I was madly in love with a guy I thought was going to be my husband and father of my children. We were engaged but like all relationships we were having problems.
I am a university student and he is in the army so therefore our life are total busy. A few months ago I noticed that he stated to act egocentric in our relationship. I just got that feeling that he had someone else. On many occasions this one female kept coming up so I asked him if he was cheating he kept saying ‘no,’ but in my heart I knew he was.
After a few months I found out by talking to that ‘one female’ that they were indeed together.
Bella I was heartbroken. I went to him and told him that I spoke to the female, he denied being with her and he told me to move on with my life and then deleted me literally out of his life. They are still together and he is talking bad about me and telling lies to people about what happened between us.
I’m hurt because we have been through a lot together, not only is he talking bad about me but he didn’t even explain to me what happen why he cheated and left me for someone else.
What should I do? I feel lost and I deserve an explanation or even an apology.
Lost
Dear Lost,
This is indeed a very painful experience for you and many people have been through the same thing but on the same token forget about this guy. He doesn’t deserve someone like you. He cheated on you and he now has the audacity to bad talk you? I mean, do you really think this was the kind of person for you?
I think not.
Move on. Forget about him. See him as a bad mistake you made (we all make mistakes). Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt you. I think you have more to talk about him than he have to talk about you, so don’t feel too bad.
Also find somone you can talk to, a friend, a sister or relative. Additionally go out there and have some good clean fun. You are young and your whole life is ahead of you.
Bella
Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at [email protected]. Dear Bella is published Tuesdays and Thursdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.
:evil:mine did the same to me and , he badmouthed about me 2 years ago, we were very happy before he got a job to go and work as a carpenter in the army in afghanistan, and he was paid very well, that is when he changed. he got a woman through facebook and when he came for r&r he went to live her and talking bad things about me. it really hurt and i dont know whether i will ever forgive him for that.
forget him about hima and try to move on with your life what goes around comes around
someone is licking their wound
Your ex bad talking you ! wow and you make that bother you its just sour grapes on his side… some people are like that bitter and sour..and most times when they bad talk you its when they are bitter and still want you until they are obsessed
VIP where putting man/woman before coming in, wtf are you people talking about smhh
one question for bella, how you know she’s young? Bella seems more like a sidekick than an adviser if you ask me
Yes pepper I’ve read the notice before regarding this. However, I recommend better be done because many out there are skeptical about seeking professional counselor.
You never know pepper, a very close friend of yours may have a deep dark problem which he or she fails to let out, skeptical of a psychiatrist and may contemplate suicide. Thus let’s make Bella a more professional site, this is my recommendation.
I endorse what Bella said. I do think that Bella gave her excellent advice.
What her boyfriend has done will obviously hurt her. He probably was never sincere right from the beginning. He may have been unfaithful to her while in the Army.
He is wrong to bad talk her to the other woman. It is not nice of him. He could do the same thing to the other woman.
A man who bad talks has a loose mouth and cannot be trusted. He sounds like a bad man with a cheating and insincere heart. He is also incapable of keeping the confidentiality which was entrusted to him.
It will take time to get over her hurt but in time she will. She should not worry about that man. He is no good for her anyway. In time, he will pay for his actions for what goes around comes around and when he will least expect it.
Move on to another phase of your life. Put this down to experience. You are not alone. Many people have experienced this and others will experience it if they have not. That is life. It has its ups and downs.
As the saying: “When one door closes another one opens” in time. May it be a better one. Life is full of surprises. Be hopeful. Keep up the spirit. Good luck!
so allu like to take eople man and allu want blackberry for sex
U have 2 options;
1. Bad talk him back; Let his friends know the break up was due to him not being well equiped for the romantic aspect of the relationship.
2. Do not stoop to the gutter (which is where he is ) stand tall. Carma is a bitch, and when it bite it bites hard. What goes around comes around.
@ Pnuts
Many men have wandering eyes and ways. It appears to be a trait of theirs as they play on women’s emotions and lead them on. They lack consideration for women and their feelings. They are flirts and love to have more than one girlfriend even while some of them are married.
It is too bad that he did not just date her and expected nothing else since they were not married. This would have given him some time to get to know her and to decide if he is really in love with her and serious about her.
It happens frequently that people rush into a relationship too soon and act as if they are already married, tasting pre-marital sex. There are times, the majority of men, if not all of them could be blamed for this.
I hope in time she will feel happy that he decided to go his way. Let us hope he does not return to her with some more lies of regret that he left her as some have done.
