![\"\"](\"http:\/\/dominicanewsonline.com\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/09\/dear-bella.jpg\" "\\"dear")
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I\u2019ve been married for the past 13 years to the only man I\u2019ve ever been with. We have two wonderful children and he is an amazing father. We share a really nice home with our kids and we both have pretty stable jobs and we\u2019re not rich but we\u2019re comfortable.<\/p>\n
The problem is over the 13 years we\u2019ve been together he has cheated on many occasions. During my pregnancy for both our kids he bailed on me and I was left dealing with it with the help of my family and friends. I took him back both times simply because we\u2019re married and I didn\u2019t want to raise my kids without a father. He claims that I am a wonderful mother and almost perfect wife and despite his infidelities he keeps ringing in my ears that I\u2019m the only woman he has and will ever love and he can\u2019t imagine a future without me.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s had affairs on top of affairs, some I know about and I\u2019m very sure there are some which still remains in the dark. I\u2019ve been hurt quite a lot by this man who claims to love me and that I am his everything. I love him and I couldn\u2019t possibly see myself with any other man, far less to have my kids get close to any other man other than their father.<\/p>\n
Recently I found out that he was in a four-year relationship with some woman who contacted me after their relationship had gone sour. I was crushed and though I thought I could never hurt again; this one was immensely painful.\u00a0 For four years, which would have began around the time I got pregnant with our last daughter, this man was in a relationship with this woman, while I had to go through a pregnancy alone, run my home, and deal with the emotional pain of having the man I loved ignore me and abandon me with no remorse.<\/p>\n
After I had the last baby he professed to me tht he\u2019d be true and faithful to me, and that I was the only one for him and he was willing now to be a better husband and work on being a family man and he really was.<\/p>\n
And then came this bombshell, and though I have found it in my heart to forgive him and give him yet another chance, I can honestly say that I have no feelings towards my husband.<\/p>\n
I look at him and the love I had for him is no more. I can\u2019t bear to sleep next to him, far less to stand him touching me. Sex has become a task and every time we do it I just want it to be over so I can turn around and go to sleep.<\/p>\n
I dread going home, simply because I know he\u2019s gonna be there. The kids love him and love us together and family time makes them really happy. Lately I\u2019ve been having to put on a show around him just to make my kids happy and its eating me up inside.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve never been with another man and wouldn\u2019t know how to. My problem is I don\u2019t believe in divorce but I can\u2019t continue being miserable. Once my kids are grown and out of the house then it\u2019s just gonna be us left and every day which passes by only ensues more hate and resentment towards this man.<\/p>\n
I am independent and don\u2019t need him in my home to function or to survive. But I\u2019ve been with him for so long I don\u2019t know any other way. Please help.<\/p>\n
Sad Wife<\/strong><\/p>\n Dear Sad Wife,<\/p>\n A good father doesn’t necessarily make a good husband and apparently this is what you have on you hand: a good father but a terrible and cheating husband.<\/p>\n He cheated on you numerous times and yet you took him back but unfortunately he kept on doing the same thing. So I don’t think he loves you the way he is claiming he does.<\/p>\n Staying in such a relationship, even for the sake of the kids, is not the answer. You said it is making you miserable and it will continue being so until everything blows up. Then it is going to be worse for you and the kids.<\/p>\n You said you don’t believe in divorce but sometimes it is only the answer. I am not suggesting you get divorced right away but probably living separated lives, with him having access to the children, is something that can be explored.<\/p>\n Living a miserable life is not a healthy way of life.<\/p>\n Bella<\/strong><\/p>\n Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at dominicanewsonline@gmail.com. Dear Bella is published Tuesdays and Thursdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company\u2019s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.<\/strong><\/p>\n
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