My new boyfriend has another girlfriend

Dear BellaI was in an abusive relationship for years and I finally got out. The man made me feel insecure and would hurt me in every possible way.

I promised myself that I wouldn’t get into a relationship again because of what I went through, however I got myself into a relationship with this amazing guy. He was my friend for a number of years but it is only now that we have the chance to be together.

The only problem is that he has a girlfriend but I know that he loves me so much. He makes me happy and I would hate to lose him. It always hurts me so much whenever he tells me she is by his home for the weekend. The thought of him being with her is unbearable.

He tells me the only reason he doesn’t live her is because she never give him a reason to and he is not into hurting people.

What should I do?


Dear Confused,

This is a relationship you should stay away from. First of all, this new boyfriend already has a girlfriend and it is obvious he has no intention of leaving her for you.

Secondly, your new boyfriend is lying to you. He said that he is not into hurting people but obviously he is hurting you. This is not what true love is all about.

I encourage you to forget about that guy. Move on. I am sure there is another guy out there who will accept you and who does not have another girlfriend spending weekends with him.

Good luck.


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  1. Hassan kemi
    February 4, 2019

    My new boyfriend has a girlfriend that is in higher institutions
    Just a little time to finish her education and her parent know the girl
    That both parent support them to get married to her since she has been impregnate
    her before and she give birth but the child died. So they plan to marry each other
    but when he loves me but he was stock somewhere but he did not want to hurt me
    by telling me his friend tell me about it and he told me not to tell him CU’s he will think he
    Betrayed him please what should I do CU’s I love him

  2. October 3, 2013

    Confused: :cry:

    Your letter is two years old and I know your situation has probably changed. But I am writing
    for others out there who are in similar circumstances. 8-O

    This man already has a woman he obviously cares enough about to stay with her. To him you are only a little extra on the side. 8)

    (a) He is not treating you right because this gives him two women in his life and leaves you with half a man since the other woman has the other half!

    (b) He is not treating the other woman right either because again this gives him two women in his life and leaves her with only half a man since you have the other half!

    What kind of man would do that? :twisted:

    (a) He is an immoral person because he is (I assume) having sex with two women when he’s not married to either one. (And how can you be sure there is only one other woman in his life?)

    (b) He is deceptive because he is letting his girlfriend think he’s faithful to her while he’s seeing you.

    (c) He is cruel because he is hurting you, even though as BELLA has pointed out, he says he’s not into hurting people.

    But Confused, you also need to ask yourself, “What kind of woman am I?” Do you not realize the other lady had him first? You are actually trying to take him away from somebody else.

    There is usually a reason why somebody gets hurt repeatedly in their relationships. Could it be that you are lonely and just want so much to be with somebody that you don’t look closely enough to see the kind of person he is? Or is it that you don’t think you are good enough for a high class guy? Maybe you hang out at the wrong places and these are the kind of men you meet :roll: there.

    Obviously you should break off with this man. :idea: Take a close look at yourself and spend a little time becoming the kind of young lady an upright and honest man will be drawn to – a man who will treat you right and make you his wife! Then build a life with him.

    You can do it :!: :-D

    I invite you to visit my website :-o and click onto the EAGLE COURSE.This 12 Lesson Workbook Manual can be studied from the screen or copied absolutely free. The first lesson will tell you how to receive Jesus Christ as your Savior and begin an exciting faith journey! :lol:

    Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.

  3. Diva
    January 24, 2013

    girl come out dere eh with ur majee. de man have another woman but he loves you so a tebeh or wa? if he have another woman, he doh love you..he like di ting u givin him deh.

  4. Jesse
    April 24, 2012

    Well it never works. Out.

  5. baby
    February 21, 2012

    how do i write to bella?

    ADMIN: Write to, attn: Dear Bella.

  6. cute..
    January 12, 2012

    dats rite crazy 101. tete morne it mite happen to you so dont say dat. ur a girl to things happen in life.. and leave my ….man alone cuz ur also coming at my man….

  7. Crazy 101
    January 12, 2012

    welllll…first n foremost…typical men…u can hardly find one with one woman….my girl stick to your man eh….god is good…..u never knw….if he really loves u n u love him….prove to d man that u are the right one for him. make him see that u are special. and one last ting make sure u can cook n clean n sex good eh

  8. Esther
    December 30, 2011

    Getting used and abused is no easy matter. It hurts like hell. Been there, girl find yourself someone new. All men are dogs.

    • Lady G
      January 12, 2012

      Not all men are dogs. There are some very good men out there you just have to search.

