Dear Bella: I feel that my relationship is going down the drain. My man is 24 and I’m 19, and we have one child. I’m trying to look for job to support myself and my daughter since my man cannot provide right now and I have a very independent mind.
He keeps making promises that things will get better in a few months time. I’m confused since he always makes promises and don’t keep them. He barely gives me anything for me and my kid. I want to go back to school to further my education so I can be qualified for a reliable job, but he just wants me to go get work and don’t even want to help. Come on I was not brought up to depend on any man but women have needs.
Can you believe my hair has not been done for six months and he doesn’t even tell me anything about it? I mean has he no shame to see his girlfriend in that condition? I’m in two minds. Should I stick around or should I move on. Some of my friends say that he’s lucky I’m not like some women who would not stay around and take this kind of stress.
Devastated and Depressed.
Dear Devastated and Depressed,
Follow your heart, chase your dreams, and pursue your aspirations. Let no man or anyone to allow you to sacrifice so much for them and waste your time. Focus on you and your child and being an exemplary person for your daughter. Do what you have to do; you don’t need your boyfriend’s blessings anymore because the way I see it he has held you back enough.
He’s selfish and could care less. You need to put him in his place, tell him try harder at getting a job to support his kid and concentrate on what makes you happy. If he does not support you then he should be dead to you. It’s time young women stop depending on men and allowing them to tell them what they want for them. You know what is best for yourself.
Bella.
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BABES am a 22 yr old young man takin care of my family consistin of my mom n bro which is currently at school. so if i can do so he can surely get his A*& up an get work to fulfil his responsibility . it seems thats his just plain for…n lazy
BABES
Girl, we all make mistakes but you are on the right track and have a good head on your shoulders
I don’t even think you need advice because you already know in your heart what to do when the right time comes let the man go when you are ready in your heart to let him go because I’m sure you still love him..you are both still babies and more mistakes will come along learn from your mistakes…You seem very mature for one so young…there is nothing wrong with wanting your hair to look nice that is your right do not let anyone make you feel guilty about it I personally would love to help you out because you are trying….and I admire that I live in the US
Hi,
I have been in the same issue you have been in, but was married to the ex. Seven years ago, I had his child and he didn’t do a darn thing for his child and me, he didn’t want me to work also. But it got worst as the years went on. I have been with the ex for seven years, beinging sexual abused, raped, beaten, shoked, stabbed and even almost drowned. He told me if I went to the cops, he would kill me. For seven years, stuck it out, for my child. Till I had enough on the eightth year, cause my child was seeing this happening to me, my kid hated her dad and wanted me to get rid of him, so I did. For a year and half, I was so scared and didn’t sleep during that time. Not know if he going to find me and kill me.
During that half of year, I went shopping, and I found someone, than old man, very nice and loves my child and me. What I’m tring to say is to get rid of the man and do what you want to do what is right for you and your child. You will always find someone that is willing to give. There are al lot of there fish in the sea.
UR better off on ur own girl…….all these negative comments not necessary nah kahmem….she not de first or de last smh
sweety, u need to forget about this man.. I have a bf , he works, he aself doesnt gimme nutten, i already watch him n tell him that I can never make a baby for him. I gave him a deadline to get his act together or he is out. Thanks God i got a job im on my own. Its good that ur thinking or ue education but get a lil something n move on, mr is a watse of time and he aint gon bring u nowhere my girl.
Sorry to tell you … but you shouldn’t have a child if 1) you cannot support that child on your own, and 2) you have a man who does nothing for you.
It’s easy to say – but as a woman – you should have had more pride – you needed to know that in your position – uneducated, no job – that you were not in any state to have a child. you should have done you first and taken care of business before you decide to go get a man and then have a child by that man.
2) Do not lie down for any man who can’t do nothing for you. Relationship is about give and take – if he can’t help you when you don’t have – you don’t need him and if you can’t help him when he doesn’t have – he doesn’t need you.
Two desperate people cannot help each other – so when you bring an innocent into the mix – the situation only gets worse.
I say – each and every woman should be able to support herself before having a child. Do not blame the man for not supporting you and yours if you knew from the get go that he couldn’t do it.
Women need to be smarter and more independent – that’s why i give them all the blame – no one but you is responsible for you life and actions. You chose to go have a child – then you should choose to go find work and support the child. Man has been this way from time – so to expect a hopeless man to support you – makes your worthless. My philosophy is – to each his own – so if you help yourself, then you’ll be helped.
get a job, go school part time and help you and your child – then you’ll find the man you deserve
And – it’s a shame that you are expecting and depending on him to pay for you to do your hair – i see that you did not mention that he’s not buying diapers, milk – but what’s important for you is that your hair isn’t done!!
If you can’t afford to buy acheap bottle of perm to do you hair – then Gid help you- you should just find yourself and make yourself. No man wants a totally dependent woman. I’m not a man and i wouldn’t even go with you- saying you haven’t done your hair like that is your biggest priority – GO NATURAL – THEN you wouldn’t have to worry about that…!!!!!!!!!!
Everything that you are seeking advice to you know the answer already. Your priority is your child at this moment. Although at 19 you should not have to be thinking of caring for a baby. You are on the right track thinking about education. Get yourself a mentor, someone that can push you in the right direction and look into programs online that can provide some source of education. You don’t need to have money to get an education …. believe me when I say everything starts from a dream and motivation. Most importantly get yourself a job, any job so that at the end of the day you can have at list 1 dollar in your pocket. Good Luck and hold your head up. Always remember a good man provides for his family and maybe you are dealing with a child and not a man.
its amazing that noone brings the god talk into this. Hummm. Suprising that the hypocrites that oppose sex before marriage and oppose the use of contraceptives are now condeming what is essentially a problem that they help create.
i feel sorry for you.all have do live that jack a**.get job support your self and child. me and bf live to gether states i work he work provide for my 2 kids .he is lazy a** most men work .if dont work live a** and move on.every body got work baby.
