Dear Bella: I am 21. I feel I am ready to have a child as it is my intention to further my education next year September and acquire my Bachelors degree in Jamaica. I do not have a fixed partner/boyfriend because I feel having a full time guy is too big of a responsibility for me at this time as I am focusing on myself.
There is this guy who is 24 that I normally have sex with. He is one of my two sexual partners. He is single but already has three kids whom he cannot maintain at his best since he is unemployed. I want to have a child with him because I think the child will be conceived with love. I am independent and my main source of income has been myself for a number of years now as I started working from the age of 16.
When I move to Jamaica to further my education, I don’t want to stop and think about making kids. I just want to continue to work on my career and everything. I am currently employed with a decent job but I have been doing the same thing for too long. I want to take the next step in life and by that I mean take a chance.
My mom thinks it’s too much of a risk and I should not think about a child right now. If you are now thinking what will I do with the child I have arranged to leave the child with my siblings in particular my sister, who have agreed under compensation terms.
What do you think I should do?
Thinking deep.
Dear Thinking deep,
While I commend you for having such a level head in knowing what you want and actually having plans to see it materialize, your decision to have a child in this plan is not fitting.
It’s not because you want to have a child early you should irrationally try to get pregnant and not think about the drawbacks that will come along with it. I do not encourage you to just drop an infant on your siblings and go off to Jamaica to study. A child needs the love and care of his mother as often as possible at an early age. It is so valuable when a child is nurtured and reared by both parents, and although you are assertive with your independence there are times you will want a steady male figure in the child’s life.
Work on your career as planned, pursue your studies and just be patient because you have not experienced motherhood and the thought of it right now is a mere desire, which you have not properly thought of the disadvantages behind. You are young, independent and sound like you have a good head on your shoulders from your determination to pursue higher education, and having a child at this critical moment can even hinder you from achieving your aspirations sooner than you like. Another thing if it is still your wish to have a child after pursuing studies please reconsider your choice of having it with an unemployed 24-year-old with three kids.
Bella.
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my girl dont even take in those negative comments thats those fools are giving. and about ur studies dont risk it . i have a friend that had same plans as you but she end up pregnant an is stil presently workin in d/ca all because of her child . and u maybe do like the fella but his certainly not in any situation to have another child . and if all u do have a child u should no who is goin to be baring all d burden of 4 children an a man be wise condomise
Girl just go and buy a doll lmao
Let’s take a moment to think about this! You dont have a steady bf, you are sleeping with two guys currently…the guy you want to have a baby with has other kids he cannot support because he is unemployed…and your plan is to burden your sister with you child when you go to study?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
I might not have commented, but I’ve read all 37 comments and I feel I must make an observation. Many gave their personal thoughts on the matter(many good, well-meaning thoughts), but how about ALSO giving GOD’S thoughts on it?
On many other matters posted, most commentators in our very religious society outrightly condemn the LYING, CORRUPTION, DECEPTION, MURDER OR ATTEMPTED MURDER, STEALING etc that they see indicated in the postings. They are very quick to point out DIRECTLY, CLEARLY, EMPHATICALLY, how God condemns these vile practices, and rightly so. God does condemn such things.
Yet, though Miss Thinking Deeply blatantly reveals her lifestyle of sexual immorality (since she’s not married), mentioning her two sexual partners just as casually as one would mention their two cell phones which they can change anytime, plus her plan to use one of the partners as a MERE TOOL to manufacture an item, NOT ONE commentator outrightly states that God condemns the fornication (any type of sexual activity while unmarried) that she flagrantly engages in! Comments rightly highlighted the STUPIDITY, IMPRACTICALITY, INSENSITIVITY, SELFISHNESS, SHORTSIGHTEDNESS, DANGER etc etc, of the matter(such as by ‘alepie’, ‘ Zero’, ‘Pnuts’ and ‘just giving my two cents’), but NONE condemned the FORNICATION and advised her to repent and quit the immoral lifestyle if she wants to please the Creator that they and no doubt she would claim to believe in. Yet it is the same God who condemns the Lying, corruption, theft etc, who also condemns having sex before marriage. No double-standards. (1Corinthians 6:9-11,18)
Did anyone notice a direct or indirect reference to God’s displeasure over fornication? ‘alepie’ came close to recommending marriage by advising her to ‘get a committed life partner THEN fill your house with children if you want’. ‘Zero’ also did well in condemning her ‘misleading other young immature girls/ladies to believe it’s right to have more than one partner’. But both comments leave the possibility of the ‘partner’ being either a husband or a boyfriend.
