DEAR BELLA: I am married but I’m seeing a young man

Dear BellaDear Bella

I am a married woman who has been secretly seeing a young man who is everything that I ever wanted in a man. My husband has diabetes and our sex life has been on the low. In fact, he has erectile dysfunction.

However, I am 47 and my sex drive is intact. I met this 28-year-old who have been helping me sexually but I feel so bad because my husband is a very loving caring man who has been there for me and taking care of everything financially.

I love my husband. I don’t love this young man but I love the way he fulfills me sexually. I don’t want to hurt my husband but I like how the young man makes me feel.

Should I leave the young guy alone?

Dilemma

————————————————————————————————–

Dear Dilemma,

There’s no dilemma in your situation. You need to understand that you cannot have your cake and eat it too. Furthermore, you recall when you walked down the aisle you made a vow for better or for worst right?. Well, honey, this isn’t even “for worst”.

You are with this young man because you clearly want to fulfill your selfish sexual desires not even taking into consideration how much it would hurt your husband.

You and your husband can find ways to work around his situation but you must first be willing.

Talk to your husband about the matter and see how you two can find other ways of pleasure. And if after all my rambling it is still not clear what my answer is, it is YES. Leave this young man alone.

Bella

Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at news@dominicanewsonline.com. Dear Bella is published on Wednesdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.

 

Disclaimer: The comments on this page do not necessarily reflect the views of DominicaNewsOnline.com/Duravision Inc. All comments are approved by DominicaNewsOnline.com before they are posted. We never censor based on political or ideological points of view, but we do try to maintain a sensible balance between free speech and responsible moderating.

We will delete comments that:

  • violate or infringe the rights of any person, are defamatory or harassing or include personal attacks
  • are abusive, profane or offensive
  • contain material which violates or encourages others to violate any applicable law
  • promote hatred of any kind
  • refer to people arrested or charged with a crime as though they had been found guilty
  • contain links to "chain letters", pornographic or obscene movies or graphic images
  • are excessively long and off-message

See our full comment/user policy/agreement.

48 Comments

  1. sweetness
    December 9, 2016

    life is too short to try to rise whats already dead. lash mammy lash

  2. sweetness
    December 9, 2016

    my dear madam I well understands your pain maybe your husband never see the need to take care of himself so please yourself my dear lady life is too short to feel lonely sexually.

  3. Sakway
    October 28, 2016

    Hypocrits!

  4. LifeandDeath
    October 27, 2016

    It’s best we don’t judge characters here..What hobby don’t know won’t hurt him..I would still admonish you wifey to try and work things out with hubby..
    If admittedly Life is not all about Sex, why do we place so much emphasis on Sex..the woman will get over that hump and the young man will move on..

    This is not a Life and Death situation..

  5. Forreal
    October 27, 2016

    All who supporting her,when she make the headline news…….husband chops of wife head….caught her in bed with another man,i hope all doh say something else…woman so does get man in trouble

  6. Private
    October 27, 2016

    ever heard of a vibrator? You are quite selfish. You should be helping your husband stay on a healthy track to manage his diabetes and your are here pitiful on Dear Bella on what your decision should be about your secret 28 yr old lover SMH Grow UP!!

  7. October 27, 2016

    so what your husband have ten fingers, a mouth, ten toes and hands, all can be used to gove pleasure. Stop being nasty.

    • party gal
      October 27, 2016

      You don’t know when people have diabetes that is when their sex drive is at the lowest?

      I feel for the poor woman. Let’s not judge her because we don’t know the full details. What if she did suggest exactly what you just said here to her husband and he just wasn’t up for it?

      I myself really don’t know what this woman came on DNO with her business for?? The horse outside of the gate already….hmph!

  8. johnson
    October 27, 2016

    Hers\’s how the husband can reverse diabetes…..http://diabetesdestroyer.com/lfslv1/?p=n

    • What does all of that garbage have to do with the issue at hand?

      You picked up that garbage from these sites:

      @ Nutrition For Diabetics – diabetes online community
      idiabetesinfo.com/research.on.diabetes/nutrition.for.diabetics=p13449

      NUTRITION FOR DIABETICS ] … Sign In Sign Up Subscribe. My Profile … Make you want to learn the significance about having diet plan? Nutrition For Diabetics …

      Diabetes Diet and Nutrition – The Diabetes Forum Suppo
      If you have diabetes, you had better make sure you have some internist who specialized in the treatment diabetes to treat you and make sure you follow your regiment of treatment. You had better make sure yo have an endocrinologist looking after you also, otherwise you follow the crap you posted, and you will die!

      • The fly
        October 27, 2016

        Mr Francisco, does that ring a bell?

      • Gary
        October 28, 2016

        Wow, why such hardcore ignorance, so long for your constipated intelligence.

