….shut up what’s new don’t act all surprised your husbands and boyfriends are doing the same…they do it cause they know they can get away with it

  33. vip
    October 25, 2011

    i feel sorry for women in Dominica.This is all so common but these women are so spineless and dependent on a man for all their financial and emotional support that they feel its hard to leave. Some men are so crafty that they know how to destroy a womans self confidence and make her feel that she cannot get another man so these women stay there until they are eventually destroyed mentally.There are alot of broken women educated and uneducated walking around in Dominica.

    • We the People
      October 25, 2011

      Educated has nothing to do with mattes of love. Love is about emotion. You would be surprised how many very successful women who are lacking in self confidence and self esteem.

      I know of this woman who is a vice president of a bank and she knows her husband cheats. Sometimes he does not even bother to come home for the night. Yest they have been married for years. They basically live separate lives under the same roof.

  34. We the People
    October 25, 2011

    Dat lady have patience. No wonder the man keeps cheating. He keeps coming back with a story because he knows you will take him back.

    Lady, he is not worth the trouble. Get out of that “relationship” and make a life for yourself and your children.

  35. fatty batty
    October 25, 2011

    dear wife i feel your pain,marriage is a commitment but you and your husband but he has broken his part,now u and the kids a the ones paying the price u said that u dont like divorce but i think a seperation could work at this time,staying for the sack of the kids is not that healthy it could do more harm than good now it’s time to think of yourself and your kids do what best he will always be there for his kids and for u if he so claims that he loves you all but he got to GO.

  36. tomy
    October 25, 2011

    Woman cockais on his head so he know how it feels.

  37. Real Truth
    October 25, 2011

    Like everyone else has stated, your story is rather touching. Touched home too!!! It’s just sad.

    Give him a taste of his own medicine would be improper advise, but one thing that can open his eyes is if he knew other men attracted to you too.

    You’ve been faithful to him and the fact that forgive him and he knows that he is your only one, he is taking advantage of you and your love.

    Just take some time for yourself.. take a trip or a weekend just to yourself and sort out your feelings. Learn to love yourself first before anyone. Learn Radical Self Love (google it) read it and start living by it.

  38. tiny
    October 25, 2011

    omg anonymous so what if spell a word wrong..what if i don’t know the meaning of a word…who the hell are you too criticize me…….are you a millionaire?…..did your high GPA make you a millionaire….haha if so then i better go back to school then

    my GPA is 2.98 and I’m not ashamed to say so(on the other hand if i had a very high GPA i would not have announced it, i don’t boast) …..i was on the deans list but then i lost my focus…. stopped studying and my GPA went down significantly…i could have graduated with a much better GPA….and no I’m not a smart person….

    i will repeat I’ve seen a lot of smart kids with much lower GPA then mine and i think that these kids are very smart….all they need to do is a little studying..they study a few hours before an exam… I’ve studied a lot with those kinds of kids…..whereas there are a lot of kids that i am not impressed by ….i do not think that they are smart and they have very impressive GPAs…

    dno please allow me to respond to anonymous in this section please please please ….thank you

  39. Abu Yusuf
    October 25, 2011

    In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

    1. I really do empathize with you miss however, it would have been interesting to find out whether there was effective communication between the both of you especially after the first time he cheated. Many times we take our partners back based on “love” or “for the sake of family” etc. This is a mistake, I think that before you took him back then you should find out what motivated him to cheat. Secondly, was he remorseful? Thirdly, what practical steps would he take in order not to repeat the mistake again. These elements should be communicated in the forgiving process in order to pave the road for trust to be rebuilt.

    2. It is sad that things have deteriorated to that extent that you have no love for him. Counseling should have been sought between the both of you especially when it occurred the first or second time.

    Lastly since years of damage is already done, I would suggest divorce. It makes absolutely no sense to keep up the pretense whilst you are dying on the inside. The children should receive counseling.

  40. advice
    October 25, 2011

    Girl you need to get rid of that bum..just ensure that he maintains and care your kids…Resentment can lead to far worst things than unhappiness..

  41. step by step
    October 25, 2011

    1. Prayer, prayer and more prayer.

    2. Go get an HIV test.

    3. After all this infidelity, you should be sneezing, peeing, pooping and belching birth control tablets.

    4. Your children’s happiness is an ‘illusion’. Eventually, they will know the truth. Children are not stones and are more observant than we think.

    5. It’s just a matter of time before you ‘explode’, can pretend no more or something drastic like HIV or cancer from stress happens. So first, protect YOU, and ultimately you will protect your kids and the happiness they deserve.

    Learn to Love Yourself First.

    • RAS
      October 25, 2011

      I AGREE LOVE YOURSELF FIRST DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY. LEAVE HIS AS—

  42. Alas
    October 25, 2011

    I really feel your pain. Please leave this man before you ruin yourself. He is a no good piece of trash. You are not alone.

  43. Too Much Misere
    October 25, 2011

    Girl u are too forgiving. You took him back one too many times and he figures you will do it again no matter what he does.

    I can’t tell u what to do but if it were me, I would kick his lying, cheating, no-good a$$ to the curb. He wants to run around, let him… just don’t let him drag u behind him while he’s doing it.

  44. simplistic
    October 25, 2011

    you cant make your kids happy if you are not .you are only destroying yourself even more dont believe this crap about love if he love you so much he would not repeatedly hurt you and to be honest you have given him a fair chance this is torture right now your bundle of joys that all you need as u said you are independent well act like you are some men just love to live up to the notion mens are dogs

  45. nal
    October 25, 2011

    Sorry for u wifey, u have gone through a lot with this man..To be honest i dn’t even know what to tell u but i personally wld have put this man on this back burner longtime.. He goes out dere sleep around and comes back to u.. Have u ever thought about the possibility that this man can give u an STD..
    I personally can’t stand those kinds of men.. Women go through too much with those so called husbands who claim to love their wife!!

  46. No Name
    October 25, 2011

    Once is a mistake but twice is a habit

    • Domerican
      October 25, 2011

      I kinda get your point, but it is no mistake when a man willingly/willfully goes out and cheats on his wife. A mistake is when someone misunderstands or misinterprets something and end up doing it anyway. In my opinion one has to make up his/her mind to cheat (whether that decision is contemplated or done in a split second). ANYWAY MY HEART GOES OUT TO THAT WOMAN, MUCH BLESSINGS AND PEACE.

    • me
      October 25, 2011

      get rid of de man

  47. Uncle Dildo
    October 25, 2011

    I feel your pain but deep inside I know you are already wankarlaying someone else. But if your story is true then its time to run like hell and keep the man that you already seeing secretly. Best of luck because the grass in not always greener on the other side.

  48. Dam
    October 25, 2011

    Cheat on him first and let him feel the pain and than get a divorce. eye for an eye.

  49. seasoning pepper
    October 25, 2011

    this article is so touching i don’t even know how to comment on it… all i can say is i feel your pain.

    OMG some men can be so inconsiderate. hummm smh, thats a hurting wife, mam i am truly really sorry!!!!!

  50. for real
    October 25, 2011

    i feel for you lady. try getting some counselling.

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