DEAR BELLA: My professor husband is involved with a student; I need your advice

Dear Bella,

I have an issue which is really getting to me. I am based in the US and married for 10 years. My husband is a professor but not a Dominican but I am.

In my own opinion, I think it is ok for married couples to have friends; I do have friends but we know our limits.

My husband has been a lecturer for over 10 years and I’ve never come across this following situation.

There is a young Dominican student that my husband is involved with. At first, I didn’t pay no mind because it is ok to have friends but just make sure you know your limits.

But Bella that young girl has no respect; she messages any hour of the night. I still paid no mind because as a woman, I know my worth, and I’m not gonna let no child make me not sleep at nights.

What really pushed me on edge is him leaving his kids stranded after school, and later found out he was out with his side piece, a man who can disrespect me but not my kids.

This young woman is from a village of the north, I understand, and she already destroyed or tried to destroy marriages but Bella I am a very messed up person when it comes to my family.

I don’t play with that, but for now, I really can’t think straight. He hardly spends time with us, that’s not like my husband at all.

Please advise on how I should deal with this.

 

Anonymous wife

 

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Anonymous Wife,

 The issue is your husband and this situation proves that education has nothing to do with wisdom.

Clearly your husband doesn’t have his priority set straight, if he can abandon his children, leaving them stranded after school to spend time with his girlfriend or friend, whichever it is.

I was waiting to read the part where you said you had a conversation with him but since you didn’t say that, I am assuming you haven’t?

In situations like these, women tend to beat up on the other woman. I guess it’s because they are the weaker sex. But without the participation of your husband, no woman can destroy your marriage and your home.

I don’t know what you mean by “I am a very messed up person”, I hope you are not thinking about violence or anything that can make it worse for you.

Listen to me, Anonymous Wife, remove your focus from the other woman. Your problem is your husband. You need to work on him. You need to confront him. Speak with him. Get a clear understanding of what’s going on.

Also be very mindful that you do not have to remain married to a man who is committing adultery. You have a choice. But before you jump to conclusions, communicate with your man.

Only then can  you make a sound decision going forward. And remember, the other woman is not your problem-not unless she is holding a gun to your husband’s head.

Best,

Bella

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11 Comments

  1. November 12, 2020

    The naughty professor!?

  2. Mana
    November 12, 2020

    But y allu does ignore my comment nah

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  3. Toto
    November 12, 2020

    Your husband a professor, well teach him a lesson.

  4. Johny Bravo
    November 12, 2020

    There seems to be another issue here which bella has not addressed. The Anonymous wife states that “In my own opinion, I think it is ok for married couples to have friends; I do have friends but we know our limits.” Reading between the lines, means that it is okay to have side pieces as long as they know their limits and don’t interfere directly with their marriage. The anonymous wife also seem to have “friends” or side pieces as she admits, who seem to be “well behaved” and are respectful to her husband. This is supported by “At first, I didn’t pay no mind because it is ok to have friends but just make sure you know your limits.”

    Did you and your husband have a discussion and decided that it was okay to have an open relationship with “respectable friends” or is it that the both of you are doing
    your own thing on the side, but the difference is that his is not respectful? The answer to these questions would be were the true problem and solution lies.

    • Bwa-Banday
      November 12, 2020

      I read you loud and clear @bravojohnny. I love and respect women but some of them can be “so stingy” with the truth when presenting their arguments. They want to play but when the other does they are suddenly victims. Those are the same ones who use intimacy as a weapon and when the other half gets its elsewhere they suddenly realize this may spell disaster for their relationship :mrgreen: :mrgreen: . On the other hand, the husband looks like he is a good friend and student of the said “Pantyman”………………………………………………………………………..

      Anyway I wish her well. Hopefully the man eh Cacoa yet :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

  5. Bwa-Banday
    November 11, 2020

    Bella oh Bella 8) 8) .

    First of all, most men just don’t ignore their wife because they see or find another young woman that’s fit and primp. One well known Dcan politician told me recently: “Dcan women are too damn OLD SCHOOL and fail to “modernize” their relationship. These younger, more tech savvy modern youngsters go all out to make a man happy. They use technology to their advantage so the men and they by default are always satisfied though we can argue the real deal is better”. Is he right? Technology? I know he is reading this…

    The part about leaving the children stranded sounds made up just to gain pity. And yes, she is insinuating the woman from north because “they say” north people especially from VC area like to SHARMAY man and she look like she believes that’s the case. She needs to go and take care of her womanly duties using technology if that’s what it takes because if not the man will only go where the heart feels welcomed and the body satisfied…

  6. Mana
    November 11, 2020

    I feel your pain lady listen to bella. I must tell you, allen have their side chicks do hurt your head. No matter how much tender loving care you give them. It’s just the norm you can’t change them. Pray for your children that they don’t do like him or your daughter that she get a good man and be a good wife..pray for him too

  7. Frank N Stein
    November 11, 2020

    Bella is on point this time, nothing further except to expound that the woman is not your problem unless she is holding a gun to his head.

  8. Wondering
    November 11, 2020

    Were you a student when you met your husband?

    • Ivenia
      November 11, 2020

      WONDERING.
      Interesting question INDEED.

    • My name
      November 11, 2020

      Lady you get into some serious talk with your husband. These situations are very troubling to families. Pray alot and ask your husband if he wants to leave his family for a younger woman? You can always give him a hard callot

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