![\"Dear](\"http:\/\/dominicanewsonline.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/new-dear-bella.png\")
I’m 20 years of age with what I would not really want to call relationship issues but I hope that you can shine some light of advice to me on this one.<\/p>\nI’m 20 years of age with what I would not really want to call relationship issues but I hope that you can shine some light of advice to me on this one.<\/p>\n
A couple months ago I met a young man of my age range(20-25).<\/p>\n
Lets call him Mr A. He was very nice, extremely polite, quiet and handsome. Not instantly, but awhile after I fell in love with him.<\/p>\n
I thought I was too quick with that because there were things I was later going to find out about him. Things like he was a distant (to himself) person, he was cheating and handled situations a little immature (maybe because of his age) and so.<\/p>\n
Because of that I used to get upset and confront him and instead of answering or talking he would walk out and not speak to me for weeks and then when he pleased himself he’d come back speaking to me. It was the loneliest set of feelings I got.<\/p>\n
It went on and on and I got annoyed and kept my distance.<\/p>\n
I loved him, I did but the disappointment I got threw me onto rocks. Getting out of a bad relationship to a great disappointment hurt me.<\/p>\n
I’m a good woman I do everything I can. I’m faithful, homey, caring, fine attributes(the list goes on) and I had to ask myself, why?<\/p>\n
Why do I get the bad apples? Is it because I love too easily? So I had to end it and get over him because his actions showed he didn’t love me the way I loved him. It was long and hard but I got through it.<\/p>\n
OK, it doesn’t end there, then I told myself this is it, hold up on the relationships.<\/p>\n
During that time I met an international med student here (Mr B). He pursued me but I was hesitant. Getting to know him, I was amazed. I liked him because of his qualities. He was kind, very patient, he was gentle to all, he was humble, respectable and very christian in fact he even helped me get back to my relationship with God. He was very intelligent as well.<\/p>\n
I told him about my past relationship but he didn’t mind, he was ready to love me with all of himself. Problem is his time was very limited and I honestly don’t want to drag anyone into my messed up self but he was a catch. I told him I wanted to practice celibacy and he agreed to help me. He agreed to wait or to go with whatever decision I came to. He never forced or really touched me to make me feel uncomfortable. He never got angry instantly and was ready to forgive. We were getting along well and I started to love him.<\/p>\n
In the midst of all this going on my supposed ‘ex’ (Mr A) one day greets me with a news of he’s leaving the country. I was surprised at his news but disappointed with myself at the same time because our meeting ended up with us in the sheets.<\/p>\n
I couldn’t ask myself ‘How did this happen?’ because I knew. I thought, here I am with a great guy pursuing me only to get myself tangled again to someone who doesn’t love me as much as he does.<\/p>\n
I broke my practice and my promise to God to someone who I thought I had gotten over. I didnt love him again, so why? I broke the respect I had for myself. I felt horrible. My conscience wouldn’t let me and I felt bad. I told Mr B and he was upset but forgave me and said we would never bring it up again (which he never did).<\/p>\n
But as time went by I became miserable with myself. I became angry with myself because my ex was constantly on my mind. I felt stupid for having to get tangled again to this guy who had already left, when I had someone who loved me. I felt even more stupid when I came to the realization that here I had a man most women wanted and I couldn’t love him the way I wanted because of the mess I had gotten myself into.<\/p>\n
Obviously with all that emotional, enraged exasperation inside of me I couldn’t control my anger anymore. Even if I did tell him he wouldn’t seem to understand, I thought. I was tired of fighting battles with myself. I was bitter and mad and so I chased him away with my silly attitude.<\/p>\n
But I found peace with myself after, I had resolved my inner problems. When I did I came to realized I made a big mistake (for chasing Mr B away) because he was ready to help me with whatever. I felt as if I was threw away diamonds and collected stones. (Sigh) Alright so I gathered myself together and thought I’d try to make amends. Too late, he ignored all of my tries and wont let me in for anything (maybe because I had hurt him).<\/p>\n
Bella, what must I do? Must I continue trying? Or must I stop and continue to feel silly for what I did? Or accept that as a part of life’s learning process and move on?<\/p>\n
Need Help<\/strong><\/p>\n …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………<\/p>\n Dear Need Help,<\/p>\n You need to find peace within yourself. You have not forgiven yourself for “wrong” decisions taken and you keep carrying them with you. Every relationship is ending up worst than the last because you are just carrying the blocks of hurt into the new relationships.<\/p>\n You need to stop building that castle of “I have done wrong”. Love, the whole world has sinned and done wrong. What is important is what you do after you have fallen. I think you have been wallowing in self-pity for too long.<\/p>\n Mr B is afraid of you because you are appearing to be this emotionally unstable lady. Do you think that someone who is climbing a ladder will be looking to be friend with the angry monster who is trying to eat the legs of that ladder?<\/p>\n Forgive yourself and move on. Holding on to all this, has even lowered your self-esteem because you will always internalize how many times you have failed yourself. You have to learn to see and know your “now” or your present moment. You mentioned a relationship with God, so being in a faith system, it would be good to seek the assistance of the Heavenly Father in finding your inner peace and to know the joy of Jesus Christ in your life.<\/p>\n Once you have dealt with your hurt, self-pity, low self esteem and all the rest, the right person will be attracted to you.<\/p>\n Bella<\/strong><\/p>\n Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at dominicanewsonline@gmail.com or news@dominicanewsonline.com. Dear Bella is published on Tuesdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company\u2019s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.<\/strong><\/p>\n \n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I’m 20 years of age with what I would not really want to call relationship issues but I hope that you can shine some light of advice to me on this one. A couple months ago I met a young…","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":55632,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cbd_carousel_blocks":"[]","footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-117572","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dear-bella"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n