‘just giving my 2cents’ rightly condemns those who would encourage her to pursue ‘bad behavior without looking at all aspects of it’, but makes it clear that he’s referring to those ‘advising her to put child ahead of education’, and ‘pnuts’ hilights her promiscuity, but says he/she ‘hopes she using PROTECTION’, instead of advising her to quit it. (True, it’s her choice to quit or not, but it’s also her choice to make the child before studying or not, but most ppl still gave her advice to study first, so in the same way they could advise her to quit fornicating, and let her follow the advice if she chooses to)
Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that none of you think that miss Thinking Deeply is sinning against God and her own self, and planning to sin some more, but just that I didn’t see one comment that clearly condemns the FORNICATION in addition to the other FOOLISH AND DANGEROUS aspects of her lifestyle and plans, which most of you VERY CLEARLY condemned.
So my advice to her would be based on all the practical things that many of u mentioned, but mostly on the Bible’s VERY PRACTICAL counsel: Learn of God’s requirements and keep them , repent of the immoral lifestyle and quit it; it’s your personal decision as to IF and WHEN you want to further your secular education because YOU are the one who’ll live with the consequences,(Matthew 6:33 and 1Timothy 6:8-10 will help u decide); but if you really want a child, then the Bible counsels u to seek a HUSBAND with good qualities (including the ability to provide for his family materially, emotionally spiritually etc- 1Tim 5:8). Following God’s guidelines is the BEST security for the future of your children, your husband and yourself.
On a final note, if we really care about a person because of the danger they seem to be heading toward, we will counsel them frankly, firmly, but also tactfully, without using insults or obscenities. Think how YOU would like to be counselled or corrected. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Matthew 7:12)
Gurllll are you mentally sickk, and flustered WHAT THE F you doing wit a kid just at 21, and you dont even know if you will have a steady income if you go to jamaica to studyy, have you ever thought of the child future needs you cant even relying on one of the so call fathers you want your so call baby with CHICK GO TO THERAPIST OR SOMETHING SORT OUT AND PRIORTIZE YOUR LIFEE!!!!!!!! DUMB …DAMM
Girl do what your heart telling you to do. Maybe you are unlocking the key for our survival in this prison that we are living in ( a future prime minister, a great scientist or even a bishop that will help save many sould before judegement day). Pray about it and ask Jah for guidence, maybe he wants you to go out of the box – who knows! So many single parents out there, I know noone wants to see you in that situation- but, the truth is follow your heart and if you really insisting- ensure that you have a special savings in the bank and a responsible father to help you support and upbring the child. Good luck.
honey i wanted my first child at 24, i am 24 and u dont see me rushing, y? because i havent got my lapo bonda yet…i have a commited man but we are working towards our goals, when we are settled and can offer a child the security, comfort and love that it deserves then we will happily bring one into this world, i advice u to do the same.
Thinking Deep, I think not, more like Thinking Drunk. What the heck is wrong with u? Seriously What the heck is wrong with u?? U apparently have a loose screw!! U want to have a baby with an unemployed sex partner and think this baby with be conceived with lust sorry u said love. U are a JASK A$$.
U can get education in school but not common sense. GEEz wat an idiot.
You can not be serious.. If you do this now you will feel it later in life, further your studies first plus u aint even have a steady man, u just der kokaying 2 man. girl behave urself yea.
I understand where this young lady is coming from. Her priorities and reasoning might be wrong but having a child before studying..I truly understand. I’m in my late 20’s left home to go an studying overseas, did my first degree now thinking of the masters in Sept..and having a child now..cant see where it will fit..Im thinking..I should already have a child..
OMG IS THIS GIRL EVEN SERIOUS
IF THIS WOMAN IS A DOMINICAN,WELL DOMINICA REALLY HAVE SOME STUPID AND SHAMELESS WOMEN…YOUR FOOL AND A HALF!!!!
Dear Thinking Deep,
You are an Idiot.
GIRL SOMETHING IS DEFFENTLY WRONG WITH YOU CUZ YOU ARE NOT MAKING ANY SENCE AT ALL WHY DO YOU WANT TO GET PREGNANT ONLY TO LIVE THE BABY WITH SOME ONE ELSE AND SAY YOU GOING TO SCHOOL?WHAT ARE YOU A MAMA MAL WAT. YOUR HEAD IS MISSING A SCREW A BIG ONE TOO.