    • favors
      March 12, 2012

      not all men are Dogs. in fact i have a very good man and he loves me to death and i appreciate him with all my heart…. Just keep searching you will find the man just for you and you for him…

      • too hard too long
        May 30, 2012

        to death?

  9. hmmph. allu wild eh
    December 25, 2011

    Bella, just because he says he won’t leave her doesnt mean he’s into hurting her. I seriously doubt she would want him to leave her (when she does nothing wrong) just like how she wants him to leave his own woman. That……aint right. If she really loves him, she should be happy for him, n leave his relationship be. The girl just latching onto a source of comfort, in other words she’s in the rebound phase. She needs to get another SINGLE guy or girl if she in dat. And have a fling until that phase is over and she can move on to better things.

  10. Beau Noir
    December 25, 2011

    All i seeing in that is money. Woman just like man for money dah y she staying wit d man.

    • Lady G
      January 12, 2012

      I would not say that she maybe just need a friend

  11. Big G
    December 24, 2011

    What about the guy she loves to see she is in contact with.

  12. December 23, 2011

    u said that u were hurt in ur previous relationship and one of the most common ways men hurt women is by cheating. having said that, why is it that u want another woman to be hurt by her man cheating on her with u?

  13. Country Girl.......
    December 23, 2011

    Honestly, you knew that he had a girlfriend, cause you said you guys were frends for years…if you both valued your friendship….you guys should not have gotten intimate…what do you expect the guy to do walk away from her? guess you know the answer…SEX should not be involve in friendship…for you sometime losing both….if you wanted a quicky you should have bite and run…or keep your pu….c in your panty…you should walk away/find another man/remain single for a while the right man might come along…when youre not even looking..we all want some loving..hope you start by loving you…Merry Christmas…

  14. green day lover
    December 23, 2011

    dominicans alu 2 stupid in alu . stop minding ppl business and study alu own.

    • TeteMorne I From...
      December 23, 2011

      But green day, is SHE that put her business outside! She wrote to Bella… a a?

  15. b real
    December 22, 2011

    You just having a rebound love to ease your pain.You will soon realise thats just not what you looking for. All of us go through this situation some point in our life. You looking for a support pillar. As soon as you have gain confidense in yourself you will soon move on.I realise that this is not the real reason for being in love with this guy especially when you knoww that he has his girlfriend.Enjoy it while it last making sure that you prepared for another broke heart or sad moment in your life. Turn to Jesus amd take time be of a positive thinker and check yourself.

  16. Gaza
    December 22, 2011

    wa gwaan wow…. need me chick?

  17. Comment
    December 21, 2011

    Gurl, come off the people man. If he did love you the way you say, he woulda leave her long time ago.SMDH!!!

  18. hmm awa wi
    December 21, 2011

    sweedy u need 2 take a break of dis guy .. find some 1 single n is wiling 2 lonve u 4 who u are notwho ur not .. be careful be wis take ur time 2 settle down b4 u can fall inlove again .. al dha best

  19. SEWO
    December 21, 2011

    Bella, the guy is not lying or hurting her, he is being truthfully to her by telling her he cannot leave his girlfriend without a reason, so she should leave him alone… Young Lady Get someone that will love you for you, remember what you went through, Do not go into another relationship with a man that has already someone, go to Church and pray to God he will hear your prayers..
    Good Luck Honey

  20. vip
    December 21, 2011

    For my part woman have too much seems their emotions overides their intelligence. so they are constantly making a fool of themsleves. Where are the confident, educated ,independent women ?where have they all gone?

    • Grasshopper
      December 21, 2011

      All those women walking around without a man. They think too much of themselves and think men are only good to donate sperm.

  21. sout
    December 21, 2011

    so you seeing woman not good eh

  22. Anonymous
    December 21, 2011

    Almost 2 wks wait from ur last post Bella and that is what u r coming up with; Bella U R like an impotent man. So disapointed.

  23. donna ex diva spa
    December 21, 2011

    Love is such a difficlt game to play when you are young, not much better when your older to be honest.
    sweet heart keep away from him, he will break your heart, and that of his poor unknowing girlfriend.
    I am sure you will find yourself a nice young man.
    Trick is to stop looking for one and then before you know it one pops up and bobs your uncle. good luck sweet heart xxxx

  24. no name
    December 21, 2011

    it very easy to comment when looking from the outside..if that man loved his girlfrien he wud have no business with you fight for what u want

    • Anonymous
      December 21, 2011


  25. Anonymous
    December 20, 2011


  26. choops
    December 20, 2011

    You are vulnerable and the cheater knows that. He does not love you.if he did he’d leave his current gt to be with you. I would not even want his friendship either. Friends don’t use friends like that.

