ALIVE WORD: A word to hurting wives

Ministers Wilbert and Jacqueline Richardson

“She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.”
– Proverbs 31:17

If you are a wife and you are hurting because of all that you have gone through or still going through, know today that God still loves you.

He cares and He has not forgotten you.

Sometimes you may try your best to put on a show in front of people and smile in the midst of the congregation or at work, but when you get alone you hurt so much that you cry and cry out to God.

You feel like giving up; you’re weary of the battles. You’re battered, bruised and wounded by words and actions that have been launched at you.

You feel so lonely, because you feel there’s no one there for you. You need to talk; you need godly counsel. You have friends, but are afraid to really share the cause of your hurt and pain. You don’t know who to trust with your personal business because of being burned in the past or maybe when you’ve shared, you felt people didn’t really understand. You know what the Word of God says, but the temptation to take the situation into your own hands and do and say what you feel is so strong.

There are some who feel like just leaving, taking the next plane out but then they look at their children and know that they cannot desert them.  Yet they are not in a position at this point to go on their own. I’m talking to hurting Christian wives, who might be sitting next to you in church or in the next cubicle to you at work or is the pastor’s wife.

You have tried to be Christlike; you have loved conditionally, hoping to receive love in return. You have forgiven; you have held your tongue; you have tried to ignore what you see and what you hear; but it still hurts. I am talking to hurting Christian wives who are being abused verbally and physically by your Christian and non-Christian husbands. I am talking to wives who live in constant fear of contracting stds or have contracted std and aids because of their husbands’ adulterous and/or homosexual affairs.  I am talking to hurting wives who are getting physically sick because of the emotional and mental stress.  I am talking to Christian wives who smile and laugh on the outside but weep bitter tears whenever they are alone.  And now the cry goes out loudly from in your hearts “Lord, please help me, strengthen me; I cannot go on like this.” For many wives, this is reality.  They would have already committed suicide – But God…  They would have already taken off – But God … They would have already lost their minds – But God …

I am talking to Christian wives who are married but live as if they are divorced.  Their husband put on a show in public for the church people and the family and friends but once they get home the show ends and it is back to living like strangers under the same roof.  I am talking to Christian wives who do not know the last day that they were intimate with their husbands because he is always too busy with the church or at work (he says) with continuous late hours and when he does come home he is busy on the phone or on the internet and does not want to be bothered.  When you try to ask a question about his whereabouts of anything else all hell broke lose in the house.

For some of you, there are no boundaries in your home.  People are coming and calling all day and all night.  Your house is not in order.  The ministry has taken precedence over the family.  You have no privacy, and people do not respect you. The sister, brother or just a friend female seem to be more important and is treated with more respect than you.

Yes you have prayed, fasted and confessed the Word and are waiting for God to bring many breakthroughs in your life, to your family, and the situations around you. You believe the promises of God, yet sometimes it seems like God is so far away. Sometimes the pain is so great that it seems too much to bear. Oh how you long for relief and for rest. Oh how you want the pain to stop and for you to just wake up and it all be a dream.

Woman of God, Jesus loves you today and He wants to bring healing to your broken heart. Even as you read this and the tears are running down your face, He knows what you’re going through and He’s with you every step of the way. He hears your cries, He feels your pain and He wants to touch you today. Cast the burden and cares on the Lord and allow Him to give you the strength to press forward.  Do not lose yourself in the maze of the hurt and pain.  Do not despair and you cannot afford to give up your faith, hope or trust in God.

In the midst of the rejection and the feelings of not being loved, needed or appreciated – in the midst of the abuse and misuse — God is with you. If you’re being abused, allow the Lord to tell you what you need to do because nothing in the Word of God condones abuse of any kind.

You’re special to God; you’re precious to God. He wants to comfort you. Reach out to the Lord — He wants to give you rest.  God wants to give you His peace; He wants to give you His joy. He wants you to rest in Him and be able to truly rest at nights instead of looking at the ceiling or watching the clock change from one hour to another.  You’re a daughter of promise and a daughter of destiny. Don’t allow your pain to steal your dreams, goals, and joy. Don’t allow what you are going through to rob you of your faith in God.  Ask God for His peace and His strength.  God is more than able to see you through.

God has called you and chosen you for such a time as this. Don’t allow the enemy to divert you from God’s divine will and purpose for your life. Don’t allow the devil to rob you of your self-esteem to the point you feel like are nothing.  Don’t allow the devil to destroy your self-esteem and drive you to living in constant fear, blaming yourself. If you need godly counsel, seek God as to who He wants you to speak to, and be obedient to God’s instructions.

