DEAR BELLA: I am an older married woman in love with a younger man

Dear BellaDear Bella,

I am an older woman who got involved in an outside relationship with a younger man. The problem I am having is that we fell in love and I no longer wish to stay in my marriage.

My husband and I have been talking about a divorce for years.

We both have been married multiple times and we never got along. It’s so bad that we would argue in front of people, family, friends and at outings. It got to the point where I could not stand to be around him, therefore, I left the bedroom.

Now I want out of the marriage, but he (my husband) is reluctant and not sure if he wants out of the marriage.

Ready to Leave


Dear Ready to Leave,

When will you be stable?

You are clearly leaving your husband because of your new young love.

You also said you’ve been married multiple times. I am not judging you but you need to ask yourself some serious questions.

I don’t think a divorce will solve your issue.

I think you need to do some self-introspection.


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  1. sugar mama
    July 14, 2017

    my girl fix yourself ! work on yourself to be a better you ! u know in your heart relationship is not for u so mentally put in ur head you alone forever

    May 29, 2017

    sounds like you’re not a mental and emotionally mature enough person to be married, no advice for you because people like you (after you’ve being married multiple times) cannot learn! continue ruining your life… the sad part is your behavior is affecting the life of the men you were married to, the one you’re married to now and the man you cheating with.

    I just cannot understand how women these days allow themselves to grow old yet keep the emotional intelligence of a child!

    Mulriple marriages, years you talking about divorce, cheating with another man and yet you till thank the man is the problem :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

  3. May 27, 2017

    Ready to leave is just foolish, No advice given to her, will be understood.

  4. Spike
    May 25, 2017

    She says “we would argue in front of people, family, friends and at outings.” Incompatibility is a hand that is dealt you. Arguing in front of others was your choice and broke your vow to put the marriage first. Arguing in front of others means you want to “play to the crowd” and seek the crowd’s support to favor your position over that of your husband. Many people who write to Bella are asking for absolution for a problem that they themselves had a hand in. To Zandoli: Bella might not be the perfect counselor, but seeking help even from the imperfect may elicit a second opinion–if the one asking is honest enough to accept it even if it goes against her.

  5. Marriage not for you
    May 25, 2017

    Woman marriage not for everyone. I think you have the answer, you one of those who should not be married. Enjoy your single life. It’s not yet your time to be married.

    A wife is required to be humble. I sense that you are controlling and always have to have the last say. Stay single unless you can find a man who will allow you to control him. At least you found a boy, you may be able to train him to be the submissive man you want.

  6. labour
    May 25, 2017

    bella i get the feeling you that writing theses stories and answering them ur self you need to stop it bella

  7. freshwaterlake
    May 25, 2017

    Put it in a black plastic so nobody wouldnt see and PASS IT!

  8. Man bites Dogs
    May 25, 2017

    Lady don’t take any crap notice for this lots my advice to you if you are not happy in your relationship get out of it, you only got one life. If your young man makes you happy who am I too say don’t go for it you never can tell, it might be the best thing you ever done, good luck be happy at the end of the rainbow.

    • mauvais Nor
      June 21, 2017

      And 100% I agree with you. Men leave their wives all the time for younger women

  9. me
    May 25, 2017

    I can imagine a number of wives are in this situation…. Family units everywhere falling apart

  10. As if
    May 25, 2017

    Let’s be realistic. How long do you really think this young man is going to stay with you?
    You’re mutton, stop pretending to be lamb.

  11. Self introspection
    May 24, 2017

    “Self-introspection”? there is no such thing as self-introspection. The term is “introspection”, which means inspection of one’s self, adding self is redundant.

  12. U2DoughGood
    May 24, 2017

    All u woman toO Dough Good..What a feeling…wat a feeling ..wat a feeling.. To Jam on a Married ting..
    girl think about your children..when a young man digging your potato is not cuz he want your problems.

