![\"Dear](\"http:\/\/dominicanewsonline.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/new-dear-bella.png\")
I have a problem and although I may know the answer, I need to have a second opinion.<\/p>\nI have a problem and although I may know the answer, I need to have a second opinion.<\/p>\n
I have been in a steady relationship for seven years now. Out of that seven we have been living together for 4 years plus.<\/p>\n
Over that four year plus span, we have been through a lot, and have gained a lot through collaboration.<\/p>\n
But the thing is I did some unforgivable things at the start of the relationship. I admit, and I am sorry. It never happened again.<\/p>\n
But over five years I thought that maybe he has forgiven me, even though he brings it up when we argue. According to him, it is meant to remind me.<\/p>\n
But about a year and a half ago, I started seeing his behaviour changing slowly but surely. He began working late some times and so on. But this past year it\u2019s like practically every night (including weekends).<\/p>\n
Then, money started becoming unaccounted for, nights, weekends and stories started coming in full swing.<\/p>\n
And, so obviously, the arguments and all that (although we have had that before) became frequent.<\/p>\n
So, Bella, every night I am alone till late, with his son who also lives with us for one year now.<\/p>\n
He is in no hurry to commit, but he wants a child from me. I am way younger than him although he is not old.<\/p>\n
But I need to get my life together. Seven years is a long time to still be thinking.<\/p>\n
I am stuck since I think I love him, but I love me more. We don\u2019t go out any more, everything is changed.<\/p>\n
I also met someone who seems like the real deal.<\/p>\n
What should I do?<\/p>\n
Stuck<\/strong> Dear Stuck,<\/p>\n As you were writing this letter I am sure you were confirming what you already plan to do.\u00a0 I wish you had shared with us what you really want to do.<\/p>\n You have invested emotions and finance into a relationship and seven years after you realize that the individual does not want to commit.\u00a0 Be careful not to make the norms of society be what you are using to determine commitment.\u00a0 Many-a-common-law relationship withstand rain and fire; however if marriage makes you happy, you should communicate that to your partner.\u00a0 Building a life together has to do with willingness by both parties to live together.\u00a0 There is an expression: Live while you are living.\u00a0 This means to enjoy the finer things of life together.\u00a0 Go dining, travel.<\/p>\n You say that he is not willing to commit but that he wants a baby.\u00a0 Is the friction between the two of you because of your unwillingness to have his child?\u00a0 Is it possible that he is allowing you to be home with his son to develop maternal instincts?\u00a0 Did you build courage to question this relationship and to see the flaws because you looked out the window and say “greener grass”?\u00a0 I am sure that when you met your current lover he was Mr Right.<\/p>\n If you are taking the time to write this letter and to ponder this relationship, you need to talk to your man.\u00a0 Find out from him what is the problem, if there is one, and let him know that you are not happy with the long hours out. You all need to identify where the relationship went cold and try to spark the fire again.\u00a0 You do not want to have to throw out everything that you all worked to build only to find out that you were only speculating.\u00a0 Relationships may tend to grow cold but it is put to those in the relationship to work to get back the flames and if that cannot happen, then they will take other steps.\u00a0 Be sure to know what you know that you should know before making any big moves. Bella<\/strong><\/p>\n Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at dominicanewsonline@gmail.com. Dear Bella is published on Tuesdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company\u2019s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I have a problem and although I may know the answer, I need to have a second opinion. I have been in a steady relationship for seven years now. Out of that seven we have been living together for 4…","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":55632,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cbd_carousel_blocks":"[]","footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-103943","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dear-bella"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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