Pray, praise and press into Jesus like you never have before. Draw your strength from Him. Reach out to Jesus today, for He has come to heal you and truly make you whole. Always remember, Jesus loves you and Jesus cares. I speak the life of God and the strength of God into you this day.  I bind the spirit that has come to kill, steal and destroy from coming against your mind, body and spirit in the name of Jesus Christ.  I command every evil hand against you and against your marriage and family to be stopped now, in the name of Jesus Christ.  Every evil word and every curse spoken and prayed against you and your marriage and family, I bind those words now in the name of Jesus Christ and command them to be null and void.  I speak the peace of God into your life in the name of Jesus Christ.  I bind the spirit of depression, discouragement and every suicidal thought in the name of Jesus Christ.  I bind the spirit of death spoken and proclaimed over you in the name of Jesus Christ.  I declare this day that you shall not die but live and declare the work of the Lord. I speak healing to you emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually in the name of Jesus Christ.  I pray that God will send you help and comfort and deliver you this day in the name of Jesus Christ. Arise, woman of God and walk in strength of the Lord. In the midst of this fire, trust God to make a way for you.  We are praying for you today.

Be encouraged by the Word of the Lord!

“For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing to sin), [no matter how it comes or where it leads] has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear]. But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently”

(1 Corinthians 10:13, AMP).

“The Lord will give [unyielding and impenetrable] strength to His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace” (Psalm 29:11, AMP).

“For we don’t have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning” (Hebrews 4:15, AMP).

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  1. nimfa
    March 9, 2015

    thank you so much for this message God really leads me on this message this is exactly what I need this very hour I was badly crying right now..

  2. Carey
    July 1, 2014

    A real man never hurts a woman. Be very careful when you make a woman cry. Because God counts her tears. The woman came out of man’s rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior. But from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected. And next to the heart to be loved.

  3. lisa
    February 17, 2014

    i want someone to talk to, is there a marriage counsel anyone recommend…

  4. sue
    December 3, 2013

    I desperately need someone to talk to.

    • Edna
      June 7, 2016

      I understand how you feel there’s times when just praying feels like you need more I know God here us but we feel a lone and findings someone is hard because they have to been thought the battle you been thought to understand your hurt and pain that’s why? So they call cry out to God with you and press though but most of all just listen and understand I stand here with you amen

  5. anonymous
    May 26, 2013

    thank you. i need this now badly.
    -hurting wife

  6. Anonymous
    January 26, 2013

    These words are a great comfort to me and i thank you so much. I am in similar situations as you described above and your prayers and strength gave me hope and peace. Thank you so much…

  7. forreal
    July 20, 2011

    i refuse to accept and believe that a bad marriage is a test of god, god does not take to his children suffering, your spouse cheats, beats you, neglects maintenance of the home, verbally abuses you and the household (Children) because of church, faith and belief you ride it out. How can we in all honesty want to subject a human being to this, think of the children and it becomes a cycle because we as children saw our parents enduring those abuse,we dim it acceptable. Hence the reason why our society is as it is? I was in a relationship just when it became sour i moved on quickly for the sake & safety of my child, and choose to leave alone just so my child won’t be exposed to those elements.The very first obligation we have is to our kids, once god has blessed you with a job we can move mountains, we can make it happen for ourselves and our kids. No human being man/woman should endure abuse , get help and counseling quickly if you desire to keep the relationship but know that if children are involved you need to think deep before deciding to stay . Our churches ,family members, and society encourages and foster abuse . When someone gets killed they come out an lament, you hear all the stories of the horror those family’s endured during the course of a relationship. Married or not do not stay in any abusive, controlling physical relationship cause in the end the repercussions are dire and there is no “ruling statistic” that says when you stay and try to work out a bad relationship the results are so successfully (THE ABUSER CHANGES IMMENSELY) can some one tell me the stats on that??

  8. Anonymous
    May 11, 2011

    Those who have a problem with the article, it wasn’t meant for you. As you can see, the lady said over and over again she is addressing the christian wives with the problem. So butt out. Thanks lady for your inspiring article. It seems that as soon as the men marry, they change…. sad. the first thing they want is to have their mother in your foot. The next is they want control of the money. Then they want more of a maid than a wife. A set of lazy greedy men. Then they stop talking to you for no reason and you are left to wonder what’s going on. They show they are enthusiastic to see their friends, but never happy to see you. i barely feel sorry now when people tell me they are getting divorced because I know what they’ve been through. Yet, I don’t believe in divorce unless under the grounds of unfaithfulness and abuse. God is the only reason I continue. I know he will do great things for me. I do not live for this life, but the next, and I encourage all those going through these horrible marriages to do the same. Ignore this worldly earthly life. God will help you go on like he is helping me. Do not abandon him at this time. And pray unceasingly for the souls of your horrible spouses.

  9. Lizavier4Jesus
    May 9, 2011

    “You may try to put on a show in front of people and smile in the midst of the congregation or at work”

    Well what is the reason we are like that? Is that not want society wants from us? As human beings we do not comprehend each other’s pain and suffering, because God’s essence Love is not the stature of our minds. And so we just push and shove each around as we cannot comprehend neither the joy and peace nor the suffering, pain, and sadness that they are experiencing.