If it is to the point where it is slanderous you go to your lawyer get him served that should should shut him up. The hurt an pain you feel is unimaginable, stop telling yourself it is your fault, if you had done something different things would be better, stop beating up on yourself. hold your head high this can take a toll on you, do not measure yourself with thee other woman, you are at school you need to focus this is your weapon educate yourself, be involved in school, don’t second guest yourself for putting up with such an individual give yourself a break and know that he never deserved you let this console you, try to move on do not be deterred. Remember to hold your head high you won’t become a victim YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!!
Again Bella is an attention seeking Sktell! Bella is a poor example the the advise being passed down to Dominican. Thats why you can’t blame DA folks for not being able to think outside the box when you have Labass commentry by such divers like Bella Sal.
It seems to me that Bella’s column is losing credibility. Firstly, last week Thursday there was no article posted. I’ve noticed this is becoming a problem on this site. Secondly, Bella handles some issues unprofessionally. For example, responding to an article in a way such as “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” is very narrow and unprofessional. As a Muslim, I do not subscribe to the practice of homosexuality, however, homosexuals should be counselled like any other human being if they reach out.
This is an effective medium for people who are skeptical of speaking to a psychiatrist, parents or have no one to trust. Thus, I think that people should be given meaningful and healthy advice.
Recommendation, since this is an advice column, I suggest D.N.O appoints someone who is skilled in counselling so that this site becomes more meaningful.
Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.
@ Muslim
Criticizing again? What is wrong with you and your manner of thinking?
Let bygones be bygones. Why bring up what Bella stated a few weeks ago. Do you not have something better to do and say? What else did you expect Bella to say to this woman whose boyfriend is bad talking her?
Why not write a column. Do you think you could do better?
Keep your advice to yourself. D.N.O. did not ask you for advice and does not need your advice.
I WAS GOING OUT WITHA GUY FROM DOMINICA AND WHEN I FOUND IT HE IS A WOMANIZER I BREAK OFF THE RELATIONSHIP. NOW HE IS SAYING ALL KIND OS NASTY THINGS ABOUT ME, BUT I DONT MIND CAUSE HE WILL SOON BE BACK IN DOMINICA AT POINT ZERO LIKE BEFORE. HE LIVES IN MY COUNTRY
What makes you think the other woman won’t marry him and he will be legal? Are you the only one who can help him?
what makes you think the woman is from that country :-)
the same thing he did do u he is going to it to that woman just a matter of time right now u r hurt so dont get into noting serious with anyone cause u r on the rebound right now he is bad talking u that means he aint no man he is a zaman
If u realy love the fuy,cheatin won’t move u.
Use this as a learning experiene and move on.No need for revenge. Just sit back and wait. Maybe this man will screw up himself and if you are lucky God will let you watch. Be strong.
all men are liars, they love cheatin tell him to hell wit him/ trust in god my friend
It seems to me you have never had the opportunity to enjoy a faithful man in your life. To stereotype all men shows you are an unhappy person.
…..JUST TELL HIS FRIENDS THAT YOU LEFT HIM BECAUSE HIS DICK COULD NOT FUNCTION ANY MORE…HE COULD NOT SATISFY YOU, AND WHEN EVER YOU GUYS WERE MAKING LOVE HE ALWAYS TALK TO YOU IN TONGS SAYING THAT THE ENEMY WAS COMING….LIKE HE WAS ON THE BATTLE FIELD..
THEN ONE DAY YOU SAID ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, AND BOUGHT YOURSELF A DILDO, WHEN HE WALKED IN ON YOU MAKING YOU FEEL GOOD, HE JOIN, BUT STILL COULD NOT DO SHIT, AND YOU REALIZED THAT THE DILDO WAS MORE SATISFYING…HE EVEN WENT AS FAR AS TRYING A THREESOME WITH THIS OTHER WOMAN AND YOU…SO SOONER OR LATER YOU WILL GET HIS GIRL, AND HE WILL BE LEFT ALONE…NOW HE IS NOT ABLE TO SATISFY NOT ONE BUT TWO WOMEN….AND AS FAR AS YOU CAN SEE HE IS THE PROBLEM, HIS GIRL INVITES YOU OVER WHEN EVER HE PUTS ON HIS MILITARY BOOTS AND CAMOUFLAGE UNIFORM..YOU’RE HAVING HIS LADY….
LET HIM KNOW THAT TWO CAN PLAY, BUT SATISFACTION IS GUARANTEED…..AND HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?…..HAHAHA BUT ON THAT NOTE…>>>>>>>
PEOPLE DON’T CHEAT…BECAUSE THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE….JUST THAT WE DON’T PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT’S IMPORTANT TO US…AND SOME OF US ALLOW THEM TOO…MAN/WOMAN…..
dominica do not have an army. so where this story is coming from? is the guy from dominica? is he a police in D A? where plane clothes?
please! i really need to know.LOST PLEASE help me.