  27. newyork
    December 20, 2011

    that sounds like someone i know in new

  28. pimp
    December 20, 2011

    plz don’t put all the blame on the young lady, cause we men can be such good players.

    • real woman
      January 9, 2012

      amen to that i caught mine right handed this morning and he was shocked to see me sittting on the bonnet with my legs crossed when he came out of the house at 4 am.i have never seen a big man frighten so

  29. ......
    December 20, 2011

    So he ain’t yours! Stop trying to claim boyfriends and baby daddy’s and instead try to secure a husband! i doh even understand how women fight for men.

  30. TeteMorne I from...
    December 20, 2011

    First of all, he is NOT your boyfriend. He has a woman in the first place, so, why do you refer to him as your boyfriend? I do NOT feel for you at all. You seem to be attracted to losers and abusers! The boy has a girlfrined, so common sense should tell you that this relationship is an accident waiting to happen. Can’t you find anyone decent and unattached? Grow up with your Dear Bella crap! You do not need Bella’s help/advice to tell you: Get a freakin’ life! :(

  31. miss LLOYD
    December 20, 2011

    girl go by them chines buy one of them cheap shoes they have and run far away as much as the shoe can bring you cause that man ent leaving his woman for you nor no body so stop making him fool your head with that thing love is not true

  32. December 20, 2011

    My Dear, you need to first take some time for yourself, spend some time in prayer and speak to your God,
    am sure he will see you through. you have lot’s of life infront of you.

  33. Cathy
    December 20, 2011

    1st of all stop borrowing people man. Find your own.

    2ndly, Now you abusing yourself by allowing yourself to be used and being a fool at it. I guess the guy is really your friend. he told you the truth straight up ‘ he is not leaving his woman’.

    What more do you need to understand? A callot? Maybe if he does and you feel abused you’ll find reason to leave because the other woman it seems is not.

  34. axa 4 life smallzzzz
    December 20, 2011

    :) :-D :lol:

  35. Anonymous
    December 20, 2011


  36. fatty batty
    December 20, 2011

    GET OUT GET OUT learn to love ur self this amazing guys as u claim is not your friend he knows your weakness so his is taking advantage he has a girlfrieng so why are you in this relationship,take time out,a good guy will come your way in due time.

  37. Abu Sulayman
    December 20, 2011

    In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

    Firstly, how long did it take you “confused” to get into another relationship? Since you came from an abusive relationship, it is advisable to seek counseling to deal with your abusive past first. How can after years of abuse jump into another relationship without any serious healing? This “confused” is not healthy for you. Also, in my humble opinion I do not approve of relationships out of wed-lock.

    Secondly, how long have you both started having intimate feelings towards each other? How do you know he loves you? One could understand if you say that you know that he is attracted to you but love? I wish miss “confused” could kindly clarify this please.

    Thirdly, you have two choices. It is either you leave him alone because you cannot stand the idea of him being with another woman; or, all three of you can come into Islam and he can marry the both of you, one night for you, one night for her (rotate it)if you really don’t want to lose him. He said he is not leaving his woman for you. :lol:

    Lastly, I recommend you seek counseling. The first reason is you may have not healed from your previous relationship and jumping into a new relationship without this healing is unwise. The second reason is you seem very vulnerable right now since you are seeking a man to quell the pain and agony you went through. I wish you the best.

    • patriot
      December 21, 2011

      In the Name of AllahMostGraciousMostMerciful.



  38. HA HZ
    December 20, 2011

    he dosen’t live…ha ha ha the word is leave. WHEN YOU LEARN TO SPELL THEN MAYB U WILL BE ABLE TO KEEP YOUR MAN

  39. NY Babes
    December 20, 2011

    girl i know what u are going thru, well the part about being the other woman. and that line about she hasnt done anything wrong, ive gotten that too. if he says that it only means one thing, he loves her and wont leave for you or anyone else for that matter. Lemme tell you, number two never/rarely becomes number one. ur number two for reason. all u ever going to be to him is side dish. girl u deserve so much better. dont settle boo, please dont!!

  40. patriot
    December 20, 2011




  41. Domerican
    December 20, 2011

    You went from one abusive relationship to a next. Abuses come in all forms. Love is really blind.

    December 20, 2011

    Some people can use thier common sence, and they dont have to ask BELLA for no advice.Use your head. SIMPLE THING LIKE THAT U HAVE TO ASK BELLA? WASTE OF TIME.

