DEAR BELLA: I asked my girlfriend to fess up or I walk out

Dear Bella,

This young lady and I started a new relationship about 2 years ago. I recalled asking her if she has a photo of her little girl’s father. She told me what is she doing with his photo on her phone and why do I want know the man for. (Like really?)  She had  her one year old baby girl when we started the relationship. We met each other about 2 years prior to being in a relationship.

I explained to her the reasons why I need to know who her daughter’s father is. The man knew all about me and I don’t even know his name. All I know is her daughter doesn’t look like her so I assumed she looks like her father.

……fast forward to 2 years later……

I brought up the issue again about a month ago and she got upset. After explaining to her in details why it is important to know who her daughter’s father is…. she told me it’s nonsense I am talking. Well I told her, if that’s how she thinks, when I drop her to her home that night (because we had gone out), this will be the last of this relationship with me and her (and so was done). Because I can’t believe her; that she got upset with me asking about knowing who her daughter’s father is and she thinks I don’t need to know who he is…..

Just to be clear, the 2 years of our relationship was a seesaw…. not a perfect one, back and forth on a few occasions.

So, my question to you…what do you think of this situation.

Regards

Stand-up

Hello Stand-up

Secrets can destroy relationships and clearly yours is on the brink of collapse because your girlfriend refuses to divulge information that you deem important.

Your girlfriend could probably be in a situation where she is embarrassed about who her child father is.

She probably isn’t sure who he is. It could be a case where if she reveals it, it could cause more harm than good.

Hey, I am only grasping at straws here but I believe no matter how bad the secret it, if she wants to save her relationship then she should be able to open up to you.

By not trusting you enough to tell you, it leaves room for all kinds of speculation.

I believe if you love your girlfriend then have a sit down with her. Explain to her that whatever the situation is, whoever the father is, you are willing to accept it and move on. You have to mean that.

If after this assurance she still refuses to tell you then the decision to stay or remain is left up to you

 

Best

Bella

 

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28 Comments

  1. UDOHREADYET
    February 18, 2020

    Padna, Im not going to advise you on your love life because it seems you know the answers. Always trust your instincts first.
    What I will say is that your writing needs improvement. You start sentences with ‘because’ etc, your writing should be 100% better than your speech. Pls write, rewrite, rewrite until its perfect then send it. The things you perfect while you’re young will benefit you greatly as you get older.

  2. Natural
    January 29, 2020

    I feel part of their ups and downs could be a result of him feeling insecure that she might have too good of relationship with her child’s father and not knowing who he is affecting him.

  3. Chicken Fox
    January 21, 2020

    He is probably still dipping his stick into the honey jar so she is keeping him a mystery

  4. Dynamic Dominica
    January 20, 2020

    You not suppose to love woman that have children my boy… Second hand woman are the worse, just like second hand vehicles and you never know when the owner going to come back and take it for a spin right on your head :lol:

  5. Dynamic Dominica
    January 20, 2020

    Never love woman who have children mybrother, second hand woman is more trouble than second hand vehicles, nothing but miseh and the original owner might still take it for a spin now and then :lol: :lol:

  6. Zootie
    January 19, 2020

    I feel her child father works for the CIA. Is why she cannot reveal his name and blow his cover. Is also why he knows all your details. The girl child father name is CLASSIFIED.

  7. Chicken Fox
    January 18, 2020

    In little Dominica where everybody literally knows everybody…smh only a matter of time. I think he sweating it too much, all he have to do is sit back on the fence and
    in no time he will have his answer.

  8. zandoli
    January 17, 2020

    If a couple cannot be open and trusting with each other, there is little point in continuing the relationship. I am not on the dating scene, but if I were, at some point, if it appears there is a future together, all the cards that are important to me would have to be put on the table. That is not to say I would be interested in her past sex life or partners. Once one get up to a certain age, I expect the woman would have had multiple sex partners. That is not an issue with me. However, if there is an infant in the relationship, one would think the name of the father would come up in the normal course of conversation without the guys having to prod.
    There has to be open and honest discussions in every relationship. There is no other way ….NO SURPRISES.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0
  9. January 17, 2020

    Partner. Your concern is a valid one. Especially where you said that the man know all about you and you don’t even know his name. In these day people are capable of doing anything. This is certainly one of the things that is causing ups and downs in your relationship. My best advice to you is. If after 2 years you really love your lady and her child. you should stay in the relationship forcuss more on working out things with your family. Forget about knowing who the child father is. You can sit down with a counsellor. Am pretty sure you will see better fruits in your relationship.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0
    • Forreal
      January 19, 2020

      Well as they say,old 🔥 fire stick easy to catch:lol: :lol: partner want to know who putting de gwo pwel on him?, because like he said, the relationship has had it’s ups and downs, them breaks their probably give partner a mal tet.

  10. My name
    January 17, 2020

    You young man. Get out. Finish. And she should not be in a relationship now she should give herself time to adjust and heal. So young man chill from this its not looking good

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0
  11. Bwa-Banday
    January 16, 2020

    Partner two years asking for simple answer and yet you there like a koonoumoonou? You joking Karl! Ok let me answer the question for you;
    1. The baby share the same father as her
    2. The father is a very close relative
    3. She was out there knocking about with more than one man and honestly don’t know who the father is.

