DEAR BELLA: I am secretly in love with someone else’s husband

Dear BellaDear Bella,

I am in love with someone else’s husband. I know it’s not the right thing to do. He doesn’t know that I feel this way about him. He treats me with respect and like a friend but all I can think about is him, especially at nights.

I cry sometimes when I think he is in bed with his wife. It breaks my heart when I see them at church on Sundays, it makes me feel so sad because they look so happy.

I always wanted him and hoped that he would realize that but then he got married and I realized there was no hope for us. I don’t want to get any husband because I’m hoping that something would happen and he would be available to me. Like, if his wife divorces him or if she passed or something.

I just want to be available in case he is a free man.

Am I wrong to take these measures?



Dear Hopeful,

You would have wasted all your years waiting for a man who was not set out for you from the foundation of the world.

My advice to you is to find someone and enjoy what’s left in this life for you.

If this man did not marry you when he was single, why would you even envisage that he would give you a second though whether he is divorced separated or a widower?

You need to come to realize that God will not give you someone else’s husband. Save yourself the discomfort and drama and leave the “happily married” couple alone.

Why would you even want to interfere with someone else’s happiness anyway? You are putting yourself up for a lot of trouble both spiritually and mentally.

My advice to you is that you let it go.


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  1. Not amused
    March 17, 2017

    Thou shall not covert thy neighbor’s wife also means though shall not covert thy neighbor’s husband.
    You should get a hold of yourself and find your own husband, lest you destroy someone else’s family. Even without asking you should realize you are on the dangerous path, that kind of obsession can only lead to trouble.

    Tsk, tsk, tsk

  2. March 16, 2017

    If this man had eyes for you he would have married you not the woman he married.

    If he was the type of man who would leave his wife for you he would likely have left his wife long ago to go with another hussy.

    If you could take him from his wife you would be getting a man who would be unfaithful to his wife. How could you ever trust him not to leave you since he has already left one wife?

    How could he trust you knowing that you are have already broke up a man and his wife?

    Surely you must have something better in life than laying awake at night lusting for a married man who knows you and has already shown that he wants nothing to do with you and is happily married. When we *love* somebody we want what is best for them. You are actually jealous because this couple are happy, and wish for the woman to die. This shows Satan or evil spirits have moved in and taken over your mind.

    Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

    • March 16, 2017


      The good news is you can be delivered and set free. It is not enough to go to church. You need to get saved. This comes when we acknowledge that we are hell deserving sinners and cannot save ourselves. We must believe that Jesus Christ suffered, bled, and died for us on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins. Please, please get a Bible and read …

      Isaiah 53:5,6
      Romans 5:6-8
      John 3:16
      Ephesians 2:8,9

      When we believe that Jesus paid it all at Calvary we call upon Him by asking Him in prayer to come into our heart and save us. How can we know for sure He has saved us? We have a written guarantee. The word of God says:

      *For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord SHALL be saved.* (Romans 10:13)

      It is all about taking God at His word. You must believe it because God says so! Not because a pastor or a priest says so! Not because the church says so! NO, NO , NO! Believe it because GOD says so!

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

      • March 16, 2017

        When God saves us He changes us from the inside out!

        The old is passed and the new has come. Sin loses its hold upon us.

        The things we once loved we now hate and the things we once hated we now love.

        We encourage you to visit our ministry website. click onto THE EAGLE COURSE. It can be studied from your computer screen Or copied absolutely free from the screen one lesson at a time.

        THE EAGLE COURSE is literally a life changer. The truth in these lessons will help you grow and gain the strength to be an overcomer! There is nothing to buy or join.

        Also at this Easter Season we hope you will visit and click onto SERMONS. Listen to my sermon MANY INFALLIBLE PROOFS and hear about the incredible evidences of the resurrection of Christ that lawyers have said would stand up in a present day court of law. I will actually give you the names of the lawyers.

        Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

    • March 16, 2017

      What kind of church do you go to :?:

      Surely if you faithfully attend a Bible believing church where the gospel (message of salvation) is preached you would know that you are lost and need to be saved.