    • TeteMorne I from...
      December 20, 2011


  43. Wat boy
    December 20, 2011

    One more thing… he not YOUR boyfrend. Think!!

    • popa
      December 20, 2011

      ah ah y allu like to jump in poeple “collier” so na. she know da. d girl have emotional problems smh….help her…not attack!

  44. Dominican
    December 20, 2011

    before everybody says how “stupid” you are imma say you’re not… the problem is wen u’re hurt and went through so much you’re willing to jump on any bit on “niceness” or care and love you can find! you’re only trying to make yourself happy. and maybe the guy IS a nice guy and has feelings for you, but he has a gf. least he can do is help u find a decent guys. but matters of the heart sucks! so…best of luck….

    • Dominican
      December 20, 2011


  45. Wat boy
    December 20, 2011

    My grandmother would tell you to “give yourself a chance to breathe.” U comeout from an abusive relationship and bam, u in another one that is not so free up. Girl relax, get a makeover, do your nails, do your hair and just take care of you. Dont feel left out, there are many single ladies out there you are not alone. wat you like to do? cook something, bake, sew, crochet…make icepop…get a coal pot roast plantain… just get yourself occupied with things you like and things dat would make you so tired that u doh have time to think of man for now. Take care of you first, man will come at the right time. Hope this helps.

    • Love Dr.
      December 21, 2011

      You should be the new bella. The old bella tired.

      December 21, 2011

      lADY MAKE COCONUT OIL, CASTOL OIL,TABLET, coconut cheese, logar and move on leave man alone for the time. Take care of yr self be strong and u will discover what is real love my dear I feel yr pain pray to God and he will make a way my dear I wish u all the best.

  46. lol
    December 20, 2011

    haha.. thats what happens when women friendzone the good male friends in their lives, then they turn around its too late

    • mouth of the south
      December 20, 2011

      dat is real talk…. i experience that treatment and all i can do is just smh when them woman in scenario with them man that don’t care about them….

  47. T. Winston
    December 20, 2011

    If you have no problem being a “side-dish” then by all means stay because you know that’s exactly what you are. He has his woman and you know that so don’t fall into that trap my girl because is misery and heartache alone you’ll get for it. What happens when you go out with him and his woman come? she’ll brush you aside and you have to stay silent. All you are to this man is a different type of meat he have his chicken and he looking to get some swine

  48. greenday lover
    December 20, 2011

    gurl leave deh people dem man alone. it’s obvious dat he loves her more dan he loves you. YOU HEAR DAT “HE CANT FIND ONE GUD REASON TO LEAVE HER.” if he really loved you da fact dat he has u alone would be enough to leave her but he cant. ITS A GUD THING I GRAB MY MAN WHILE THE GUD ONES WAS GOING AROUND. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    • advice
      December 20, 2011

      What does yoy grabing a man have to do with the girl’s situation..who knows you may b in the same predicament…lol…

  49. Pnuts
    December 20, 2011

    What u need 2 do is stay out of relationships 4 a while and learn 2 love urself.
    U went from a woman beater 2 a womanizer. If #2 bf was really an amazing guy and your best friend as u claim he would not have put u into the situation u just describe. His girl b4 u did not give him a reason 2 leave her but apparently she gave him a reason to cheat, bcause that is what he is doing with u. He claims he is not into hurting pple but he is hurting U. That amazing guy is taking advantage of u because he knows your background. U need 2 stop and learn 2 love U, bcause the greatest love of all is learning to love urself. U made urself an easy target.

    • Ice
      December 22, 2011

      The best answer thumbs up to you pnuts If I was in her place I would ask him “honey seeing that you have your girlfriend and you have me, is it o.k. if I start seeing other people ? some people like to eat their cake and have it. You are not stupid you are a beautiful person being taken advantage of lots of men out there would love to have you as their number one take time and find someone who will love and appreciate you.

  50. December 20, 2011


    Confused…just leave him already!!!!!!

    You just came from an abusive relationship, you do not need another one. This can develop into a case with mental abuse… leave him now before you are more invested.

    He told you that he’s not leaving her, so i’m not sure what else you want to hear.

    There’s a good man just around the corner…but first, you need to walk and turn that corner.

    Let him go. He’s just taking advantage of you.

    Run, Run, Run!!

  51. 7yup
    December 20, 2011

    Dear DNO

    Can I be your new Bella? Your current sucks :-?


    ADMIN: No thanks.

    • me
      December 20, 2011

      LOL @ ADMIN

    • TeteMorne I from...
      December 20, 2011


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