DEAR BELLA: Loving man living with ex

dear bellaDear Bella,

I am in love with this guy for almost two years now. At first I didn’t want to be in a relationship because I am afraid of getting hurt. I love him and he is always telling me that he loves me. But the thing is that his ex is still living with him and they have a four-year-old child. I ask him why is she still living with him [and] he tells me that he don’t want to put her out because of the child, and it will look bad on him to put his own child out. The thing is people keep on talking about both of them will get back together one day and I am afraid of that because I love him. He makes me happy and I make him happy the same way too. I am scared of getting a broken heart.

Please help me I want to know what to do.

In love.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Dear In Love

Not wanting to end living arrangements with a woman because of a child is perhaps one of the most pathetic and commonly used excuses men use, when they want to keep their their women “inside” and “outside”. In this case you are the “outside” woman.

Let put it this way. If a man wants you; nothing will prevent him from making the right decision. Clearly this man has been stringing you along for quite some time. Two years to be exact and you are either too in love or just completely gullible to see beyond the smoke screen.

Remove the veil from over your eyes. If this woman is living with him it is quite possible that they are in a relationship. The same relationship that bore their child. Don’t dance to this man’s pitty party about not wanting to put her out of the house because of their child. I think two years is enough dancing.

I don’t want to rain on your parade but I think it’s time to crucify your emotions and let commence prevail. The next thing you know it would be three years, four and even five years wasted on a man who may never truly belong to you.

Tell this man he needs to make a choice. He has had enough years to think. I’m pretty sure that choice will not be you. You deserve better. Women deserve better. It is time we begin to take our rightful place and disconnected with men whose only aim are to bring us to levels that are less than our maker intended.

Best,

Bella

 

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33 Comments

  1. Mac
    December 4, 2016

    Don you really think that man loves you, no I am a man I can tell you he is playing you, go find yourself a man not a boy that all he is. How do you you feel when he is with he? You will be spending Christmas alone, get yourself a man who is single.

  2. Crapaud
    December 2, 2016

    If they are living together they are most likely sleeping together. If they are sleeping together, live under the same roof and already have a child…she is not his ex. Stop fooling yourself.

  3. Pengwen
    December 1, 2016

    Best you leave the man alone,she was there before you .

    • December 3, 2016

      Anybody with half a heart feels terrible to hear of a woman sinking so low as to violate a relationship (such as it is) between a man, a woman, and their child.

      But dear lady God will forgive you He will blot out your sins and give you a an altogether new and different life.

      You must be willing to stop making excuses and confess to God (not to a man) “I have sinned.”

      Believe that Christ paid the penalty for your sins by dying on the cross and God raised Him from the dead to show that He accepted that sacrifice on your behalf. Please read Isaiah 53:5,6, and also Romans 5:6-8! Read John 3:16, and John 3:36!

      Did you know a total change is possible :?: Here is God’s promise.

      “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new. And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, …” 1 Corinthians 5:17,18.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

  4. Geseppy
    December 1, 2016

    Move in with him too

  5. Peace
    December 1, 2016

    Wow! Bella, this is perhaps your best advice ever!! Love it

  6. ????????
    December 1, 2016

    In love sorry but run fast. He is lying because I know one such case. He will eventually marry her and will say is for the child sake to or even tell she did some ting for hI’m to marray her. Open your eyes, run far away from this man… deception at the highest. You deserve better than that. Leave them two in their thing. He is a pathetic liar too and is also making up stories to her to. When I say that, I do know what I am speaking about.

  7. freedom till I die
    December 1, 2016

    OK enough joke Bella :lol: :cry:

  8. Heartfelt
    December 1, 2016

    Bella, I love your raw responses. Sometimes, it’s best to tell it as it is with no sugar coating. I’m certain this woman knows what she has to do. She just wanted to hear someone else say it.

  9. pope
    December 1, 2016

    bella time have change 90 percent of the time the outside woman is more loved than the inside u need to do a pole on dno (who do u think gets more love and attention the side chick or the main chick?) thats life have been so from time 7 out of every 10 woman have a side chick be it married or unmarried

    • Dominican
      December 2, 2016

      It depends on what you call love and attention. Using you as a spare tyre and bribing you with gifts and companionship at odd times is not love to me. As if you are a paid woman and there is a big word for this the Americans call them a garden tool “ho” This cant be love

  10. Reasoning
    November 30, 2016

    You hit the nail on the head Bella…

  11. Locs Girl
    November 30, 2016

    She better move on because that relation ship has sailed between the 2 of them. He is not going to leave the “ex” that’s “living with him.”

