I think my mother hates me. Seriously. Sometimes i wonder why she even had me if she is so not interested in me and my life.
I am a young girl and i cannot ever remember my mother ever telling me that she loves me. I cannot recall her ever wishing me happy birthday or merry xmas or even hugging me.
I recall her calling me nasty names and beating me up for simple things like taking something to eat from the fridge.
She left us hungry and the neighbors gave us food many times especially on weekends when she would got to Yam Piece to sleep with her boyfriend.
She would leave on Friday night come back on Sunday evening and we would still be hungry.
I watch my mom eat food people would give her and never offer us a bite. Lord have mercy I am in tears. Because I’m just realizing the hard truth about the matter.
Bella I’m always being sent home from school because she wont pay the school fees on time and I am in high school.
My brother quit high school in 3rd form and went to get a job because it was the same story with him.
Now he’s doing little construction work and he’s taking care of himself.
As for me after Hurricane Maria i left home and i have been living with a friend but many times i find myself in situations where i still lack basic things.
There’s a man who is helping me. Bella he is much older than I am and i don’t like him in the way he likes me.
He wants to have a relationship with me but he’s not my age and I sometimes have to “be nice” to him because he gives me money for food and stuff. He paid my CXC and ensures I have bus fees and I can buy my uniforms.
I told him when i was finished with school i would consider the relationship. I graduated recently. How can i now tell him i don’t want him?
I blame my mother for the life that I now live. If only she could just be a mother and spend more of her money on us than the rum and the party.
My mother never miss carnival and ohhhh she joined the most expensive bands too. Bella all tin that beat my mother there wi.
How can i forgive my mother for messing up my whole life Bella? How?
It’s a crazy world out there. In fact the hearts of people can be very wicked even our own parents.
People can also leave us with scars that no human can heal really.
I admonish you to seek other means of assistance if you want to be free from the bondage of this man.
If his help was genuine he wouldn’t want to take advantage of your vulnerability like that.
Is there a relative you can live with? An aunt…someone who can take you in until you sort yourself out? This man cannot be the only help on this planet.
Speak to someone you can trust. A teacher. A man of God (although some of them are worst than …).
There should be some kind of real help for young girls in situation like yours.
Your story doesn’t need to have a bad ending. Where there is life there is hope. You graduated from high school and that’s a plus for you.
Finding a safe home is now your challenge. A challenge I pray that you will soon overcome.
Now about your mother…Sooner or later you are going to have to forgive her. That’s the first step to moving on.
If all what you have said about her is true then she will suffer the consequences of her actions whether now or later.
Meantime focus on getting your life in order. You also need to let the man know you are not interested in a relationship with him.
It might not go down well after taking his money for how ever long and lying about your intentions.
But speak the truth. The truth has proven to set captives free.