Why will a sensible woman fixing on “going to study” be in doubt about the foolishness of having sex with two men, wanting to make a baby for an unemployed man with three kids, thinking a child so conceived is born from love, getting pregnant at the young age of 21 before completing school, and abandoning the infant to sister care? It blows my mind to think about the absurdity of this would-be educated person. Woman shame on you! Get some common sense before you acquire education. Forget this crazy idea of getting pregrnant, complete your study, get a good paying job, find a committed life partner and then fill your house with children if you want too.
You are sounding so stupid i can’t advice you because you won’t understand…MACKAK !!!!
All I can say is this girl is bloody fool. It makes me wonder about the level of your intelligence and how well you will do in higher education.
You sound so comprehensively stupid my dear,i would even advise you not to pursue studying, because you won’t learn anything..When you make the child for one of these two guys,for which one you will leave it..Guess for the Red Clinic?
You are even misleading the young immature ladies reading your crap,maybe leading them to believe it is good to have more than one partner…
@…: I must say that i agree with you. That was a made up story. How the hell you want to further your studies and you are thinking of having a baby. You know working full time and studying full time is not easy. Much less to be thinking of a child that you have a bond with that is away from you. Come on Bella gives great advice but stop waisting her time.
that not even funny. stupes. u got the attention u wanted
I think someone just wanted to make up an interesting story for Bella… because this makes no sense. Not from someone who claims to have a good head on their shoulders.
you think having a full time guy is to big of a responsibility for you, but you want a child?. wow…and you want a child so you can leave him or her with your sister? wow….all i can say is wow
sorry for my emotional respponse but as a woman – i am saddened and angered by what women will do and put up with in today’s society.
I think we need to wake up and start dealing with these individuals harshly. The kid glove treatment is not working. They need some real truths to be told to them – no soft talkign nonsense. If this young woman is educated – then God hlep what is defined as educated- because she just proved the term educated fool
Dear supposedly educated –
these are not the right conditions to bring a child into this world. You have 2 boyfriends yet you are claiming the child will be conceived out of love! How about out of your saloptay?
Get real – you need a sound education first. That should remain your priority. We are in july – you are not pregnant and you are planning to go study next september. Tell me – what are you planning on doing witht the child if you do get pregnant before you leave? Have you thought beyond your selfish reasons?
To to the people who are encouraging you – they are no better. You cannot tell me that instead of saying to the girl put your education first, people are telling her to have the child first.
A bunch of educated fools it seems like they are breeding in Dominica. So many young girls with education but they running and make zafants which they can’t maintain.
Have a child for an umemployed man? What’s wrong with these kids? Then some folks are going to come on here and blame the situation in dominica on the prime minister when in reality- it’s just that Dominican people are too damn ZEZE.
If a boyfrined is a responsibility – what the hell is a child?
Gosh, i better stop coming on DNO and reading nonsense because in today’s society i do not see why everyone is in a rush to grow up and when they gey what they go looking for – is msery the kids seeing.
Lord help them- for they know not what they are doing.
And to those who just sit and the pc and encourage bad behaviour without looking at all aspects of it……… go find something better to do.
It’s just too damn ridiculous – 2 lovers, boyfriend is a responsibility, going away to study? what is right about this scenario to bring a child into?????????
Please tell me – i am so curious to hear!!!!!!!!!!
My dear, I do admire ur determination to study, however, ur decision to have a child in this condition may not be the best of choices that you make. I went off to study for 6 yrs after which I got a good paying job. It wasn’t until I was 31 I decided to have a baby, since I know that I was mentally, physically, financially and all the other “ly’s” prepared. Take ur time. A baby is one who needs all the love and attention that his/her parent can give. U may think that u can leave ur baby for ur sister but if u have love in ur heart trust me ur mind won’t be at peace in Jamaica. I advise u to go off to study, be very successful academically and otherwise and then consider having a baby of course with one that u love and who loves u back, not one like what u mentioned in your letter.
well said pnuts well said..this young lady is in dream land n need to wake up n smell the coffee….
