I’ve been married for the past 13 years to the only man I’ve ever been with. We have two wonderful children and he is an amazing father. We share a really nice home with our kids and we both have pretty stable jobs and we’re not rich but we’re comfortable.
The problem is over the 13 years we’ve been together he has cheated on many occasions. During my pregnancy for both our kids he bailed on me and I was left dealing with it with the help of my family and friends. I took him back both times simply because we’re married and I didn’t want to raise my kids without a father. He claims that I am a wonderful mother and almost perfect wife and despite his infidelities he keeps ringing in my ears that I’m the only woman he has and will ever love and he can’t imagine a future without me.
He’s had affairs on top of affairs, some I know about and I’m very sure there are some which still remains in the dark. I’ve been hurt quite a lot by this man who claims to love me and that I am his everything. I love him and I couldn’t possibly see myself with any other man, far less to have my kids get close to any other man other than their father.
Recently I found out that he was in a four-year relationship with some woman who contacted me after their relationship had gone sour. I was crushed and though I thought I could never hurt again; this one was immensely painful. For four years, which would have began around the time I got pregnant with our last daughter, this man was in a relationship with this woman, while I had to go through a pregnancy alone, run my home, and deal with the emotional pain of having the man I loved ignore me and abandon me with no remorse.
After I had the last baby he professed to me tht he’d be true and faithful to me, and that I was the only one for him and he was willing now to be a better husband and work on being a family man and he really was.
And then came this bombshell, and though I have found it in my heart to forgive him and give him yet another chance, I can honestly say that I have no feelings towards my husband.
I look at him and the love I had for him is no more. I can’t bear to sleep next to him, far less to stand him touching me. Sex has become a task and every time we do it I just want it to be over so I can turn around and go to sleep.
I dread going home, simply because I know he’s gonna be there. The kids love him and love us together and family time makes them really happy. Lately I’ve been having to put on a show around him just to make my kids happy and its eating me up inside.
I’ve never been with another man and wouldn’t know how to. My problem is I don’t believe in divorce but I can’t continue being miserable. Once my kids are grown and out of the house then it’s just gonna be us left and every day which passes by only ensues more hate and resentment towards this man.
I am independent and don’t need him in my home to function or to survive. But I’ve been with him for so long I don’t know any other way. Please help.
Dear Sad Wife,
A good father doesn’t necessarily make a good husband and apparently this is what you have on you hand: a good father but a terrible and cheating husband.
He cheated on you numerous times and yet you took him back but unfortunately he kept on doing the same thing. So I don’t think he loves you the way he is claiming he does.
Staying in such a relationship, even for the sake of the kids, is not the answer. You said it is making you miserable and it will continue being so until everything blows up. Then it is going to be worse for you and the kids.
You said you don’t believe in divorce but sometimes it is only the answer. I am not suggesting you get divorced right away but probably living separated lives, with him having access to the children, is something that can be explored.
Living a miserable life is not a healthy way of life.
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