DEAR BELLA: I do not want to be hurt anymore

Dear BellaI am in a situation where I’m with a guy that says he loves me but he still talks to his ex. He told me that he does not want to get back with her but he still talks to her.

I’m not with him 24/7 so I do not know if he meets with her.

This guy and I have a lot of history together. It been three years I met him and at the time he was with her. While he was in his relationship with her, he was telling me that he wanted to be with me and he loves me.

Please, I need advice because I really love this guy and I just do not want to be hurt anymore.

Sincerely,
Tired of Being Hurt

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Dear Tired of Being Hurt,

It is clear that your issue is one of trust. You don’t trust this boyfriend of yours and that’s the first thing which must be addressed. Your lack of trust must evolve from somewhere. The thing about entering into a relationship with someone who is already seeing another is that you can never trust them. And that’s why today even if he claims that it is over between them, you just don’t believe because you were once or perhaps are, still part of the triangle.

I am not going to judge this guy and say that perhaps he is still involved with this other girl and nothing is wrong with talking to an ex but if you are that worried then it appears that they are communicating more often than you would like.

I could tell you to hire a private investigator to follow him around but that would be extreme or I could tell you to speak with him but you have already done that and he said they are friends.

What I would advise though, is that at 24, your preoccupation shouldn’t be about a cheating boyfriend. What you need to do is guard your heart and protect yourself from situations that are not meant for your good. Sometimes our instincts about things closest to us are correct. Nothing stays a secret forever. Don’t frustrate yourself about it. The answer could be right in front of you. Look closer.

Best

Bella

Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at news@dominicanewsonline.com. Dear Bella is published on Wednesdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.

Disclaimer: The comments on this page do not necessarily reflect the views of DominicaNewsOnline.com/Duravision Inc. All comments are approved by DominicaNewsOnline.com before they are posted. We never censor based on political or ideological points of view, but we do try to maintain a sensible balance between free speech and responsible moderating.

We will delete comments that:

  • violate or infringe the rights of any person, are defamatory or harassing or include personal attacks
  • are abusive, profane or offensive
  • contain material which violates or encourages others to violate any applicable law
  • promote hatred of any kind
  • refer to people arrested or charged with a crime as though they had been found guilty
  • contain links to "chain letters", pornographic or obscene movies or graphic images
  • are excessively long and off-message

See our full comment/user policy/agreement.

17 Comments

  1. UDOHREADYET
    January 6, 2017

    If you start sleeping with the other woman he will know what it feels like to be the side chick!
    Or you can stay home and cry.
    this is really not good advice but you can take it if you want :)

  2. Allu Think Is So
    December 15, 2016

    you don’t want to be hurt anymore. That was the same feeling of the other woman. Don’t be selfish. Share the pain and learn from it. DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD LIKE THEM DO UNTO YOU.

  3. Dominican
    December 15, 2016

    I warn sidechicks already, if you become the main chick of course another sidechick will be hired :mrgreen:

  4. stop it
    December 15, 2016

    Young lady, just stop sleeping with him for a while and you are bound to get an answer to your question.

  5. Danziger
    December 14, 2016

    Madame, the man is STILL in love with his woman and he is USING YOU SO RUN FOR YR LIFE.

  6. Locs Girl
    December 14, 2016

    It appears she was never with him to begin with. When she met him, he was still with the girlfriend. My girl walk away with your head held high!!

  7. Joan
    December 14, 2016

    Bella is a fool. The woman telling you when she met the man he was in a relationship and you talking about trust. Why don’t you just tell the woman that KARMA is a bitch. She knew he was in a relationship greet she still put herself worn him. What the hell does she expect. Girl you try to take the lady’s man and he don’t want you alone. So why don’t you look for a man that is not already taken.

  8. JOY
    December 14, 2016

    He he was willing to cheat with you then he will cheat on you.. as much as you hate to believe it..you are no exception to the rule

  9. December 14, 2016

    How can you trust this man to NOT do to you what he did to the other woman :?: Common sense would tell you that is the kind of man he is. He was still in a relationship with her when he began a relationship with you. So why would he NOT begin a relationship with her again or with any other woman while he is still in a relationship with you :?

    Why should she not take him from you :?: You took him from her.

    What if you separate yourself completely from this man and tell him it is over :?:

    Then you could concentrate on becoming the kind of woman a good man would want for a wife. Did you know we draw to us the type of person we are ourselves :?: Become that kind of woman and that kind of man will be attracted to you.

    This would be an honorable man who appreciates the sacredness of marriage; a man who will give you his name before he takes your body :!: A man you can trust :!:

    • KC
      December 14, 2016

      VERY TRUE. Do unto others what you would like done unto you! She must have forgotten that part of the bible.

  10. December 14, 2016

    Eh, Eh,

  11. December 14, 2016

    Man Shortage, all around the World. The survival of the Fiteast, When the Rain falls it does not fall on one Woman`s Rack! Them belly full but they hungry. Wake up and drink the coffee.

    • December 19, 2016

      Too many women have no self esteem so they give themselves away one piece at a time until they have nothing left to bargain with.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

  12. Stop It
    December 14, 2016

    If you were a side chick and you become his main chick you have no business going through your man’s phone and addressing him about her or other chicks. cause at one time you were the other chick disrespecting his main and it was ok so now that the shoe is on the other foot be humble. :wink: i mean come on. you came in between a bond that obviously could not be broken because they still communicate. In this life there’s someone for everyone. so therefore he still aint yours.

  13. annoyed
    December 14, 2016

    First of all what do you expect when you get with a man who was already in a relationship……?

    • LawieBawie
      December 14, 2016

      But you are already judging the man before knowing for a fact that he is being dishonest.

      • December 19, 2016

        If he wasn’t dishonest he would never had begun a relationship with her while he was already with another woman.

        The man is a rogue. He thinks it is O.K. to have a “relationship” with a woman he is not married to. If he would do it to one he would obviously do it to another. Not a good pool to pick a mate from! Sorry. These kind of people – men or women – don’t have a good life. But people with no self esteem hook up with them because they don’t think they could get anyone better.
        Then they end up writing to Bella, taking pills, or sign themselves into a psych ward.

        Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

Post a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

:) :-D :wink: :( 8-O :lol: :-| :cry: 8) :-? :-P :-x :?: :oops: :twisted: :mrgreen: more »

 characters available