  9. Me
    October 27, 2016

    Is who in the kitchen feeling the heat! All of them that saying no go do this, they all doing worse. While it is not the best thing to do, im sure you have exhausted all your other avenues and i will give u the benefit of the doubt that you are still working with your husband in the sexual department.

    On the other hand if it was you who couldnt help him sexually there is a great chance that he would do the same. Some of all u just think man can do whatever and woman can’t. Nonsense!!!

  10. Analyst
    October 27, 2016

    Lady you are an undulterer. Shame on you.

    • Analyst
      October 27, 2016

      This should read: You are an adulturer. Shame on you!

  11. TINA
    October 27, 2016

    All i need to do is come on DNO and hypertension down….stress level reduced. But Anyway Bella doesnt put water in her mouth nuh? Cant wait for next week. Dominicans are a bunch of mad people. This woman need to help her husband get it up. If he takes meds for his diabetes then he can stand up again. Anyway nuff said.

  12. Married woman
    October 27, 2016

    My husband has diabetes also but he takes his doctors advice and our sex life is great! He does whatever it takes and I love him for it. Give your husband a break. He takes care off everything else. Have some consideration and patience, things will work out.

  13. If this is true, this woman is no less than a whore, or a prostitute. I have been a diabetic for all of my life, and to this day still function satisfactorily sexually, except from what is expected from aging!

    That is normal.

    I was born a diabetic; however, I have biological children with my former wife, and a couple I have never seen. They are in England and elsewhere. And even at my age, I have gone out with younger women half my age who did not complain. It all depends on how much sex this woman crave, but there is always a way a man can satisfy a woman.

    There are lots of man who have diabetes, who are not completely impotent, though some lack sufficient rigidity to always penetrate as an eighteen year old. This woman has no shame, if she is married, and truly love her husband, prostitution, or committing adultery would not be in her plan! Some things people should keep to themselves, especially where it is so personal. Does this woman expects to be congratulated, and a…

  14. Opinionated
    October 26, 2016

    Miss once you have life you can make it right with the Most High, it’s not too late; a heart to heart talk with your husband, letting him understand of your sexual needs is the way to go.

    Do not tell the man you were cheating or this may cause more harm than good yet share with him about your emotional and sexual needs. Seek professional help if needs be – challenging situation but it can be sorted.

  15. Mahaut man
    October 26, 2016

    U just live the wood

  16. Lisad
    October 26, 2016

    You mentioned other factors about your husband that many marriages lack today. He cares for you financially and loves you.I am telling you that lots of things can substitute for an erected penis. Therefore capitalize on the strength of your marriage, sit with hussy, show him some love and together decide on a substitute.. Let the past be the past. hussy doesn’t have to know unless he reads “Dear Bella”. Delete the young man’s number . Play with your husbands toy everyday until it becomes a habit.you will eventually forget about the young man but you must stop now.

  17. seabees
    October 26, 2016

    All this Bella stuff is make believe garbage.

  18. Coco killer
    October 26, 2016

    Just stay with your husband but if the young man has to suck it to make you feel good then you could check him now and then for your sexual satisfaction.

  19. UDOHREADYET
    October 26, 2016

    You should ask her… if the tables were turned and she had diabetes, how would she feel if her husband did the same things with a young woman? Do unto others as you would have done unto you.

    • Too Hard Too Long
      October 26, 2016

      He would do it anyway – diabetes or not

    • Ideal
      October 26, 2016

      Women with diabetes can function as always, no drawbacks on that, only with men this happens. I don’t agree with her but on the other hand I can see her needs.

    • say sa
      October 26, 2016

      I would like to shake your big, big, big toe!! bonn!!

    • Ya Boy!
      October 27, 2016

      Ya Boy!

  20. Ya Boy!
    October 26, 2016

    Is This A “Lifetime” Movie? :-|

  21. Markaberry
    October 26, 2016

    But Bella..Whats the sence in having your cake and you cant eat it. :-D :-D

  22. Concerned
    October 26, 2016

    Great advise Bella

  23. October 26, 2016

    There is a machine that works perfectly most time even better than the real thing it uses batteries no need to cheat on your husband You just being selfish

  24. Forreal
    October 26, 2016

    Woman go back to church to eliminate your nastiness…period

  25. DELICESINUS
    October 26, 2016

    Girl it’s not worth it. The guilt that comes with it long after it is over will play in your mind and heart because you dont want to hurt your husband. Not worth it. Leave the young man alone, repent and go back to your husband. There are ways that your husband can take care of you without penetration.

  26. ?
    October 26, 2016

    You need to sit your hubby and let him know how you feel . get a job so u would have less time thinking of having a 28 yr old gaining experience on you only Dominica woman to like man

  27. Strange Situations
    October 26, 2016

    :-|

    Stupes! You wrong to bring your business on “Dear Bella”….just now people will start calling you all kinds of nasty names on DNO.

