Boyfriend number one or number two?

Dear Bella: I love reading your column and your advice always seem helpful, so I’m hoping you will be able to help me out. I’m a young lady in her 20’s and I have two boyfriends. I love them both but for different reasons.

I have been with my first boyfriend for about three years now and upon until recently we were engaged but I called it off because I felt that neither of us was ready for such a huge step in life. I still love this man very much but there are times when I feel like we should go our separate ways because I feel like I’m in a relationship by myself.

We’ve had many communication issues before. However, we managed to stay together this long.

But here’s the thing: Recently there’s this young man whom I’ve grown really close to. He seems to be everything that I ever wanted in a man, not that my first boyfriend wasn’t, but he’s just so incredibly wonderful. I really like this guy and want to be with him but don’t want to just throw away my previous relationship. Boyfriend number two, knows about number one, but number one does not know about number two.

It’s driving me crazy because I wish I could just combine the two together but I know that I can’t have my cake and eat it too. What do you think I should do?

Sincerely,

Torn between two lovers.

Dear Torn between two lovers,

You sound very confused. As a matter of fact, you’re the one driving yourself crazy. Indeed you cannot have your cake and eat it too. You need to know what works for you. Who makes your heart beat every time you see him? Who makes you blush so evidently that you can’t stop smiling? Who makes time stop when you’re with him? Most importantly, who considers your emotions and opinions and sacrifices for you?

While you should not rush into things with Boyfriend 2, you should also take into consideration that if Boyfriend 1 is jealous, selfish and always wants you to please him then there is a great possibility he is leaning too much on the possessive, controlling side and once in a while every woman wants her independence to make her own decisions. Plus I’m sure you don’t want to be living a life looking over your shoulders because you’re torn between two lovers.

Bella.

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35 Comments

  1. May 30, 2015

    i wonder this could be true? but its up to us that in real life is happening sometimes…

    we couldn’t avoid the fact that each of us tempted to others man’s woman’s life we should cooperate already than to think. that it would cause of stressful of mind

  2. nams
    May 30, 2015

    wow relate much i have some idea now hahaha :lol:

  3. Anonymous
    July 9, 2013

    I won’t a boyfriend :mrgreen: :roll:

    • May 30, 2015

      haha find im sure you getting inspired everyday

  4. rhandzu
    August 20, 2012

    Love the one youre with. stay with boyfriend number one

  5. committed
    August 20, 2010

    I really don’t understand how woman having multiple partners eh and feel no way about it.
    How can you be opening your leg for many men ? stick to one person,be commited.if you not in love and not comfortable,leave the man and move on with life to another. that’s how people get AIDS and all other sort of STD’s and they don’t know who give it to them cause the have multiple partners…………….

  6. NONSENSE
    July 22, 2010

    bella u does really say some bulls***t tell the girl straight up she need to make up her mind because she will be in danger

  7. mints
    July 21, 2010

    girl if u know wat is good for you, you will run if bf#2 knows about bf#1 and dont have a problem with it then he is up to no good. tell me who man nowadayz want to share a woman that they love my advice take out your track & feild shoes and run

  8. Anonymous
    July 10, 2010

    @ ‘torn between 2’….First of all you are the one who came up with your story and seeking help . Everyone knows you are the one in your mess. We could care less but since you came running for advise we were kind enough to set you wise. But, by the response you gave ,most of us think you are a hard headed person who enjoys what your are doing and just had to come share your lifestyle with others( just could not keep it in huh) . Peace out sister, have fun .Life is too short to be stressed. But, always remember WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!!!!! Don’t thank me , I”m OK

  9. torn between 2
    July 10, 2010

    thanks for the advise. good and bad. but lemme just say this many of u who are casting judgemnets only know wat i have told u, and not the full story, so ultimately the decision is mine and mine only. i’l do watever i feel is best for me cuz i’m the one living this life. and i answer to none but God. thank u

  10. SWEETLIPS
    July 9, 2010

    PUT YOUR SELF IN BF#1 POSITION. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF HE HAD A #2 GIRLFRIEND SATISFYING HIS EVERY NEED BEHIND YOUR BACK? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL WHEN YOU FIND OUT.. SOMETIMES ITS ALWAYS GOOD TO PUT YOURSELF IN THE OTHER PERSONS POSITION. WOULD YOU LIKE HIM TO DO THAT TO YOU?

    ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU NEVER MISS THE WATER TILL THE WELL RUNS DRY..

  11. The Day Has Come
    July 8, 2010

    keep ur head on ur body and not between ur legs… as my grandma always tell me.. wise words…. if u get what i mean u will get the two meaning of that

  12. July 8, 2010

    well well,

    anonymos is right, and so are they others who felt the same way,

    right now I’m in the ssame situation,this lady up kingshill have a fellow comes over to her when ever he wants,have no Idea if he love her ,but yet when ever I travel she comes alone with me on my vacation,well my dear,if I have to married a lady soon,………………….for sure it wont be her,cause she’ll do me the same thing,cause all I want is un pedaso de sus carne,

    me elegre tanto,lol

  13. FIRE
    July 8, 2010

    MOST BOYFRIEND & GIRLFRIEND LELATIONSHIP IS LIKE THAT. WHEN SOME WOMEN REALIZE THERE BOY CAN NEVER BE A MAN AND WILL ALWAYS BE A BOY FOR ONE REASON OR THE OTHER THEY MOVE ON. DO NOT WORRY, U WILL MAKING HIM STRONGER.HURT HIM NOW WHILE HE IS YOUNGE, DO NOT WAIT UNTIL HE IS 70 yrs. THEN MOVE IN WITH THE KIDS AND DUMP HIM IN THE GROTTO HOME.

  14. rude boy
    July 8, 2010

    most dominica young girls are jus like you the only way i can discribe it you jus a

  15. papa
    July 8, 2010

    DAM RAT!

    • nuts
      July 6, 2011

      rat indeed! utter rubbish

  16. Muslim_Always
    July 7, 2010

    Waw, very interesting polyandrous relationship. Enjoy your ‘freedom’ with boyfriend 1 and 2. In Islam a man can have up to 4 wives so good experiment, have 2 men, get pregnant for both then play inni mini minie mo. Men and women are equal in everything so just have fun fun fun, love the both men, don’t tell the first one anything.

    Oh by the way, why not do a threesome/orgy? That would be an interesting idea, I mean why can’t you all just get along, put your cards on the table. So what there’s aids, just get some retrovirus drugs everything will be all right. Soon man will discover the care for aids so everything will be all right.

    • nuts
      July 6, 2011

      @ Muslim Always for the first time u didn’t write an essay!

      but ur advice stinks

  17. 123
    July 7, 2010

    ..Get real & show respect for yourself & the man caught in the middle. This is how AIDS gets spread. Ladies out there, this is the reason men have a had time committin to women, because of the…they were put thru by a previous GF.

  18. child
    July 7, 2010

    you don’t deserve to have none of them and they main reason you break up the engagement is because of boyfriend number 2….why some bad girls got good men and all the good girls get bad men

  19. Anonymous
    July 7, 2010

    Hmmmmmm…BF#2 knows about BF#1 but BF#1 does not know about BF#2? Don’t you think BF#2 might be taking some sort of revenge on BF#1? He might be getting back to him for something which happened to them years before you were in the picture and now that he knows you and him are going together he is going to try his best to hurt the other one. That BF#2 is not interested in having any relationship with you, he wants a piece and he will do his utmost to get it. Remember the devil comes in different ways ,shapes and sizes.
    Maybe you need to watch LifeTime TV more often….It’s based on real life cheaters and losers .You will learn by watching before you experience

