Dear BellaMy wife and I have been married for 17 years and we have three children. I consider her to be the most beautiful and sexy woman in the world.

However for about a year now I began to realize that I cannot have a full erection or ‘stand up’ when we are intimate. At first it started like a ripe fig but has gotten from bad to worst. Presently it cannot even ‘stand up’ at all when I am with her.

So I dreaded that I was getting impotent and my wife and I agreed to get some viagra.

However, about six months ago I met this young lady and to make a long story short, we ended up getting intimate. The thing is as soon as this young lady even touches me it stands up straight like a sergeant in a parade. This was a big relief for me because I realized I was not impotent.

But the problem persists with my wife and I have to use viagra when I am with her and go natural with the young lady.

Now I am feeling guilty and I want to stick to my wife and go natural without the viagra when I am with her.

What should I do?

Need to stand up


Dear Need to stand up,

I think years of marriage, the rigors of life and the stress of raising children have taken its impact on your love life. Below are some tips to bring the ripe fig back to life. And also stop seeing the young lady. This will eventually bring pain to somebody.

  • Communication is the key to a healthy and active sex life in a marital relationship, so talk with one another more!
  • Share with one another your sexual desires.
  • Talk with one another about your expectations concerning lovemaking. False or unmet expectations can hurt your marriage.
  • Sexual intimacy is a continuing process of discovery. True intimacy through communication is what makes sex great.
  • Sex in a long lasting relationship can deepen and become a richer experience. No matter how many times you have made love to each other, the wonder and awe of mutual attraction can still be there.
  • When life becomes busy, and schedules are hectic, plan for sexual encounters with one another. Make sex one of your main priorities.
  • Try to set the mood in advance.
  • If you want to have good sex at night, start the foreplay in the morning.
  • Let your spouse know you care and are thinking about him/her throughout the day by notes, e-mails, phone calls, hugs, etc.
  • Don’t expect your spouse to be the only one in your marriage who is responsible for romance. You both need to take responsibility for having an intimate and successful marriage.
  • Hold hands more often.
  • Schedule date nights.


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