Dear Bella: I have been with my boyfriend for two years and I think he is totally incapable of listening to me.
No matter how I try to get through to him, to resolve a problem he just ignores the real issue at hand and never speaks to it. If we get into an argument about me not liking his continuous flirting with other women he will not address what’s bothering me or my concerns, but rather put up a defense and say that he has to have friends. No matter how it seems that I raise issues with him to try to sort out our differences sometimes he won’t even respond to me. When I do get upset he says that I am ranting and raving especially in our online chats.
The thing is I have sacrificed to adjust my social life so much for him because he is so insecure he didn’t want me going anywhere. I was involved in positive activities, NGOs which he never supported and I eventually had to drop them for him. Other men have given support with their encouraging words. Why can’t my own man listen, hear and understand my concern for once. I need him to.
Going over my head.
Dear Going over my head,
Your guy is apparently tough-headed and selfish. Apparently you’ve exhausted many of your options. If then, notwithstanding the fact that you love him and you want things to work why are you with this man?
It seems that you are allowing him to throw your creativity out the door, since you have a lot of community spirit. If your partner cannot support the things that make you happy as your boyfriend, I don’t see how he will continue to support you during your successes. It is a bad sign when a man cannot listen to his woman’s feelings and concerns.
You sound like you have the doormat syndrome. Miss you and this person are not compatible and I believe you are seriously beginning to realize that; hence you seeking my help. While you may want to give him another chance by going on a dinner date and making him know you want to make things work, from what I gather he may not change so I suggest you move on without him.
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Your boyfriend is like many other boyfriends…including mine ‘stuck in their own ways’ just plain SELFISH…you know the saying you never miss the water ‘til the well runs drive…he needs a dose of that! You should never be the only person making sacrifices in a relationship and sometimes love just ain’t enough and you have got to end it. If you guys are meant to be together he will see the need to change your relationship will grow…but you need to put your foot down on the matter if he isn’t considering your feelings, you deserve better just let him go. There are better men out there, the type that will compliment the person you are and not over shadow you.
honestly, being in a reletionship like that is not good. from experience with that insecure thing it not worth it because you giving up your life for absoloutly no rreason
darling i have a fish for sale at a reasonable price because d one u have not good.
my friend u u sound like u are a beautiful lady and full of fun and love ,so plz move on to many fishes in d sea there might be one to open yr door and make u happy . Be by yr side through thick and thin ,No make no man hold u down shine yr bright light and show wat u r made of . life is to short
Girl, run! This man is not worth you wasting your time on him! I know what i’m saying because from your very first line, i knew what you were going to type next, I know because i personally have experienced this from my very own husband and guess what? He was lying and cheating with multiple partners right under my nose…. with his friend’s wives and daughters, with our friends who used to wine and dine at our house… You don’t need the burden. It was a bitter pill for me to swallow and move on but sweetheart, I sure did and so can you! Just lift your head, clear your mind, move on and DO NOT LOOK BACK! He will NOT change, I’m telling you. He is an insecure player and he has no respect for you or any consideration for your feelings whatsoever….
Bella has given a strong advice that you MUST take heed to my dear. You can’t go on with this guy. You must dissolve this relationship before further emotional pain is cause to you. If he can have so much control over your social life and don’t care about your opinions and feelings, he will eventually cut the connection between you and your friends and family as well. This man is very selfish and don’t care about you at all. Be wise and very careful when breaking your connection with him.. I wish you all the best
Girl Pick That Up, Put It In A Garbage Bag And Throw It Out The Front Door For City Council To Pick Up. Order A New One, That One Expiring. May 31st 2010.
It looks like mamzelle knows what she needs to do. All she is looking for is for somebody to endorse her feelings.
You think I am making all those sacrifices for somebody who is not prepared to compromise one inch? Come on lady, give your head a shake. Relationships are about compromise. if he is not prepared to compromise now, he will not do it after you have been married 10 years.
I was talking to a colleague just a few minutes ago and I mentioned how many things I do because it makes my wife happy, not because I think it make any sense. But it is not about winning every battle. She puts up with a lot of my crap as well. But we are happy because we try to accommodate each other. Sometimes we disagree, but the bottom line is, our happiness is important to each other.
me they talking about there man? I find that boyfriend sounding a lot like me wi pal…Boy mamselle boy!! Doh worry when i go home is more problems!!! hahaha
LOLOL!
With a boyfriend like you who treats her like trash and still cannot spell, your sorry a@# should have been out the door already!!!!
Bella:
You gave this yound lady an OK answer. However, I feel you should have enquired how old she is and if during their early courtship she recognized his tendency to flirt. If she did, then she took the package as presented and at the back of her mind she felt that she could CHANGE him once she committed to having a relationship with him.
The follow up question then should be: “Did you and your boyfriend have a conversation about exclusive or inclusive dating?”
A man only does to you what you allow them. We should stick to our morals and not just settle for mediocrity in any aspect of our lives. You are wonderfully and fearfully made and should not subject yourself to the whims and fancies of a man who wants to use that “vein” called a penis to haunt and capture any and everyone they so desire. You are worth waiting for.
He is a boy!!!! get a man ….. just not mine ….lolz
This sounds like this guy is a cheater, especially when you said he does not want you going anywhere. Men do this because they need to cover their tracks as smoothly as they can. Is not that he’s insecure, he’s a player. DUMP HIM or do your investigation and see what you’ll find. Good Luck!
chase him out
GOING OVER MY HEAD!
iT.S TIME TO MOVE ON, THERE ARE LOTS OF FISHES IN THE SEA, YOU NEED SOMEONE WHO WILL BACK YOU UP. tHIS MAN HAS A LOW SELF ESTEEM, AND IS JEALOUS OF YOU, AND THIS IS GOING TO CREATE A LOT OF TROUBLE IF THIS RELATIONSHIP CONTINUES, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. mOVE ON WHILE YOU STILL HAVE THE CHANCE.
I HAVE MOVED ON, AFTER A SIMILAR SITUATION, BUT REGRETS I DIDN’T DO IT SOONER
…Tru Bella… I support the suggestion that you should move on. Here’s the thing dear, for love to be balanced the same amount of effort must be emmitted from both sides. Apparently you are giving to the point that you have given up some of your social life. you need to realise that he is not willing to share his life with you. He wants to remain ‘as is’- while u adjust… The best solution 4 now is dissolution of this relationship and seek a more mutually beneficial one…
Men will be men…sorry to break your heart. But after being in a relationship for more than 5 yrs and having the same issue with my b.f. trust me…them ppl head hard…..
They will always listen to advice from their “Mommies” …flirts with girls….not listen, never have time for you and of course have absolutely NO problem with it….
Sad!