    The man like the feeling of jamming on a married tiing..go an leave your husband for young fling.
    I can tell you it nice now cuz all the man getting is a nice work but you think the man want your problems.

    your bill woman stress..your headache..your moods..your tie-ups..noooooooo sister.

    What you get U will Take….sa ou tapay ou kay pran

  13. %
    May 24, 2017

    Somehow i never believe those stories.!

  14. Peace
    May 24, 2017

    Okay … if you really ready to leave go about your business. Newsflash: no one can force you to stay married to them so that’s not a problem. Now, if for “years” you guys are talking about it how comes is now you ready to leave? Incidentally, did you flee the marital bed before or after the new younger broom that sweeping clean? By chance, are you fighting because he accuses you cheating? Hmmm
    From what you say, it is your husband that should be ready to leave …. no, correction: he should have left by now.

  15. Prolific
    May 24, 2017

    All this woman is missing is a saddle. Coming on news online and try to mislead people, having been married more than once and yet to learn your lessons. You don’t need advise just carry on regardless.

  16. Worry me not
    May 24, 2017

    Dominican. It look like you have no kind of bible principle in you, or morals marriage is what you make it out to be Stupz

  17. marie-claire R Skerrit
    May 24, 2017

    Bella this there that was very confusing to me i would need for your submitter together proper compositions of the question etc before submission.,

    • stella
      May 25, 2017

      Confusing to you? What were you trying to say?

  18. Worry me not
    May 24, 2017

    Get a life, go praise GOD for what he has bless you with.

    You was never in love with your husband any way. Do you think the young man will trust you. Sinner sinner am not judging you but you are being ridiculous life is short in the end when you face start looking wrinkle he will look for younger chick that is if he don’t have one already and you don’t know.

  19. zandoli
    May 24, 2017

    The joke of the day: “I am not judging you but…”

    Bella, you may not realize it, but you are one of the most judgmental person I have ever come across. Why anybody would come to you for advice is anyone’s guess. Some people have said you are the author of those letters, and I am beginning to believe that. I find it hard to believe anyone would write to you.

  20. Can't laugh too serious to.
    May 24, 2017

    Amy that would be poorly expressed if this were the case.
    Like they say in DA she have clear eyes lol now she got clear eyes on the youth. Like our ministers lol hahahhahahahah ? .
    Maybe she clean up a few older men accts

  21. Can't laugh too serious to.
    May 24, 2017

    sorry older woman I guess u just like ur ting greedy U!

  22. Can't laugh too serious to.
    May 24, 2017

    Rest ur tired self. U said U were older and married serveral times. All ur glammity must have gone by now.
    Doh know what th younger man there for . Do U have $$$$ or what?
    Am not saying an older woman cannot be hungry and great sexually and other wise but u did the marriage thing umtin times no more Glammity so retire on the love quest hahahahahah

    • Am not Loubiere's Johnson another D/can in T&T
      May 24, 2017

      I learn that word when I was studying @ UWI in JA long long long time ago just like ready 2 leave hahahahahaha when she had glammity .
      N.B means the private Farlize have no grip like we say here.

  23. Amy
    May 24, 2017

    Bella I think she’s trying to say she’s been married multiple “years”.

    • DA/
      May 25, 2017

      Well , Ready to leave, you need to get out from these turbulent waters. Forgive , release , and let go of the past experiences , nor be induced or deceived, to remain trapped again in that which held you bound .The moment to decide is here . Get away from everything , everyone and seek God’s deliverance.It’s time to focus on you

  24. Dominican
    May 24, 2017

    Bella is so quick to judge she didn’t even see the lady said they don’t get along. But for real she needs to examine herself. What are the reasons for the other divorces? Do you quit everytime you find a new love outside? Do you have deep issues that have you searching for something you have not found? Before you make any more wrong moves get counseling, hypnosis, therapy, the works. You have to stop that serial matrimonist attitude

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