Silly girl, you should be enjoying your teenage years. He is just using u girl. Move out from that mess. get yourself a job and become something in life.About your hair believe me he is telling another girl how beautiful her hair looks. He is maybe even maintaining it.
Job first, Sex when you are mature…Go to the Red Clinic…!!!
Love for most young people is just to have sex,and to cry after…I myself have to many problems i can’t help anybody.
@ss:
I agree with you. With all her independent thinking, she still go an make baby knowing dam well she didn’t have an education, no money, nothing. Young people too like to think with their private parts and not with their head. It seems to me that the young man is trying but cannot do all what she asking him to do. At 24 even though he can make baby, he still a baby himself and what kind of big paying job he can get so for all waht she want? She putting pressure on the man for her to go to school, get babysitter when she in school, get her hair done, nails done, in the meantime they have a baby to see about, food, clothes, doctor, shelter. You know how things in Dominica espensive already. Is best she jsut cut de hair and grow a short afro she can manage by herself, ask a relative to take care of the child, and get a likkle job. That will make her the independent woman she want to be and make her boyfriend see she contributing to the household.
To all young people let that be a lesson. Enjoy all you self as much as all you want but USE CONDOMS and CONTACEPTIVES. It is cheaper than making babies and cheaper than going to the doctor with disease. Cha man.
At nineteen you`re still a teeager and not ready for such a huge responsibility. Sex educators should instill in the young generation that their education comes first, that sex is not running away and abstinence ( untill you`re married to Mr. wright) is still the best way to go saith the Lord God almighty. In doing this we would really avoid or escape all these issues such as sexual transmitted diseases, not being ready psycologically to be a Parent and not having to deal with pretenders and vagabonds. But the young people inspite of all these tellings will still indulge in sexual activities as they want to experiment. Young lady you should ensure that the young boy (he`s not a man yet) wears his rubbers at all times.
stupesssssssssssssssssssssssssss
@C’est moi: LMAO
Stupess first all of young people get protection…. jeez man, dat aside if u dont have money to do your hair how do you intend on gettin an education? .. the most u can do now is get a job, clear harbor have, SAVE your money, and trust me that hard for young people eh, so make a mandatory savings everytime u get paid. A little later down enroll on college part time, you must finish eventually. However if when your first paycheck come u decide hair first before child cereal well OU FINIS BAT!!! u just as bad as the daddy
I am speaking from experience, I have One son, he is now 4, I had to support him and his Mother, I sent her to school. Now she has a reliable Job. After I have sacrifice so much for her, She is now say that I have done Nothing for her, All the rent that I have and food on the table, and transportation, not for getting the loans I have to pay.
So it go both ways, there are good men out there.
My dear, you are both very young and are at the stage where most young people are still trying to figure out what to do with their lives. My advise to you is keep praying and try to further your education. Having your baby should not prevent you from going back to school. There are lots of opportunities out there. Talk to your boyfriend…he may not be able to help you financially but at least he should find some time to spend with your daughter while you go out and try to better yourself. If he can’t help you in that way either , try having a family member help you out. Things are not getting easy out there
stupesss..get a grip of urself girl and stop depending on a lazy..FEYAH man! u youn and strong so move on…cha! allu does make allu self too unhappy sometimes eh
girl that is a tough decision to make but only you can as we out there do not no what is cooking in your pot but with the hair there is a thing that say natural with style i am just worry about the child and he well being ( so is that man at all seeking job) tell him i need somebody to rub my balisters for me a job is a job and money is money same color
Devasted & Depressed,
I was 19 when i got pregnant with my daughter (had her at 20) but you need to forget about the man….I got through my ordeal even if I was in a foreign country and just graduated from university. I am now living on my own…have a great job and a nice car. Dont let the man hold you down…when I was in your position I stayed away from any negative company…including my daughter’s dad….now he has grown older our daughter is now 4. he takes care of her like she is the world…so hold strong and have faith….if you don’t pray u need to start praying
Man doh have to work no more. Ever since women found LIBERATION we staying home and let the women do all the Work….. LOL……….P.I.M.P …big pimping.
bella i’m a man and i could not agry wit u more u let it go for them so real some men out there just want the name of having a girl friend and there is nothing better then having a girl that work’s for wat they want and i love that in a girl so i’d love to say to some of the men out there that have a girl that treat them that good is the best they could do is give it back in return there’s nothing better and nicer then a man treating their woman like the queen they should be
girll u do wat u gotto do dont make no man whole u bac from ur dreams and i hope u aint giving him s*** a man got to work an support themself it looks like it turn around now them wat to b d woman and stay hm an woman go out to wuk lol aint that a shame 1ce u kno u cld support u and ur child an ur skool fee tell him to carry he a** and go look 4 wuk u ain supportn no big who stays hm doin nuttn
Stop staying with a man that cannot give you help. So is stupid u stupid. Or you just there for the wo0od.
Devastated and Depressed,
A promise is comfort to a fool. Learn that my dear and do not hold on to no man words until u start seeing actions. Tell him to stop talking and start walking, and u should start studying u, your child and your books, since u said u wanted to go back to school. Do what is best for u and your child. U r 19yrs old do not waste anymore time, u have a little girl who needs u. It is time to shine, shine for u and your child. Take away that label of devastated and depressed on your mind and think RISING and SHINING. U deserve better. Good luck. Pnuts that say that.
I think you should stop worrying about your hair and focus on your child needs which comes first.
girlfriend run, he will do no better his child should motivate him to do bettter sounds like he is just plain lazy.