DEAR BELLA: I think my mother hates me

Bella,

I think my mother hates me. Seriously. Sometimes i wonder why she even had me if she is so not interested in me and my life.
I am a young girl and i cannot ever remember my mother ever telling me that she loves me. I cannot recall her ever wishing me happy birthday or merry xmas or even hugging me.
I recall her calling me nasty names and beating me up for simple things like taking something to eat from the fridge.
She left us hungry and the neighbors gave us food many times especially on weekends when she would got to Yam Piece to sleep with her boyfriend.
She would leave on Friday night come back on Sunday evening and we would still be hungry.
I watch my mom eat food people would give her and never offer us a bite. Lord have mercy I am in tears. Because I’m just realizing the hard truth about the matter.
Bella I’m always being sent home from school because she wont pay the school fees on time and I am in high school.
My brother quit high school in 3rd form and went to get a job because it was the same story with him.
Now he’s doing little construction work and he’s taking care of himself.
As for me after Hurricane Maria i left home and i have been living with a friend but many times i find myself in situations where i still lack basic things.
There’s a man who is helping me. Bella he is much older than I am and i don’t like him in the way he likes me.
He wants to have a relationship with me but he’s not my age and I sometimes have to “be nice” to him because he gives me money for food and stuff. He paid my CXC and ensures I have bus fees and I can buy my uniforms.
I told him when i was finished with school i would consider the relationship.  I graduated recently. How can i now tell him i don’t want him?
I blame my mother for the life that I now live. If only she could just be a mother and spend more of her money on us than the rum and the party.
My mother never miss carnival and ohhhh she joined the most expensive bands too. Bella all tin that beat my mother there wi.
How can i forgive my mother for messing up my whole life Bella? How?
Tears

Dear Tears,
It’s a crazy world out there. In fact the hearts of people can be very wicked even our own parents.
People can also leave us with scars that no human can heal really.
I admonish you to seek other means of assistance if you want to be free from the bondage of this man.
If his help was genuine he wouldn’t want to take advantage of your vulnerability like that.
Is there a relative you can live with? An aunt…someone who can take you in until you sort yourself out? This man cannot be the only help on this planet.
Speak to someone you can trust. A teacher. A man of God (although some of them are worst than …).
There should be some kind of real help for young girls in situation like yours.
Your story doesn’t need to have a bad ending. Where there is life there is hope. You graduated from high school and that’s a plus for you.
Finding a safe home is now your challenge. A challenge I pray that you will soon overcome.
Now about your mother…Sooner or later you are going to have to forgive her. That’s the first step to moving on.
If all what you have said about her is true then she will suffer the consequences of her actions whether now or later.
Meantime focus on getting your life in order. You also need to let the man know you are not interested in a relationship with him.
It might not go down well after taking his money for how ever long and lying about your intentions.
But speak the truth.  The truth has proven to set captives free.
Bella

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10 Comments

  1. UDOHREADYET
    July 18, 2019

    I think you have to recognize people for who and what the are, which you have done. You must also do the same for yourself and decide what you want out of life, what you will tolerate from people and what you will not. Not tolerating does not mean anger or conflict, it just means walking away, moving on with your head held high. If you become more successful in life just being around that person (your mother, the way she is now) would destroy that success because the person has a destructive mindset. When I was a younger man in my teenage years and twenties, I dated older women which allowed me to overcome similar situations which you’ve described growing up. That experience and support put me on the right track because the women I dated knew more about life than I did at the time. God doesn’t always deliver the right people in the manner in which you wish to see them but the manner in which you need them. Another man looking the way you want him to look or a certain age may use…

  2. July 6, 2019

    Beautiful advise dear Bella; there is not much left to say, except for the fact that “Tears” did not mention her father at all.

    I know that most fathers love their girls; my father had eight of us through my mom and only two brothers. And I am sure that he loved all of us, especially me, his very first daughter. Mom and dad are both on the other side of Life since 6 years ago–we are the product of their love for each other

    And that is the problem with people like the parents of “Tears”. The get into an intimate relationship–the lust and passion motivated by their human senses, with nothing to do with Love.

    A child is conceived and born into the World without the Love of a mother and a father. I cannot imagine the number of children who suffer this pain and anguish, right into adulthood, to make the same mistake–what a World we live in?

    • Roseau Central
      July 8, 2019

      Yes Elisabeth thats a result of your loving PM if he did not mash up the welfare department with his red clinic there would be somethin in place for people like this child. All the money wasting on buying votes and this child has to suffer, her blood is on hands like yours, the PM and his supporters. If you were such a christian your heart would not allow you to support such wickedness. Even the same ministers you support take advantage of girls like her. Dont worry karma….

      • Annoyed
        July 8, 2019

        Everything does not have to be about politics…….

        • Roseau Central
          July 8, 2019

          Ask Melissa she will tell you how many women coming to her with such complaints and who the main culprits are. Our govt made everything political when the PM decided to take over every ministry and micro manage everything in this country. Reflect on this and come back to tell me how this can be not political. Politics is life.

      • July 9, 2019

        @Roseau Central

        Please leave my name out of your foolishness, did you not read my post to see that my family was grounded in Love, which kept us together and growing in peace and rest, where did you read that we depended on Government support to live our Life.

        In my childhood days and right into adulthood nobody depended on the government to support them; it is you, people of today, who are lazy minded, not wanting to think and do your way out of hardship–keep up with your failing attitude but leave my name and my relationship with God, out of it will you?

  3. Pro choice
    July 6, 2019

    That’s what happens when you criminalize abortions.
    You get dirt bag parents!
    Your mother looking like she never wanted any one of to begin with.

  4. Blank
    July 5, 2019

    Your mother reminds me of the parents that make children they never wanted from the very beginning. What she make alu for if is trash she gonna treat alu like?
    And if you drop her is you they going and bad talk you know.
    People look down on abortions but support hateful abusive parents screaming and big cursing their children for no reason.

    As for the man, his intentions are not pure. It’s for his own gain and don’t feel guilty or like you owe him.

  5. Maybe
    July 5, 2019

    Go find a job and try to pay the man back and let him understand you appreciate his help but you are not ready for a relationship and pray for him and move on with your life it’s your mom forgive her and let her no you can do better than how she never taught you in life be bless

  6. such is life
    July 5, 2019

    Girl, the world is a messed up place. You have to make up your mind to be a winner and figure out a way forward. Truth i,s nobody gonna help you unless they want something from you – like that man. You have to set up yourself cause is you alone. Wether you selling things in the market, try get a job, start a little business, sell bakes outside jam… or whatever you have to do. But you have to make up your mind to be a winner, be a survivor and don’t let your circumstances mess you up. You a Caribbean woman, you strong, believe in yourself and figure out a way to make it happen for yourself. I wish you the best.

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