Dear Bella,
I am 24 years of age who still sleeps with my ex-boyfriend. We broke up over three years ago but never really stop being intimate and sleeping together. He cheated on me and got another woman pregnant, so we parted ways but never lost contact. He is very remorseful of what he has done and wants us to work things out but I only want him for sex.
While we were together I never cheated on him, so his action has really broken my heart. I still love him but not enough to get back with him.
After our split, I went into another relationship but I still couldn’t help sleeping with him, is like am addicted to his sex. Now that I am single he is eager to get back with me but I just can’t, I cannot be with a man and dislike his child. Every time I see his daughter it reminds me of his infidelity. Understand me, Bella, I am a very educated young woman, career driven and motivated and I want to have my own family one day. I live alone and I get lonely at nights so I rather call him than call a random guy.
I believe that sex with my ex is okay because it keeps me from having sex with someone new which keeps my number level down, but he thinks we are back together which is where the confusion arises.
I just want to focus on myself right now but at times I want a little company so that’s where he comes along. My friends say it’s not right in the eyes of God and I am stringing him along. I am more concern about myself and when I am ready I will find a man.
Am I wrong?
Confused
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Dear Confused
Your body is the temple of God but from all aspects of things you’ve admitted to here; clearly, you don’t understand how precious it is.
The reason why an ex is referred to as that is because they are a ‘former.’ No longer. In the past. An X, if you get my drift. You need to also understand that if this X warrants your attention and even your body, he would not have cheated and even have a baby with another woman. Letting him have his way with you every now and then does not speak well of you as the “educated” woman.
It appears you don’t have a good self-esteem to believe that you should keep giving a man who cheated your body just because you want to keep the “numbers down”.
Woman, stop this practice. Say to yourself that you deserve better. Seek the strength from the Lord to move on because sometimes the devil wants us to remain in the gutter where he can laugh at our demise.
There are many things to get past loneliness. Read a good book. Watch an inspirational movie. Visit family. Start a relationship with God. He sticketh closer than a brother. Whatever you decide to do, don’t be anybody’s toy.
Bella
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Sex is necessary i dont see nothing wrong in what you doing, so longs u r both single have sex! but let him know he cant have sex with noone else whilst sexing you… n make sure he stay strapped… if u dont like his child n he know he should stay away from u n keep that child away from u…. simple. You need to let him know what it is… and if he continue to believe you all getting back together after sex show him to the door, he cannot stay over… Let him know what time it is!
Bella best they change your name to ” Maypwi” man .. smh with this nonsense
Its the raw truth… Continue Bella
I wish to ask all those who have commented on this young lady’s dilemma to think in this direction. This young woman’s past needs to be explored. Question: were you sexually abused as a child? has the person or persons apologized to you? What about the engagement in sex with this young man that takes you to a past that you despise, yet cannot seem to separate yourself from? or maybe he was the first to say am sorry after having hurt you.
Please bear in mind these three aspects of our being? Temperament, character and personality. If you respond to these concerns I would engage you further.
she love his brand of work
my girl most of us reading has been in this situation is better to ……k ur X than to be lonely or go to lesbian until a good man come ur way men are not serious ur way is better instead or reaching #36 like a gf i had iwas in love for over 3 yrs when she said i was 36 i quit quietly
If the Woman doh want her number up.. Sleep with you ex self
You are not confused, you know exactly what you are doing and it is not right for you either.
You not in the situation
I must commend Bella on the exceptional advice she that she gave to this young lady, I dont see why these women are so crazy over sex, u need sex get a toy. What happens if she gets pregnant by this ex?
She will just have herself untidy thats all
you jess leading d man on and worse will come if you don’t stop my girl.
no lie, but Bella at times, sounds woefully unqualified to give advice.
She is being very honest… No problem in that. Sugar coating should not be the way.
Education does not deal with the problem of sin which erupts from the fallen degenerated nature in each of us we inherited from Adam and Eve.
It does not remove the guilt of sin, nor does it deliver us from the bondage of sin.
