DEAR BELLA: I feel uncomfortable marrying my sister’s ex

Dear BellaDear Bella

I am marrying my sister’s first boyfriend. I knew he was her first love. She was fifteen and they had one of these little boyfriend/girlfriend stories. They both moved on. She has three children by another man and he has several by two other women.

I am saying this to say that after her teenage love affair, they both moved on. He is now 49 and she is 26.

The thing about it is that she isn’t quite happy about our relationship. As a matter of fact, she was angry when she heard we were going out and now that we decided to get married. I am worried that she wouldn’t come to the wedding or be at odds with me forever.

How do you suggest I deal with this situation?

After all these years, I don’t see how she could feel hurt but I feel a bit uncomfortable.

Worried

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dear worried

You sister needs to grow up and recite the serenity prayer. You know the prayer that asks the lords help to “accept the things we cannot change, the courage the change the thing we can and the wisdom to know the difference”. I don’t see how your sister could be hurt after almost 35 years.

You didn’t take anything from her so don’t beat up yourself about the situation. If you sister loves you, she will accept your decision and wish the best for you and your partner. She will also attend your wedding and if she isn’t yet married I hope she catches the bouquet. Maybe you can speak to her about because she could probably be still has feelings locked up inside for him.

But I think right now your focus should be on planning your special day. The day in question is between you, your husband to be and God. Give no room to the devil for he will try everything to distract your focus. He hates unions ordained by Christ.

Your sister will get over her situation and even if she doesn’t, feel comforted that you have nothing wrong.

Best of luck

Bella

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39 Comments

  1. OH SNAP!!!!
    February 1, 2017

    This reads like a rapist story and the sis getting married watching the man from since he was raping her sis.

  2. Positive
    January 31, 2017

    All of allu talking about the age difference mussa well cooshay with older men already. Set of hypocrites :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

  3. Positive
    January 31, 2017

    This is the most boring Dear Bella post Ive read in my whole life :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

  4. UDOHREADYET
    January 22, 2017

    Maybe its just me but the numbers don’t add up. Based on what she said, the man was 38 years old dating a 15 year old?!!!
    38 cannot be divided into 15 not even 1 time but 15 can be divided into 38, 2.5 times!
    She’s 26 with 3 children, he already has many children with two other women?

    Your real question is whether you should be marrying this person?

    There is some f’dup ghetto lowlife dysfunctional going on.

  5. AnnieJ
    January 19, 2017

    And just to reiterate, since he interfered with your sister when she was 15 and he was 38, he is more than likely to do it again. He will look for other young girls. Your sister is silent and uncomfortable for several reasons: 11 years ago is just the other day – SHE WILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM!!! What ever happened between them ( consensual or not) has affected her greatly. You need to sit with your sister and understand what has happened. In marrying him, you will take on the burden of his sins.

  6. AnnieJ
    January 19, 2017

    Everyone else has commented on statutory rape and they are correct. That alone should have stopped you in your tracks as you should have been disgusted by him. However lets look at another angle: How old are you now? Are you younger than 26 or are you older than your sister? If you are younger than 26 the question is why are you getting married to him in the first place! You will be having a child/children for a man who has several children by other women already. He has to support all those other children. Do all these children get to interact with him regularly? How much time does that leave for you and the family you plan to have? Or even for you and him? Do you want all that chatter around you? Do you want to be trapped at home taking care of all his children? Seriously? Furthermore , He has had several women and you marrying him means you marry he and his women. Human nature – he has not stopped but instead masks it well.

  7. Reasoning
    January 19, 2017

    :?: I am not satisfied with the advice and response given by Bella!!! This man is a pervert,pedophile,rapist and incest!! You need to have an in-depth reasoning with your sister before going on with this marriage,I think you should call off that wedding!!! Why would you want to marry a man who took advantage of the vulnerability of your sister when she was a child :?: This man is 23 years older than your sister meaning he could be her dad by far,!! I’m not asking that you be vindictive and revengeful towards this man to the point of finding out whether he’s still liable for court prosecution,although I think he should be rotting in jail. But at the least, be on the side of your sister and give comfort to her emotions by staying away from this man and remain close to your sister. It’s time that this island get serious with these pedophiles and perverts who sexually molest children!!!

  8. Micki
    January 19, 2017

    After you full your belly you worried? Point of marriage is too late for that. Hypocrite.