  20. poosky
    July 7, 2010

    hmm, girl, how long have u known bf#2? seeing he knows about bf#1 then mr is not going to have any respect for u and just want to tap that. So you think he will really love you if u leave bf#1 for him? if u can do it for him then u can do it for another man.. My advise is to stay with bf#1, doe leave wa u see for wa doe see…

  21. Roz
    July 7, 2010

    @BLUE PRINTS: well said…take the time to get to know yourself better. your likes and dislikes, what you are willing to accept in a man and what you will not tolerate…but get to know yourself first before you start making decisions involving other people in your life

  22. looklove
    July 7, 2010

    @precious: true true

  23. concern dominican
    July 7, 2010

    u are dealing with slackness common sense u cannot serve two masters at the same time .That is y many people tend to say dominican woman look beautiful but they have no head. that is a typical example. when every body get to know about u they must keep useing u and leave u on the shelve stop thinkig with your bottom u get a head on your body

  24. precious
    July 7, 2010

    GIRL YOU NEED TO GET UR ACT STRAIGHT… YOU’VE BEEN WITH BF # 1 FOR 3YEARS, YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF PERSON HE IS.. BF # 2 IS JUST TRYIN TO GET TO UR PANTS SO HE PLAYIN PART NICE WITH YOU.. SIT DOWN AND THINK ABOUT THIS..I HOPE THAT YOU ARE PROTECTIN GYOURSELF SO MANY DISEASE OUT THERE….

  25. July 7, 2010

    Keep boyfriend number 1 u know what u have now but don’t know what ur getting in too .

  26. sad angel
    July 7, 2010

    what sort of nasty girl has 2 men on the go at once, and number 2 knows about number 1, well number 2 better well hope he never in number 1s postion one day if he go wit you child.
    i betting number 1 have more money than number 2 wee.

  27. ss
    July 7, 2010

    once a man knows you have another man, and he still pursuing you sweety, then he a no good.. That means he has no respect for your other man or your own self. Think about it, if u were a man why would you be interested in another man’s treasure? Because u see something u like, but liking and blushing not everything.. you have commitment with your first boyfriend..At the end of the day that same man will leave you because he saw for himself how easy it was for you to forget THREE YEARS with your previous man. You think that makes u settle worthy! Try to discuss y’all communication problem, its the simplest thing you could do in a relationship. And have control over yourself other than acting like a teenager. Think practical.. emotions and feelings cannot be trusted now!

  28. BLUE PRINTS
    July 7, 2010

    Men have a way of making themselves look like the perfect one at the time. You need to figure it out deep down within you what it is you really want… like you said b/f number 2 is everything you want and b/f number 1 was also everything you wanted…but wats really happening is you’re not getting what u want from number 1 right now and number 2 is oh readily so available to give it to you.. but how long will it last..??? we’re talking men they love what they can’t have till they get it…they appear to want more until u request more… you’re viewing the surface of one man while you know the indepth of another… it’s quite possible that you two have different interest and its not working give yourself a break forget them both and concentrate on you and what you really want.. trust me you wont regret it.. always love yourself first before another… and while these two prospects might seem like the everlasting love.. neither of them may be the one for you…

  29. Dominican
    July 7, 2010

    I think you should stay with Boyfriend number 1. I was once in a situation like that and opted for Number 2 and that was a mistake. Things might seem rosy now with Number 2 but as soon as he knows Number 1 is out of the picture it’s a whole new ball game for him. Trust me on this! He’s got to play nice now because there’s competition. Stick with what you have and know. We keep thinking the grass is greener on the other side. A lot of the time it’s not! Work out your issues with Boyfriend Number 1. If it can’t be worked out then and only then should you try something new. But you can’t have both at the same time. It’s not fair to any one of you!

    • Anonymous
      October 27, 2014

      good advice, thanks

    • confusedtoo
      November 26, 2015

      thank you. you helped me a lot

  30. Reasoning
    July 7, 2010

    Break up with boyfriend 1. Your heart is not in the relationship. Boyfriend 2 does it for you so take the plunge.

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