{"id":107400,"date":"2013-11-25T09:20:25","date_gmt":"2013-11-25T13:20:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dominicanewsonline.com\/news\/?p=107400"},"modified":"2013-11-25T09:22:16","modified_gmt":"2013-11-25T13:22:16","slug":"characteristics-mentally-strong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominicanewsonline.com\/news\/homepage\/columns\/characteristics-mentally-strong\/","title":{"rendered":"BUSINESS & LIFE: Characteristics of the mentally strong"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Dr.
Dr. Valda Henry<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I begin this week with an apology for the absence of the Business & Life Column for the last two weeks. \u00a0Today marks the start of the \u201cSixteen days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence,\u201d and is also recognized as \u201cthe Day to End Violence Against Women.\u00a0 The Bureau of Gender Affairs has a program to recognise today and the sixteen days.\u00a0\u00a0 The Dominica National Council of Women (DNCW) is holding its AGM this morning from 8am at the Civil Service Association Conference room on Valley Road.\u00a0 I lend my voice and give support to all efforts at ending violence and abuse against all.\u00a0 I wish the Bureau and DNCW much success in their work.\u00a0 \u00a0VF Inc as part of an assignment with the Bureau of Gender Affairs will be holding consultations in the seven districts on among other things the National Gender Policy and we encourage persons to come out in large numbers when the consultation is held in their district.\u00a0 Transportation will be provided.\u00a0 Please contact VF Inc for further details.<\/p>\n

I read an article last week entitled, \u201cMentally Strong People: the 13 Things They Avoid\u201d by Cheryl Connor, a Forbes contributor, drawing on the work of Amy Morin, a licensed Clinical Social Worker, through a post on Facebook by Jones Murphy, Jr.\u00a0 This has inspired the article for this week.<\/p>\n

What does it mean to be mentally strong?\u00a0 Mentally strong people are those who can cope with life\u2019s adversity and blessings with equanimity.\u00a0 People who are able to praise and give thanks in all situations, good or bad, for they believe that the light is at the end of the tunnel, even when they cannot see it.\u00a0 They are optimistic, hopeful and have a deep sense of faith in God and themselves.\u00a0 Have you ever watched Serena Williams recover and win from what appears to be a sure defeat?\u00a0 If you have, you would see mental strength on display.<\/p>\n

Serena however is not our only example of mental strength.\u00a0 There are examples of mentally strong people all around us.\u00a0 We look at our family, friends, neighbours and even our own selves, rise from the ashes of loss of loved ones, abandonment, unemployment, financial distress, teenage pregnancy, abuse, violence and countless other situations and we see mental and emotional strength.<\/p>\n

Today as we mark the start of the \u201cSixteen Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence,\u201d and recognize \u201cthe Day to End Violence Against Women,\u201d it is fitting to reflect on mental strength.\u00a0 The focus is often on the abused, however, we need to pay as much attention to the abuser, if we were to end violence and abuse against children, women and men.\u00a0 I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, psychoanalysts, however, I believe that one of the root causes of violence and abuse is a lack of mental strength and security and this leads others to exert physical strength to assert themselves, to prove they are in control, in charge.\u00a0 They are usually insecure and hurting masquerading as strong.\u00a0 I read a quote recently on one of my godchildren\u2019s \u201cWhatsapp status\u201d, that read, \u201cInsults are the last resort of an insecure person in a crumbling position trying to appear confident.\u201d\u00a0 I wish to modify this to say, \u201cViolence and Abuse are the last resorts of an insecure person in a crumbling position trying to appear in control.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mentally strong people are secure. They know themselves and do not feel intimidated by and inferior to others; they do not feel the need to control every person and situation in their lives; they accept good and bad news with the same grace; they do not have to be right in all things and at all times.\u00a0 Mentally strong people know and accept the good in themselves and recognize it in others.<\/p>\n

Thirteen characteristics of the Mentally Strong (adapted from Motin, quoted in Connors) and two of my own:<\/p>\n

1.<\/strong>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Take responsibility for their actions and outcomes \u2013 <\/b>They do not look for excuses, sympathy or pity.\u00a0 While they may wish for and accept empathy, they recognise and accept the consequences of their actions or situations.\u00a0 They look for the lessons in all circumstances and apply them to and in their lives.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/b>2. \u00a0 \u00a0 Know and Accept their Inherent Worth<\/b> \u2013 They are comfortable in their skins and do not compare themselves to others.\u00a0 They understand, as Eleanor Roosevelt so rightly stated, \u201cno body can make you feel inferior without your consent.\u201d They know who they are and they do not buy into others perception of themselves.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Embrace Change \u2013 <\/b>They recognise that change is inevitable, and embrace it for the opportunities that it presents.\u00a0 Mentally strong people maintain their child-like curiosity and sense of adventure, venturing to the unknown with maybe some uncertainty but no fear.\u00a0 Yesterday, I watched my little Nathan climbing a ladder with absolutely no fear, but a sense of joy and adventure as to where it would end.\u00a0 I was the one fearing he would fall and asked him to get down, though a part of me wanted him to continue on his quest of discovery.\u00a0 I pondered long and hard on this later, telling myself I should have allowed him to continue to the top and stay on guard to catch him if he fell!\u00a0 He will try again, I am confident!<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/b>4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Know what is Within their Control \u2013 <\/b>They live the \u201cSerenity Prayer,\u201d accepting what they cannot change, having courage to change the things they can and wisdom to know the difference.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/b>5.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Speak and Live Authentically \u2013 <\/b>They live their lives stating their positions and doing what they do not to intentionally please or displease others.\u00a0 They do so because this is what they truly believe.\u00a0 They know that they cannot be all things to all men; some people will love them and others will not.\u00a0 They are true to themselves.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/b>6.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Take Calculated Risks \u2013 <\/b>They weigh the pros and cons and make a decision.\u00a0 They know that this is better than no decision.\u00a0 Others may see them as crazy or foolish but they follow their instincts.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/b>7.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Focus on the Future \u2013 <\/b>They reflect on the past, embrace the present and focus on the future.\u00a0 They do not get bogged down and deplete their energy and creativity dwelling on the mistakes or glory days of the past.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a08.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Learn from Mistakes <\/b>– They look for lessons in all situations, especially mistakes and apply it in the future.\u00a0 This enables one to adopt a \u201cLet Go, Let God and Move On,\u201d attitude.<\/p>\n