Dear Bella: I have a child with my boyfriend whom I have been with for seven years. During this time, I have been hoping that he would do the right thing and marry me, but each day it seems like this will never happen because we cuss and fight a lot.

I hoped that when I had our child the fighting would end, yet he would even cusses at me in front of our child. I know that this is not a good thing to expose a child to, and that is one of the reasons that I would like to leave the relationship. Besides that he is always flirting with women online and in person, watching porn and joining online dating sites. It is my opinion that this is obviously not a man who would like to get married. He has cheated on me at least three times in the past, even while I was pregnant and sometimes he likes to embarrass me in public by raising his voice at me if we are in a disagreement. He is a well known individual and everybody would say that he is a wonderful person, but they don’t know him; they just know the outside. He is quite a charmer to people who are not close to him.

Bella I do everything for him and feel like a personal slave and I am often called a bad mom by him and his mother (who has him like a puppet on a string… but that is an entirely different letter). In short do you think that this relationship can work or should I cut my losses and move on with my life? Hopefully I may find someone who loves me for me and would be a good father figure to my child.

I look forward to your response.

Desperate for Help

Dear Desperate for Help,

Not because you’ve been with a man for the better part of your life that means you shouldn’t leave him now if he is ‘acting a fool’. It’s obvious that you are not happy and his failure to change isn’t making things any better. You feel disrespected, used and discomforted in this relationship, while he is having his fun and you’re waiting for him to commit to that sacrament of marriage. You have suffered for too long. I do not doubt whether you want things to work because you have tolerated his nonsense for so long, and still wants him to wed you. Yet you need to get out of this relationship now.

Picture now you’re feeling this way and picture how things will be if you get married. I can bet a ring or wedding ceremony will not change this man. If your giving birth to his child did not, what else will really? Just ensure that when you are apart he supports his child financially, and allow him to spend time with the child, once he is willing to.

I should advise you too that after such a breakup like this you are vulnerable and seeking a newfound love quickly, but do not rush things. You being on the rebound can let your confused emotions detect anything as love, and you do not want that. Enjoy your single life with your child before you crash and burn again.

Bella.

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