    Lady, you should know by now Dominica is a twisted, double-standard kind of country….If it were you that was the paraplegic from the neck down and your husband was out somewhere getting his piece on the side, everybody would nod their heads sympathetically and say, “Well he’s a man eh…he have his needs”…

    So, I say to you, you in your business with your boy toy already, just protect yourself from pregnancy and STD’s…

  28. Zepeng
    October 26, 2016

    OK, Bella has said it all. get some toys, pleasure your husband spice things up a bit. it takes two hands to clap.

    • Shameless
      October 26, 2016

      Qui toys? Tell her where to find the toys in Dca discretely. If she try to bring in it customs phooyay her bag and make fun of her and she order it they still open it and want to try it first :mrgreen :mrgreen: . Lady keep using the plumber in the meantime eh. You have needs too papa.

      Always Assertive! :twisted:

  29. Shameless
    October 26, 2016

    My dear it looks like all you need is pipe to put a smile on your face so you can keep taking care of Hussy. The young man seems to be laying enough pipe like a senior plumber would do. So as long as the wate keeps coming to your satisfaction keep using the plumber as needed for you own sanity. All plants need water every now and then and you are no exception. Just don’t tell Hussy because sheet will hit the fan. Sometimes we all have to be selfish……

    Always Assertive! 8)

  30. October 26, 2016

    Dilemma:

    BELLA is right :!:

    Please allow me to give you a few points to think about.

    (1) This young man is NOT a good person. He knows you are a married woman and he has no right to touch you yet he does it anyway.

    (2) A man like this is NOT to be trusted. If he would defile another man’s wife what else would he do? If he meets a younger woman he could be gone in a flash. It happens all he time.

    (3) He knows YOU are not to be trusted. If you would cheat on your husband you would cheat on him. This is not a chance he will want to take indefinitely. He wants (a) a younger woman, (b) somebody who will belong to him that he can introduce to his family and friends, (c) somebody who will spend holidays (Christmas, Easter, Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving Day, with him not with her husband, (d) somebody he can vacation with, and (e) somebody he can go places with.

    You and your husband need to discuss his ER together with a doctor. Often it can be treated.

    • October 26, 2016

      Continuation:

      Sorry. That last line should have been “…his erectile dysfunction or ED, not ER.

      Dilemma, there is more than one way a husband and wife can enjoy that special time of togetherness. Sexual intercourse is not the only way a man can pleasure his wife. Be creative. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Tell him there is something you would like to discuss with him. Find a nice quiet place. Sit down and TALK. Tell him what you need. Don’t be afraid to tell him what you want him to do. Yes, what you WANT :!: But talk kindly and softly.

      Your husband is battling an illness. He is suffering in his body. But you CAN help him rise above this.
      The way to overcome is to be kind. Be supportive. Don’t criticise or talk down to him. On the contrary let him know how much you appreciate him.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill (Pastoral Counselor Certificate)

      • You said it all here; I do like this portion of your comments, Sex is not what’s it all about!

        Love should take precedence over all else, the reason people react in such ways is because they do not have any understanding of what is meant to love someone. One should not say to someone I love you simply because of the phenotype they see.

        Love is certainly not a feeling of infatuation!

        Actual love is indeed tolerance, and long suffering, if someone say to another “I love you” simply because that woman is beautiful, or the man is handsome, what happens when the body commenced changing as in aging? No wonder most marriage ends when couples gets in their forties, or right about that age.

        One have to be careful not to marry someone because of their appearance, money or any other materialists things. Before anybody say I love you they had better get into the mind of the person and see what’s in the heart, and not in their appearance.

    • DR. Hill, every woman has the power to control her body, and refuse sexual advances towards her, she has the power to say yes, or no. If she is forced into it that equals rape! Without the full corporation of a woman nothing sexually can take place.

      This guy could not have done anything to that woman if what we are reading is real, and not something which developed in a perverted mind! How did he know that she was hungry for sex?

      In any event if this guy came along and approach her for whatever reason, the moment he made advances to her be it by shifting from a normal conversation to anything that remotely sound as if it was leading to sex, and sexual intercourse, all she had to do is inform the guy she is married, and that should be the end of the conversation. I’ve been around for a long time, and score with many women of all tribes, I however, was never able of forcing sex on any one Black or white no matter their complexion, so the total blame is on this woman!

  31. Mah-co
    October 26, 2016

    Use mediation to help control your sex drive. Learn to do it and it will enrich your life.

  32. Time will tell
    October 26, 2016

    The husband health issues can be reversed if he gets the correct counsel and help,please see an alternative health practitioner not the medical doctors.Your husband needs to change his diet and lifestyle and the diabetes can be reversed,he will be able to function again.

  33. Henry
    October 26, 2016

    Pow pow pow. Bella you pay Feb..I just love it!!!

Post a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

:) :-D :wink: :( 8-O :lol: :-| :cry: 8) :-? :-P :-x :?: :oops: :twisted: :mrgreen: more »

 characters available