    When I am in pain and suffering, I am forced to choke through those pain and suffering, or else if I try to tell some about my suffering, seeking for some form of comfort and encouragement, they will condemn me of sinning a gruesome sin; assuming that is the reason for my suffering; just like the three friends of Job in the Holy Bible. No one understands it if I tell them that I am in cloud nine through the bliss of joy and peace either.

    Today people–bishop, priest, preacher, pastor, teacher, social worker, and whoever, do not say anything to you, verbally, when you try to convey you inward experience–joy or sadness–to them, but their attitude of ignoring you, and the way they look at you, will tell you what is in their mind about you. Who needs that kind of treatment, as a human being?

    But that is not what God created us to be like, as we exist in this world. It is us who have to allow the feeding, through the spoon that is like a piercing sword in our heart and soul, of extreme selfishness–the food of Satan into our mind.

    If not yourself, but that you are able to notice the pain or ignorance in another person, but with a desire to help out the negative and distructive mentalitiy that person, it is the same problem. You are told: Do not point out your observation about that person, because you are judging him/her. They advise you to just pray the prayer of a hypocrite, and they are telling you that God will flip the magic wand, because He loves people so much.

    Well I cannot imagine the scope of God’s Love for me, for I know what His Person of Love, the Son, in Jesus Christ did for me. And yes indeed, I love God! I do not know if there is anyone in this world who has the heap of Love that I have in my heart towards our God. I have not met with one of those persons.

    That is why sometimes it sickens me, the way that those who claim to be teaches and preachers of the word have contrasted, interpreted, and try to demonstrate the Word of God, a result that has created more doubt, confusion, and disbelief, in God and His Ways of Love, instead of the influence of faith in people the only way by which God, teaches and guides people on His own, by the Power of His Holy Spirit in the conscience and mind of His chosen servants.

    I believe that now is the time for all of us who profess to know God and His Ways of Love–the Stature of Light in our awakened soul, to make sure that it is a fact in us we do have–the evidence of spiritual wisdom and understanding, which enchants knowlege of the One True God, and Jesus Christ, whom He sent–the evidence that is Eternal Life in us.

    Otherwise the things which we speak and teach are still of the things we learn at Bible Colleges, Seminaries of Theology etc, etc, etc. Those teachings are still of human wisdom and philosophy. According to King Solomon, that too is meaningless! Vanity of vanities. It does nothing for the rest of us.

    Let us simply encourage each other to strive to put their measure of faith to work, by giving them personal testimonies of how it happened in our own lives.

    For it because of my own testimonies that I am convinced. By my faith, I received Life; and now, by my hope I am being driven towards the fulness of Life, and I am sure that the state of Life in my conscience, my mind, my heart and of course, my awakened soul, is Spiritual Light, the offspring of Love–which is the most outstanding Nature of God Almighty, along with His Holiness and His Truth.

    • Lizavier4Jesus
      May 10, 2011


      It is us who allow the feeding, through the spoon that is like a piercing sword in our heart and soul, of extreme selfishness–the food of Satan into our mind.

  10. christian wife
    May 9, 2011

    these are true and practical situations; and only a suffering christian wife will understand wat is being said here. some wives have lost faith in god, people out there tell u to rn, get out of this marriage, but it is who feels it knows it.
    thanks for your words of comfort and encouragement cuz i am a hurting wife. i wait on god and i know he will act in his own time. the world cannot understand but god can.

  11. Reader
    May 9, 2011

    And herein lies my problem with those bible thumping, self absorbed people!! How can you in good conscience say to a woman … I know you are being physically and emotionally abused! I know your husband may or could infect you with HIV or other STDs! I know you are sick physically and mentally from the bad situation you are in. You would have already taken off – but God! It is this same mentality that keep people oppressed and poor. Woman (and men) should be encourged to live health lives. If you are at risk of becoming sick, at risk of being killed, at risk of suffering a nervous breakdown … GET THE HELL OUT!! If your spouse does not respect the santity and value of marriage and family, GET THE HELL OUT!

    • Know Your Role
      June 11, 2012

      It’s easy to tell a battered wife to went out, and you should with courage and a plan. I applaued and man or woman tha decide to out of a marriage that has violence, because some of us are still there and don’t have the courage. Trust me. And sometimes it’s not even the beating that I find worse, it’s the disrespect in the presence of your children and other people, verbal abused is dangerous. The end is near and only you will know when the time has come to take your stand. It is about who feels it know it. For those that have taken the walk, don’t make it sound like it was easy for you to do, because it happen a first time, a second time, a third time and more and it was when you find the courage to walk that’s when you did it. It is not easy, especially when children are involved

  12. bunny
    May 9, 2011

    what utter nonsense. any woman in such a situation as described above who has an ounce of self respect should leave. end. of. story. verbal and physical abuse, homosexual affair? let me not laugh

    • MaryMary
      May 9, 2011

      Too much divorce in this world. You owe it to yourself and to God to work on the problems in your marriage together with your husband. I say give counseling one shot and then leave if nothing works.

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