Dear Bella,
I am 39 years old and I am presently in a relationship with this young woman who is 26.
We have been together for about one and a half years, and for some reason, I cannot get her to show me some personal affection which would give me the assurance that she is really interested in me.
For me, I think of her every day, shower her with kisses, hugs, send her sweet texts and do the little I can for her – all to ensure that she feels loved and cherished.
On the other hand, she does not do the same and seldom helps me do little things at my home. I find it strange for someone in a relationship to behave this way.
With her, I practically have to initiate everything including kisses, hugs and sex. This is getting to me as I feel there is a lack of interest and she is just with me for the wrong reasons.
I am constantly mentioning my concerns to her, but those have fallen on deaf ears.
Am I just being a fool in love?
Hurt
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Dear Hurt,
I wouldn’t say that you are a fool in love but sometimes fools do fall in love. The thing about love is that it’s a two way street and it’s never forced. If this woman is showing no romantic feelings towards you then probably it is because there is none.
When two people are in love, it’s natually obvious. Hugs and kisses and affection are displayed without any effort. It seems to me that you are unhappy and if your concerns are falling on death ears then it is probably time to deal with the matter differently.
I always maintain that one should never beg for love and it seems that you are begging. You are a young man and deserves all the right to be happy.
I’m pretty sure that there’s a woman out there set for you that would bring you all the joy and love you rightfully deserves. It seems to me she’s not the one.
Good luck
Bella
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ALL relationships to stay strong require equal balance on both sides. Like that Lauryn hill song ‘Reciprocity’.
If you give too much, you will get less ,if you give too little, you will get much grief.
Simply stated, your situation isn’t an issue of love, its one of mutual respect, you are doing too much, which is why the woman will act or feel as if she doesn’t have to do anything to keep your attention.
You must do less, at the same time have no expectation from her. Based on the age difference it also a generational issue… her upbringing is not the same as yours, so teach and learn! Love aint free or easy it takes work on both sides!
You could not have given a better answer. That is so true,
You know what I love about Bella? She doesn’t beat around the bush!
Some people are very selfish in relationships and if you’re not comfortable and she does not wan to listen to what you’re saying.. Cut her loose.
man! when you meet a lady and she agrees to see you, she just gave you a chance to prove yourself .how you dress, the companion you keep,the places you visit and your manners and respect. The lady will make advances on you and you don’t have to asked. Obviously you found a nice lady but don’t know how to treat her to win her affections. When you meet a woman who put sex first run a mile. She is no goat in savahna.Just move yourself
That not making no sense…. For real
Just keep putting the pipe down in the kitchen and forget about love boy, play the field at the same time until you find someone who does the same for you then tell mamzel bah bye
That making any sense?
My boy being single is the best choice,dont tie up urself with people to get hurt in the end
Garcon, forget about the love bit and concentrate on the fool.
If you love someone who doesn’t love you, it means you are looking for a ship at the airport
ou feb garcon, bwe yon bois bande. si sa pa wanje problem ou; jwen yon soukouyan pou ede ou
My brother time to move on the woman is married and she didn’t tell u
But hurt the young lady is not your wife. Why do you want to have sex with her ? You even want her to take care of your home. Nonsense. Respect the lady. No wonder she is giving you cold shoulders. If there were many more ladies like her immorality would be on the decrease.
Oh yeh bro she cleaning you up. Run bro run
you have said all the right things! A fool in love. You were looking for a horse to ride but she is no horse. What kept you?
These days some people have a wrong notion of love and what it is all about.
If you care for her it will be difficult for you to let her go and forget her but you must.
This is a one-sided relationship. She projects she is not interested in the manner you are interested in her. Make up your mind to leave her alone and find someone else who will return your affection..
What is so good about her that you keep seeing her and want to be in her company? She is stringing you along. Check out another woman. Take your time and look for a nice one.
When you meet one, get to know her first before you throw yourself at her. You do not have to pour out your heart to her and expect she will pour out her heart to you. Do not expect anything from her, if you know what I mean. Do not force yourself upon her. Take it easy; go easy. Get to know her as she must get to know you and let the relationship grow and flourish.
Well,maybe she just doesn’t know how to
show affection. Or she’s afraid if she does
she’ll get her heart broken. There’s got to
be a reason for her coldness.
Hurt:
Regardless of your ages you are both immature.
Your second problem is you are trying to GET when you should try to BECOME.
You show no understanding of the plan God has for the male-female relationship. It is called MARRIAGE.
Please get your Bible (if you have one) and read Matthew 19:4-6.
By your own admission you are in a sexual relationship with this woman you are not married to. This is what the Bible calls fornication. It is a serious sin. Please read 1 Corinthians 6:9,10 and 18. Many people live this way but it simply does not work
The very fact that you are reaching out for advice now shows that it is not working for you. This is not the proper foundation to build a marriage on. Where there is no respect there can be no trust. You would be marrying somebody who believes it is O.K. to sleep with somebody she is not married to. When she meets another man she likes better OR can do more for her she is gone.
This is not a good foundation to build…
Continuation;
This is not a good foundation to build a marriage on.
Hurt, I hope you will spend some time learning to live by the moral code God has given us in the New Testament. If you do I believe you will meet the woman who is right for you. She will respect you and find she can trust you. The feelings will be mutual! The foundation will be there for a great marriage
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.
All sin is sin. Fornication should be no more serious than any other son according to the moral code God had set for us right. I’ve read you said this before. The comment you made about if she finds someone better age would move on is a valid one, but that would also be valid without sex too. If anyone is in a relationship, but finds someone else who makes them happier and treats them better, don’t they owe it to themselves to move on?