What we need is a spiritual rebirth to give us a new nature. Jesus said ”… …Except a man be born again , he cannot see the kingdom of God.” John 3:3. Here the words ”born again” literally mean born from above. We must be born from above to receive a new nature. It is called ”…the divine nature…” because it is the nature of God Himself. See 2 :Peter 1:4. This happens when we receive Christ as our Savior and He comes to live within our hearts. ”And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He that hath the Son hath life; And he that hath not the Son of God hath not life.” 1 John 5:11,12.
How that come in there
This Reverend just making up things as he go along? What you mean about marriage ceremony? In the bible itself it talks about the man taking the woman as his wife by laying with her so wheel and come again. The marriage ceremony evolved over time…. So are you denying that the bible talked about a man taking a woman as his wife by laying with her? Hypocrite
Hopefully our society will eventually evolve enough to realize that the act of having sex with more than one women by itself alone does not necessarily constitute grounds for separation in an otherwise good and thriving relationship.
We create societal problems also by putting one woman against another anywhere a man is concerned..Ask the Priests if God himself dispenses equal numbers of men and women to demand that all men must only select one woman..especially after all of them declare that they want no women; having dedicated their life to Christ..
How hypocritical is it to leave the man for cheating and then have sex with him at will regardless of the fact that u’all aren’t together..and why would you not love the little human being from another relationship that the same man had..the minds of our people all screwed up that’s why they’re confused.
The man might have been a god person despite the fact that he had sex with someone else..can we rightly judge the man on only…
How can you love him but not enough to get back with him and he is …………….you? what are you then?A side chick?
A donkey she be
Continuation…. makes back with a man who cheated and got another woman pregnant. ..
Bella please… this is the 21st century and a woman, even an educated one can use a man for sex. I don’t see any confusion on the young woman’s part. She is using her ex boyfriend for sex. Plain and simple and I agree with her. If the sex was that good and still is I would rather use an ex than find someone new. I am sure she will have no problem finding a man when she is ready and starting a new relationship.
To the young woman. Any woman who makes back with a man, as in chooses to be in a relationship with him again, is an idiot.
Furthermore the only problem I see with this young woman us that she says he he now thinks they are back together. Make it clear to him that his only purpose is to scratch an itch.
The problem about your idiotic thinking is that ‘using for sex’ works both ways. She might just be the one being used for sex. Only fools think the way you do. So because we are in the 21st century, a woman should make herself a garbage bin for a man. Not this woman here. We need to respect ourself in this 21st century.
Stuppppzzzz
Is he in a relationship with the mother of his child or someone else? You mentioned that you guys broke up and you were with someone else … what about him? You also said you were cheating on the other person with him. I’m not an expert on relationships (otherwise I would ask DNO for Bella’s job
) but we all know the saying, “why buy the cow when you getting the milk free or why buy the pig just a piece of sausage”. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe this guy is not truly sincere about you either and he does not what the whole cow or the pig, just what he likes from it? Sure, he says he loves you but I’m almost convinced that like many of us, he is playing the love card to get what he wants: a piece! You messed around with him while you were someone else … ummm, do you think he’s not thinking that you will do it to him! At the end of the day, it’s your choice but you’re not the player here; you’re getting played!
DNO
Are you sure Bella is qualified to give relationship advice?
I don’t get the sense Bella completed any studies that would convince me she is capable of educating anyone.
I am no trained psychologist, but with my common sense and life experience I am certain I can do a better job.
Well is the same common sense and life experience Bella using. Have several seats.
call me I won’t mind lol look jokes is this it is official this column is fabricated
Anyway Bella doesn’t water down her comments nuh . But you are correct. This woman is educated but stupid. Numbers down? Plz
My dear, pray about the situation. Lay it at the throne of God and he will direct you in the direction that he wants you to go. Get involved in a cause that will take up your time so that you won’t feel lonely. Spend time with your friends and family. The devil is only trying to make you feel like you worthless, so don’t let him. Forgive your ex cause if you had already, then you would be able to accept the child, just move on.
Confused:
You are committing the sin the Bible calls “fornication” and it is forbidden by God in 1 Corinthians 6:9,10 and 1 Corinthians 6:18. This is sex between a man and a woman who are not legally married to each other.
Even if there is nobody else in either of your lives and you are “faithful” to each other it is a sin because you are not married.