      In addition to this I would want it to be a church that is filled with praise and worship: one that provides solid Bible teaching for Christians to learn the difference between right and wrong: a church that teaches believers how to live a victorious holy life.

      You would not be able to sit in such an atmosphere and lust for a man who is married to another woman.
      Find a church that provides the help you need and that is a deliverance ministry.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

      If you were sitting in such an atmosphere you could

      • Alepie
        March 17, 2017

        Very judgmental in my opinion: Having feelings for someone, married or not, does not mean the woman is “lost and needs to be saved”. It is not wrong to love the man. And what she feels for him may not be ” lust” either. Since she loved him before he got married I would say that her feelings are real. But as a follower of Jesus, (if she is one,) the woman should know that the best way forward is to let this go and find a next man. But to say that somehow she is lost is not only narrow-minded and unchristian but a Pharisaical none-sense that is unbecoming a man of the cloth.

    • Shameless
      March 17, 2017

      Rev you always make me laugh in chinese :mrgreen: because you and I know is woman better woman these days. If the girl wants to taste the honey that the seemingly happy wife getting so what? Let her taste it whole heartedly. Just maybe she will not like it. I read the comments on here and really they are sickening because many of those on here are already doing EXACTLY what the woman is thinking of doing but they there running their mouth. HYPOCRITES!!! Girl do your thing and live your life. Your spirituality is between you and the god you serve. Go open that pipe and drink your belly full of coconut water. After you taste it then you will know if its good for you. 8) 8)

      Assertive and fearless! :twisted: :twisted:

      • March 17, 2017

        It is no wonder you do not use your name.

        Respectable people who are known on the island are not going to post their comment that they agree with you using their name because everybody knows what you have said is shameful.
        This poor woman is not only in moral difficulty. She is mentally de-arranged and needs inner healing.

        The last thing you should do is bad mouth somebody who may be able to assist her if she will accept the help that is offered.

        Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. :-P (Pastoral Counselor Certificate)

    • March 17, 2017

      The good news is that God loves you. He sent His Son – our Lord Jesus Christ – to suffer, bleed, and die on the cross for your sins. You can be saved by simply believing this and by receiving him as your Savior.

      Please read John 3:16, 17 AND 1 John 5:11-13.

      When you have believed and acted upon these scriptures God says you will HAVE eternal life. Yes. it means HAVE it now as a present possession, and you can KNOW you are saved because God says so.

      This begins a tremendous process of CHANGE in your life from the inside out! You literally become a NEW
      creation! Please read 2 Corinthians 5:17. God sets you free from the guilt of the past and the fear of the future!

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

  3. Keeping it Real
    March 16, 2017

    All this woman has done is say what is honestly going on with her and many of you all are bashing and judging and condemning her. At least she had the guts to speak to it, even though anonymously. She knows what she must do, I am sure it has crossed her mind. She is very aware of what the bible says, she is not demon possessed like some of you think, she may just be weak. Many of us have been there! Affairs of the heart are the hardest to deal with.

    Yes I will defend her here because I don’t know what her situation is past what she has declared.

    I pray that she begins to renew her mind with thoughts that will help her to overcome and that she asks the Lord to give her heart away to the man he has in store for her, that she may not waste her years looking at a closed door.

    • Me
      March 16, 2017

      There are many fish in the sea….Stop feeling sorry for her because she damn knows what she is doing, she is no DAMN weak and she is not crazy. It’s people like her who cause disruption in marriages. I’m pretty sure that men are not scarce. She sees something wonderful and beautiful, she feels jealous and she wants to destroy it. As I’ve said….Many Fish In The Sea… leave the shark alone..tell her go look for her dolphin

    • Not amused
      March 17, 2017

      Please explain how advicing the lady that she is in fact wrong, condemneding, or judgment.
      I see no post sending her to hell or anything, she’s only being cautioned not to fall further into temptation, as Christ whosoever looks at a woman to lust after has already committed adulty with her in his heart . It also means the same for women. It is our Christian duty to tell our neighbors, family and friends when they are heading down the wrong road, it’s not judgment.