I think its a good idea to have a kid before you go to study. Just have to put things in better perspective and have the kid with a descent guy who has a job… possibly one with no kids
a child is not a merchandise. U’re 21 pz dont rush,
my dear this is not the right time LUCKY DUBE say in his song education is the KEY not a baby you are still young and is not in a relationship seriously a baby neds both his father and mother,i got two sons at this moment blessed but i think i made a bad decision to have them because i got them young age while in school.wish i had taken my education instead i would be so far in life.
Perfect candidate for the Maury Show.
excuse you. CHILD go take a class to occupy all the free time you have. damn-sense you talking
the fricking girl is not crazy………………..she wants a baby now so wat????????????? she thinks that when she go to study and comes back she might not want to have children and i can’t blame her for thinking so because i know of women who went to study without kids and they ended up in theirs 40s with one children and regretting they didnt make their child before they went.
so give the girl a break.
Thinking deep. U need to behave yourself. Listen to what u r saying here on this post. Let us go through it one point at a time.
1.’ I am 21.’ Find yourself first miss 21 yr. old before u think of having baby. Heaven is not running out of babies. U still have time, u r just 21.
2. ‘I do not have a fixed partner/boyfriend because I feel having a full time guy is too big of a responsibility for me at this time as I am focusing on myself.’ What do u think a baby is? U think a full time boyfriend is too much responsibility, think again. U can get rid of the boyfriend if he pisses u off, but a baby is a LIFE TIME COMMITMENT. Think about that Miss 21 yr old.
3. ‘There is this guy who is 24 that I normally have sex with. He is one of my two sexual partners.’ U r promiscuous, I hope u r using protection. U might just not know who the real daddy is.
4. ‘He is one of my two sexual partners. He is single but already has three kids whom he cannot maintain at his best since he is unemployed.’ Children is alot of expence young lady, u know he is unemployed and already have 3 kids yet still u plan on giving him 4. U must really hate yourself and that guy.
5. ‘I have arranged to leave the child with my siblings in particular my sister.’ Your sister have her life to live, and potentially her own kids to raise. Do not make your bad decision and dump YOUR responsibility on her.
6. “it is my intention to further my education next year September and acquire my Bachelors degree in Jamaica. Go to school and learn well Miss 21 yr old, find yourself, then u will be able to take care of your own child financially and emotionally. Give yourself time to love, and your sister time to live her own life. Good luck on your studies in Jamaica.
Pnuts
girl you is a jack@#$ or wwhat?!
This has got to be the most ignorant piece of bella I have ever read, she maybe educated, but she has no common-SENSE
But what 4 krees I hearing there nah? She want to have a baby for her sister to look after and take off to jamaica to study? You not seeing people wicked and don’t have good head? somebody need to pinch mamselle so she could wake up from her dream eh. Waypapa. What is it about our young people today who like to put the cart before the horse? Good answer Bella.
Girl and i mean girl loosely you sound like you do need that education because what you say only an uneducated person would talk like dat..first you want to have a baby by a man who already has so many he cannot support then you a having sex with two different men so if you get a disease you dont know which one gave it to you and then you want to have a child and leave it with someone else to go off to college…HONEY YOUR PRIORITIES ARE ALL SCREWD UP. Sweet heart it is suppoed to be 1)education 2) career 3)man/men then 4)babies/family. Girl you sound like a fooll so heres my take dont go to jamaica and waste your money because i know you will be screwing a lot of jamaicans…stupes
Good advice Bella…………..
Young lady you may have a good head on your shoulder as Bella eluded too , but you sure are missing something here ! !
An unemployed boyfriend with three children ? ? ………..wanting baby to live with relative ??……… where does an important thing like Mothers love fit in my dear ?????
Pursue your education then we will see what happens from there.
You really have two sexual partners ?
Have you ever thought about HIV because the other men MIGHT just have their other women.
Think on these things my dear !
I suspect that young lady doh have good head….thinking of having child before you go school? anytime you get pregnant now, you better put all academic plans on hold. Who will mind de baby? You think university is a holiday or a day at the beach? You have your circuits crossed. You better change your mindset, and focus on your career otherwise you will not be able to concentrate on your courses. 24 year old man with three kids and unemployed too? Child wise up eh. You independent but you seem to lack common sense.
Stupse!
Ou lala I think somebody’s going coocoo. Girl are you out of your mind ? Come back to reality. First of all you think having a man in your life or whatever is some sort of responsibility but having a child is not?
There are so many things I could say but my suggestion is reread what you said , sit and think about it because something is not right there. Stop imagining stuff . Maybe you need some form or mental evaluation