  12. Shameless
    November 30, 2016

    Girl if your man making you happy just keep quiet and relax yourself. When allu in good house bad house and stupid advise just be calling allu. That is if Bella self have a man for herself. You see, most island man have a side chick. Some just choose to keep it quiet and the women understand. Same thing on island woman side. Most have a side man or stepney but they giving their peers advise to run out on their man because he has another woman. Just enjoy your man and don’t go starting no bacchanal. Mum is the word! 8) 8)

    Always Assertive! 8) 8)

  13. November 30, 2016

    In Love:

    BELLA can give useful advice for many problems in life. But it seems most of her clients are caught in an
    illicit relationship and are either looking for somebody to give them the courage to get out of it or tell them its O.K. to stay where they are.

    If people would read the word of God (the Bible), in particular the New Testament, they would have no need for a counselor. They would not be taking pills, smoking dope, checking themselves into a psych ward, or committing suicide.

    Three thousand years ago King David of ancient Israel prayed to the true and living God ”Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” (Psalms 119:105)

    • November 30, 2016

      Continued:

      Is this man married to his child’s mother :?: If so he should know that marriage is for life. Please read Matthew 19:4-6 :!:

      Are you asking him to leave his child and his child’s mother and go off with you :?: What kind of woman would want a man who would do such a thing :?: How could you be sure he would not leave you in a few years because obviously he is that kind of man.

      The best thing you can do is separate yourself from him. Let him know it is over. Concentrate on becoming the best person you can be. Did you know we draw to ourselves the kind of person we are ourselves :?: Clean up your act and you will soon find a man of your own. No! he will find you. It will be a man you won’t have to share with another woman, a man you will be proud to introduce as your husband :!:

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. (Pastoral Counselor Certificate)

  14. November 30, 2016

    Good Answer, Bella! More wood for the fire!!!

  15. Me
    November 30, 2016

    Bella is so right. You either give him an ultimatum or move on. He is not going to leave this woman for you. If he loved you , he would have done so long time. Stop being second best

  16. Kumbaya
    November 30, 2016

    Amen great advise as usual Bella, I couldnt have said it better myseld

  17. Danziger
    November 30, 2016

    Lady put on yr glasses you will see the man is using you. Man you need a beating I’d burst yr mouth , nose toute baguy and put you out of my house cuz you are a LIAR.

    • budman
      December 2, 2016

      you are proposing domestic violence as a solution?

  18. john doe
    November 30, 2016

    that one there stuck on d partner boddy. well both of them are!

  19. papa
    November 30, 2016

    Women that sort still smh

  20. Noreen
    November 30, 2016

    We sure deserve better. Some women are too
    gullible, you are wasting your time. Tell him to
    make a choice, you or her.

  21. Just Me
    November 30, 2016

    Bella I normally agree with you on most matters. However, as a man currently living in a similar situation, I beg to difer. I too am in a situation that I honestly could have taken the low road and moved out (rather than put out, because by god I will never put out my child through no fault of hers). God knows I am done with her mother who I see as a roommate at this stage. She has had her chance to be a partner and I’ve lived thru enough. Credit to her for raising my child properly and sacrificing (which I applaud). However that does not mean that our relationship has survived the fate that it has over the years. Therefore although I am not inclined to divorce due to the fact that as I child I saw my parents divorced which had a negative impact on me at an early age. I choose, knowingly and probably not believing to the other party that I may be physically present but I have already left the relationship. I choose to wait for my child sake.

    • Ridiculousness
      December 2, 2016

      BullSh** my brother!

      Read what you write there! As a woman you make no sense. You having your child mother living with you as a roomate.. you may see it as that but I am sure she doesn’t. I am sure you guys having sex!!

    • Hmmmm
      December 2, 2016

      This does not make no sense!!!!!!

    • budman
      December 2, 2016

      then move in your new woman.

    • 1979 is forever....
      December 3, 2016

      amen brother….I’m have a similar situation..but expect no sympathy from these people..they are prudes who would not understand the honest truth if it hit them in the face… want to be all high and mighty but they like children….let who have no sin cast the first stone..

  22. nonamegal
    November 30, 2016

    Amen Bella!

  23. Because I'm Happy
    November 30, 2016

    Jesus Christ Bella has no chill…. Bella savage. I have been reading Bella’s response to these persons seeking advice and Bella either laughs at them or breaks them down…. if these are real persons seeking help, Bella with have them on the top of a building gearing up to jump!!!!!

  24. kisses
    November 30, 2016

    Ebeh Bravo!!

  25. NabesandI
    November 30, 2016

    You must be a special kinda stupid beleiving this guys nonsense eh? Great advise bella

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