Dear BellaMy husband has a home he bought 14 years ago. He has a male roommate, which he calls his best friend, living there the whole time.

Before we got married my husband’s ex lived with both of them in the house. She eventually cheated and moved on to get married to man who could share a home and live with just her, like the way it should be.

I got married to my husband in 2008 but I got my own home a year before that, which he helped me pick out. But our fights have been terrible and he always ended up getting kicked out.

The thing is since we got married he has never actually ‘moved in.’ He had never brought more than an overnight bag. He always goes back to his home

All he does is blame me by saying I keep on kicking him out all the time, when in fact all he does is make excuses all the time when I ask him about him moving in.

I am so sick of his need for his male friends. He doesn’t make our marriage work because its too easy for him to move to his home he shares with all his single friends now. That house of his has become a bachelor pad.

I do think he’s gay at times but he will never admit to it.

I told him some days ago that it’s either he sells his home and make a life with me or he can his divorce me by saying he abandoned me for a man.

How can I ever get pass any of this to ever have a future with him anyway?

Please help.

Lost Wife


Dear Lost Wife,

From a mile away anyone can smell trouble in this relationship. First of all, why do you two have seperate houses? If your husband bought his home 14 years ago, why didn’t you just move in when you two fell in love? Why did you go get your own house in 2007? Probably you knew something that you are not expressing.

I find it strange that after getting married in 2008 that you two are not living together as husband and wife. Is it that he is expecting you to move to his house while you expect him to move to your house? This is an issue that you have to work out between the  two of you. It seems to me that he doesn’t want to leave his house while you don’t want to leave yours.

Another thing that you two need to look into is the relationship your husband has with his male friend. It appears that he wants to spend more time with him than you. So have a chat with him on that and ask him what is really going on there.

I think eventually you two need to take a hard look at the relationship. I think right now it is not working because you two fight all the time and you hardly spend time together for it to grow.

Now is the time for a good, frank, face to face discussion and see what can be salvaged from this.


Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at Dear Bella is published Tuesdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.