  9. Shocked
    January 19, 2017

    I am so shocked that bella didn’t tell the woman that this guy she is planning to marry committed statuary rape and the victim was her sister… That guy is a predator that preyed on the naiveté of a 15 yr old and if i were you that’s what i would be worried about. I hope you don’t havea teenage daughetr

  10. Kumbaya
    January 19, 2017

    WAIT What? so ya mean to tell me when she was 15 he was 38? Good luck with that creep. All the best!

  11. January 19, 2017

    Wait….what about your sister knowing something that she’s probably not comfortable sharing it with you…There is smoke…you might just have to look a little bit harder for the fire…

  12. January 19, 2017

    You should be advocating for him to be locked away in JAIL, not getting married to him.

    • wall house
      January 20, 2017

      the man maybe have money so she taking the opportunity

  13. Riviere
    January 18, 2017

    According to this post, a child may have been molested at 15 by a 38 year old male. This is troubling. And this post is either a poor attempt at making a joke, ignorance, or an attempt at getting someone arrested. I hope the police is reading this.

  14. Tj
    January 18, 2017

    The comemts are worth pondering , the pedophiles are end orange when we do not report this illegal activity to the police.

  15. January 18, 2017

    It’s funny you are the one getting married to him and you did not say your age but your siter’s age .Are you younger than your sister?

  16. Dominican Passports
    January 18, 2017

    Boy Dominica have foolish woman, I wasnt going and read de story eno, but when I see so many people commenting I had to watch :lol:

  17. Candy
    January 18, 2017

    Bassed on bella’s comment why would you all not think it’s a typo. She did say that ” I don’t see how your sister could be hurt after almost 35 years.” Give the benifit of the doubt that it was 46 not 26!!!!

    • UDOHREADYET
      January 22, 2017

      first of all learn to do math; subtraction, addition etc. the sister is now 26 so how can she be hurt after 35 years?

      Dominican women really need to do better with education!

  18. Danziger
    January 18, 2017

    Not only a pedo but a liar courrer juppon. I see him as someone if he get the chance he will accept his lover daughter, woman, a vote of NO CONFIDENCE IN THIS MAN. If a man was with my sister I dont want him at all remember when love new its ok but after humm.

  19. January 18, 2017

    Dr. Frog:

    Thank you for your insight.

    The girl was much too young for a sexual relationship. What the man did was statuary rape. The penalty for rape in Dominica is 25 years. There is now a law in Dominica making it mandatory to report a known case of sexual child abuse to the police. Has the public been informed of this new law?

    This man may qualify as a pedophile. In many such cases these man cannot be cured and they usually reoffend. This is the reason for a law making it mandatory to report such cases.

    Does Dominica have a national sex offenders registry yet :?:

    It is good that you have reminded people to be watchful of youngsters under their care. They should know where they are, who they are with, and what they are doing. They should also know when they can be expected back.

    Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

  20. Delicesinus
    January 18, 2017

    Let me calculate this. He is 49 your sister is 26. She was with him at age 15 which is 11 years ago. That means he was 38. Wayyyy papa. He could have been her father back then and she was a minor. Girl please your sister was raped by this man even if it was consensual. He was a grown man and she was a teen. Girl please forget this guy. Find another. Your sister was not aware that she was being molested by that guy as he was providing her some essential things but that’s what it was. Have you ever thought that’s the reason why she is not happy. Because she finally realize what occurred with this man was him taking advantage of her. Try to speak with your sister to find out how she feels about this man. You might gave brought up a whole bunch of emotions in her.

    • Me
      January 18, 2017

      Alas…poor girl eh

    • concerned christian
      January 18, 2017

      In this instance, your counsel is far more relevant and insightful than that of Bella. If there is no statute of limitation on the crime of rape/child molestation in Dominica, then the Police have a crime on their hands to investigate.

  21. forreal
    January 18, 2017

    look like pardner want to eat the whole family, he already get away with murder!!,i think your sister is carrying a shame deep inside but not saying it,that could be the reason she locking up,and beside it not looking good that he been with one sister and now marrying another…i am forreal and i do not approve of this marriage

  22. Just Passing Through
    January 18, 2017

    Bella is normally sharper than that. She/he did not do the calculations. Woman run as far away from this man as you possible can. What was that hard back man doing with your little sister at that time? Your sister is protecting you. But you didn’t need Bella’s advice or our comments, you already knew that. That uncomfortable feeling you have, it is because you know there is no happiness in this relationship for you.