    March 16, 2017

    Like ASA said… ‘DA girls stop fight over 1 man”

    • Brain defence
      March 19, 2017

      When you say that there are many fish in the sea.
      *starts talking about dolphins.
      My friend, good point I guess, but dolphins are not fish…. :wink: :lol:

  5. LifeandDeath
    March 16, 2017

    Good sound Advice from Bella this time around..Leave the man alone and concentrate your efforts for love elsewhere..remember Luther Vandross song “If you can’t be with the one you love, Love the one you’re with”..find another man!!

  6. Strong
    March 16, 2017

    Dominica Finish is women like you that does come and spoil people happy relationships. I’m sure if she got a man she could be just as happy, but just see the advice you find to give her. you really find you making much sense. smh. When you see a happy couple you never know how much they had to go through to be as happy as they are. so why try to come between it. i’m sure if it were you in the position you would not like it if your husband had someone else. you wouldn’t like it if another woman flirted with him or gave him signs that she liked him. stupess. you are in control of how happy you make yourself. so stop fantasizing on the man happiness and create your own. What goes around comes around kamem. Don’t do something to someone that you wouldn’t want someone else to do unto you. Enough single men out there. I’m sure she’s knows of a man who likes her and wants to be with her and blocking her out because of her fantasy. wake up babygirl, this ain’t no fairytale

  7. tad
    March 16, 2017

    Why when he was single u did not tell him how u feel now up wishing bad to happen woman u not in love but have an obsession

  8. Daughter of the soil
    March 16, 2017

    My sister you need deliverance wi alas he is married happy at that with his wife get your own husband

  9. Sometimes I do believe that some of these stories are made up to raise discussions and agitate comments. It is hard to believe that a woman would dare to have this type of information published about her secret yearnings (“especially at nights”)…it’s just too sensational and salacious!!!! If, however, my assumptions are wrong and there is really a woman out there that covets the husband of another church member I pity her. I mean come on…IN THE CHURCH???? Here’s what you do Honey, purchase yourself a very large dildo and use a marker to write “WICKED” on it and on those “especially at nights” use it on yourself. Maybe that way you will be able to satisfy that demon that has taken you over from the inside out. Your wicked dildo will always remind you of your wicked thoughts…your wicked heart and your wicked mind. I mean hoping that something bad will befall the woman or that the happy marriage will fall apart is evil in every way. Why do you go to church?

    • Keeping it Real
      March 16, 2017

      You obviously do not know what you talking about. Going to church doesn’t mean no sin AND the bible was written to THE CHURCH!…because of the sins that resided and continues to reside there. No one knows the bible like the Devil.

      • Not amused
        March 17, 2017

        I agree with your statement to an extent. Some of the books or letters were written to the church but not all.
        Most of the Bible is written to all mankind so we can reconcile with God through Jesus Christ. Not going to a building and say we going to church, we are the church, Christ is the head and we are the body.

        Good comment anyway.

      • March 17, 2017

        Going to church and shaking the preacher*s hand does not make you a Christian any more than
        going to a barn and shaking a donkey*s tail will make you a donkey.

        Jesus said *…Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.* (John 3:3)

        We must believe in Christ and receive Him as our personal Savior according to John 1:12, and Revelation 3:20. The Bible says *… the blood of Jesus Christ (God*s) Son cleanses us from all sin.* (1 John 1:7) This is for everybody. But we must individually believe it was for us personally. This way we accept it and make it ours!

        I invite you to visit our ministry website at

        Click onto SERMONS.

        Listen to my Easter sermon MANY INFALLIBLE PROOFS. I will share with you the evidence
        for the resurrection of Christ. Lawyers have said this evidence would stand up in a modern court of law. I will give you the names of the lawyers.

        Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

        Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. (A teller of…

  10. Compassionate
    March 15, 2017

    It sounds like you are in hell. Where did you meet this guy anyway? Sounds like you have a chemical reaction to him. What makes you think that because he is happy with his wife, he would be happy with you? Maybe you both have nothing in common at all and you should be careful what you wish for. He could be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. You have no idea what is really going on in that marital relationship or how much of the “happiness” you are seeing is genuine or just a big show.

    For your own sake, move if you have to, but stay away from this man and his wife. Do not go to places where you will see him, do not tell him how you feel and do not maintain any sort of relationship with him. You got this!

  11. Rev. John Kewyone
    March 15, 2017

    Hopeful, you must not succumb to anal sex which is the preference of depraved married men driven to this alien practice by reason of the wide vaginas of their wives occasioned by the advent of multiple childbirths..

    Do not do it. For the least it is messy, unhygienic, addictive and criminal.

    • FED UP
      March 16, 2017

      What the??????????????????

    • SMH
      March 16, 2017

      But wha de…. where you come out? LOL…. awa wi… where anal sex come to your mind from what mamselle say….no boy

      • Jodi
        March 18, 2017

        He sending a message an introduction to perversion!!

    • lol…lollllllllllllll! :lol:

    • Me
      March 16, 2017

      @Rev.John Kewyone, 8-O you are totally off course here. Stop day dreaming about having anal sex and go get a woman to have sex with. Nothing you said is related to the topic at hand

    • April 5, 2017

      Nobody here said anything about anal sex. There was no reason for you to mention this vile sodomite practice in your off message comment. The issue at hand is adultery. If you do not have a proper and helpful answer to the question please do not muddy the waters.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. (Pastoral Counselor Certificate)

  12. Shameless
    March 15, 2017

    Check your seen girl. Go after what you want because \”looking\” happily married may not actually be \”happily\” married. The man may be well looking for an exit but don\’t want to leave what he has for what he does not know about 8) . All them people on here chatting nonsense just trying to say what they would say in public but behind close doors it would be something else.

    Play yourself and to hell with the rest!
    Assertive! :twisted:

    • Jodi
      March 18, 2017

      And enjoy losing your soul!!

    March 15, 2017

    Aye nuff man here in Da free, not me but nuff man gyal go look a good 1!

  14. Who put the spirit
    March 15, 2017

    Boyy, long i doh laugh so :-D :lol: :) :lol:

  15. Ideal
    March 15, 2017

    You wishing his wife dead? This is all in your head he does not love you so don’t waste your time there is no guarantee that he will ever love you, please move on and get yourself a man before it’s too late.

  16. ????????
    March 15, 2017

    WOMAN get a life :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

  17. Locs Girl
    March 15, 2017

    Are these letters real?
    Like my girl not reading the commandments man while at church?
    Thou shall not steal! You want to take the woman’s husband?
    Thou shall not covet! Why are you yearning for the man?
    I’m sure there are other men in the church.
    She needs to pray some more.

  18. Angel
    March 15, 2017

    Very good answer. The prayer is also in order. And that is why I say, “women do not like women”. However, God’s WORD says that no one should put asunder, meaning separate the happily married couple. How can you expect good to come to you, when you have committed adultery in your heart and is seeking to destroy lives? Everyone can now see, why there are so many problems in marriages.
    Thank God that there are more for us than those who are against us.

    This woman also needs deliverance from the devil who is speaking to her and filling her mind, soul and body with such evil thoughts.

  19. marie-claire R Skerrit
    March 15, 2017

    Girl you sounding real Sal. Go get help. Leave de woman man alone.

  20. televangelists are false prophets
    March 15, 2017

    There a names for women….and men who covet the the wife/husband of another. You are asking for blight.

  21. Dominica
    March 15, 2017

    If he werent happy, maybe you would have a chance dear. But bless the marriage that is happy. I advise you to stay away from this. Apparently the man is not in love with you, and besides he is happy with his wife. Pray that you find someone that you will be happy with and be happy for the happy couple.

