![\"Dear](\"http:\/\/dominicanewsonline.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/new-dear-bella.png\")
I am writing because I have an issue with my mother.<\/p>\nI am writing because I have an issue with my mother.<\/p>\n
I am a grown woman, 25 years old and yes I still live at home with my two young sons along with my two brothers.<\/p>\n
I am in the process of building my home with my boyfriend. Before I use to contribute a lot to the house hold, pay bills, buy groceries etc. Now that I am building I am not able to do as much, although I still pay the water bill.<\/p>\n
To my mom that seems to be a problem. She keeps telling me to get out of her house if I not pulling my weight.<\/p>\n
I keep trying to explain to her that right now I am in a situation and need her help but she does not care. She even went as far as cooking, and giving everybody and not my sons and I.<\/p>\n
My older brother is 30 years old and has never held a real job and she never tells him get out although he doesn’t contribute.<\/p>\n
Lately she had stopped speaking to me and my sons. I wish I could go live with my boyfriend but he himself is staying with his aunt, who has a full house. Renting is out of the question since we’re building and saving up.<\/p>\n
I know my mother is not responsible for me at my age but is it too much to have your family by your side in times of need?<\/p>\n
What do I do? Right now I have no choice but to stay by my mom.<\/p>\n
How do I make her see I am not a leech trying to live of her, I am just in need of her consideration right now.<\/p>\n
Is it too much to ask?<\/p>\n
Confused<\/strong><\/p>\n ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..<\/p>\n Dear Confused,<\/p>\n You have two issues to deal with: Before you ask “What?” let me explain. As long as you live with your parent, she will feel that she has a say in your life because you are “under her roof”. Hence to make it amicable for you, you have to abide by some of her rules, and that goes without saying that you have to contribute to the household.<\/p>\n You need to be raising your boys in a less hostile environment than what they are currently getting. To appease the situation, besides paying the water bill, you should bring in some food. With your extra expenses, you will not be able to buy grocery for the entire household, but at least contribute a week’s worth of food, or simply buy enough groceries to see you and your sons through the month. Your boyfriend has to continue his child maintenance even if he is building.<\/p>\n You have to create a sanctuary of peace for the children. Children have a way of internalizing the stresses around them and that can produce deviant behaviour. Whatever you see going on, you now have to do through the glasses with my-sons-focused lenses. You have no choice now but to live where you are, but there is a lot of emotional tension and hostility.<\/p>\n Do not focus on anyone changing your environment or changing their thoughts to suit what you think they should be doing. You are going to change how you have been approaching this as you look at yourself more as the mother of two boys, than as the child of a mother at whose home you live.<\/p>\n Bella<\/strong><\/p>\n Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at dominicanewsonline@gmail.com or news@dominicanewsonline.com. Dear Bella is published on Tuesdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company\u2019s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I am writing because I have an issue with my mother. I am a grown woman, 25 years old and yes I still live at home with my two young sons along with my two brothers. I am in the…","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":55632,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cbd_carousel_blocks":"[]","footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-115200","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dear-bella"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\n1. You are an adult mother of 2 boys
\n2. You are a child of a mother at whose home you live.<\/p>\n