    Run and keep running,

  23. Mimi Johnrose
    January 18, 2017

    I actually wrote a book called Caribbean Taboo, about things like this which occur in the Caribbean, and is very common in Dominica. I am hopping to start a movement against this in Dominica. I’m from Dominica but have been overseas for several years and Dominica is always going to be my hone. I believe our girls deserve a chance to be kids and deserve to grow. If you guys would like to check out my book, it is a viable on mimijbooks.com, amazon.com and Barnes & Noble and Google Books.

  24. Tjebe fort
    January 18, 2017

    This is asinine! why would you marry someone if you feel uncomfortable about it? either you are daft, masochist or just looking for a meal ticket. Neither of them is a good enough reason.

  25. Dominican
    January 18, 2017

    To add to the above posts, he has several children with different women? so many that you cant count you just said several? And you marrying him? I think the real reason you came to bella is because you are concerned about your own relationship, you don’t think you should marry him so you want to sound it off for another opinion. I am sure you will get plenty here. first off stay away from pedophiles. Are you younger or older than your sister, I am sure you are younger

  26. January 18, 2017

    This man was committing statuary rape with your sister. She was much too young for him. Their relationship was illegal. Besides the evidence indicates he is not a man of good character. She is afraid he will tell you everything and also use you the same way.

    Is this the kind of man you want for a husband? Can you love him, trust him, and make a life with him? You should be concerned about him not your sister.

    Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

    • LawieBawie
      January 19, 2017

      I think that we have all assumed (without evidence) that he had sex with his then 15 year old girlfriend. Although I cannot condone a grown man dating an underage girl in a relationship such as this, I am also mindful of the fact that you have already accused him of statutory rape without the burden of proof to do so.

  27. AUGUSTINA BENJAMIN
    January 18, 2017

    Your husband to be was or is playing in the MiNor key

  28. Mimi Johnrose
    January 18, 2017

    This man is a pedophile. Yes . That is exactly what is wrong with Dominica today. We accept these things and turn a blind eye as if it’s not serious. This man is attracted to little girls obviously. Who is to say that after you get married to him that he won’t try to attack a teenager? First giving them rides to school, buying them little things. Pedophiles cannot be rehabilitated. It’s in their nature based off of various studies to keep a normal life while indulging in their criminal fantasy. A 15 year old girl and 38 year old man have nothing in common. Just my two cents .

    • January 18, 2017

      Mini Johnrose:

      You are correct.

      Pedophiles cannot usually be rehabilitated. They tend to get worse with each case showing a greater degree of violence.

      This so called relationship happened many years ago. But it was not only immoral. It was criminal. It should not have been tolerated. It should have been reported to the police. I wonder what kind of family would know this is going on and not intervene. Not a family I would be part of!

      It is now illegal in Dominica to KNOW this is happening and NOT report it. If you are aware of a man having sex with a minor and you do NOT report it to the police you can be charged if found out and made to pay a severe penalty.

  29. January 18, 2017

    OK hold up…wait a minute. He is currently 49years old and your sister is 26, that is a difference of 23 years. They had a relationship when your sister was FIFTEEN(15) years old which would be 11 years ago for her. 11 years ago your husband to be was 38 years old. What was a 38 year old man doing with a FIFTEEN year old? Appears to me that your soon to be husband likes his meat fresh and young! Maybe your sister knows something about HIM that you don’t but is afraid to tell you for fear that you might attribute her information to jealousy. His “relationship” with her is/was statutory rape. You may need to watch him around your young daughters if you have any, young nieces, cousins etc.

    • sherinne
      January 18, 2017

      I was thinking the same thing

    • Sayitsnotso
      January 18, 2017

      I pull out my calculator cause I’m in my head it cant be what i thinking there. That’s rape. What the hell was he doing with her she was a child. Could have been his child. I wonder how old this sister is.

    • DA girl
      January 18, 2017

      I fully endorse your statement. My thoughts exactly. And depending on the reason for the break up or the circumstances surrounding this illegal relationship she may not have gotten over it. Eleven years is not a very long time for someone who was used and abused, especially someone so young. A 38 year old and a 15 yr old is a recipe for disaster. She may have been head over heels in love with this pedophile while he was just in it for the lay and eventually he probably felt she was getting too attached or whatever. Many girls at that age are easily influenced and manipulated, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

    • Dixie Normas
      January 18, 2017

      i was just doing the math and wandering WTH!!!!! don’t you see Mr is a pedophile!!!!

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