  22. The Eel
    March 15, 2017

    Best! Beautifully handled your markings 10 0ut of 10. The truth is others knowingly that the man is happily married but force their way into his life and mess it up for the whole family. You did well seeking for advise. Tell him to give you some space in your life and that you seeing some body and is some that he knows.

  23. Dominica Finish
    March 15, 2017

    If it’s that serious then don’t give up hope girly, add him on Facebook, and if you really love him keep an eye on him off and on. (Just don’t become obsessed) These relationships are never full proof, and all it takes is a moment of weakness for infidelity. give him hints (Nothing to outragoues) That you will always be there for him if he needs you as a friend. Remember you only live once! :wink: :wink:

    • DA girl
      March 16, 2017

      I’m looking for the sarcasm in here cause surely you meant to be sarcastic….

      • Dominica Finish
        March 16, 2017

        Women need to learn to share, leave the marriage thing for the old people and europeans.

    • LeoLady
      March 17, 2017

      Give him hints? It should be my husband for me to dayforsay you!!! One set of tomp you getting all in ur belly. Look all u getting me vex. I beating up my computer keys. Lemme get out of here. I on di look out for any woman out for my husband today. Doh even watch him. Doh smile. Doh nod.

  24. DA girl
    March 15, 2017

    You need to wake up out of that daze you in sweetie and leave the woman husband alone. He doesn’t know, keep it that way and stay away. Find something to occupy your time so you don’t think about him as much. Go out, meet people, socialize. You think you may be in love but it may just be a faze or some infatuation stage. So get involved in a group that will keep you busy, do a course, anything. But just leave the woman husband alone and wish them well, not wish for the demise of the happily married couple.

  25. mary waner
    March 15, 2017

    Boy when people happy in their relationship leave them alone, dont make blite fall on you.

    • Dominica Finish
      March 15, 2017

      What is “blite” and “Blight” doesn’t exist.

  26. mary waner
    March 15, 2017

    but bella u that writting ur thing,because that cannot be real,i mean comon. na man

    • star
      March 15, 2017

      lol.. my thoughts exactly..

    • Concerned
      March 15, 2017

      Seriously, This story is not sounding real. lol. bella can come better .

    • Chocolisto
      March 16, 2017

      ..But if allu not sending in letters she have to write her own eh. Because people like story!

  27. blessings
    March 15, 2017

    Woman you crazy or what? So you there wishing and waiting for the man wife to die or bad to befall them? I advise you to shake yourself out of your stupor and face reality, it is not going to happen for you and this man. find your own man and leave the woman husband alone.

    I plead the blood of Jesus on and around the man, his wife and their happy marriage and I pray that no weapon form against then shall prosper in Jesus Name. I also pray that you get delivered from those evil spirits in your mind that is causing you to be delusion and unhappy, in Jesus Name, Amen!!

    • Me
      March 15, 2017


    • Jodi
      March 15, 2017

      Demonic spirits are already in her that’s why she is speaking that way she needs to repent and read what God says in his bible. Demons cause people to hallucinate. Please repent my sister this relationship is not in your favour the sex may be good but always remember there is a man better than this one in God’s plan for you.

    • March 16, 2017

      AMEN :!:

      This is a good and powerful comment.

      In the BELLA COLUMN I see so many twisted broken lives.

      These are people that would be whole and well today if they had surrendered their lives to Christ and placed themselves under HIS Lordship and rule. First they to get saved. Second they need to make Jesus Lord of their lives. This means to read HIS word and live by HIS command.

      I would encourage them to receive Christ as their Savior. Find a Christ centered where the gospel is preached and begin attending.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill

      Normal well meaning couples usually have occasional challenges. But it is just dreadful to know that there are people out there like this woman – a tool of Satan – sending their dark and evil thoughts and longing to see them crash.

      We can enter into spiritual warfare and pray blessings upon every married couple. Let us bind the demonic spirits that oppose the plan of God that would cause this kind of chaos.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald…

  28. jihan
    March 15, 2017

    You need help he is married.

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