You have not only committed this sin once. You continue to commit fornication. The fact that you are keeping “the number level down” by using the same partner rather than a multiplicity of men does not
make what you are doing less sinful. What counts is the number of times you do it not how many men you partner with.
(1) You are not being fair with the man because you do not accept the child, and you are even now looking forward to meeting somebody else.
(2) You are not being fair to yourself because when other men know you are in a relationship with him they will avoid you.
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.
this is why you and your ilk can’t reach people anymore. this doesn’t work. preaching to young people and using fear tactics don’t work anymore.
We preach from the Bible to tell young people what GOD says. Then we give them present day examples of the hurt and damage sin causes in society just in case they haven’t noticed! We offer them God’s plan of salvation as it I found in the Scriptures. Some think this is using “fear tactics”. Most think it is being real
Actually, we are encouraged by the response. We are reaching young people. Many of our churches have a nice group of enthusiastic teens. Our larger city churches often have summer camps for the kids. They are able to host young people’s seminars and sponsor youth conventions that are well attended and often produce “new Christians”
eager to explore this exciting faith journey.
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.
Irrelevant!
My dear i belive deep down you like your ex in bed he is maybe good I would say great in bed bottom line so u don’t want to walk away
Don’t contact him u will get the right person one day take your time
It is a fact we attract to us the kind of people we are ourselves. A woman of good character will bond with the kind of man she will be proud to introduce as her husband.
If you are a slutty woman you will attract to yourself a whoremonger. Don’t be surprised if he has another like you on the side, gives a STD, is not a good provider, and eventually leaves you.
If you concentrate on becoming the best person you can become – the kind of woman God wants you to be – a man of character and integrity will be attracted to you and it will be a match made in heaven.
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.
It’s a way of thinking. If you have a paradigm shift you won’t feel anyway about his daughter. You became married to him when you had sex so he’s still your husband. He didn’t cheat, he took an extra wife like when Abraham took Hagar. Not saying that I would be able to, but if you still love him and have no problem with the sex then all you’re worried about is the stigma of society. He may respect you more if you take the child and return completely than to know that you’re in it only for the physical.
This is a common mistake.
A man and a woman do not marry themselves by having sex.
This is not what makes them husband and wife.
This error is based on several verses of scripture taken out of context and misapplied. But the Christian church over the past 2,000 years has never taught this.
A marriage is a lifetime commitment made in the presence of witnesses. The man takes the woman to be his wife. The woman takes the man to be her husband. This is done publically. The actual ceremony has evolved somewhat through the years but it is usually celebrated by a wedding feast to mark the occasion.
The belief that a man and woman marry themselves by having sex is used to cover up sin and justify what in some countries is called “living common law”. Even in those places it does not have the status of a marriage. It is not Biblical because it is an open ended “relationship”. It is not legally binding. Either party may walk out at any time.
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.
actually some territories recognise common law
“keep my numbers down” Wow
just goes to show education without knowledge is worthless.
Exactly, the mileage still going up
Lmfao!! That one kill me
nooo.. you are the best.. i couldnt have put it no better way
Education does not deal with the problem of sin. Nor does culture, or even religion.
This is because sin is the work of a fallen degenerated nature within us which we inherited from our first parents Adam and Eve. Only God can change human nature. But He has promised to do so if we will believe in the Lord Jesus and receive HIM as our personal Savior according to John 1:12.
We need to be ”born again” according to John 3:3 which literally means to be ”born from above”. This is when Christ by the Holy Spirit comes into our hearts. He regenerates (or makes new) our human spirit. Then we have a new nature. The Bible actually calls this ”the divine nature” in 2 Peter 1:4 because it is the nature of God Himself.
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.
You again?
Good advise Bella. Many persons Wil not agree but I agree whilst educated, darling you have a low self esteem. You should be thinking of keeping your body pure for thenone whom God willmput in your life to have and to hold. It is only in Christ Jesus, we can keep pure. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Ghost. Mind you I understand well and I am not better because I had children out of wedlock but I wished someone had cautioned or I knew God as I know him now. I now have the self confidence. You deserve more than just sleeping with your ex. Move on in Christ Jesus. Do not think of the past too.
Of course I agree she has NO SELF ESTEEM. Education does not give you self esteem. Infact lots of “educated” people have low self esteem, sometimes this is what drives them