Dear Bella: I have been seeing a guy for about three months now. He used to come to my coffee shop every day and somehow he swept me away. Right away I knew that he was married because he would wear his ring every day.

After a few weeks of seeing him he removed his ring. I am not expecting anything; well at least I try not to. What bothers me is that he wants to be in a relationship with me. He is not with her because she is in France; he says that he and her are done and that he is working on it, yet I can’t help but think how can he want a relationship with me if he is technically married.

He is here for work and he has told me that he plans to go back to France, and when he says that, it doesn’t bother me because I can’t foretell the future, but the problem is that I feel rushed into being in a relationship. I want him to get himself cleared because obviously he has some issues that need to be resolved, but I can’t help it but wanting to see him! Any tips that you can give me?

Best Regards,


Dear JZ,

If he and his wife are done why is he going back to France? I hope for your sake it is to file for divorce because he is not “technically married” but actually still married. I really think that women just make their lives more dramatic by committing themselves to situations that cause more hurt in their lives.

If his marriage is not working or his wife has cheated on him and he loves you why should he hesitate to leave the marriage? Married people should try to work out their issues and not try to try to get in the underwear of someone just because they’re experiencing stumbling blocks in their relationships. Moreover, others should not try to come between a marriage; that is dangerous ground you’re walking upon.

Really you need to allow this guy to solve his problems and not drown you into it, because you don’t know what is happening and you only have his word. If one day for any reason though he tells you he is divorced you should let him show you the proof of that too; he might just be looking for a mistress- if he already doesn’t have one.


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