    No woman sleeps with a man or men at the same time and don’t remember who are the men in little Dominica. If she cannot be honest and give you an answer run, run, run and keep running in the other direction. That woman cannot and should not be trusted. Just one of those who will shoot you in your sleep and tell the court Satan / Skerro told them to do it. Looks like you walking with your eyes close bro.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 1
  12. Da Girl
    January 16, 2020

    I’m thinking that she has her reasons and that when she feels like she can trust you enough she will tell you who the child’s father is. If your relationship is unstable she will be reluctant to trust you. I don’t know you or your personality but she doesn’t see you as fit know her secret. You don’t know if she was raped, if she was taken advantage of or if she had a one night stand with someone and got pregnant and may be ashamed for whatever reason. If that is enough to destroy your already unstable relationship then it’s best you go your way because it seems like you are more interested in knowing who the child’s father is than actually working on your relationship – or maybe in your mind this is so important that it could make or break your relationship. I have to question how exactly you ask her. Is it in an accusing tone or do you actually sit and ask out of genuine concern? Have you considered if she’s afraid of something? So many questions.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 10 Thumb down 10
    • Cheesecake
      January 16, 2020

      I agree with your point 100%

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 2
    • Frank N Stein
      January 16, 2020

      Da Girl, if after two years of sharing bodies and everything else she cant trust him she should leave him for somebody else.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 1
      • Da Girl
        January 17, 2020

        Frank remember he described those two years as a seesaw, back and forth period. If that is not the definition of unsteady I don’t know what is and because of that she doesn’t know where they stand and by extension if she can really trust him. We don’t know why the two years were rocky so we cannot say they shared everything. Sharing bodies is certainly a non factor-people share their bodies without being in any steady relationship- as a matter of fact people borrow people lol. But in all seriousness I don’t get the impression that this is a happy (or steady) relationship and where that is the case there will always be insecurities mistrust. Like I said before, she must have her reasons and she doesn’t trust him enough to tell him. Who knows, maybe he’s the type of person who would use it against her…

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0
    • Ti Garcon
      January 16, 2020

      IfI is he that supporting the child then he have a right to know.

      Personally, i feel it should be a constitutional right for a child to know who their both birth parents are. This is a too common an issue were young women making child and not listing the father. Then in most cases the state (tax payer) picks up the welfare tab. Its not good for society in general. Children dont ask to be born, if you bring them into this world at least give them thier father name for them to go pick up that child support!!

    • Bwa-Banday
      January 16, 2020

      Good PITIFUL EXCUSE but some of all Dca women have too much zafeeer/ daybar and like giving man redimade. Bottom line is if after two years she can’t tell the man then he should just DUMP her. Period!

      Thats too much stress. Sour-sour has just spoken to the man!

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0
    • Stand-up
      January 16, 2020

      Just to be clear, She knows exactly who her daughter’s father is. She goes on drives with him and her daughter. She brings her daughter to spend time at his home. She was asked the question politely on the both occasions on a need to-know basis. Clearly she has something to hide. Maybe they still having something. And she is always on the defense when it comes to him. She also drives his vehicle. Still yet I don’t know who he is. We both live in separate villages (about and hr drive away). And she is not ashamed of him because as she said, he is a ladies man and had women on her head while they were together (for 4 years) . [This information should have been said when he emailed Bella.]

      Put yourself in the situation with the tables turned; If you in a relationship with a guy who has a child and wont tell you who the child’s mother is and he takes this child to spend the day with his/her mum and the mum comes over his place and they go on drives etc. Tell me what would you…

      • NOBLE
        January 17, 2020

        call traffic and ask who is this vehicle registered too lol, do your own investigation….

      • Da Girl
        January 17, 2020

        Hmm well like I’d mentioned before we didn’t know much about the relationship so really couldn’t say much but speculate. With this new information it begs a lot of questions. I know of people who co-parent and do a lot together because of the child, but that really should not be a secret if you have a partner. I would wonder what’s going on too.

      • Tribal
        January 20, 2020

        I feel there is more to this situation than you are letting on. My boy, you should have done your own investigation Everybody knows somebody in Dominica; if he knew all about you that meant he did his. I don’t see the need for you to come belching bubbles. What are you trying to prove? It’s also a good thing that you all are through because if this back and forth about this man’s identity continues, then that relationship is doomed. #nooffense

    • candid
      January 18, 2020

      This man clearly realised that, he has made a mess of his life and how many fools he can take with him. Consider how a child came about, a man should only get active for his wife and the wife likewise. This woman had already been taken therefore, he should keep away. Everyone should pay for their own mistakes and don’t pass it on. bravo
      .

  13. Frank N Stein
    January 16, 2020

    Mista hear the child is a ready made so he want to prove, read between his lines. However its a fair question and he should know. If she cant be open about this she aint ready for more.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 3
    • EIFILE
      January 16, 2020

      Obviously the child father is for a married man,the child is an excuse to see the man again run a mile

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 2
      • Da Girl
        January 17, 2020

        Wow…wish I could clap for you. We are so quick to crucify our women without knowing the facts. Is it possible she is a rape victim too?? When our 12 and 13 year old girls are found with men twice their age we say they are fast girls and they wanted it, not that the grown man is a pedophile, child molester, rapist. So now the lady want to keep her affairs private, she had a child for a married man? ..until the shoe is one the other foot.

    • Da Girl
      January 17, 2020

      He knows the child is not his – he said she already had her one year old when they started the relationship…what does he need to prove???

      • Tribal
        January 20, 2020

        I am trying to figure this one out. I am 100% sure that this woman told you who her child’s father is…maybe you weren’t listening. You should have also done your own investigation. He must have done his own for him to know “everything” about you. Dominica is a small place…as someone said someone must know who he is. The people have a child together, they must co-parent. It sounds like you have an issue with her being around him, but that is something that you have to deal with. I’ve been wondering….didn’t people know that you and that young lady was dating? If they knew then you’d have had your answer by now I’m sure. It seems to me that you all had a secret relationship too, maybe that’s why it’s rocky and why you didn’t find the answer you seek?; but I believe that if you are going to continue being “hung-up” on the situation that you should leave the young lady be.

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