Dumb A++, does it have to be a dominican to write bella? Does the person have to leave in dominica? If you want to give advice give it and stop asking stupid questions. You asking like a foreigner cannot write to bella and ask for advice..and yea the guy is from dominica yea is a police yea in uniform and yea in plain clothes too…so take your pick.jack a++
did she say she is living or from dominica?
who said d guy is livin in dominica or is from dominica..hello..this is d net..d world is like a village, if u tink is only ppl in dominica dat can write to bella..come on..tink otta d box!!
Firstly, your spelling shows that you are truly lost. “Plane clothes?” Or plain clothes?
Please have a dictionary next to you because if you are from Dominica it is truly a disgrace.
Go to press T.V and other forums you will see how normal people spell and operate.
u that muslim…u want to comment under everybody’s comment. yah i agree her comment was stupid, but this is a column, who d hell have time to spell check when they writing a comment. geezzz..u really starting to annoy me with ur bulls**t acting like u better than everybody else. R U EVEN DOMINICAN??????
can’t he join the US Army and she be in an American University.So what Domincan having an army have to do with anything anyways.
sorry to hear,just move on you are indeed a young,you deserve better he maybe was not the one for you when in time comes GOD will send you someone and he will be MR RIGHT,i know u are hurting but things will get better for you and happy again.be smart play he no mind.GOOD LUCK LOST.
sorry to hear same situation and now he left her and want me back she mean ing the woman he left me for we are indeed BEST of friends EVEN begining my BABY SITTER.for 5 months now and that are second MOTHER TO MY SON.AM JUST ENJOYING WHAT HAPPENING TO HIM AM HA HA HA.
my dear move on life is greener ont he other side ok
BUT SHE NEVER WATCH DIARIES OF A MAD BLACK WOMAN … HELL WID MISTA ..
What goes around comes around dearie. Move on.
so admin when u highlight what does that mean? do u highlight when there are alot of dislikes?
ADMIN: the system does it automatically.
My advise to you is move on. Even if he was to give you an explanation the damage is already done. He cheated on you and still lied to your face girlfriend.Just pray and God will send you someone who loves you unconditional(Take it from me). Sooner or later his relationship will burn and he will want to come back to you, just be smart and know how to deal with the BASTARD!
FAKE!!!!!
ALL I CAN SAY MOVE ON WITH UR LIFE..THERE ARE MANY FISHES IN THE SEA..DOESN’T MAKE SENSE U WASTE UR TIME ON A MAN THAT JUST LEAVE U WITHOUT ANY EXPLANATION..THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE BETTER OUT DERE..MAKE SURE U CHOOSE THE RIGHT ONE THAT WILL LOVE AND ADORE U FOR WHO U ARE!!
bella just print a ting from america or one of them places with an army lol
borin story
Boring Bcause it is not about some abomination.
It always seen to me that woman on this site tend to bash all men for the stupidity of a few and honestly its pissing me off.Cause if all man are so bad why the hell do you all have man for. Am a guy and i do respect cherish and honor the one am with and yes their are bad apples in a bunch just like their are so many waste of time woman out their. so please my girl i fill your pain and on behalf of all the real man out their I apologize for the doing of the being with penis (dot call them men). but its time that you all stop blaming every damn man for the doing of some cause you all am sure don’t like no one calling all woman whore and slut just because some we man are.
Do yourself a favor and FORGET ABOUT HIM he is not worth you time and energy and remember that “what goes around, comes around”. Trust me girl dont waste time on him. His relationship is good NOW but it will fizzle and die and you might be the one who picks him off the ground. But be strong my girl and find someone who deserves you…and just tell yourself…”GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH”
so what you expect???uh?? you expect him to talk good about you?? damn those men..they just can’t be satified with one woman..while you remain faithful to them they take advantage.Girl this beast don’t deserve you and move on with you life love yourself love the Lord and serve him he will take care of you. You can’t leave your life like this girl. you date another and is the same shit. Leave by the word of God because he is coming soon..if you can remain single and serve God do that.. otherwise if you go for another man to fool you,,don’t write to bella..take your blouse like old clothes. damn.
You sound like a bitter woman. It seems to me that you have been used and abused. This is the wrong way of going about it.
Bella got it right this time. But I understand your pain. Most times we get closure from a painful experience by knowing where and when we may have faulted. But in your instance the lack of communication from this guy, haves you wondering.
While only you know the pain you are feeling find solace in the Creator and family and friends and begin to heal.
Have u wondering..
WOMAN GET REAL AND GET A LIFE.who fool you and tell you life is a basket of roses.you should be well happy that this goat is out of your life and you can look forward to a better future.Some of you people like to put your man or woman before God,so that good for all you.you must learn your lesson.
well said bella , young lady move on with your life. more he see to talk let him talk take no heed of him so they be.