{"id":177055,"date":"2017-01-27T10:27:11","date_gmt":"2017-01-27T14:27:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dominicanewsonline.com\/news\/?p=177055"},"modified":"2017-01-29T01:19:16","modified_gmt":"2017-01-29T05:19:16","slug":"the-kschronicles-can-men-and-women-be-just-friends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dominicanewsonline.com\/news\/homepage\/features\/commentary\/the-kschronicles-can-men-and-women-be-just-friends\/","title":{"rendered":"THE KSCHRONICLES: Can men and women be \u201cJust friends?\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"
Kerdisha St. Louis<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

EDITOR\u2019S NOTE: TheKSChronicles are the observations and insight of blogger and journalist Kerdisha St.Louis. Each article seeks to invoke a reaction and\/or introspection from readers in Dominica and the Diaspora on various thought provoking issues and topics. The column is published every Friday.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is a discussion that I was recently engaged in with some of my girlfriends. Of course a conversation with a group of women tends to get heated and enthusiastic (especially when there are several glasses of wine involved).<\/p>\n

Like any debate there were two sides of the spectrum, there were some who were firmly on the \u201cNo\u201d side who believed that a platonic relationship between men and women cannot work, and those who believed \u201cYes\u201d human beings have the capacity to interact with the opposite sex with nothing developing into a sexual relationship.<\/p>\n

Now we\u2019ve all seen this classic TV\/movie plot play out on the screen: guy meets girl, guy and girl become best friends, guy develops secret crush on girl, girl gets boyfriend, guy becomes jealous and confesses his feelings, and, finally, girl realizes she\u2019s been in love with guy all along. But does marketing shown to us on the television distort how we view male and female relationships?<\/p>\n

Males and females have been living, working, and playing side-by-side since a young age, making it inevitable that they interact with one another.<\/p>\n

At school, we start to form our own gender groups where we take an interest in those who act like we do.<\/p>\n

It is during puberty that boys and girls start to see each other as potential dating partners because they don\u2019t really know one another as friends.<\/p>\n

When we begin to look for friends of the opposite-sex, or cross-sex friendships, we are seeking \u201cchemistry\u201d\u2014 or that special \u201cclick\u201d we have with someone that causes us to want to spend more time with him or her.<\/p>\n

We like how this person makes us feel when we hang out with them, and soon this individual becomes synonymous with fun.<\/p>\n

Similarly, these are the qualities we look for in a significant other. So, can men and women really be just friends?<\/p>\n

Society tells us if you\u2019re a young, single guy, have all the lady friends you want but if you\u2019re older and\/or married\/in a committed relationship, tread much more carefully with opposite-sex friendships.<\/p>\n

I personally would say that after you get hitched, you shouldn\u2019t have an opposite-sex friend you spend time with without your spouse.<\/p>\n

I realize this is an unpopular opinion with some. \u201cI\u2019ve got a great female\/male friend I hang out with all the time. My wife\/husband doesn\u2019t mind and we both know nothing will ever happen!\u201d they proclaim.<\/p>\n

The problem with such proclamations is that they are typically made when one\u2019s marriage is rock solid and going great \u2014 your love is so strong that the idea of having romantic feelings for your friend seems utterly outside the realm of possibility, as does the prospect of adultery.<\/p>\n

Yet you simply never know what the future will bring. Marriages hit rough spots. When they do, people often turn to their friends for emotional support. If those friends happen to be of the opposite sex, there\u2019s a chance a nurturing hug can turn into something more physical without either party intending it to.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to not acknowledge the benefit of opposite-sex friendships as they sometimes lead to fulfilling romantic relationships.<\/p>\n

Many solid marriages began from solid friendships.<\/p>\n

But keep in mind what the research says about the likelihood of your cross-sex friendship taking this course: it\u2019s far more likely that you\u2019ll develop feelings for her\/him that she\/he doesn\u2019t reciprocate.<\/p>\n

This can often lead to anger and frustration about being friend-zoned- the area of mismatched romantic or sexual expectations between friends.<\/p>\n

A 2012 study found in the majority of opposite-sex friendships, there\u2019s at least a low level of attraction.<\/p>\n

Men reported more attraction and a stronger desire to date their female friends than women did their male friends. These men were also more likely to overestimate how attracted their platonic female friends were to them, while women underestimated how attractive they were to their male friends.
\nThe researchers noted the more attracted a person was to their platonic friend, the less satisfied they were with their current romantic relationship.<\/p>\n

Evolutionarily speaking, the researchers believe our hardwired mating instincts have an effect on whether we can truly be just friends with anyone of the opposite sex.<\/p>\n

Men tend to report more attraction to their female friends than women to males because men faced the risk of being shut out, genetically, if they didn\u2019t take \u201cadvantage of various reproductive opportunities,\u201d<\/p>\n

The attraction men and women develop in cross-sex relationships may also be due to the repeated exposure effect.<\/p>\n

In psychology, this is when a person is exposed to another person repeatedly, and begins to let their guard down over time. Their inhibitions begin to disappear and they will start to like the other person.<\/p>\n

So, what happens when sexual attraction exists in friendship?<\/p>\n

The success of these friendships is contingent on how well both people communicate and respect one another.<\/p>\n

Healthy guy-girl friendships need to have barriers that girl-girl and guy-guy friendships do not cross. This barrier is recognized by the comfort zone that neither friend in the friendship is allowed to violate.<\/p>\n

There will be men who will struggle to be platonic with their female friends, friends who used to be lovers, and lovers who used to be friends. Then, there are those who wouldn\u2019t think of having sex with their friends, and those who do. Men and women can form great friendships, but the sex part always gets in the way when both partners are physically and sexually attracted to each other.<\/p>\n

I look at it this way: sexual attraction is simply an attraction it does not mean it needs to be acted upon.<\/p>\n

The idea of falling in love with your long-time best friend is the basis of romance novels, rom-coms, and even fairy tales. They ignite the possibility this can happen to us, but our life is not a scripted storyline. A best friend of the opposite sex really could be just a best friend and nothing more.<\/p>\n

In my opinion friendship between men and women is not impossible. However, it does require finding someone with friendship goals matching your own.<\/p>\n

Remember, just because we talk to someone of the opposite sex about our pasts, presents and futures, it doesn\u2019t mean we\u2019re meant to be lovers or soul mates. Deep love comes in a variety of forms, including friendships.<\/p>\n

Communicating clearly and leaving when there is not a match is key. In opposite-sex friendships, we want someone we can have a conversation with, and to feel a connection without worrying about catching feelings or awkward moments.<\/p>\n

Also, if you desire a “just friends” relationship then it may be better to pick only friends who are already in other romantic relationships. That way, you can have a satisfying exchange, a good friend, and no frustration.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"EDITOR\u2019S NOTE: TheKSChronicles are the observations and insight of blogger and journalist Kerdisha St.Louis. Each article seeks to invoke a reaction and\/or introspection from readers in Dominica and the Diaspora on various thought provoking issues and topics. The column is published…","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":176666,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cbd_carousel_blocks":"[]","footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-177055","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commentary"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nTHE KSCHRONICLES: Can men and women be \u201cJust friends?\u201d - Dominica News Online<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/dominicanewsonline.com\/news\/homepage\/features\/commentary\/the-kschronicles-can-men-and-women-be-just-friends\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"THE KSCHRONICLES: Can men and women be \u201cJust friends?\u201d - Dominica News Online\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"EDITOR\u2019S NOTE: TheKSChronicles are the observations and insight of blogger and journalist Kerdisha St.Louis. 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