Biggest Bull S ever
If only pastors were more given to leading with compassion rather than sanctimony.
mamsel taking another man… What is so hard to figure out with this? SHE IS NOT INTO YOU AND INTO SOMEONE ELSE, MOVEEEEE ON…
Easy 1 2 3
I agree
Friend you are plainly a \”sugar daddy\”, love is a two street and if she is not responsive move on. I am sure there is a lovely lady waiting for you, you just have to look, just don\’t settle. Good luck.
First of all. Are you a man, or a woman? Not clear by your information. However, from the tone of your message, it seems that you are transgendered.
If you have this misfortune, this might explain the lack of affection shown towards you. Scars in the nether region are a big turn off and so is a gaping hole with no end in sight.
Perhaps you need to take some time to explain how transgenderism works and hopefully that will turn her around. If that doesn’t work, I think it may be time for either one of you to say ‘hasta la vista’.
Oh dear. Were you trying to make a joke? Fail! Intelligence is a key ingredient in a good joke. “Scars in the nether region…. gaping hole”… not even a clever attempt. Try again… one more time…. you can do it…. Fighting!
Not funny to denigrate transgendered people. This poor soul in question is surely a transgender as Jenny pointed out. Not only the matter of the hole, but the smells, leaks and gender disphoria issues can be quite disconcerting.
Jenny has made a fair point and it does not become anyone to jump down her throat for it.
Is this is the whole story? What’s her side? We all love differently. according to Gary Chapman there are five main ones: physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time and receiving gifts. From the information it seems that the first three I mentioned are not her thing. Maybe you’re not showing love the way she primarily feels loved. It is very concerning that when you’ve mentioned your issues it falls on deaf ears. Does that mean she doesn’t even listen to you when you lay out your concerns or is it that you find she’s putting no effort in. The key is communication. My advice friend, dig a little deeper may be ask her what it is she really needs to feel loved. Take the five love languages test maybe. If she shows no interest in fixing things, yeah buddy move on. You deserve better, you’re putting in the effort many men don’t. Kudos to you on that.
If you know the answers to your questions, why are you writing to Bella? It seems very clear to everyone that this woman is not into you but you keep being in denial.
There are so many women who would love to have a man who display your qualities, I wonder why you k do wasting your time. Or is there more to the story than you are telling us?
Always Assertive!
That’s a painful situation, but she’s more than demonstrated that she’s just not that into you. Give yourself the best 40th birthday present you can, and find someone who is.
Not that easy Steve if economic dependency is involved.
I too have a unaffectionate partner (woman) who I have been begging to leave me for the past 5 years. She is refusing to do so because she says she feels comfortable with me and my resources/ money (I know, I know ….).
Every time push come to shove she says she is ill, can’t live on her own, etc. just to stay on.
By the way, she is one of the laziest and most manipulative people I have ever known
Don Betcher you are really funny….”begging to leave me” lol…yeah right!!!
No one can take advantage of you without your permission. Sorry to be blunt, but if you’ve let a woman mooch off of you for five years, that’s your own damn fault.
Question: Are you ugly/Unattractive?
If Yes then that’s the problem.
If no: Are you broke?
If Yes then that’s the second problem.
So shallow….
LOL….falling on “DEATH” ears indeed…not deaf ears…”DEATH” ears! Anyway, Brother you are a “Sugar Daddy” , you need to understand that clearly and play your role or get out. Your job is to give her money and gifts and her job is to give you a little “nookie” every now and then. Your money is probably going into the pockets of her “REAL” boyfriend whom she refers to as her “friend”. She obviously does not love you or even want you but the money and gifts are hard to part with. You are indeed a fool to be in love with a young girl who is showing you quite clearly that she is not into you. All I ask is that you PLEASE let her go without resorting to any type of violence against her…she is a human being and not your property. And last but not least, go to the Doctor and check for any STD’s. Oh and tell her my friend won’t be buying her that smart phone again…he went back to St. Thomas
Why do men think that hugs, kisses and texts are enough? We get that from family and friends. There is no wooing anymore. You have to be able to woo a woman properly. Listen to her when she talks about the things she loves, observe what types of things makes her swoon when you watch Netflix together. Then you would have some idea of how you can win her heart. Stupes! Hugs, kisses and texts are for teens. You are a grown man, step up your game. You have to be insane if you think using the same tired methods are going to yield a different result in your favour. Romance does not mean physical.. I don’t think this woman is being unfaithful or using you. I think she might be giving you a chance. She giving you some time to show her that you know her. She’s not denying you or refusing you, so it could just be that she is not the aggressive type. If that’s what you want, go find one of those. In the meantime, step up you game in the romance department. Oh shate man! Stupes! Go and watch…
You such a typical woman. “You have to do this, You have to do that”, while Im not against that, that’s not a woman he meet yesterday to say she havent “fallen for him” they have been in a relationship for about 2 years. What about what the woman has to do? I guess you’re think the man is just a robot and you the woman is the one with all the needs. He says “hugs kiss, text and little things he does to make her feel loved” but no…that’s not enough…you want him to break his back and you sitting pretty.
lol..By wooing you mean expensive gifts, expensive dinners, cash donations, trips, hair, purses, shoes….. All this for some affection from her. He might as well just spend that money on himself
look rubbish. d gyal av another man wat chance she giving she burning a hole in d man pocket.
Nonsense if a woman is not into you you can watch lifetime,young and restless, Kardashians . You can give her flowers , cook and even wash her panty and nothing going change.
Even in the animal kingdom that’s the way it is. I saw a male bird carry all kind of glare glare for a female and a next male just come and hump her and go.
You think the senior lawyer en doing everything for the bird yet the bird decalaisse ingredients him